Playground Discipline

Politically correct is completely overrated! I too am disgusted at the lack of discipline people give their children these days. They are creating monsters and people who will not be good citizens.

Anyone who disagrees should travel in Europe and Asia to better understand why the world thinks Americans are rude. Because, some people are flat out rude and give the rest of us polite, well adjusted people a very bad name.

So, D., good for you to intervene. Make sure you approach the parent as well. I can almost bet that you will run into parents who think this is acceptable behavior and all you can hope is that your role model will rub off on their children.

PS.. If we ever meet at a park, playdate and my son is rude, I'd expect you to call him on it becuase I want a polite child! Thank you for your vigilence.

Wow D. I completely understand your situation. Most of us do. The question is what do we do? I guess that most of us don't have a great solution that we feel good about.

There are however, a few rules that we should all agree on. Safety rules like no hitting, no pushing, no kicking should be enforced (kindly) by every parent. Saying something like, "Please us gentle hands." or "It is not ok to _____. It hurts ______ when you do that." should be a fairly PC way of communicating this idea.

Concepts like sharing are much harder. They are harder for the kids and the families rules vary greatly. If it is your child's toy you can say, "I'm sorry. _____ isn't ready to share. Please give it back." (While gently taking the toy if necessary.) However, it is much harder when the toy is not yours. Sometimes the best recourse is to teach your child that sometimes other kids have a hard time sharing just like she does. It hurts her feelings when someone doesn't share. It hurts others feelings when she doesn't share. If you do this in front of the other child loud enough for the kids in the immediate area to hear everyone gets the lesson. You could even go as far as saying that you don't want to be around kids that don't share (or hit/kick/use mean words) and leave the immediate area.

How far do you want to go? Are you willing to offend a few of the more sensitive parents and kids? Has the playgroup already had a discussion about the basic rules of the playgroup? These are all things that will guide your choice. But the most important thing to remember is that you have realistic expectations of the kids. Sharing should be something kids can do on their own at age 6. Self discipline and using kind words instead of hands or feet can take longer. Some of us still have trouble with this as adults when we are stressed.

Good luck!!

Hover on! Seriously I think that the most well behaved children at the park (at the age of two) are the ones whose parents do hover... kudos!

As far as what you are saying to the other child, it sounds perfect to me. That is exactly what I would do. If it doesn't work (I've only had this happen once) take the child by the hand to their parent or gaurdian, politely explain the situation and then let them handle it.

I would never say anything negative to my child about the other children. One day your little girl will be the big girl on the playground and you'll realize that she isn't trying to be mean or a bully but she is just a child and doesn't see other children that are smaller than her without a little reminding. If there are older children around gently remind them that your daughter is there... or better yet ask them their names, what school they go to, be interested in them and they will be more likely to watch out for your little girl. You might even get lucky and have an older child offer to take your girl on the slide or push her on a swing. This would be great for both children. This has been my experience.

Same rules apply for playgroups... if the moms in your group are more concerned with chatting amongst themselves than actually teaching their child how to interact with other children (after all isn't that what playgroups are really about?) then perhaps you can find a new playgroup. Or set a bold example for the other moms by sitting next to your child and interacting with the children and inviting other moms to join you and the children. If that doesn't word definitely find somewhere else to go.

I think that you maybe need to pick your battles. If your child is in a position of actually getting injured or worse by bigger kids, then it is your job to step in and remove your child from the situation. However, if it is just about children not sharing, I think that your roll is to coach your child from the sidelines. When she comes to you crying because another child took something of hers, this is your chance to say, "Go and ask for it back and remember to say, Please!". If another child is pushing, you should remove your child from a situation with physical contact. So this is your chance to take your child aside and say, "It is wrong for that child to push you. When this happens, put your hand out and firmly say, Stop pushing me, and then walk away." If another child is being rude, the next time your daughter comes to you, you can say, "That child was not being polite, and I know that that must hurt your feelings. Next time that happens, you can stand up for yourself and say, Please don't talk to me that way, it hurts my feelings." Try and look at your roll as a coach. You can't play the game with her, but you can teach her how to play. Our children need to learn how to handle these situations on their own and stick up for themselves. Plus, your child will know that you have been paying attention, and that ultimately she has you on her side.

I think that this is actually more about your relationship and roll as a mother to your daughter than worrying about other peoples kids. Every situation is an opportunity to teach and coach your daughter, so that she can stand on her own two feet, rather than protect her and fight her battles. However, if she is in physical danger, you need to step in!

Children under 6 need constant discipline supervision and modeling. Parents who just let their children play without paying attention to what the children are saying and doing are not effective parents (becoming a parent is easy, being an effective is hard work and needs constant vigilance).
Getting involved just means you care of about your child and want to foster appropriate behavior. How will children learn if they aren't told and shown?
Even at age six, children need guidance, if they've received guidance prior to that time.
So, you are right in getting involved and the other parents are just not taking parenting seriously.
Personally, I don't participate in any mommy-groups because I haven't found any that want to be involved in their child's upbringing; they just want to talk and let the kids do whatever they please.
I understand needing a break, but being a parent means doing that when they're sleeping or under someone else's (professional or family) care. Or when they go off to college!

Don't give up and just realize other parents won't take responsibility like you are because it's too much for them.

I used to be an elementary school teacher. I have seen the difference between children whose parents have raised them properly and parents who just gave birth to children. Any poor behavior is the fault of the parents.
I'll get off my soapbox now...
Good luck

D.,
I have a 3 1/2 yr old boy, who I know can be a rough little boy at times, so it does not bother me at all if another mom or dad needs to say something to him for taking a toy or playing rough. (As long as they are not mean.) I understand where you are coming from, but I think most parents are practical and would have no problem with you breaking up a playground tiff. Most Parents probably have the same fear as you, which is why I see that they will redirect their own child in hopes that the child will just let it go. I would suggest that you let your little girl deal with some situations on her own, so that she can stand up for herself. But, you have every right to get involved to an extent. Just be as PC as possible while being firm. And Honestly, if you meet a parent that gets upset with you for getting involved, you probably don't want your little girl playing with them anyway.
Hope that helps,
M.

it is not your place to discipiline someone else child. if there is a problem where you feel you need to intervene you should approach the parent.

I have this issue on the playground when kids push my daughter out of the way. Theya re usually old though so my comment is It's ok Makenzie mommy is right here to make sure the big kids aren't mean to you. or Makenzie you can play too the big kids are just being mean and don't know how to share. If their parent are close by they say something when they hear me or if they aren't they usually kids usually go play elsewhere. As for playgroups I have left a couple because kids were mean to my daughter so I am currently looking for one with better behaved children