Ok this is a sex question about my husband and I's intimacy issues. Its all me pretty much, because he can't keep his hands off me. Last time we were intimate was xmas eve. Almost a month ago. He is very sad about this and it seems like I am always just too tired, or taking care of the kids ( if they wake up in the middle of the night or early in the morning) some nights I just want to go to bed, and in the morning unless we decide to go at it at 5 am the kids are usually already awake.
I basically don't know what to do. I love my husband very much and I am still attracted to him. I just feel like with 2 kids under the age of 3 there is just no time or privacy! How can I change this, or does anyone else have this issue?
I should also add i work 5 days a week outside of the home. Nights during the week and 8 hour shifts on the weekends. I am usually very tired by the time I get home at 1030pm during the week and the weekends arent so bad. He works 7 days a week in the construction field, in which he owns his own company.
thanks! I kind of already knew the answer to my question, but i needed feedback. I just got to get back into it :) Having my second child was really a doozie and I think I have been using that as an excuse for too long now ( shes 7 months old ). I just needed some talking to you by you mama's out there
It is important for intimacy...to stay connected...I hear ya though! I have three and work outside the home as well! Both of you need to be creative to get the quality time to keep the spark. If it is a matter that he needs to pitch in more than that's what is needed!! Both of you need to be disciplined enough to schedule date nights to get away. Is family in the area that can babysit overnight?
So many mom's go through this. It does come down to being able to communicate about what you need/want.
If the reason is you are too tired and he just sits on the couch. . . well then there is some room to make a difference. Regardless, I would talk with him and set up a weekly schedule (I know, maybe not romantic by hollywood standards, but it works- LOL!) that on Monday and Thursday he does bedtime - and make it about 30 min earlier those nights - and then you all get an extra 5 -15 to "be together."
Tell him he needs to pay for a babysitter, a hotel room and dinner :)
Or he can help you out more with the children and the house and you won't be so tired all the time. Don't ever forget - you work harder than he does. Working outside the home means you get paid for what you do, you get mandatory uninterrupted breaks, and once you leave - you leave, the job is no longer your responsibility until you return the next day.
As a Mother, you don't get any of those benefits!!
part of the problem is that men and women have different patterns. They have sex once, they're taken care of for a while and don't initiate again. Women have sex, realize it's fun, want to do it again the next day, but are either too shy to initiate or afraid of rejection. So then a week passes and the woman is "out of the mood" and the cycle starts all over again.
Set a date and then agree that from that date one you'll both initiate at least once per week - him not more than 2 times. Give it three weeks of getting into the pattern. Yes, you're tired, but this is really important for both of you. You aren't too tired to eat, and think of this as feeding your marriage (NOT just your husband - sex is important for both of you). And really, each time doesn't have to be an epic session about how much you adore each other. Learn to love the quickie - not to get it over with, but because intimacy is fun and important, but sleep is too : )
Good luck.
You have to make time. My hubby and I work opposite schedules with different days off. He works swing (3:30 pm to 11:30 pm) with Mon/Tues off and I work M-F 7:30 to 4:30 but we still make time for each other. Even if it means I snooze on the couch until he gets home on Friday or Saturday night or he wakes up early in the am on my work day and then goes back to sleep when I jump in the shower for work. You have to push through the "I'm too tired" and just do it. It's funny, but true, that the more you do it the more you want it :) We have a 2.5 y/o a 6.5 y/o and a 16 y/o.
Oooh yeah, you need some time away with each other. Is there a grandma around that can take the kids for a night?
You both have pretty heavy schedules. Plan this one, even if it is a week or two away (it will give you something to look forward to!) Pamela/Raven is right. You need to plan a night at a hotel or give the kids to gma for a night.
Then go buy yourself something to feel sexy in and look forward to a night with your man!
Think of sex as the bonding glue that keeps your marriage together. It needs to be a priority for you too. Sex is invigorating, stimulating, and relaxing.
Try encouraging your husband to do some more things with the kids like baths, storytime and bed. Arrange for sitters or family members to take the kids for a few hours (Ice cream and the park or zoo or whatever).
Spend time thinking of how attractive your husband is to you and then act out your attraction to him. Get a lock for your bedroom door because sometimes you will need to lock the kids out to have a little private time with hubby.
Make certain your diet is balanced and you may want to take some kind of multi-vitamin supplement which will help increase your energy level too.
Your children won't always be little and if you really want to stay with your husband for a lifetime, lay it on him often and frequently. Please stop taking him for granted and show him you appreciate him as a husband and a father and as your lover and friend by making love to him often and frequently even though you might not feel like it. This may sound ancient but I know it really works.
Plan for a Friday or Saturday night after the kiddos are asleep. Then hubby needs to watch the kids in the morning so you can sleep in a little bit!
This is somewhat what we do when my hubby is home (deployed right now). I don't always get to sleep in as much as I would really like to. I'm a light sleeper so pretty much anything will wake me up haha
And of course sending the kiddos to grandma's is an even better option :)
Just for some added information, I was wondering if you're still breastfeeding at all? I found that I had zero sex drive while breastfeeding and that it returned once baby was completely weaned. You also may want to remind your husband often, that watching him take care of the kids and do the laundry etc is the best form of foreplay:)
