We Lost Our Oldest Son 5 Months Ago in a Hunting Accident.....

I lost my sister when she was 13 and I was 12 and it was a very difficult time that first year. Everyone seemed to know that when we got together that we would be sad. the best thing that we did was not to forget that she existed. we always remevbered her and to this day I at times cry when talking about her and she died aver 25 years ago so all I can say is to keep ging and if you need to cry do it. if they can't deal with it then they are the ones that need help not you.

My older sister and brother-in-law lost their 16-year-old son by a drunk driver. I really don't believe the father ever really recovered from it, but my sister kept going. She had her bad times, but she just kept going for her daughter. I know that sometimes you need to join a group of people who have lost loved ones in accidents and they are very helpful. I have been told it really helps to talk about it quite a bit.

Maybe you could plant a tree or a flower on Sunday.
We lost a baby 7-1/2 years ago. We had no other children so it was very hard. Every year near his birthday we would buy a toy to put in a box for visiting children. Since his name was Sage, it is the Sage Box and they are all educational, electronic games.
Just a few suggestions. Also you could just pull out the photos and have a good cry together. Do the crying now so you can move on. Not to say there will never be tears about it after this first year, but you need time to grieve. You all need time to be stuck there before you move on.
B. H

Don't worry about it.

You (and your children) have a right to be sad, and it would take someone awfully petty to let that ruin their day. Try to enjoy the family you still have, but don't beat yourself up if your legitimate grief comes out. Most of us have no idea how bad it would really be to lose a child. (And don't really know what to say about it, either. Sorry.)

That is rough. I am so sorry. I was suggest doing something as a group or alone to recognize the "kid" that first made you a mommy. You could send off a balloon, light a candle or read something short but meaningful. Do it early on so that you have recognized him and then, perhaps, you'll be able to move on to the more joyous piece of mother's day. Perhaps you could do a ritual that represented your three kids and included your surviving two.
Take care.

I'm so sorry for your loss and I can't imagine what you're going through. I have a deep respect for mothers who suffer a loss of a child, as you are getting up out of bed and continueing life, when I'm certain all you want to do is curl up in a ball and cry. As far as the holidays go,...this is a challenging one...as I'm sure all will be for a while.

I think that everyone will understand if you are sad on that day, and your being sad about missing your son should not taint the day for anyone else since you will be with family and everyone will be sensitive to your loss, as they will also be grieving as they have lost a nephew, cousin, grandson, brother. This year will be hard since holiday's are supposed to be a celebration, yet at the same time...a reminder of what we're missing. Cry if you want, it's the only way for family to truely heal...and bond.

Take comfort in the fact that he is in Heaven and he's walking with God as an Angel. He will be with you that day, just in different form. You are still his mother. Keep your faith...that will help you through this difficult time. You will smile again...and you will see him again.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

I don't know what it's like to loose a child, but I have lost my sister and has seen what it's like for a mother to loose a child. This year my sister's birthday is on Mother's Day. I can understand how sensitive this holiday is for you. I always try to think of the good memories about my sister. I have a 2yr. old boy, who looks just like my sister. When he was born, 2 days later on my wedding anniv. I was diagnosed with cancer, and I feel my sister was watching over me. I could have died delivering my son. My sister is an angel just like your son, and they watch over you everyday. Even though he is not here, he is with you every minute of the day. Always think of the times, when he said I Love You, I think of that with my sister, and even though I cry often 15yrs. later,
I still think of being together as a family. You have a boy and a girl who still are with you and will always need you, and love you, and even though your son is not with us, he really is.

I hope this helps a little bit, and I hope your Mother's Day,
is wonderful. Just remember its the little things your children do, that make a mom smile.

I lost a baby girl 6 1/2 years ago and the pain never fully leaves, but it does get easier. I think it's OK to cry and to do it in front of other people. Since parents are not supposed to outlive children grieving over the loss of a child just isn't taught in our society and I think that many people don't know how to handle the situation. All holidays and birthdays are going to be difficult the first year. I would suggest that you skip the dinner at your in-laws and go away for the weekend with your husband and other children. The best thing for me was to just get away from everything for just a little bit. All of you can relax, cry, talk, and even laugh about your son and not have to worry about ruining anything for anybody else. Tell your in-laws that you will be out of town and you'll take you mother-in-law out to dinner next week to celebrate mother's day. You need to take care of yourself first so that you can continue with the healing process.
My deepest sympathies go out to you and your family. It's the hardest thing in the world to lose a child and you'll never get over it. 6 years later I still find myself crying every once and while. Take this weekend to take care of you and your family and don't worry about what the in-laws will think or do.

J.,
I know you've already received a ton of responses but I was in a similar situation so I thought I'd share it and hope it helps you. It wasn't my child, but my dad who died in a car accident 2 weeks before Thanksgiving in '04. As soon as anyone mentioned that the holiday was a week after the funeral I was horrified. I didn't want to go or be around anyone. Holiday or not, I cried plenty and went ot counseling wtih my kids (then 3 & 7) and learned it's GOOD to show your grief and not hide it from them. Don't shut yourself away or worry what others think. I visited the grave site (an hour + away) five times the first year & was told by more than one person that it was too much. But it helped me heal so I didn't care. You can't really make sure your kids aren't sad, only be there for them if they are. I've done a bunch of things with mine when they or even I get down or on the anniversary. We've take sparklers to the accident site sometimes, they wrote letters to him and we put them in big balloons that we let go, we brought flowers to the site, made a snowman at the gravesite, we talk to him, my daughter got a book of pages to fill in her memories of him, I made a scrapbook of fun things we all did.
I'm sure you've heard it all before and it's not easy to hear, but it does get just a tiny bit easier every day, week, month that goes by. The firsts without someone are the hardest, luckily sometimes the anticipation of the event is actually worse than the day itself. I hope it's that way for you on Sunday. After almost 4 years I still dread alot of the holidays (especially ones he would've made a big deal about) but am pushing through and letting myself enjoy my kids and the family that's still here. Lean on anyone you can and don't be afraid to cry openly. It's cleansing and healing - grief is too often shut away and thought to be done privately. Please feel free to email me - I know our losses are different, but tragic accidents are so hard to handle and those who have had similar experiences can really understand how you feel. My thoughts will be with you and your family.

My suggestion is to allow yourself to feel and act as any normal mother would feel! Cry if you need to! If you are constanly trying to "keep it in" or "hold back" other friends and family may not want to share their hurting feelings as well. Realize your son was 18 and most likely shared private moments and funny stories with others that may be brought out and give "light" and "joy" to your special day. Allowing your family to feel sad with you and support you gives them peace and closure as well. You may let them know at times when you are sad and crying they don't have to "say" anything just being there with you or just a hug can help you feel better!

I am so sorry about your son. I am near tears myself so I can hardly imagine your pain and sadness. Depending on where your other kids are with their grief it might help to talk about your oldest son. Maybe by making him part of the day in that way it will allow your children to express how they feel instead of keeping it tucked away. Then try to move past it for the rest of the time. Celebrate with your sister-in-law on her first mother's day and just make it about being together. I think you have to take your cue from them to see how you go about the day though. Family is supposed to support one another, I can't imagine how your true raw feelings would ruin their day.
If you aren't already seeking professional help for your family and yourself please consider it. What you have been through is a lose the magnitude of which only those who have been through completely know.
My heart goes out to you and your family.

I just want to tell you that I'm so sorry that your son died. It must be especially hard on you. I have not gone through the death of a born child so I can't offer you advise from experience.

I would attend and if you need to cry excuse yourself and take the time you need to compose yourself again. If you just can't stop then I would go home and tell your children that you'll pick them up when they are done. You have to do what you need to do. I'm sure everybody realizes how hard it must still be. The first year of a loss is the hardest.

You might want to consider not attending and just staying home this year with the kids or you stay home and let them go. Do what's in your heart.

Your feelings and the feelings of your husband and your children are all you need consider on the anniversary of your son's tragic death. Let your relatives know far in advance how they can best support you during that day. I am sure they want to be as much for you as you will need to get through it, and I am just as sure they do not know just yet how best to do this for you. My heart goes out to you J.. You are surviving the worst thing that can possibly happen to a mom, and your strength is the greatest and most important thing that will carry your husband and children through the remembrance of the life of your son. It is okay and good to cry as much as you feel like doing, and nobody can ever for the rest of your life after such a tragedy tell you you are crying too much.

I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through. My advice is to allow you and your family to do what is best for you on this first Mother's day without your son. Allow yourself to mourn and not surpress your emotions. Also, celebrate the memories you have and focus on your other 3 and what a blessing each of your 4 children are to you and your husband. My prayer is that you and your husband can draw closer through this and become a pillar of strength in difficult times.

I will be thinking of you on Sunday.

WOW! I am sooo sorry for your loss; I don't know what I would do if something happened with any of my boys. I can't imagine that you wouldn't still be sensitive about losing your son. and Cry away... you have that right!

Maybe you guys could do something in memory of your son that day.
-Plant a tree in your yard
-Put in a small garden/ or some peaceful place outside or
even inside where you can go to be in peace and speak
to your son.
-Have everyone make stepping stones with designs that pertain to things your son loved to do.
-Maybe at dinner you could have some nice cards/paper and
have everyone write something that they will always
remember your son by. Things he did that made them laugh etc. Then you and your other 2 kids could put together a Memory Book of him... it may even help
all of you get through such a tragic time.

Again, I have never been through something as tragic as this; so I can't even imagine how you must feel right now, but give yourself a break, you lost your son. It's okay to cry... it may do you some good. God Bless you and watch over you through this sad time in your family's life.

I am so sorry to hear about your son. How hard it must be to suddenly have to face a death like this at such a crucial time of life. I don't think it is possible to short cut through the first year of grieving. It is such a personal thing. When we lost a young family member we tried to do things differently at holidays. It seemed to help to not have to go through all the traditional things without that person.

I was thinking, what if you, your husband and kids took some meaningful things to the grave in the morning. Maybe even have a picnic with your son and take some pictures there. Celebrate the time you had with him and talk about memories and good times. Then do the extended family things in the afternoon after you have had a chance to be with your other children to reflect and grieve. I am sure other people would be happy to let you have a couple hours on your own and it would honor your son and you on this very hard day. Don't be afraid to grieve in front of other people. They want to grieve with you but are afraid that they will really hurt you if they cry first. Your grief gives them permission to grieve and also tells them that you will be OK talking about your son with them. Things are not "normal" now and they will never be the same again. It is OK to acknowledge that as you start to figure out a new normal. Others want to do that with you.

I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I lost a baby almost 10 years ago and the pain of it still chokes me up at times. I imagine that everyone will be sensitive to your pain and the rest of your family's pain as well. Remember, they can empathize with you but not sympathize because God bless they have never lost a child. Let them know at the beginning of the day how fragile you are, ask if there is a private room you can use if you lose it. That way, everyone can continue on while you deal with your grief in private. It might help to stop out at the cemetary before you begin your day also. My husband took my to see my baby for Mother's Day and it was the most precious gift he could have given me, I am still her mother even if she isn't here. Good Luck

Becky

J., I am so sorry for your loss. Gee I have to fight back the tears just reading your note so I can't imagine the feelings you're experiencing. It's something we as mother's hope we never experience - it just seems like the natural thing to go before our kids. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family.

One of my friends lost a daughter and on the anniversary of her passing and on special occasions they'll release pink balloons in the air with their other children and they've planted a special butterfly garden in her honour and a tree that they can watch grown and always think of her. Nothing will replace her but they feel closer to their angel by doing these things.

All the best to you and your family.

S.

Set a place for him at the table, recognize and share your grief to make it lighter.

My goodness..I want to first say I CAN'T imagine your loss..I lost my dad last year and that loss is HUGE.....I can't imagine your son...So LET yourself grieve..(I hear it is NORMAL and OK) but to try nad get thew a significent day...Do something the day before to remember him....(If you morn the day before maybe that day will be easier) I hope it went well..(If not) Just remember no one else is in YOUR shoes and it's OK to shed some tears

J., I am so very sorry to hear what you've been going through. I can't imagine your grief. It sounds like there are good ideas here, and I hope you can find something that will ease the grief for you a little. I just wanted to say please don't worry about ruining their day with your sadness. If you were part of our family, I know we would all want to do whatever we could to make the day as easy for you as we could, and we would expect you to be mourning. This has to be a hard day for you, and no one expects you to "just get over" this loss. My heart goes out to you and your family, and I hope that you can enjoy your time with your family.

When someone we love passes we miss them. We think about them and greive for them and the dream or plans we had for them are now gone, but not forgotten. We also grieve for the loss of our plans. This is so diffcult, and takes a long time to recover from.
Think of him as still with you but in spirit form. He now has the wisdom of the ages and can be your guide from beyond. When you are stressed and worried about how to handle things, find a quiet place to think and meditate on your son. When you feel the peace come upon you ask him what to do. You will get an answer, probably not right away, but you will suddenly have a thought hours later on just how to resolve the situation. That is your son guiding you.
As far Mother's Day is concerned, inform your family that you are sad. Let them know that you know life goes on and people have babies and you feel joy for them and the new little one but you miss your son.
Try a little exercise when you have a sad thought about your son, replace it with a happy one. Remember the joys of his life. A birthday party that you made so special for him. Focus on the joy HE felt that day, not your saddness. Focus on a day when he had a special victory, hitting a home run, getting a great report card, whatever his joys in life were focus on them. Remember his joys and focus on the happiness he brought to your life. Thank the higher power for giving him to you. Remember it was his time, is there a lesson here. Is this a message from the great beyond that you as his Mother need to start a campaign of some sort? The woman who lost her daughter to a drunk driver started Mothers Against Drunk Driving, she campaigned for stiffer penelties for drunk drivers, and many other things. Since then society as a whole has become better. Should there be a better hunter safty course in your area? You can be the person who spearheads this course. Use the circumstances of his life and death to make a positive change in the world. Yes, this is terribly difficult, but it may be your path in life and this can be a way to channel your grief into positive change.
On Mother's Day light a pink candle, for love and healing, place it next to his picture. Ask the universe for healing and to send your grief into the universe. Ask that the love you have for your son and his love for you surround you and your family.

Remember that everyone will be feeling the loss - you as a mother I'm sure the greatest! Don't try to hide the pain. Showing your emotion will help you all heal. Maybe try to do a tribute such as a powerpoint or a video of pictures of you and your son together and show it on that day - it would be extremely painful, but at the same time those pictures would bring up and give everyone an opportunity to share some of the wonderful memories that you had. I can't imagine the loss, but if you allow him to help you celebrate your day with his memories it may bring comfort to all. And remember you have a special angel watching over you this Mothers Day. God bless - I will say a prayer for you and your family that you find comfort this mother's day!!

J.,
I just want you to know that I am in a similar situation, my son passed away due to SIDS last March and Mother's Day is always hard, I usually want to stay in bed but for the sake of my other children I get up. It is a day where I try to smile and be happy but deep down I am hurting. I know the day will be hard for you but just think of the good times that you have had with your son and that will put a smile on your face. From our angels, they are telling us Happy Mother's Day.

I am so sorry for your loss. It is hard enough to lose a child, it shouldn't be you worrying about the rest of the extended family. It is ok to cry and it is ok to mourn. I have a few friends who have lost a child and they all say the same thing, you take one day at a time and the first year is full of firsts (first birthday without him, first christmas without him...). No one should expect you to stay strong all the time. I remember when a customer at the restaurant I work at said to me "Shouldn't she be over that yet? It has been a year" about one of my co-worker/friend. I couldn't believe someone would say something like that and I looked him straight in the eye and said "how DO you get over something like this? You don't get over it, you just learn to deal with it" It has been almost 4 years now and my friend said to me "this is the first year I can almost feel normal" It takes time, lots and lots of time, to heal. One thing they all found was helpful to help them learn to survive is a grief counciling and support group. They all said the support group was even more helpful then counciling.

As far as Mother's day. It is ok to cry, it is ok to feel envy or feel upset over the new baby, those are normal feelings and you aren't going to feel that way forever about the new baby. It might help also if you think of the baby having a very special gardian angel, because you know he is.

May God watch over you and your family and help you get through this time of adjustment and mourning.

Talk to your family.

They should under stand and maybe they need to crt.

Maybe you can honor your child as we did my sister...have a family picnic in the child s honor and plant a tree to reach up and let the child shine on.

Then around it add moms love for moms day by adding from each family a plant each mom loves so the flowers can grow from the child s tears and smiles and give you them in there lovely ness.

D.

Dear J.,

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your son. For it to be so short ago, obviously will make things hard for you on all of these first holidays without him. You will miss him and cry for him. My heart goes out to you.
My son, Cole, was born still and would have been 6 this jan. That first year was sooo hard. It is hard to move on when you feel like you are missing such a huge part of yourself. How are you suppose to move on when you have lost your child? You don't move on, you keep going. What I had to do for myself was pretty much give myself a little pep talk very often. Would my son like to see me all sad and depressed, or would he want me to enjoy life and enjoy his brothers an sisters. He knew that I loved him and how very much he was missed, but he would hate to see me in pain now, especially over him. I needed to be happy for him. So he would know that yes, I missed him, but I was going to keep moving and enjoy my life until the two of us could be together again. And honestly, I know he is never far. (I always feel like the crazy lady bringing balloons and flowers and talking at his grave. He had his own little "play pen" of toys at his grave site."
One thing we do when we have big events in our life or on special occasions is include him somehow. Honestly as a mom it makes me feel better. I want to still do for him, take care of him. Sometimes (always on birthdays) we will release a balloon. I tell the kids we are letting a balloon up to Cole, so he can celebrate with us. When we went camping, I brought him back a flower we picked and put it on his grave. On fourth of july I have gotten those firework looking flowers. Anything that makes me or the kids think of him.

Hold on mom. Now is hard, and that is to be expected. But, you can enjoy life again... and you will even if it doesn't seem like it's possible now.

Please feel free to e-mail me anytime personally just to vent, or share feelings. I wish no other mom ever had to feel the way I have, but if you have, I am hear to listen and try to help.

J.

Dear J., God bless you through all this. I would not even worry about what others think. You have lost a piece of your heart, it may heal over, but it will always be different, and sensitive. You take as long as you have to, and you grieve your child. Nature does not intend for us to lose our children, we may be used to losing our parents, but never our children. This is unusual, not the order of things, so your reaction won't be usual and the order of things. You grieve your baby, and you take care of the little ones tht need you. The adults can take care of themselves. God bless you, you precious woman. Know that God is holding your boy inhis arms, till you get there and can do it for yourself. How you're able to even get up and think on a daily basis is a miracle to me.

Dear J.,

I would suggest doing anything to boost your seratonin levels... Regular exercise, fresh air, sunshine, adequate sleep (1 hour of sleep between the hours of 8pm-12am is more beneficial than 2 hours of sleep between the hours of 12am-7am), eating healthy foods (pineapple, kiwi, walnuts, banana, plantain, plums, and tomatoes... and chocolate, in moderation) can all boost seratonin, the "happy hormone" in the brain. Find activities that don't allow for much reflection time... OR set aside a small amount of time at the beginning of the visit to share good memories (just don't surprise everyone with this, let them know it is your intent), talking things out is often the best way to find healing.

You might be suffering from PTSD, clinical depression, or you may just be going through the normal stages of grieving. Talk to your doctor if you feel that you are not moving past your grief, he/she may be able to prescribe an anti-depression, just long enough to get you over that mountain. Or seek the aid of a counselor if you feel it necessary... there is no shame in getting help if you truly need it.

Most importantly, you need to allow yourselves the time and space necessary to heal through your time of grief. Not everyone recovers from tragedy at the same pace... some take longer than others. Prayer is always a fantastic healer (God hears a mothers cry), and talking about the good memories. Let go of regrets, don't keep them around to haunt your future... everything in life happens for a reason, even the bad things. God is there in every difficulty, he lost a son too. Some day, if we live as he has asked us to and always put him first in our lives, we will be reunited with our loved ones when he resurrects us all for his Heavenly Kingdom.

God bless you and yours... and a very peaceful Mother's day to you.

Very sorry to hear about this. I lost my brother when I was 15 and he was 17. All I can really say is, don't hide it. Let yourself and your kids feel whatever they feel. Talk about it when needed, but not too often. Letting the kids talk to others sometimes is a good outlet for them as well as yourself. They most likely will express things different to others because they don't want to burden their parents anymore or make them feel worse. Everyone handles tragedy different. Allow everyone to express and get it out in there own ways and be as support as you can. Also, encourage them to talk to school couselors (free) because it may help a lot more than they realize right now. They are very good tools (usually anyways-if they are good couselors). Hope this helps. If I can help anymore or give some specific pointers-just email me back, cause I will help if I can.

Grief is LOVE. We never grieve J. unless we have had BIG love. If you try to keep your family from grieving your son, you are taking away their love for him.

I am so sorry for your loss... please don't let go of the love by trying not to grieve.

Books for all ages of children:

Goodbye Rune
The 10th good thing about Barney

Get to the library to find books about grieving if you haven't already.

First of all I send you my most sincere condolences. I can only imagine how sad this must be for you all. I lost a baby during a miscarriage, but never a child that I had shared 18 years with. May God wrap His loving arms around you and hold you tight.

I guess my initial thoughts are to spend your day loving your children and not holding back any emotions that come with it. Do you have to go to your in-laws? I don't think anyone will blame you for crying. That is a normal emotion that would be expected.

I also suggest that you and your family go visit your son's gravesight and leave something at his grave. Maybe each of your other children could take something to the grave that is a special memory of your son, or they could each write something special down that they would want to say to him. I think it's healthy to express emotion - that is a step towards healing.

My prayers are with you!

J.,
I am so very sorry about the lost of your son, I too lost my daughter Karissa on Jan.5th, she was 12 years old. And then 14 years ago I was pregnant and delivered a still birth little girl "angel". It just hit me last night that Mother's Day was most likely going to be very difficult for me because I will not be with ALL my children. I don't know how I am going to deal with this pain but if I cry, (most likely) I do know that the others will understand. Easter was a very difficult day for me as well but I just made the best of it and tried to talk to my in laws about other things to keep my mind busy. I figure if it gets too hard I will just need to leave and take some time out for my self, the family and my children will understand. The pain is very deep but I also believe that there is a God and my precious little one is looking down on me and would not want me to be sad, I imagine that she is saying "I'm in a wonderful place" and that she is with her great grandparents and other loved one and enjoying there time together until the rest of us are with them all together. My husband and I have a set of twin boys "5", girl "10, and then older son's "21 and 22". Then we also have many foster children presently and from many years that we consider a big part of our family, we all struggle with the death of Karissa. BUT, we all know that it is ok to cry and we all try to keep her a live in our hearts !!!! We will take balloons (mostly for the twins) to Karissa grave and let them go, the boys think that she would like to have them to play with in heaven. I some times will light a candle in memory of her, and then I have a special braclet that makes me think of her and for some reason seems to keep her close to my heart. The other children I know at times will spend time at the cemetery with Karissa. We DO talk about Karissa at times. Angel is missed by me the most with the exception of my husband and oldest son, our son was so excited that I was going to be having a baby and then it was going to be a little girl. There is no easy way of dealing with this. If you have had any thing that seems to work for you please let me know I would be open for suggestions as well.
I will pray for you and your family especially on Mother's Day. This will be a hard one for us mom's but we will get through it you know as well as I that there are those days that are harder than others and this is going to be one of those days.
I try to keep my head up for all the other children, I know they need me too.

My deepest sympathies to you and your family. Grieving is a process and I'm sure people will understand you are still going through yours.

J.,
Your pain is real as is your childrens for their loss too. This will your 1st Mother's Day since the loss of your son. I think it's very normal to feel sad and weep still.I think your extended family will understand your feelings and sadness still.It's wonderful that there's a new baby in the family, celebrate that joy too. Remember the joy you experienced with the birth of your children. It will help get you through your grief and also your childrens. If your family can't understand your sadness still, then maybe it's ok to stay home with your own family and have fun together. God has us just where we're suppose to be, it's not always easy to understand, but he does get us through our difficulties.
Blessings to you and your family.

J.,

I am so sorry for the separation between you and your son. I don't say loss because he will forever be your son, you will always be his mother and I know that you will see him again after this life. Not that it makes it easy. I wouldn't worry about ruining anyone else's day. You have the right to mourn as long as you need to and everyone should understand that.

Our family has some good friends who's son died couple of years ago. We wanted to help and ease their pain, but just didn't know how. They were so good about coaching their family and friends through it. They let us know what they needed, how much they wanted to talk about him and when. It made it easier to support them. They purchased a memorial website where people could post nice things and memories about their son and because of the website they went through, they could control who had access and they could approve messages before they post.

Your kids will probably be sad on that day, and on your son's birthday, Christmas and every other special day. But it doesn't have to be full of despair. I learned from my very brave friends who's son died that they can honor him by celebrating his life and remembering him. They even wrote messages on balloons and "sent them to heaven" so to speak. You can create family traditions that include your son who has passed away that bring peace and faith. You may also want to consider seeing a family counselor that specializes in helping families through grief and mourning.

My heart goes out to you. I hope you can feel some peace this Mother's Day and every day.

Best wishes,
S.

J.,

My heart goes out to you! I really can't and don't want to imagine what you are going through.

This will be the first Mother's Day that I will enjoy in a very long time. I lost my mother (at age 56) 4 years ago and had trouble conceiving for 6 years. I am blessed with a daughter this year.

My family dealt with our sadness by planting flowers or a tree each year for Mother's Day. Mom liked to garden and it was a way we could celebrate her. Maybe your family could plant a flower garden or plant a tree to memoralize your son, especially if he liked the outdoors. It could be something you do on each special and especially sad occasion.

I was also thinking that if you think you are up to it, each person could say a special prayer or share a special memory of your son before dinner followed by a fun memory to help lighten everyone's spirit.

I will be thinking and praying for you this weekend.

I lost my sister 14 years ago and I still greive on all those holidays that meant so much. Do not hold back. I see my parents greive openly and it was the best thing for our whole family. We shared our grief together. When we are able we talk of her and when we are not we accept each others needs to heal inwardly. But do not hold back. Your grief is fresh and new. It is said that it take at least 5 years to go through the greiving process. As a parent I believe it may take longer. I am sorry for your lose. I still have tears in my eyes for my sister right now just thinking about her. If my children ask why, I will tell them that I miss my sister it is that simple. I will awalys miss her.

My loss was no where near like yours. I was pregant with twins. At our fourth ultrasound, one of my babies was gone. There was no heart beat. I cried for days at first, and then it was less and less often, but I still feel very sad at times when I least expect it. I do know that I needed everyone around me. There were days that I cried so hard and just wished someone was around to give me a hug so I could find the strength to stop crying. So... Here is a BIG HUG for you. I know that all of the women who have read your post feel a very deep pain for you and are praying for you all over the city right now. God is always with you, J.. He has his arms wrapped around you as you grieve and is there with you, your children, your husband, and family. Talk to him, he's listening and waiting for you.

First, I am so so sorry for your loss. I have 4 children, my two youngest are a girl, 12 and boy, 10. I can't imagine what it would do to them if one of the oldest was taken. I hope your extended family is supportive and understanding. Families are so important for you right now, just having an understanding hug can make a huge impact on a kid. I don't know how religious you are, but a church family helps a lot, too. And there's always prayer. God has a reason for everything and cares so much for you and your family. I'll be praying for you and your family, J., that He will give you the strength to get through Mother's day. Remember the Lord giveth(brand new babies) and the Lord taketh away. Life is fragile, cherish every moment. God bless!

You are going to be with family, that is a safe place to be sad! Let them comfort you, it is still fresh. As long as you still enjoy your other children, your mom, your sister's joy in a new baby, you will be doing great!
My mother-in-law and Father-in-law didn't share their pain at losing a child. I don't know how they coped, but it messed up the other kids, and I know because I am married to one of them! (we've been friends since early highschool years)

I am so sorry that you lost your son. I'll pray for you to have God's comfort as you deal with your Mother's Day without one of your children.

I know this is late, but pray. Prayer is the only thing that will carry you through times like this. Thank God for the wonderful times you had with your son. Pray, Pray, Pray. God will give you the strenght you need. "The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."

First, let me say sorry I am for your loss. Since it was only 5 months ago, your grief is still new and raw. It will be a sad reminder. Instead of trying to hide your sadness, why don't you set a special time that day to think about and talk to your son. When you go to your in-laws, try to focus on the new little one and on your other children. While they cannot make up the void, they are still blessings for you. You may want to share your special time with them so they can express some grief as well. Perhaps you can do something special together to remember your good times with your son and include him now. When my father died, my sister started pouring a bottle of Sprite on his grave when ever we visit it since that was the last thing he asked for in the hospital. Do be sure to take care of yourself. I know this is easier said than done. It is vital that you pay attention to your health. Illness will not help. Give yourself time to grieve. This is not a process limited to a certain time frame. If needed, please seek family counseling. Or you might want to check out Compassionate Friends. It is a group for parents who have lost a child, no matter what the age of the child. I hope that you will find at least part of what I have said helpful. Again, I am so sorry for this aweful loss in your life. Liz

Hi J.,
I'm so, so sorry about your son. Perhaps you and your family could play some fun board games to lighten the mood. I don't know if it's too soon, but maybe you could also take turns sharing happy memories about your oldest son. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Remember, your son is in heaven looking down on you all. Hang in there and God Bless!

Melissa

I just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss. A.

J.
Let me start by saying I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine going through something like this. Please know that grieving takes time and it is OKAY to be sad, even on mother's day. Maybe you can spend some time on Sunday talking about the things that he said or did that made you proud to be his mother, that way you can have happy tears too. It's OKAY to cry so don't hold back for anyone. Keep in mind that although I'm sure you want to stay strong for your children and your family, your kids unfortunately will have other losses in their lifetime and they will learn how to grieve from those they look up to. I hope you do have a wonderful mother's day even with the tears that you need to cry and know that your son is watching over you and loves you so much. You are in my prayers.

J.

I have no idea how to advise you on getting through this day. I just wanted to wish you luck and say that my heart goes out to you and your family. Remember all of your extended family knew and loved your boy too. I'm sure they feel your pain as well. I'm sure that everyone expects and understands that this will be an extremely difficult day for you. You're in my thoughts. Blessings to you and yours.

Dear J. -- My heart goes out to you. Sunday is MOTHER'S Day, and I think it's your feelings that you (and everybody else) should be concerned with. I don't have any personal experience to offer, but I wonder how it would effect your family (including you!) if you made Mother's Day a special day of celebration because you are still a mother, and let your three kids still at the table know how grateful you are for them and how much they've meant to you since December, etc. And because it is your day, you don't have to go to your in-laws if you don't want to. I'm sure they'd understand, and if they didn't understand -- all the more reason not to go! Sometimes family gatherings like that turn into story-telling sessions about the good or funny things you all remember about your angel. I'll be thinking of you on Mother's Day. -- L.

J. -

You have every right to be sad. Everyone mourns the loss of a loved one in different ways and not always in the same amount of time. When my father died, I was given a book called, "Tear Soup" to read and it helped me feel okay with going through that whole process. There is no way for you to prepare for an upbeat day as anything could trigger your emotions. I am sure all your family members have had to go through the mourning process as well. When you feel like it is getting tough, reach for someone's hand or politely excuse yourself to another room for a few minutes. It is okay to cry!