When to Start Disciplining

Start NOW!
Try to anticipate her moves and hold her hand firmly if she goes to pinch.
YELL "NO"!
If she bites, YELL "NO" or "OW" enough to startle her.
Do NOT laugh, or make light of it in any way.
Don't bite or pinch her.
You also could sit her away from you for 10 or 15 seconds,
and say "NO BITE" or "NO PINCH".
Nip it in the bud now.(No pun intended.)

In my opinion, if you don't start disciplining when they do something wrong, whatever the age, you run the risk of punishments being more difficult to work later. I can agree that you don't want to pinch or bite back. When she starts to bite, especially, give her her own arm and stick it near her mouth. Tell her if she wants to bite, bite herself. I did this approach and it worked for me.

My kids did the same exact thing to me! They bit and pinched me and I did it back as soon as they did it to me. Needless to say, they stopped immediately! Never to do it again to me or anybody! I didn't bite or pich hard but just enough to get their attention and it worked for me! I wish you luck!

First, kudos to you for responding to the needs of your child! Coming from a psychology & also Christian background, babies & children really do need to feel that their parents are in control in ALL areas in order for them to feel safe and secure. SO disciplining actually increases the chance for a strong bond between parent and child.
We saw the need to disciplining at around age 9 months, for both of our children. This is when they seemed to know exactly what they were doing, and began to 'defy' in their baby ways that they could (kicking/rolling over during diaper changes and similiar things to what you described.)
What worked for us was to flick the bottom of the foot. We learned this from another parent who explained it as being a good way b/c it's a sensitive area that gets the message across that, when they do that negative behavior, there's a negative consequence.
Similiarly, when I nursed them and they began to bite, I'd gently flick their mouth (not hurtful at first) until they got the idea that biting me was associated with a negative response.
Hope this helps!

I went through this with mine also. She is learning the correct ways to show affection. You touch her with your hands and mouth to show affection, she is now touching you back. When she bites, put your finger on her cheek and tell her firmly "NO BITING" You don't need to hurt her, just let her know with your finger on her cheek what "biting" is. When she pinches, hold her hand in yours and tell her firmly "no pinching, that hurts Mommy." Make a sad face or a mad face. She can read your expressions better than she understands your words. You must be convincing though, not funny. Show her how to use nice touches. give her a hug and tell her "Mommy likes hugs, they feel nice." Show her your happy face. Do the same with kisses. 10 months is not to young to learn the word "no." Soon she'll be mobile and you will really need it. Babies learn faster than we give them credit for. If you handle this firmly she will learn the correct ways to show affection and get attention quickly.

If you begin talking to your child at an early age, simply, they will understand far more than you think. They are like little sponges, soaking up possibly limitless information! Explain things simply. There is good advice here already... [Stacee F, Linda J, Nay] "Waiting" to discipline is not necessary - and will only make it harder to do later! I told both of mine (now 8 and 5) "no" as soon as they displayed this kind of behavior. We used "time out" - but we ALWAYS ALWAYS talk to them as well. Go ahead and say "no" firmly and "don't bite/pinch" - and maybe add a "be gentle" and show her how, with a hug or a gentle kiss or stroke on her cheek? Maybe say "no biting/pinching! Be gentle. If you bite/pinch again, no more [insert favorite toy/show/treat]!" You'll probably have to take something away - follow through! Once or twice and she'll get it, if you're consistent.
Disciplining your child is not mean. It helps the child learn boundaries & limits - concepts they'll need in every day life. It's your job to teach them right from wrong and that there are consequences when you do wrong - and to be responsible for their actions! I know that seems like a lot for a 10 mo old - I'm not suggesting that you explain any of that to her now! I'm simply meaning that this is where it all starts. Get a good start now, establishing who is the "boss" so-to-speak, what the rules are... Kids NEED boundaries and rules and they thrive and develop a sense of security and being loved when given those. You obviously want what's best for her or you wouldn't have asked for advice. You have love in your heart - you are doing her good!
God Bless!

Discipline starts the day a child is born. It's neverending, but it doesn't always have to be a struggle. (That comes later when they're teenagers.)

You must be consistent in telling your daughter, "No" when she bites. It's OK to raise your voice slightly so that she knows you mean business, but you don't have to yell at her. Make sure you are stern and use a facial expression that lets her know you are disappointed in her behavior. Be consistent, and the behavior will cease.

DO NOT bite her back. That only reinforces the behavior as a game.

You're never too old for time out and the counting method. I count to 3, wait 5 seconds in between each count, if I reach 3 then they go directly to time out. Time out can be sitting on your lap while you hold them (since little ones tend not to hold still on their own). Hold baby on your lap and don't let them wriggle away. Don't let them watch TV, play with toys, or communicate with others in the room. They just have to sit there. It's generally recommended to use 1 minute of timeout per year of age. Also, if there are favorite toys baby plays with, those can be taken away. Once baby is older, perhaps a timeout chair, rug or spot on the stairs can be a timeout spot.

It's the best way to stop this. Do it only as hard as she does. She will catch on.
I would "play" this game with my children when they nursed so no age is too young to start. When they bit down too hard I would put their fingers in my moth and bit down only as hard until they winced. Same with pinching. Neither boys ever got anyone else.
I had to use this method with a boy I babysat once. He bit everyone. He bit my oldest son on the eye and brought blood. Mike had a black eye for weeks. I bit Ronnie on the arm until he screamed and showed Mom what I did and why. She did not have a problem with it and Ronnie never bit another person.
They don't understand it hurts until it hurts them. You will be doing this out of kindness and not to hurt.

I guess it depends on what you mean by discipline. Time outs or naughty chairs won't work this young. Teach her the difference between nice touch and hard touch. When she bites or pinches, tell her "no, that hurts mommy." Then take your hand and stroke her arms saying "nice touch." And then show her how to stroke your arm lightly. Make sure to give her lots of praise when she does "nice touch." It will take awhile, but she'll get it eventually.

you could try a little snick to the fingers if she pinches, and (if you are brave) a snick to the mouth for the biting. she is probably most looking for the surprised reaction; so an almost absentminded "no, don't do that" might start working after awhile, too!

This behavior is COMPLETELY NORMAL. Your daughter is just exploring her surroundings to learn. Please continue to show her how to gently interact, as she is WAY too young to be disciplined in the traditional sense of the word. Try not to overreact, as babies often think it's funny. Just calmly and firmly cue her and then try to distract her with something else.

It can be frustrating, but just keep reminding her to use "gentle touches" and demonstrate for her . . . . over and over and over. Children, especially very young children, learn through repetition. You can always tell others who interact with her that she is in this phase, and that if she pinches to please cue her to use gentle touches.

Just be patient, mama. She will learn soon to treat everyone gently if she is treated gently!

With my 14 month old, as long as she knows I'm serious, she will listen, but I have to make sure that my face is stern. I also will grab her hands and look right at her when I say no. We haven't had much biting, but she throws and hits. I usually try to grab her hand when I see it moving that direction. If she were to bite, I would probably grab her shoulders and hold her off at a little distance. When she does something good, I clap for her and give her hugs.

I am with you, I dont like the pinching and biting back thing either. What I have done with all of my children, who have done the same thing at one time or another, is the very firm "NO". When they do not respond, you give another firm "NO" and sit them down on the ground or floor. Continue to do this. Sometimes just firmly sitting them really gets them a wake up. Also make sure that when you say NO, follow it with the phrase of what they are supposed to do instead. For instance: " Samuel, No! Pinching is not ok! We need to be gentel with our friends." I know it may sound cheesy but it is a huge error to assume that a child knows what they are supposed to be doing instead. Good luck!

NOW is the time to begin. I also resisted the idea of biting or pinching back, but finally had to resort to it and it worked when nothing else had. Since then I have also heard of some other options when "no" does not have an impact. Placing the child in their bed or pack-n-play with no interaction from anyone for a minute or 2 may work for some children (no contact means the "game" can't continue and therefore is no fun). Another mom mentioned using vinegar or lemon juice...a little dab on your finger then placed on her tongue each time she bites could work as they are strong flavors that don't taste good by themselves but won't hurt her at all. It worked for her daughter. Remember that almost all children go through a biting phase...just be consistent with whatever discipline you choose and you'll successfully teach her not to. (Sometimes you revisit these issues a few times over the course of toddlerhood).

You are right not to physically discipline her...you will only teach her that hitting is a way to let people know they have displeased her!

Most child specialists (and our pediatrician's office) recommend sternly saying no and then removing her from the situation. She's too young for a real time out, but if she hits another kid, take her away for a minute to calm down. If she bites you (is this during nursing?) put her down and walk away for a minute or 2. They learn pretty quickly that when they do certain things, they lose out on other things.

Good Luck :)

Hi A.,

Pinching and biting back seems a little bit too much like retaliation to me. I want my kids to see me as always teaching them and never getting even.

My daughter turned 1 and is a bit of a biter. It happens mostly when she's teething, but she also does it when she is excited or happy. She eats my shirt all the time, but sometimes she misses and gets my shoulder, too.

For some children the need to bite down is instinctive. I swear my baby, Lila, gets a glazed look in her eyes. She is entranced. And then the teeth come out.

Tell her no (sternly) and set her on the floor away from you. Get up and walk away. When you come back bring her something that it is okay to bite. Keep cold teethers in the fridge. Hand her one, or stick it in front of her mouth, and say,"Bite this."

It helps when you are teaching a child what not to do if you give them an aceptable alternative. Enforce both at the same time.

It is never to young to discipline a child. Pinching back, you have to pinch hard enough for it to hurt. Biting is the same way you have to bite hard enough to hurt. When these activities occur immediately respond then put the child in her playpen or crib for 5 minutes before you re-associate with her. If she doesn't believe you are serious now you have all ready lost the battle.
P. R

I am the same age as you and i have a almost 2 year old daughter so i hope my advice fairs well with you!! i read in a parenting book that if you do what they are not suppose to do (biting back, pinching) that its just reinforcing that it is ok to do it since they see you do it. I, as a parent to a almost 2 year know that it is very hard to take when your child bites, kicks, slaps. But i try with my hardest to never do anything that i wouldnt want her to do since that would seem like a hypocrite. I use the timeout method, although i think that might be a little young for your child. At that age, i would explain to her that we dont do that and that it hurts, just trying to talk to them in a polite manner so that they respect you. it also helps them understand what you are telling them when you talk to them on their level in an adult voice (not yelling). I really hope that helps and good luck!!

10 months old is a little early to start formal discipline. Behaviorally, she is most likely trying ot get your attention. My daughter did the same thing. The worst punishment at this age is to remove your attention. Ignore the behavior when she does it (no eye contact, no response to the bite or pinch). If she doen't get your attention with the negative behavior then she will eventually stop doing it. On the other hand, when she is doing sometihng that you like of want her to do, really go crazy with the praise. She will learn that her good behavior is what gets your attention. It may take a while, but if you are consistent with your behavior (ignore the bad/praise the good), she will catch on and give you what you want. Good Luck!!

10 months is way too young to be punishing!!! Your little one is being curious and it is a normal part of growth and development. You can redirect her, correct her, but don't stifle her curiousity when she is so young. Babies are not capable of understanding. I would begin around age 2. If you have to keep her at home away from other kids, then do that. She it probably just teething or needing your attention.

Hi A.!

I am not a fan of the bite/hit back method. Ten months is a great place to start the foundation of handling discipline for years to come!

I constantly told my son "nice" or "gentle" when he would touch things that needed to be handled with care. For example, when he was crawling and pulling up on things, he LOVED potted plants. I had to tell him to "make nice" with the leaves and flowers. If he was too rough, I would always use the word "ouchie" for pain and hurt (or when he would end up ripping leaves off!). My son was a hair puller. So when he would pull mine, I'd frown and explain that pulling hair "ouchie's Mommy".

I also sort of started time outs around that age. He was doing enough to realize that he was being taken out of the action. I would sit him on my lap and hold his arms down for about 30 seconds and explain what he did, that it's not nice, and he needed to sit.

I also did a lot of redirecting. For example, if my son was throwing toys and turned into a game, I'd explain that it's not nice nor is it a game, and find a parallel. So I'd tell him, toys aren't for throwing, balls are, and offer him a soft ball to throw. If your daughter likes to bite, maybe make one toy her special biting toy (like an old teether). And if she likes to pinch, maybe she can practice pinching by picking up smaller toys, or Cheerios. Just ideas... :)

Good luck!

Start disciplining now. The other people are right. Whatever she does do to her because it will teach her to understand that it hurts and is not funny. It is hard to do because you don't want to do that to your child but it is about the only way to teach them to not pinch, bite or whatever else. Also, you may want to try to do if you are at home is put her in her crib for 10 min. and let her sit in there.
D.
I am 31 and have been married for almost 12 yrs. My husband and I have 3 boys ages 10,7 and 4.

My daughter did the same thing and I don't know that "discipline" is the right word. (I only say this because fanatical people get all up in arms about it, but they are the ones we don't want our children around because they don't behave :) Anyways, that's another subject all together...) 10 months old is a tough age because they don't understand the cause and effect, I agree that doing it back doesn't help. We tried using the words, "that's not nice" instead of "no" I know it sounds simple, but it did help. We started time out when she was about a year though because she was definitely understanding what was going on. What I do is hold her in my lap and talk to her about why we don't do that and ask her to say sorry by giving a kiss to whoever she "hurt". It really has helped and she is very well behaved for a strong willed child:)

I feel your pain. I have a 3 year old who started biting, pinching and hitting around 10 months. We really struggled with it for several months. I was also told to bite him back, but we did not go that route. I have been told by others that bit their kids back that it actually made it worse, but some people swear by it. Depends of the kid I guess. I just can't get over the fact that logically it makes no sense to do something to someone that you are trying to get them NOT to do. From my research, I found that biting is a learned behavior and children need help understanding that it is not acceptable to do this and that it hurts. We were just very firm in saying Biting hurts or Pinching hurts. I think it helped that he attends a day care that is pretty compassionate and worked with us on this. He was also getting bit and pinched by others and that also helped by him knowing it hurts, but also taught him to bite and pinch. They were very good about giving all the attention to the victim and making sure the offender knew how unacceptable it was. This was also around the time we were trying to get him to stop using his pacifier which was a huge mistake. The day care suggested that we let him have it while he was at school and this helped dramatically. We went from incident reports almost daily to once every other week. Eventually he just stopped altogether. He was around 21 months when we finally got rid of the pacifier, but we decided that the binky was the lesser of two evils. Not sure if this helps or not, but thought I would share my experience and compassion with you.

Kids at 10 months old do not understand reason so you can not take something of value from them, lecture, or put them in timeout. They can associate pain with action though if it is done immediatly. When my child was biting I would lightly flick her cheek. She associated that when I bite something unpleasant happens and the biting soon stopped. If you really do not like that you can try a timeout in your lap. You can hold your child arms and legs so that they can not move for a minute or so. Some children hate this others do not mind. What ever you do disipline has to be done immediatly after the action or your child will not understand what she is being disiplined for and it will lead to frustration. Hope it helps.

Honestly, I'm so disgusted with some of the responses that I don't even know how to respond. How could anyone recommend spanking a BABY!! It makes me sick. Or 5-10 minute time outs? That's ludicrous. How is it logical to hurt your child in order to teach them not to hurt others? It's senseless. There are so many better ways to teach children other than by physical punishment. And I can't even believe I have to say that in regard to a BABY. I agree with the more gentle forms of "discipline" redirecting, showing hurt face, firmly saying no and showing a gentle touch all seem much more effective. If a child was much older and biting I could possibly see user firmer means of discipline. But a 10 month old baby- c'mon.

A swat on the bottom, which will not hurt her in a diaper, and a very firm no with your finger touching her lips will let her know you mean business, then leave her to sit alone in a chair. Repeat as often as necessary. She will soon learn and when she is older you can pinch or bite her lightly but enough that she can feel that it hurts.

Please don't bite her back, i know i heard it too, but it WON'T work, it's like slapping a child to teach them not to hit, does it really make any sence? that being said it is a phase and she will outgrow it, firmly telling her no and removing her from the situation should help eliminate the issue. if you are holding her and she bites tell her no, put her down and walk away, she's to young for a real time out but she'll get the hint pretty quickly that biting does not get her attention and she should stop. best of luck.

I am still dealing with the pinching with my 21 month old. I agree that with your ten month old, probably the best thing to do is give her a firm "no" (she'll learn soon enough) and put her down and temporarily take away the attention you would otherwise be giving her. I noticed that my daughter enjoyed the negative attention I was giving her when she pinched or bit. We've got to be careful about these patterns. She gets time out now, but she's a little older. She cries and says "Mama, Good Girl, Good Girl" and wants to come out. My friend sharply said to her once "I don't like that!" and that worked because it was someone else she liked and not mom. Make sure any other caregivers are on the same page. I don't like biting back or pinching back. While it teaches that it is painful, I think it is confusing that you are allowed to be violent but she isn't. I think that could be problematic if she ever does it with other children, too. A firm "no" and no attention for a minute or so, is what I think. I think giving her something else to bite is a good idea, too, because I do know that my tot wasn't always doing it out of anger- sometimes she just wanted to sink her teeth into something or was feeling overwelmed (still the case with pinching for us)Good luck!

Hi A.,
My girls went through the biting stage, but it was a little older in life, I think around 1 1/2 to 2 and it continued off and on until 4ish.
I know alot of people tell you to bite or pinch them back so they know it doesn't feel good, but I think that is just reinforcing bad behavior with bad behavior...
Keep telling her no, and be consistent. Don't laugh or show her positive reactions to this or else she is more likely to continue since she will see that as an exceptable action. I feel children just want approval from others and if you react in a positive way she will think you approve of this, even if you tell her "no".
What seemed to help me was start showing consequences to her actions in a non-threatening way. Like, if she bites or pinches someone, tell her that isn't nice and take something away from her that she likes for a short period of time. (a favorite toy or something). Make sure it's only a couple hours since their attention span is so short. Then give the toy back, each time she bites or pinches, tell he no but take the same toy away so she sees the consistency and eventually she will realize if she bites/pinches, she will have to give up her favorite toy...

Hope this helps and good luck!!!

In your situation I would distract her with a toy or something else that she likes. She is way to young to be disiplined. I would want until she is 2 years old before you start disiplining her. When she does what you want her to do praise her for doing so. Show her that you are so excited for what she did. WHen she sees how excited you are then she will want to obey you more. You can also do something together that she likes. Like play with her with her favorite toy. Give her a special treat.

Even at the age of 9 or 10 months, a child can be taught not to pinch, bite, grab, pull, push, etc., without inflicting pain on them. We have a "round 2" baby - a newborn long after our other kids are grown. When our adult daughter announced she was expecting a little one, we bought our baby daughter a baby doll and began PRACTICING loving the baby. Reinforcing what you WANT them to do with the baby - we would say "be easy" when she started getting too rough and show her want to do - helped so much when at 11 months, she became an aunt. Simply removing her from the situation did not teach her the preferred action.

Sternly saying "NO!" doesn't always work as you already know. And though you can teach your child to "play nicely" with others, sometimes you also have to train the adults who interact with her how to deal with her unacceptable behavior the way you do. (Consistency reinforces.) A child can be distracted easily, but they will likely go back to what they were doing. Taking some extra time to show them what they should do and allowing them to safely explore something they're interested in (under your close supervision) may help curb the curiosity, and get the desired reaction.

NOW is the time! If she thinks it's funny, she KNOWS what she's doing. HOWEVER, she obviously DOESN'T know what it feels like to be pinched or bitten. DO THE SAME BACK TO HER. There is also absolutely NOTHING wrong with smacking a hand and showing them who's in charge. WORDS do NOT do the trick for most kids.

Even at that age, make SURE you follow through w/ what you say! In other words, don't tell her you'll pinch her back and then not do it! What kind of signal is that sending? In addition, it fosters a lack of respect from your child. Willing to have them grow up showing no respect? What are the long term reprocussions of NOT handling this situation? What will you be setting yourself up for down the road?

I wonder if she's teething? I did do the bite-back route with my older 3 children, and it nipped it in the bud, but I'd never have done it at only 10 months. They were more like 18 months old at the time. My youngest son (17 months now) would bite sometimes, and like yours.. would laugh and turn it into a game when I'd tell him no, but it always seemed to be around the time he was cutting a tooth. I tapped his mouth lightly but firmly when I would tell him no. It takes a few times, but I think it does help.

At this age a very firm "no that hurts" AND sit her down on the floor and walk away. The sitting on the floor is more of a shock to her than the no and she will also see it is not a game and no fun. Be consistant (the bottom line for parenting).

Mother of 2 ages 14 and 10 ran licensed home daycare and weekly nursery worker in church.

God Bless!

I was always told to ignore the pinching and biting. 10 months is really to young to understand the word no. You should definitely keep using it, but make sure you redirect her to other activities. If you pinch or bite back, she will think it is ok to do so and will continue. Good luck!

A.,
I know this sounds wierd, but my second used to bite (only me) 'out of love.' I call it that because he would only do it when he got really excited and was hugging me tight. He started at around 12 months, what I would do was when he would bite me I would flick his mouth with my finger (not hard, just getting his attention,) saying 'ouch don't bite,' then I would give him a big hug and tell him that I loved him very much but that it hurt when he bit me and I didn't like that. It took 2-3 weeks, but it worked! A few weeks ago my fourth started doing the same thing (to me and my husband,) and we tried the same method with him and it worked again.
Neither one of them have bitten on a daily basis, though, and if that is what your baby is doing, you may not want to try this method, because even the lightest flick, done often enough, can make a sore spot.
Good luck!
~J. D

Look her straight in the eyes and tell her stop, that hurts each and every time and put her down and away from you for a little while every time she does this, be consistant, do it every time, and don't ever bite her or pinch her, because that is abusive parenting.