Problem with Our Neighbours

Nope! I am here to tell you, nip it and nip it now. I did the same thing as you, trying to be neighborly simply because they were my neighbors and I have to put up with them in some capacity until one of us sells. I'm sorry, but you'll just have to be bitchy. Being bitchy upfront is better than being nice then becoming bitchy, which is what I had to do.

First ask the mother to watch her kids, then if she refuses to, tell the kids that if they want to play, they have to follow the rules. If that doesn't work, they just can't play together. I know it's hard, borderline impossible to keep them apart without a fence, but believe me, you don't need the headaches.

Been there done that!

Do you own the home? If you do, drop your cable or anything that isn't absolutely necessary in order to afford to buy a wooden fence that has no room between the slats. That way, the kids can't see when your daughter is in the yard. Make it tall enough that they can't climb it, either. Check the rules of your subdivision to make sure they comply and don't break any rules (that might make it so that you have to tear down the fence.)

If you are living in an apartment (she makes noise you can hear, so I'm unclear about this), then look towards moving. If you own a condo, then you'll just have to keep sending the kids home.

Please tell the kids when they say inappropriate things. They can't learn if you don't tell them. Saying "We do NOT torture bugs or any other living creature. You need to go home and think about being kind." And "It is inappropriate to talk about your mom killing the Easter Bunny. You need to go home and think about talking appropriately."

You don't owe it to your neighbor to watch her kids. THAT is essentially what you are doing.

Dawn

Take your daughter to the park.
Save your yard & playhouse for when THEY are at the park! :)

Send them home. "Sorry kiddos, you will need to find something to do in your yard today. Have a great afternoon!" "Sorry kiddos, you are much too big for this playhouse. You need to find something to do that fits your size. Have a great afternoon!"

You are right, they are much to old to be hanging out with your daughter. And the Easter Bunny story is just plain creepy!!

I know that it's easier to get along with neighbors, but hopefully once they are settled in a bit more, the kids will find other kids their age to hang out with and then maybe this whole problem will go away...

Good luck!

Of course it would be easy to say put up a fence. As someone who just finished fencing in my yard (two sides were already fenced), I cannot even imagine how expensive it would be to put up a wooden fence all around my yard!
Unfortunately, if you can't afford a fence, you're going to have to just say, "Sorry guys, Suzie needs to play by herself for a while. You guys will have to play in your own yard".

You're entirely right that the age difference means they are not truly playing together; your daughter is like a doll to them -- one they can scare, or pick up and cart around, or tell things to in order to get a reaction.

My first thought was what someone else said: Build a fence, pronto. If you rent, that is an issue, but it's worth asking the landlord. If you own, bite the bullet and find the money (shop around too for a deal - some companies offer coupons in the yellow pages or online, on their web sites). If the family comments on the fence or on the fact "our kids can't come over to play any more!" just smile sweetly and say, "Oh, we've wanted a fence for a while (because you have --ever since these kids started invading your space!). And we want to protect little Sally from wandering off. It also might enable us to get a big dog for protection, to bark if someone comes in the yard...."

OK, that last bit was rather mean of me, I admit. But if they are acting very weird, you could indeed drop on them the idea that you might just get a big old dog to run around in your fenced back yard. And make certain that you have good gates built in with latches they can't work on their own to get in. Once you have a fence up it is far easier to say, "Sorry, but we can't allow you inside the fenced yard unless we set up a play date and ask you. It's for your safety."

Finally -- at their ages these kids are going to get bored with your daughter pretty soon, and move on to find other kids closer to their own ages. But a fence prevents any issues especially if you ever put in a swing set or other equipment down the line and don't want kids to wander in and use it at will.

Yes, it is not appropriate for your kids to be "playing" with your daughter - I say that because they are not really playing together - you daughter at 2.5 and their older age children don't have anything in common. In fact, the mother may be sending them out as soon as she sees you thinking she's getting some free childcare and a few minutes of peace and quiet.

I agree with Clarified Mom. Walk the children home next time they do something inappropriate and knock on the door. Tell her, nicely and gently the first time, that you don't feel comfortable being the only adult outside with her kids and you would feel terrible if something happened to them because you can not commit to watching them. The fact is, if they get hurt in your yard, you will be at fault because you allowed them to be there. If it's the playhouse that is attracting them, I'd put it away for a couple weeks.

I'd probably send the kids home each time after that. "Hey guys, your mom is not out here to watch you so you have to play in your own yard." If they won't leave, then go inside for a few minutes. I know, it's not fair to you at all.

We have a fence, but my girlfriend had to fence her yard because this same thing was happening - the neighbor kids would come over immediately when her kids went outside - or even if they weren't outside - and play on their backyard playground. I think the fence is the best option, but I know they are expensive. I'd say if these kids moved in, they are probably long term residents.

Go and tell the mom that you aren't a babysitter and she needs to watch her own children. She can't use you as a sitter for them---your child is way to young to be playing with her kids-----

If she doesn't listen and the kids are left unattended anymore--call the police and let them know what is going on.