How Often Is Normal?

pre-menopause, couple times a week. post-menopause, couple times a month.
but boy HOWDY it's good!
;) khairete
S.

on average twice a week.

We can go some weeks with nothing. Then the next week 3-4 times... so on average it would be twice a week.

The normal for us is 2-3 times a week. Every single day would suit us both but these kids need attention too :)

"Normal" is defined in this case as just enough to keep both people happy, where one doesn't feel neglected and the other doesn't feel like they are always the one to initiate it. Every couple is different, and "normal" changes over the years, too. We've gone through times where we have it every day, other times we've gone months without it. We both felt loved and satisfied with our relationship through it all, and that's what matters.

Ohhhhh, after reading these responses, my poor husband :(

We have found that "scheduling" two nights a week helps keep things in balance. My husband has a way stronger drive than I do (it also doesn't help that I work more, do more at home and sleep a lot less than he does so he's way more relaxed and rested than I am). The imbalance between what he wanted (every day) and I wanted (never...not really but it seemed like that to him) had been a source of strain for years. I always felt pestered and harassed and he always felt rejected and unwanted. Because he was always looking for sex, I couldn't relax...ever. Like if I got home from work at 10 PM, cleaned up the kitchen and then wanted to just watch TV or play Words with Friends for a little while and then go to bed, I got "oh so TV or your stupid games are more important than me."

Now that we have two scheduled "date nights" a week (one is a week night, the other is a weekend night) where we have committed to going to bed together at 11 PM the pressure is off. If it's not "date night" then I can relax and read a book or do whatever and not have to listen to him whining about how his needs are not being met. And if it is date night, he can count on some decent intimacy and not listen to me be whiny and resentful about being too tired and not in the mood. And because I haven't been harassed every day in between, I actually AM in the mood. And because he can count on "getting some" on a predictable basis, it's not something that he obsesses about relentlessly anymore.

My husband actually came up with a good analogy - it's like being on a diet. If you focus on what you're not getting and never allow any treats, all you think about it wanting a cookie or some chips that you can't have and you make yourself miserable. But if your diet allows treats on a predictable basis, then the days that you don't have treats aren't a big deal because you know that a treat is coming.

If you find that your own sex life feels out of balance, try setting a schedule and see if that becomes a way for both of you to have your needs met.

I'm 45, hubs is 38. We have sex probably every 3-4 days. Depends on whats going on and how we are feeling. We are more in sync with each other than my ex and I were. He was like a damn dog in heat and was on me every damn second. I HATED it! My husband and I seem to be more on the same page in all aspects of life and I think that makes a huge difference. Plus, its both our second marriage and our kids are older. I think its harder when the kids are younger.

Never : ( Or rather, once every two years. Husband's choice.

We are in our 40s. BUT I am pretty sure that this is *not* normal. And no - it's not hormonal; he's not cheating; he's not secretly gay (at least I don't *think* so); and I am not obese, belittling, or otherwise high maintence.

Anyway...

I am so grateful I got to be a mother AT ALL.

For the all women who up the ante to meet their husbands needs, I applaud you. And feel a bit of envy too. It would be nice to be the desired, rather than the desirer....ever.

But he has issues and he's trying to deal with them. For better or *for worse*....

Best to you,
e

It really depends but on average twice a week.

With my ex it was once a month just to shut him up. That tends to be an indicator something is seriously wrong in your relationship. Oh, it can also be an indicator you have small children, god that is exhausting!

Oh, Trees had a great answer!

Oh my god the funniest thing, my ex came home from working up at our parish and declared that all the guys were getting it every day!! I said really? Don't you think they may be lying? Nooooo (said like a two year old) Really, how often did you tell them you were getting it? Silence. :p

We try to at least once a week, sometimes 2 or 3 and sometimes not at all for over a week. But we don't go month/s without, that's for sure. I am almost 38 and my husband is 41.

Normal is extremely subjective. Normal also depends on how is sponsoring the survey ;-).

If you are questioning your sex life than maybe something is normal for you.

Don't worry about what other couples are doing. Comparison is a sex drive killer.

2 to 3 times a week - and thats probably b/c hubbys is only home on the weekends and that is our only time to get our lovins'. :P

"Normal" is so subjective! As couples we go through stages, ups & downs if you will. Normal for the past couple of years was 2-4 times a week for us. Recently, like the last few months it's been daily, at least once, sometimes more. For me it comes down to connection & how much you need & that will change based on what's going on in your life. Right now we're at a point where we truly NEED to connect every single day. I'm sure this won't last forever, but boy I sure wish it would!

Usually twice a week. I let it slip at a girls night out that Thursday is our "scheduled" day. Now they all joke about it, especially since a lot of our get togethers are on Thursday. :-). My husband would be mortified to know that others know about it.

I agree %100 with J.L.

hubby and I are both 36 and it's once or twice(if we're lucky) per month. I feel that's normal for having 3 kids and it's more meaningful for us after so many years together.
When we only had one kid, in our twenties, it used to be twice or three times a week.

Depends.

Normally 2-3 times per week.

He won't "do it" when it's that time of the month, so we find other ways to entertain.

Some weeks it is up to 6, and others it is 1. But 2-3 is normal for us.

I'm 35, hubby is 29. We have sex 2-4 times a week. It really just depends on if we aren't too tired, no one is sick, etc.

There are weeks we have more & weeks we have less. We try not to let a whole week go by without having sex, but sometimes sh*t happens.

I think it's the magazines that lie. Are you getting this information from publications like Cosmo? Those mags are pretty much in the realm of Playboy or Maxim for women...and we all know the magazines like to "exaggerate" details, create urban legends, and have people chasing after a fantasy. You know it's like the joke about men bragging about size in the locker room. It's why James Bond movies are so popular.

I wouldn't believe a single survey. How old are the people being surveyed? Are they married or single? What do they do for a living? Do they have kids or high powered careers? That makes a difference in the results of the survey too.

What your friends are telling you is probably more realistic...but even then...people lie. No one wants to risk embarrassment if they don't measure up to world mythology standards.

I suspect, when people reach a certain age and place in their marriage/relationship they undergo the expected physical and psychological changes that come with time, and their priorities change and they eventually find other things that are equally or more fulfilling than "that." Not saying that, "that" doesn't happen when you mature...or that the love is out of the marriage.... for many "it's" just not so much a must-do or must-have priority for women or men as their relationships grow and change in new directions...that is unless they have some thing to prove or some sort of unresolved esteem issues. But that's JMO.

But if you go by the Viagra ads on tv and the simpleton magazines out there, you'd think we were a nation of obsessed fiends on over-drive with one thing on our minds. I just don't think reality matches up with media perception and mythology.

We shoot for "weekend" sex... and try to do it every week. During the work week our schedules (my husband works a ton and I'm just plain tired after a day with the kids) don't jive.

So, minus the week of my period, I'd say we are at about 6 or 7 times a month.

Two to three times a week on average but that's an average. The longest we've gone (in recent history) is about a week - maybe a week and a half it's a very stressful, busy time. But if everything is movin' and groovin' along just fine we try to connect at least once during the weekend then Saturday and Sunday.

Hi i think there is no normal time.It all depends on circumstances ,jobs ,kids etc . Its not part of daily routine ,once a week i would say average .It all depends you maybe on holiday and have it every day or you may be working and get tired and have it once in two weeks .when ever it happens it should be enjoyable what you both want and not a chore when your both tired .

My husband and I do it about 2-3 times a week on average.... but some weeks it is a lot like 7 times a week, and some weeks it is not at all. I depends on multiple things; my cycle (I am just not in the mood when I am on my period) - our kids (I am amazed we find enough "alone time" to do it at all) - how busy we are, etc.

I think the "stats" on how often people have sex might be inaccurate though, I can't imagine most people who have very little sex taking a poll about it...

My husband and I would probably have more if we had more alone time... but what the future holds I don't know. I am almost 25, and my husband is nearly 27 so, hopefully there are plenty more years ahead of us and who knows what I'll be saying when I am 35-40+. I kind of hope I can say we do it breakfast lunch and dinner (21 times a week?) !!!- but somehow I doubt that will be the case... haha!

Truly I think if you both feel happy, appreciated, attractive and loved... you are doing it often enough. If you are thinking "i wish we did it more", maybe he is thinking the same thing! Just keep in mind that "average" is not the same as "good" or "healthy" . Only a husband and wife can decide what works for them!

-M.

Yep, once or twice a week. I'm almost 44, hubs is 52.

Not often enough. We try for every other week, usually winds up once a month. We have a 4 year old who likes to visit at night so it is difficult.

And right now it has been far too long since my 1st trimester is just ended.

Ha! I need to share that with my husband! We do it 3-4x a week and he thinks we're the only couple not doing it every night:). We are in our mid-thirties and have 3 kids under 6. We are always home at night and the kids are in bed by 8.

Twice a week. Occasionally once a week.

1-2 times a week is pretty average for us although probably once a month we miss a week, so maybe 4-5 times a month. It used to be less, but it is so nice with the youngest of our 3 kiddos turning 4 we have a little more personal time. Nights really aren't good for us we are just too tired so we tend to "nap" on the weekends :). Whatever works for you, don't stress about it, it takes all the fun out of it.

Whenever we feel like it. That can vary so much, that's it's very difficult for me to come up with an average. (Honestly.)

My husband is getting a vasectomy soon. We are so terrified of becoming pregnant before then, we can't even have sex with out being so worried. It wasn't fun, so it's been a really big dry spell.

We try for once or twice a week but it seems to be every other week.

The average is once or twice a week, there are some that still have sex nightly, older and younger couples with no or older kids. Those of us who have kids that are between 0-14 are lucky to get away with it/sqeeze it in more often than once or twice a month let alone a week!

Seeing that we are not looking to get pregnant right now, and there are some medical issues going on here - we might be once a month but we have gone longer. We do not feel that sex defines our love/relationship.

I think it depends on alot of other variables, health, age, kids - and their ages, occupation, mental status, etc. So it depends on the demographics of the population they are surveying.

Before kids, I was in my later 20s and he was early 30s, both in pretty good physical shape, not overweight....we used to have it 4-5 times a week. After one baby, c-section - long dry spell for first 6 months, we did it maybe 1-2 times a month....I finally stopped nursing, started losing baby weight, feeling sexier, getting more sleep, frequency went up to once a week or so. But then 9 m out we had sex just once without protection, and I got pregnant again! YIKES! 12w in, I had a miscariage and the loss really threw me for a loop, but we also knew we didn't want to get pregnant again so soon, so there was nother dry spell where I was like forcing myself to do it for his sake maybe 1-2 times per month. About 18 m later we had another baby by c-seciton, we were still maybe 1 time a month - now 3 years later, I have never lost the weight this time, I am having hormone and health issues, extra weight , high blood pressure, terrible/long/heavy periods, thyroid symptoms, exhausted - I am just not in the mood, like not ever. My kids are 5 and 3, and I stay at home with them, so I am all "touched out" by the time he comes home, I am tired and I usually don't want one more person to "want me to take care of them". But I noticed DH was "suffering", grumpy and constantly horny, (which to me was just annoying), I forced myself to make sure it happens at least once a week, and he is much happier and thus less bothersome to me about that issue.

So right now, we try to make it about 1-2 times a week, usually end up skipping a week a month at least because of my rediculous periods, tho. I would love to "want it" more often, but with all the stuff going on with me, and also being overweight and just not feeling sexy at all, it is just not coming naturally. I have a Dr. app't. upcoming to try to figure out all these issues and try to get some weight lost and get the other stuff under control.

About every other day. Sometimes everyday and other times we might go for a stretch of about 5 days. It averages out to every other day.

Honestly? I think it depends on what's normal for you & your relationship. I'm almost (gasp!) 40 and hubby is almost 42 - twice a week isn't unusual for us. Actually, I would be worried if we went more than a week - but that's normal for us.
On the other hand, I have a girlfriend (same age) who hasn't had sex in seven months. That right - SEVEN months! And another (also the same age) who hasn't had sex with her hubby for seven YEARS. Granted, there are some relationship problems, but COME ON! lol

I'm 52 and hubs is 53 - we have sex on average about every other day. Sometimes 2 or 3 days in a row, but we virtually never go more than 1 night without having sex unless one of us is sick.

about twice a week. We are both 32

According to the Kinsey Report and the Master and Johnson survey of people from 16 to 80, the average frequency was 2.2 and 2.8 times per week.

The frequency of sex is directly dependent on how often the one that wants sex the least wants sex. The man generally wants sex more often than the woman. (Only one in 11 couples does the woman want sex more often than the man.)

My wife and I argued about this for decandes. We went to marriage counseling and finally agreed on twice per week. That was way more than she wanted and way less than I wanted.

If you want to know how men feel about intimacy and how he views his relationship with his wife, read the book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands." It will teach you a lot about him. Then give the book to him and he will learn a lot about you. I thought so much of the book that I gave each of my married children a copy. Almost all women either love or hate the book. No neutrals. If you can get past the title, you will learn a lot about your husband.

BTW, the longer between sexual experiences for your husband the more easily he will get angry. If he appears to be angry for no apparent reason, try making love to him and see how it changes his outlook on life.

Good luck to you and yours.

You have to look at what stage of life someones in to know and theyre hormone level.

When I was married to my ex 2-3 times a week sometimes we skipped a week but I didn't enjoy it and did out of obligation

With my boyfriend who I'm in love with 7+ times a week (we have days where its 3 times and days wheres its none)
But you have to remember were only a year and a half in and I came out of a marriage 2 and 1/2 years ago where I not only was with the same person for 14 years but was very unhappy. We also get 2 nights a week without my daughter (have to distract myself from missing her some way=) )

I'm close to mid-thirties , we have sex about twice a month. My husband as an odd work schedule, though & works long hours.

Depends on the week of course - but i'd say 4-5 is the average.

It's completely up to the couple involved...my last relationship (8 years) it was maybe twice a YEAR, his choice NOT mine...I could show up in the living room nekkid with the remote attached to my body and he still didn't show interest...not really sure what the deal was...I tried to talk to him about it, nothing ever changed. My current relationship (just over a year long so far) is pretty crazy, multiple times a day the whole time we're together, but we only see each other every 6 weeks or so for about a week, he's stationed in CA, and he came from an "inactive" relationship too, so it's like we're both stocking up or making up for lost time...

In the past year...twice. Seriously! I had a baby 3 mnths ago and we mananged to have sex since then once (there is no time between both kids and his job) And when I was pregnant I was either feeling to sick or uncomfortable so we only did it once during my pregnancy. Before we had kids (three years ago) We were doing it up to five times a day, I would wake him up in the middle of the night (not that he minded lol) even though I had to be up at 3:30am for work!

we try for 2-3 times a week. Lately it's been less because we have all been sick.