Why Should I? Piggyback on Playground Question...

I just think it's funny this question caused so much controversy and follow up.

I asked my hubby and his take was IF the kids were playing together, being friendly - then YES you need to share.

However, if some kid just walks up and starts demanding another child's toy - then no.

I have to agree with him - and should have probably put my answer into better context. IF everyone is trying to play together and have a good time then YES they should share. However, I will not ask my child to give away her toy just because some random kiddo requests it - that's not cool either.

However, I always preface any trips where the kiddos want to bring their toys (playdates, random park stops, daycare, kids club at the gym) that they need to be prepared to share them.

I believe in sharing...

Speaking strictly for myself, one of the reasons I take my son to the playground is so he can be in a social environment and learn to play well with others. If he has a toy he can't share, all that good social stuff isn't going to happen. I may as well keep him home in the backyard. So for me, it's not a question or who's "right" or "wrong" in sharing, it's a question of what he (and the other kids) will ultimately get out of the whole experience.

Thank you. I was just getting ready to respond to the other thread, too.
I run into this sometimes, too, but for us it tends to be when we're out other places: doctor's office, bank, or any other place where we have to wait. I almost always bring a snack, drink, and some kind of entertainment for my girl. What am I supposed to do about the other kids who are also waiting whose parents DIDN'T bring anything for them to eat, drink, or play with?? Just because the adorable little girl across the room is eye-balling my daughter's juice box and animal cookies, are we supposed to offer one to her?? What about when my sick daughter is cuddling with her "lovey" while waiting at the doctor's office and another kid wants to hold it? I don't think so. I'm all for sharing, and when the situation warrants it (e.g. having a friend over for a playdate) I remind her that she needs to share because we invited the friends over. On the other hand, I usually discourage taking toys to places where I expect other kids will be (out of my control) because I don't like being the parent who has to be "responsible" for all the kids who join in...
so, yep, we're on the same page with this one.

Hm, this doesn't really answer your question, but...
I would never suggest someone leave a toy at home that they don't want to share. And my daughter knows to expect that some kids will not share their toys.

However, I do require of MY child that she is willing to share any toys that she would like to bring to the playground or a playdate. I equate this simply with good manners. You wouldn't bring a bottle of your favorite wine to a party and then keep it all to yourself, right!? Because that would be considered rude!

So, of course everyone can handle this as they please - but I feel bad for the kids on the playground that bring their nice shiny toys they don't want to share... and then they sit there all by themselves because they are so busy protecting their precious possessions, they don't have time to make friends. Just saying...

Yeah, no, that was pretty much what I said. My kids share but it is their choice to share. If they said no I know they are good kids so they had a good reason.

Like the thing with the cell phone. Sure you would let someone use the phone but would you let anyone use your phone? Come on some homeless guy asks to use your phone? I actually let a homeless guy use my phone, I figure if he runs with it it is insured. Most people wouldn't, that is judgement, ya know? I would prefer my kids develop their own sense of what is right and wrong. I don't want dependent kids, I am mean like that.

I don't understand where this idea that everyone should be happy comes from. I wish it would go away.

I haven't read most of this little "thread," but I never expect other people's kids to share toys. In fact, I remember how hard it was to take my daughter to the pool when she was 18 months old. She would spend the whole time going after other kids' toys, and I'd spend the whole time giving them back and explaining to her how they aren't her's....In any case, I wised up, bought tons of pool toys, and had more than enough to share with other kids.

Do what you want to do, and what you feel comfortable with. I do think it's silly for people to expect strangers to share with them. Yes "kid club" is different than normal life, but this is kind of like expecting me to share my jet ski with you because you don't have one. Personal property is personal.

to answer your question, we don't take toys to the playground. this isn't, every time we get in the car my son asks to take toys and i tell him no. we've just never carried toys everywhere. like someone said about waiting rooms, etc, i will usually have a small transformer, matchbox cars, or a snack in my purse (or gum in a pinch!). but for drives, errands, going visiting, or playing at the park, no, i don't tote toys around in general. now, my son is 5 years old, but we have always been like this. i just don't feel it's necessary. if it is someplace like a waiting room where he will be expected to be quiet, usually there are books or magazines, or i have even whipped out a pen and paper and that entertains him.

if there is a kid with a toy, my son does not EXPECT to play with the toy. perfect example, the other day we were getting him a haircut and had to wait about 20 minutes. there was a little boy there with a spinning top. my son watched him for several minutes, then got down on the floor and interacted while the little boy continued to spin his own top. eventually, he asked if he could try it and the little boy said yes. it was probably more than ten minutes of interaction and feeling the little boy out before he asked. i was very proud of my son for being polite, not getting in the boys face or demanding anything. he was very respectful.

my son goes to preschool, church, etc, and shares just fine. i don't "make" him leave his toys at home because i'm a mean mommy, or to avoid teaching him to share. i just think it's unnecessary clutter, especially if we are heading to a park or playground, where there are already toys and things to do. we talk in the car, interact, if there are no kids at the playground i am swinging him and following him around, again, interacting. i just don't see the need to tote toys around - which, i agree with you, i paid good money for, and don't want to see broken, taken, or misplaced.

plus i'm no good at juggling. i always end up losing or forgetting something - that's just me though, i am not great at keeping track of all those things! :)

Here is the problem I have with what you said. My daughter use to bring toys with her to the park at times and she would share with the other kids and everyone played friendly together. Then there will be this kid that was fine and dandy playing with her toys but the minute says can I try yours they grab it to their body and so no thats mine. Thats crazy. Who teaches a kid to act that way. So do I teach my kid don't share with them until you see if they dont share with you? I remember we use to bring a big bin of chalk and everyone would play together with the chalk on the sidwalk. Its all about taking turns. Like the swing sure you were on it first but its a public park so your kid gets to use it for an hour and no one else gets to try it because he got there first?. That's crazy too. The Doctor's office is different spreading of germs.

Because it's polite to share. If your child wants to play with something by himself or herself, then do that at home alone. If a child were to come to your home to play with your child, then you would expect your child to put away the toys that he or she was unwilling to share with a friend, right? This is just taking that idea a small step further.

You are certainly well within your rights to tell your child to bring his or her toys wherever he or she wants and not share, but it's really no way to build relationships or make friends. My kids naturally remember and warm up to the kids who are willing to share and avoid those who don't. If you want your kids to be in the latter group, then continue to encourage them to put their own wants and needs ahead of those of others. If you want them to make friends with ease, however, I would suggest emphasizing the willingness to be courteous and cooperate with others in a shared space that it designed just for that, as a playground is.

Not sharing at a playground, to me, is akin to not sharing a dish at a potluck - the whole point of playing in a shared space is to enjoy the company of other children and IMO, that means sharing toys. But do whatever you want, really.

I think you should both bring toys AND encourage your child to share, and other parents should also be able to tell their kid no.

Leaving a toy home so a sharing issue doesn't come up doesn't make sense to me. These are teaching moments for us as moms, and learning moments for our kids.

I teach my son that when you ask a question BOTH answers are OKAY.

Yes or No.

If you're asking to play, one of the answers might be no. And that's okay / no worries.

Similarly, just because someone asks him for something, doesn't mean he has to say yes. What he DOES have to do is to say 'No' politely.

Sometimes we bring stuff to the park, sometimes we don't. Sometimes the things are for our own use exclusively, sometimes they're shared. Being mean rates an instant return home, but saying 'No' politely isn't mean. It's a valid answer.

Yes!!!!! I am with you 100%

The only time I have a different stance on this is if we are having a play date at our house. If there is a special toy my child doesn't want to share, they have to put it away before the friend comes over, otherwise it's fair game.

I honestly don't care either way. What I found annoying is that there isn't a universal standard. It didn't matter which side of this I took, it seemed there was always another mom undermining me. There were the moms who expected my child to share and then told mine their children didn't have to if they didn't want to - or moms who insisted on giving him something after I had already said no. It's really confusing for a toddler to understand why the rules change from interaction to interaction.

I usually encourage mine to leave theirs at home because I don't want to deal with keeping up with them or them being lost -hence the reason I always tell them if they take something to be prepared to share, because they'll probably be asked to by another child. We have been in a few experiences where unsupervised children decide they're going to TAKE a toy from one of my kids -and then I have to get involved, try to find the parent or nanny, etc. and it's all a big headache.

Now, if one of my boys is really wanting to take a certain toy -I let them, and I don't force them to share once we're there. They're old enough now to let their desires be known. I like for kids to work these things out themselves for the most part. If a kid approaches my 3 year old and tries to take his toy, he's going to either be yelled at by the 3 year old or my son will decide he wants to share. He's about 50-50 at this point. My oldest will tell a kid "NO" or share as well. It's good practice for them and the other kids. But no, the whole idea of "Everyone must share all the time" gives me another headache. I know I certainly don't want to share a lot of the time!

Agreed.

If we buy sleds, even if we have one per child, it is not my job to share with whoever asks. Go buy a sled or get a garbage can lid. Even a flat box will work. I bought several sleds so they didn't have to wait and share.

When I take a group to practice basketball on one of the courts, it is not my job to provide basketballs for toddlers or anyone else who happens to see us playing or practicing.

I learned from my kids pre-school that kids can't be expected to share until they are allowed to fully "possess". We adults put all kinds of pressure on our kids to share. There's a healthy balance and no kid should be expected to hand over their possessions to someone else just because, "that's what you DO"... sometimes they need to keep their special items to themself or have some time with a plaything before being asked to give it up.
I'm with ya.

We can tell our children no and we have and my kids are quite well behaved. I think partly given they're girls, they weren't huge on tantrums etc. So it's not a matter of not being able to tell our children no or being afraid to, it just strikes me and I think some of us as less fun and we want to teach our kids to share. We live in a community and a public park is part of that community so it just seems nicer to share and get to know other neighborhood kids vs hoard. I don't think there's really a right or wrong vs a difference in opinions. I don't go so far as to say it's bad manners of parent to not insist their child share. It's just something I somewhat disagree with. There are a lot of different opinions where raising kids is concerned!