Why Would You Keep Your Kindergartner Back?

My son was socially struggling in kindergarten. Academically he was fine. He repeated, and it was the best thing for him. He's now in first grade and very happy.

My daughter started at the same age. We had problems with her private charter school, ended up moving her to public school for 4th grade and had her take 4th over at the new school, which put her at the right age for her grade. It made the world of difference for her. She was able to get caught up socially and grade level. So my opinion is you probably started him too early and I would keep him back to give him the opportunity to get caught up emotionally. Good luck.

Just as a matter of perspective, I remember vacationing in my parents home country and the kids were 7 when they started first grade. They thought it was weird that I started first grade at 5. Late November birthday and started early, but yes kinder is different now. More demanding now. By the way my parents home country has a 98% literacy rate.

"I want to keep him back for pure reasons of immaturity."

Sounds like a good decision.

Speak with his counselor and his teacher and see what they think.

Once you make the decision, No regrets!

I held our son back in kinder. Best decision I ever made. He was a September kid so he was the youngest in class. If he is struggling now, don't set him up. We held our oldest in 3rd grade. Again, best decision we ever made. She wasn't failing but she was struggling and she was starting to hate school. I wanted her foundation to be strong because that is what you are building on. She went on to be in the National Honor Society, and graduated with a great GPA.

So, I am a firm believer that holding a child back can be a good thing!

My son will be 6 in July, and I did not want to send him to kindergarten this year. He had completed 2 years of preschool, so I wasn't really sure what to do. Our school district has created a class called "Transitional Kindergarten" for those kids who are old enough, but not ready for, kindergarten. All I can say is, best thing we ever did.

My questions is actually, why would you not keep him back. He might do ok in first grade, but I wouldn't want him to continue to struggle. My fear would be that he would always feel like he was the youngest or always feel like he was just barely keeping up.

I just don't want my son to feel like he's always struggling to keep up with the other kids. I want him to be challenged, but I also want him to be able to succeed.

I wish people didn't look at keeping him back as a bad thing. It really could be a fabulous decision for him.

I honestly can't think of a single reason I would hold my son back. The evidence is that the younger kids in a class are helped by having older kids and that being older in a class is a disadvantage - both socially and academically. Children learn at their own pace and their is nothing wrong with that. DH read when he was 4, a year before he started kindergarten. His older brother read when he was 6, just starting second grade (December cut off back then). Both have doctorates and had plenty of friends in school. Their parents NEVER considered holding either one back. My brother and I each had summer birthdays, started kindergarten at 5 and each skipped a grade in elementary school.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/25/opinion/sunday/dont-del...

I have held my turning-6-in-July son back, and he will start kindergarten in August this year. It was on intuition, maturity level, and advice from the k teachers that if ANY of us parents had kids born after February (especially boys) to really consider if they were ready for the structure of school everyday. We just knew he wasn't ready. It was a hard decision to make when he was 3, but know that he is 5.5, we SO doid the right thing, and I don't regret it AT ALL. He is right on track with his soon-to-be peers in terms of academics and socialization. If your gonna do it, do it now, and don't wait. It will be harder on him socially, the longer you wait and the older he is.

I would keep my guy back for the same reason you gave, immaturity. Your friends may be well-meaning, but you are his Mom, and know the situation you are dealing with.

Someone once told me, "No matter what choice you make with raising kids, at some point you will wish you had chosen differently". I guess its another perspective on "Hindsight is 20/20".

I started both my daughters early. My older is now a 9th grader and sometimes I wish I'd waited to send her. My younger is a 6th grader and she could easily jump to 7th grade, both academically and socially and be fine. It all depends on the child's personality.

Your friends are right, 1st grade is a lot different. There is also a tremendous amount of growth that happens between kindergarten and 1st grade.

Have you had the opportunity to observe his kindergarten class? You will have a much clearer idea of which way to go once you spend some time watching the rest of the class. You also might ask the teacher to begin advising you daily of his behavior in class. It goes a long way when the teacher can say "Oh no, I'm going to have to include this in the note to Mom".

After all that, trust your Mommy-Instinct and go with it. Just do it this year if you are going to do it. Waiting is more difficult on the child.

Trust your gut. We kept our oldest back in K for just that reason - he simply wasn't mature enough to handle the 1st grade schedule. I've never regretted that decision.

We waited till 2nd grade to hold our son back but I think any of the lower grades is a good time to do it. My son is a June baby and was very inmature and we don't regret holding him back. I wish we would have done it earlier. He even has more in common with his class mates now. You can always move him up and hold him back next year if he's still struggling.

Good luck and God Bless!

None whatsoever. Kindergarten is not the grade to hold a child back in. They have so little actual education where they sit and work. They spend more hours of the day playing and transitioning from one thing to the next. It is not a year I would ever tell someone to do over.

There is a HUGE mental growth that happens around ages 6-7. If he is still in kindergarten when this starts he is going to be so bored. He will likely start with the acting out due to not having anything that interests or challenges him.

I would send him off to 1st grade very happily. Then if he does not do well after the first 4 months I would perhaps consider the idea of a transitional 1st grade but not ever going back to kindergarten.

To be honest, I would ONLY hold back a child for academic reasons, not for social reasons. There is a large body of evidence showing that socially immature children actually do better with older peers rather than younger peers, because they can learn more about how to act in social situations from older children. Take a look at this article: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/25/opinion/sunday/dont-del...

Bottom line, it's unlikely your son will turn into an angel during his second year in Kindergarten. He will probably always be a handful (I say this from a position of complete empathy, as my younger daughter is a handful herself - kids are who they are right from the start). If he's able to handle the academic work, send him to first grade and let the first grade teacher sort it out. New teacher, new school year, more challenging work - it will be a good thing.

Those "I would not hold my child back for any reason" blah blah blah, don't listen, Do what YOU feel is right for your child, immaturity in itself is a good reason. He may not be ready for all the expectations of first grade. We held our son back in K for other reasons and I am glad we did, honestly I wish we would have held off a year starting him off in K to begin with, he was a little developmentally delayed and really struggled through that first year of K, as his mother it was heartbreaking to watch, why would anyone puch their child into something they are not ready for is beyond me, it's not worth the stress they can experience. Good luck with your decision I am sure you will make the one that is right for your son. Go with your mama gut!

I have to disagree with Catherine. The article says that young 1st graders score higher than old kindergarteners, and young 5th graders score higher than older 4th graders. Well I should hope so!!! They are being exposed to more advanced material and higher expectations. If they weren't scoring higher then I would be concerned!!!

Academics can be a reason to hold a child back, but you can hire a tutor or work with your child more on specific areas and help them improve.

The ONLY way to improve a child's social skills is to give them more age appropriate, social situations. If a child is less mature than their peers, maybe they are in the wrong group.

Social maturity is the perfect reason to have a child wait another year.

Sometimes older students can have a natural advantage because they are more mature... (especially boys at the kindergarten level) Sometimes schools are quick to slap a child with a label (behavioral or cognitive) instead of giving them a little more time to meet those developmental milestones. And- those labels can stick for years and years and years....

I saw it happen to a student of mine when I taught kindergarten years ago.... He was the youngest student in the class and was born premature... I came in mid-year... He had so many 'labels' put on him... the school wanted to put him in special education classes the next year... I told the father that I wasn't an expert, but thought he just needed 1 more year of kindergarten. I wish I knew the outcome of that situation.

It's a shame there's not a transitional level class for students in that same predicament. My son is born in late August... so he will make the cut-off... but I will be VERY tempted to hold him back.......... It may set us up for an easier time all throughout school. (I was a January birthday and had an easier time w/ school while my little sisters were July and September and had a more difficult time.)

Good luck with whatever you decide. Follow your instincts and gut.

I think there is a problem in K classes now that did not exist before. People
are holding back kids. So now they are entering K at almost 6 years old. Other parents are starting
their kids at say 4yr and 10 months. So now you have a big age gap. At
that age, the differences are great. So where does your son fit in and what
is the average age of K class. I held my son back in first grade. He had more to gain with another year of first, then another year of K. He was a
late November birthday.

I would hold a child back for social reasons, or more accurately, for maturity issues. I would consult closely with the K teacher; the school counselor as well as his own counselor if it's not the school one; and possibly with someone from the first grade teaching team too. Get them all together at once if you can and ask all your questions. If they advise giving him another year to mature -- I'd do it.

First grade now has a lot higher expectations than it did when we were kids. Classes in most systems are much larger and teachers have far less time to help kids who have issues with listening, following directions, or getting along with other kids. Teachers must teach the curriculum and get it all covered or their jobs are on the line; they can't be as attentive to individual kids' problems as they once were. (Not slamming teachers-- I love 'em -- but it's the reality in any large, cash-strapped, standard-test-driven system.)

A child has to enter first grade being able to: Listen to and obey an adult who is not mom or dad. Keep hands off others. Move from activity to activity when told to do so, and not melt down when told to stop doing something he likes. Organize himself sufficiently to get from A to B on his own, whether it's down to the cafeteria to get his lost lunchbox or to the playground when he's been delayed at recess. Take discipline when it's given. Control anger, as much as is possible for his age. Stop talking when silence is appropriate. Relay things to mom and dad that they need to know. And so on. These are all things that should be starting solidly in K, even if a kid's not perfectly there -- and nobody's perfect.

Ask the teachers (including the first grade teachers) if THEY think that "first grade will be more structured and he may adapt well" as you friend believes. If they agree, consider that too. If you think K has been pretty structured as it is, and he's still not doing well, then you know structure alone isn't the issue.

Our friend's son some years back should have repeated K; the teacher recommended it due solely to maturity issues. He was academically bright and doing well but wasn't ready to handle first grade. His parents sent him anyway, out of fear he would be bored academically in K again. But it took him not just one school year but several more to get himself together in terms of maturity and readiness to get to school, be organized in school, remember his homework, not be stressed, etc. Had he repeated K and taken it slower at the start then, he might have done better faster in terms of readiness.

And the longer you wait to hold a child back, the more that the child and other kids notice it. By the time he's partway through another year of K, he and last year's classmates won't care; it'll be as if he's always been on that particular track. But if he repeats at an older grade, everyone will notice, and he will notice and care most of all.

Trust yourself, it sounds like you want to.
No one else is his mom, no one knows best but you.

I'd say yes hold him back, but maybe switch schools & go back for first grade so he does not feel left out

Hi Viola,

I'm sorry your son is having such a tough time.

The only advice I can give you is this.... My daughter is "young" for her grade level. She turned 5 in August and started Kindergarten in September. There were kids in her class that had been held back and were 6 turning 7.

Fast forward........ my daughter is now in 6th grade and is 11. There are kids who are in 6th grade that are on the "old" side of 12. 2 of her classmates will turn 13 before the end of the year.

These older kids are more into boys than I think an 11 year old should be. They watch older movies. They will get their driver's license before my daughter will.

So, daily, she has the influences of kids who are at least a year.... if not almost 2 years older than her.

When she was in 2nd grade, in the spring toward the end of school year (she was 7) there were girls turning 9 who were starting their period and wearing training bras.

When she is 14 and in 9th grade there will be girls who are turning 16 - driving, dating more seriously, maybe having sex (the avg age for sexual activity in the US is 16).

These are the peers of my daughter.

Now, my daughter was heavy on maturity. She had good critical thinking skills. She is very mature for her age. She is an only child in an extended family with very few other children so most of her conversations have been with 'adults'.

But - I've had to do more work earlier to explain concepts to her that I wish could have waited a couple years.

Now..... to answer your actual question.
I would hold my child back if I thought they could be more easily successful.

And I would hold them back sooner, rather than later.

His self-esteem is being molded right now. Would an extra year in kindergarten make him feel like his is able to complete tasks, compete at the level of his peers and be a good helper and classmate? If yes, then I would hold him back.

Because on TOP of the struggles he already has..... you will have to be explaining some tough, tough concepts to your little guy in the years ahead since he is "young" already for his grade.

Good luck with your decision.

Each Teacher and class is different and the style of teaching.
BUT in 1st grade, certain maturity and academic factors, are expected.
You cannot predict, that 1st grade will be more structured.

Speak to your son's current Teacher, and see what she thinks.

Age is not a factor.
My son is 5 and is in Kindergarten. He turned 5, shortly after being in Kindergarten.
He is fine. He will go to 1st grade.

I would speak with a school administrator about this. It sounds like you are not getting the right support from the kindergarten teacher he has now. If he gets the same (or similar) teacher next year, I'm not sure it will help to hold him back. If you are able to have a candid conversation with the principal (s)he may be able to steer you in the best direction, based on the kindergarten and first grade teachers. I don't mean to imply that it is the teacher's fault, just that some schools have better teachers in one grade or another (or that the principal can help to get your son into the best classroom for his learning style).

Somewhat related - While I don't love the daily behavior chart we get for our kindergarteners [hubby's first question to them :-( every evening is if they had a green day], I do like that we get regular feedback about how they're doing in school.

For my daughter, I can't imagine what would have made me do this. She was the second youngest one in her grade and did very well in academics and was very mature (only child). She only did preschool the year before for three days/week.

My ex-husband's family had him repeat the third grade (with his twin brother) when they moved school districts and assumed they would be behind. They were very smart and athletic but hated being older than their peers.

Ten years from now there are going to be a ton of 19 year old high school seniors and I see a problem with that. Ninth graders able to drive?? Sure they might be a little immature when they are younger but they will be full blown adults in the same grade as kids (could be aged 16-19 as a senior).

Viola, the reason I guess that I would do this would be if he shouldn't have been in school in the first place. In other words, if you sent him to kindergarten and he should have been held back for a year.

Schedule a meeting with the school counselor. Ask her to test him for school readiness, specifically for entering first grade. How far did he get academically? Is her really ready to do all that is required of him in first grade? Can he read yet? Can he write his letters?

Another question - how many children will be older than him - in other words, will he be the youngest in his class? Will he be in the middle? It is HARD on boys to be the youngest in their class. Girls will mature faster and boys take longer to get in the same place emotionally and maturity-wise.

Is he smaller than other kids? That plays a big part too. If he is a little thing, it is so easy to be bullied by bigger kids.

I really believe that the school counselor can give you good advice. If you do end up keeping him in kindergarten, ask if a different teacher would be better for him. I think that you really should consider a different teacher (nothing against THIS teacher - it's just that he may be less likely to fall into his old behavior patterns with another teacher.)

Good luck,
Dawn

We 'kept' our daughter (a late July birthday) in pre-school for an extra year last year because she just needed some more time to mature emotionally. I don't think she was very happy about it because intellectually, she was ready to do kindergarten work and her brother kept saying out loud that she 'smarter' than the other kids and should have been in K. I mention that part of our experience because you might find it important to enlist the cooperation of older siblings so they don't make the situation difficult. However, she has done really well this year in kindergarten and is socially very happy. There are two kids in her kindergarten class who repeated K with the same teacher, actually, and as far as I know, there were no social issues about that. So it can be handled well, if the teacher is experienced.

As someone else suggested, I'd check with the school counselor and his current teacher to see what they think will benefit him most. Then you'll have some added information along with your parent intution to help make the decision. Good luck!