Please Help!!! with Affctive Discipline for a Three Year Old

Two books that I found very useful are Barbara Coloroso's Kids Are Worth It and Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish's How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk. The other thing that I found extremely helpful was reviewing what a typical child was like at whatever age I was finding challenging at the time. Oftentimes the behaviors we find most challenging are signs of development and while irksome have a positive side.

Victoria, mother of a 6.5 year old (who pushes buttons in all new ways now) and an almost 4 year old (who has always been fiesty)

M.,

hi, i have two great girls one is 5 and the another is 2. And i remember Evelynn (5) she didn't like that everytime we went somewhere she wasn't getting anything like candy or a toys.. So what I did before we left the house I would tell her if she didn't listen or talk back that we were going to leave the store. That mean everything that you were getting just leave it.( I would tell the manager that you going to be right back and must store would hold the cart for you). Just go outside and talk to him and put him to time out. If he stop still leave and explain that the store is not a playground. It will take a little bit to kick in but it work. And when you go to the store give him the list it will be more like a treasure hunt. Try making shopping a fun game. I hope this helps..

PS Evelynn said that you can start taking one of his favorite toy away for 3 three days. And just take more if he doesnt listen. HAHAHAHA that is what we do if she didn't listen and we still do. It have been a long time since we did it.

A. (24yrs) two beautiful girls of 5 and 2. they are the best part of my life. And happily married for 6 1/2 yrs.

I am on my second round (with my second child...my first is 5)of "3 year old" disciplining. It can be hairy. We use sticker rewards for all GOOD behavior and sticker removal for bad behavior. We have had great success. List the house rules and post them. Be sure to list the top four or five things that are most difficult for you to tackle and be sure to list a few that you know he can achieve more easily. Post the sticker chart in a visible area, near the rules and track them everyday, once a day with the child. My kids earn fun things (time with Mom, go out for ice cream, a special game) when they earn 30 stickers. This helps everyone to focus on what we want instead of what we don't want! Focus on good behavior, but see ramifications for bad behavior. They get very excited about it and it gives Mom something consistent to work with. Consistency is key. Also, if your child HAS NO interest in stickers, you can do cars or marbles in a jar with the same concept! It is worth a try!

I hope you don't mind hearing from a Grandma. I have been doing exactly what Tricia advised. And, it is working. I have the most wonderful grandson (also age 3) M-Friday all day while my daughter works. He is the light of my life! But, I think he became deaf when he turned 3. I know that he can hear me, but he tunes me out. His grandpa does to, but I can't put HIM in time out. The only advise that I can give is to hang in there & not lose your cool. Good Luck!

Get the book Parenting is Heartwork by Turansky and Miller. It's great! There is also a parenting class offered on Wed. night at Grace Church on Hancock Bridge Parkway, childcare provided. The title is "How to Make Your Kids Mind without Losing Yours" by Dr. Kevin Lehman. I took that class several years ago and it is great. There is also a parenting class offered at Grace Community Center on Saturdays. Not sure the details there, but you can call Grace Church to find out.

Hi M.! I have worked in child care for years and then have 3 of my own. What works best for me is Magic 123. Basically how it works is when they are misbehaving you say firmly how they should be acting or a consequence will happen. As they continue to misbehave you say "That is 1......2.......3" giving them a quick chance to correct between each number. If your little one does not correct by 3 then the consequence happens. Wether it is a time out, a toy taken away, something tough and immediate.

As for a time out find a spot in your home that you can always use for the time out. Ours is next to a piece of furniture against the wall where I can see my 2 year old in the kitchen or living room. There is no toys or anything to play with within arms reach. I sit her there and say firmly "you are on a time out for..." and walk away. No eye contact, no talking about what happened. If she tries to get up I sit her back down without looking at her or saying a word. A time out is 1 minute for every year. So my 2 year old is 2 minutes, your 3 year old is 3 minutes. After the time is over I tell how she should act "you need to show gentle hands" or "we are gentle with our toys". Then she says sorry and it's over. I think it is harder on us than it is on them!

The first couple time outs are difficult. But they do learn quickly. Here are some links. Good luck!!

http://www.supernanny.co.uk/Advice/-/Parenting-Skills/-/D...

http://www.amazon.com/1-2-3-Magic-Effective-Discipline-Ch...

M.,
Hi, I am going through the running away in the store with my 2 1/2 year old. With no luck till Saturday. My husband was with me and he ran away from both of us. We caught up with him in the corner of the store. I got to his eye level and told him how dangerous that was. He could care less, so I spanked his butt on his diaper. He laughed. So, I turned to my husband and had him take him outside to time out. He had to sit with him a few minutes approximately 5 mins while I went back to shopping. He was a different boy when he came back. I went down to his level again and told him anytime he runs out he will be taken to timeout. Usually, I try to continue to get things done and it doesn't phase him. From now on, I will pull him from the area. Today, I went with just my son to several places and he didn't leave my side. He was an angel! Hope this helps.

It's been my experience with my girls and with other children I have cared for that discipline differs with each child. You need to find a consequence that he would be upset about. My 2(almost 3) year old daughter absolutely hates having to sit in her room by herself while the other kids are playing out in the living room. My 18 month old will be a different story. She prefers to be alone. I will have to find a consequence that she doesn't like. I also do the count to 3 (even though as a kid I swore I would never do that) to give her a chance to correct her behavior before she has to face her consequence. When I put her in her room I tell her why she is there and that she can come out when she is ready to say sorry and play nice. It doesn't usually take long before she straightens out. Just find something that your son doesn't like.