Pregnancy Envy- Will It Ever End?

I think you are greiving. Greif comes in many forms. It is not unusal for a woman to greive when she can not have any more children. Some women go through early menapause, or have hysterectomies at an early age and other things happen. As women we are socialized to have children many girls grow up planning their family only to find out they may not be able to have children or only one. And they greive because their plans were lost to them.
Maybe seeking out a counselor who can help you through this is a good idea.

I agree with what Rev Ruby said. It sounds like to me that you have some unresolved issues surrounding your pregnancy situation that you need to address. Grief counseling will be your best option right now because they will help you get to the root of your "jealousy" feelings. I don't believe based on what you wrote that you want to be in anyone else's shoes or have their type of lifestyle with children but if it hurts you to hear about other people having babies then there's some wound that hasn't healed yet that you need to work on. I didn't feel this way with babies but I sometimes feel this way when I see adult women with their mothers because mine passed away before I felt was her time. I envy women who are out shopping with their moms or having their moms take part in the children's lives. I think for me it's knowing that no matter what I do, my mother will never be able to share in my life experiences anymore. The finality of it all is what is sad and makes me wish I had a mom or envy others. What I do though is I channel my feelings into something else. I probably need to deal with how I feel but right now what I am doing is working for me. I am not a counselor yet but until you decide to go to a counselor, what I would suggest is if you start to journal your feelings. Create a journal entry for every miscarriage you had and how it made you feel. If you felt like you never had the proper support system, make sure to write all of that down. Writing is therapeutic as well as you'll have something to share with the counselor when you meet with them to give them some insight to how you are feelings.

Oh, yes! I can completely understand. We dealt with infertility for over 7 years and during that time I was teaching at a school with many young teachers. We had people getting pregnant left and right. Some had two children in those 7 yrs. I counted up one time that between family, friends and coworkers, I helped with 13 baby showers. That isn't counting all the showers I attended. Blah. At one of my lowest points, I was driving home. I started sobbing uncontrollably. I thought I was having a breakdown. I started praying and finally let go. I had to trust that God was in control and if we were meant to be parents, it would happen in His time. I just quit all the treatments. I quit going to drs. I just let go and finally felt contentment. A year later we went to a reproductive endocrinologist. He was going to be our last Dr. I was pregnant 6 mths later. We now have a 9 yr old and 6 yr old twins. :).

I journaled during that time and it helped a lot!!

I was grieving. You are grieving. Allow yourself to cry. What you are feeling is normal. You will get through this time.

You mentioned adopting. Have you considered fostering kids? There are so many children who need good, safe foster homes.

Many blessings! :)

K.,

First, you are NOT petty, you are NOT stupid and you are NOT selfish. The fact that you think of yourself this way proves you are NOT!

Second, you are grieving. You have fabulous suggestions from ReverandRuby and Demetra. We all grieve in different ways. I think you should also try counseling or blogging/journaling. perhaps look into a support group in your area.

My sister is going through something similar. She waited to have kids. Now she is 33 and can't get pregnant. She has been married for 10 years and started trying about 3 years ago. She admits she is jealous of her SIL who is pregnant with her third. SIL is immature and not a great parent already. My aunt told me she used to cry every night, because my mom and her sisters were all getting pregnant and having babies. She kept losing babies. She gave up and finally got pregnant. her baby is now 18 and just graduated from high school! She told me she always yearned for more, even though she felt blessed to be able to have one.

There are other people who have gone through what you have and feel as you do. You are definitely not alone in your feelings and grief. God bless.

My friends are not done having kids. They all either have 2 or 3 now (some have 2 and others have 3) and they are not done having kids either. We are done with just the 2 girls. I get jealous sometimes when I hear about them having more or having boys. My DH is the last of his family so the name dies with him. We are HAPPY with our family of 4 and do NOT want anymore!!! But I still get a bit jealous and sad sometimes when hearing about pregnancies too. Sure we could go for more and try for that boy to pass the name....but what if we had a third girl? Would I still have this feeling of need to continuing trying for the boy? Probably. And then it makes it seem as if my girls aren't enough. They still carry the family "blood" right?

I am still very happy for my friends everytime don't get me wrong, but it does eat at me a little wondering if we made the right decision to be done. My youngest is almost 2.5 now. The oldest almost 5. We are looking forward to family vacations with traveling and not the stress of babies!! I always try to replace the negative thoughts with the positive ones about what my family has in store together! I hope this helps? You are NOT selfish!!!

I have one friend who is "done". She also has these feelings. I think it is normal.

I agree with Reverend Ruby on this - her advice is spot-on.

Hugs to you!
Dawn