Pinching - Irvine,CA

Guess what it teaches the child?
When they are frustrated with someone, pinch them.
Their parents do it, why shouldn't they?

Spanking is hitting and the same action and message. "I am frustrated, and you will not do what I want you to do so I am going to hit you."

This action is humiliating for anyone in power to hit a person with less power. This is why we tell women to leave their abusive men, even if "it is just a light hit every once in a while as needed."

First, I do not use physical punishment with my own children and have never recommended the use of physical punishment. I have found that positive behavioral strategies, natural consequences and logical consequences work much better.

I think that what confuses people is that punishment works:
Pinching, like most punishments, will stop a behavior. That's why, "It keeps kids in line." In fact, the psychological definition of punishment is any consequence that decreases the probability of a behavior occurring. So, if your definition of "works" is "stops the behavior," punishment works. It works at a cost, though.

First, it does not teach children the behaviors that you want them to do instead. It decreases the undesirable behavior, but does not increase desirable behaviors. It's like a "stop" command: If you say, "Stop hitting," you leave open the option of starting kicking or pinching or various other misbehaviors. If you say, "Keep your hands and feet to yourself," then they know what they are supposed to do. (Of course, the creative child might spit ...)

Second, physical punishment teaches, "Might means right." It teaches children that the appropriate response to misbehavior is violence (even if mild violence), and that it's "right" to cause pain in others if the others have misbehaved. That's not a lesson that I've wanted my children to learn or that I want my clients to learn. (I'm a child neuropsychologist.) In this world, I prefer teaching my children that there is almost always a solution to a problem that does not involve inflicting pain. If they misbehave, and my response is to cause them pain, then I'm teaching them that my solution for their misbehavior is to cause them pain. Yes, it stops the behavior, but it also teaches that it is ok for me to cause them pain because "they deserved it." Oh, and also that it is ok for someone bigger than they are to hurt them.

Third (related to my second point), young children, especially very young children, don't always recognize the differences that adults might recognize between the situations in which it is ok to hit (for example, for some families, when a parent is mad at a child for misbehaving) and when it is not ok to hit (for example, when they are mad at another child). Instead, they may notice that their parents believe that it is ok to hit or pinch them and understand that as it is ok for adults to hit or pinch children, but not ok for children to hit or pinch children. Children who are punished physically are more likely to try to control their environments by using physical force (to hit, pinch, or kick to get what they want).

Finally, punishment works as long as the threat of punishment is there, but not when the threat is not there. It is effective based on fear, not on learning what is appropriate.

Sorry for making this so long. I just feel really strongly that hurting children, although it will stop a behavior, does not teach our children the lessons that we want them learn.

Discipline means to teach, to guide, NOT to punish. We are constantly asking our children to "use their words" to express themselves & resolve conflicts - we must do the same. You don't want to create/encourage a new pinching behavior/habit in your child. How would you feel if your child pinched you, "just a little pinch", when you displayed behavior he or she did not like? Would that be acceptable to you? Also, where do you draw the line on hurting someone - it doesn't leave a mark, so it's ok? That's a lot to ask a child to comprehend. Peace to you. B.

Absolutely not OK. It's an old-fashioned way of dicipline but it creates fear in the child and the idea that hurting someone is acceptable. Positive reinforcement is much more effective, "catching your child being good". If a child is seriously misbehaving, leaving the place is often the only alternative.

Any sort of physical punishment is wrong. Abusive men are skilled at these type - the ones that do not leave a mark, so just because you cannot see it, that doesn't make it right.

no it does not if you know how to do it. My Granny use to pinch her grandkids all the time and it kept us in line and never left a mark.

um yah... it does no good. It just creates real negativity in the child toward the adult.
Not good.
ESPECIALLY if it is leaving a mark on the child. How the heck can a parent do that? Really inappropriate.

The pinching thing is a big no-no my book. I don't like to get pinched, therefore I won't pinch others, including my children. My children do get disciplined and, now that they are older, I do have some non-verbal signals that I can give them to warn them in that they are about to get themselves into big trouble if they continue doing what they are doing so that we don't have to big scene in public. I do want to have well-behaved, respectful children but I also want to have a home life that is peaceful, harmonious and supportive, so I really strive to shape my parenting and discipling style around those goals.

I’m sorry but Mildred is implying that the reason her kids are lawyers, doctors, teachers, etc is because she abused them? That is awful and extremely worrisome! In my family we have all doctors and teachers but our parents NEVER abused us in any way but my parents were very strict. My Mom had 6 kids and she said from age 2 all her kids would get in line real quick just from her “look”. That alone scared us straight.

IMO, I ditto what Elizabeth had to say, well said. BUT I can also agree with Tammi’s argument as her pinching doesn’t sound abusive. Just enough to get her daughter’s attention which seems to really have worked for her.

Hurting children physically with the intent to cause bodily harm or pain is wrong.

And don't forget to wear green on St. Patty's Day or look out! ;-)

How would they like it if someone pinched them ,the adult when they misbehave,there's your answer. It will only set a stupid parental pattern that it is ok to pinch their children to come.Communication is never done with angry hands and fingers. We need to tell our children what is wrong and using time out and behavior modification is the best way I have found for correction. Usually if you take things away or tell them no park today if you can't be good works in the worst of circumstances.

Children should be trained at home, so when they're out in public, all you have to do is make eye contact & they know what they should be doing. I have 2 1/2 year old twins as well as 3 older children, so it is possible!!

Yeah, I agree we should not pinch or even hurt our little ones. Don't we say children imitate parents, what we give comes back to us.Like interest.

So why not give them the best. Patience is the best policy.

So Dear Dear Mamas all the best for keeping patience.

P.

I'm not a fan of anything that makes your kid yell because it actually hurts. My son is a seat kicker and when he won't stop kicking the back of the seat I'll pinch his skin when his knee is bent. He doesn't kick when I've got the skin between my fingers. I'll ask if he's thru kicking and when he says yes I let go. It doesn't hurt him though. My husband has 4 kids from a previous marriage and he used pinching and other things like that to deal with bad behavior in public. It never improved their behavior and when they would pinch each other you can't really scold them if you do it. Plus if it's something you do within your family then your kids won't tell you if other people in their life are doing it too like a teacher. We guide and protect our kids not retaliate because they won't listen to what they're told!