Opinions Please - Mission Viejo,CA

My best friend in the world, since I was 10 years old, let's her kids eat fast food. I would let my child skip a meal rather than eat that garbage. But I still LOVE my friend. So I know where you are coming from...

I think you should call her and ask her. And if she's that sensitive, then maybe she's not someone you can be friends with.

I WAS a no-fast food, I bought organic or natural food mom... very very careful about what they ate. I had a friend who had an older kid than mine at the time was like that, too... But almost EVERY time her child was away from home at someone else's house or somewhere where else where she DIDN'T provide food... he'd get sick becuaes his stomach wasn't used to the junk. That was an eye-opener for me, personally.... another eye opener has been birthday parties. I ALSO didn't give our kids candy or any junk food- at all. That is what they serve at birthday parties! The two times I brought healthier choices of food with me in those situations, I offended someone or otherwise brought up way too many conversations of "Every once in a while, junk food is ok"....

NOW that my two of my children are in school and go out on girl scout outings, etc... I also find times where everyone is to bring money for food because they are all going to a fast food restaurant to eat on those trips, etc...

SO, at home we have a well-balanced meal, and I try to that whenever I can, I give them healthy snacks, etc. I'm the only mom at girls scouts (and school) that bring healthy (yet yummy) snacks when it is my turn for snack time... BUT every now and then I will let them have bad food. As far as I can see, it prepares their bodies for other bad food they may encounter as well as it doesn't cause them to stick out like sore thumbs.

Having said that, I see no problem in your opinion as well as what you and your son said... You all did nothing wrong. She over-reacted entirely! But, I just wanted to give you a slightly different perspective on why I personally think fast food is okay sometimes...

My son also has never eaten at a BK or a Mc D. The food is too yummy and I didn't want him hooked on it as it isn' t the healthiest choice and also not to give TMI, but if I eat there I have to be near my house to run home and use the bathroom(lol) and after I saw super size me it was a definite no. I too had a friend ask if we could eat there. I told her we don't eat there and she was a little surprised but wasn't mortified I also told her the food didn't agree with me. My son occassionly mentioned wanting to go but that was for the toys, so I would go in a pay seperate for the toy and leave. I also beleive the play area is filthy, becasue it is. The kids are supposed to leave shoes off etc, but if the parent isn't watching them they don't and the food that is dropped on the slides, yuk. Anyway I digress. Why don't you call her ask her how she has been? The summer could have gotten away from her and try to make a date. If she resists ask her in all honesty was she offeneded about your BK comment becasue you only meant the play area. Like another poster said, what do you got to lose? I am a little puzzeled why she would tell all the moms in the park about your lack of desire to go to these places but maybe she wanted to justify her choice as she could have thought she was being judged and wanted to prove that you were the odd one out.

oops, didn't read that you had called her!! There are probably a lot of reasons for her not calling you back or emailing you back. But, I guess my question would be...do you know where she lives? teehee. I guess you could just show up at her house, say you were in the neighborhood and ask her to join you. But, that's just if she was a really good friend to begin with. Maybe what all the other moms have pointed out is true, maybe she felt you were looking down on her. While I certainly take my kids to McD's, I wouldn't look down on you cuz you don't. I probably would ask you if you are SURE you have NEVER taken them lol! I just find it a bit wierd that you were having a picnic but didn't pack one! I always pack picnics!
If she is not returning phone calls it almost seems like she is trying to tell you in the most immature way possible that to her, the friendship is over. So, fight for it and stalk her :) or move on!
L.

Hi D.. Well I just have to say I think it's great that your familiy doesn't eat fast food and that you stick to your guns about it. I think your friend is kinda weird if that's the reason she stopped talking to you. It's not like you said "we can't be friends because you eat fast food and I don't" That would be like my vegetarian friends telling me we couldn't be friends because I eat meat. That's just silly to me. I don't get that! I just wanted to say that whatever you chose for your family is great and don't let anyone sway you. Your doing a great job and you def are not a "bad mom". I wish I could be that strong. But I've got it down to only once a month they are allowed to have mcdonalds. I really don't even know why they like it. I can't stand fast food at all anymore. The smell of it makes me ill. It's just yuck! :) It sucks what she did to you though because you were really good friends and did things together. It's not right that she just dropped you like that. But you have tried to reach her to talk about it like adults, maybe she can't act the same way. And that's too bad, to ruin a really nice friendship over fast food! I hope she comes around and you two can talk and be friends again. Good luck!

My opinion, find a new friend. You've tried contacting her and she doesn't respond. If you ever see her or if she calls you ever, then I would say, that you aren't sure what happened for her not to be in contact with you, then ask, did I offend you some how. I wouldn't apologize, because I don't think you did anything wrong. I eat at McDonald, BK, etc, and I would be surprise like she was that you didn't, but I wouldn't end a friendship or anything like that. I wouldn't be offended either that you didn't like the place. I think you've tried and for her not to respond, I'd take the hint... no more play dates with them...

I think maybe she feels judged, I am not saying she has a reason to feel that way, but maybe she just feels uncomfortable now, like your going to frown at her food choices. I would call her and tell her you miss her company and if she would like to go to the park (anywhere) on such and such date. That way its not a general lets hang out again and it might not happen. If she declines its her loss and that sucks over something silly.

She's probably thinking that you see her as a bad mother, because she feeds her kids unhealthy food and takes them to unhealthy places. That was the point of bringing it up with every other mom - so she can reassure herself that she's "normal." She's probably decided that it's best to end the friendship, because she's now very nervous that you'll judge her choices, even if you reassure her that you're not.

You can tell her just what you told us, that you miss her, but you can't make her pick up the friendship again. Don't take it personally! It's her insecurity, not you, that makes her feel this way.

I think that she might be either:

A. Very busy
or
B. Has serious issue with your ideas about food/or your attitude toward it

It kind of sounds like she wasn't as good of a friend as you thought she was. :-(

Then again, a phone call to her couldn't hurt. What if she had something bad happen in her family, etc....? Then at least you'll know.

I would count your blessings. If this is the kind of "friend" she was--shallow, sniping and flat out rude--then you're lucky she dumped you.

You've made parenting choices and, as you said in your post, you don't have to justify them. My husband and I don't let our kids drink soda. Everyone thinks we're nuts. If you believe what you're doing with your kids is right, stick with it. A true friend would honor your decision, even if she doesn't agree, just as you said you were willing to let her get whatever food she wanted even though you wouldn't partake.

I know this is hard to shake off, but do try. She's obviously not worth the effort.

Steph :)

maybe you could send her a little laetter lettin gher know that you really miss her friendship. and that you hope that your eating habits don't offend her and you have no problem if that's what she eats. maybe she feels guilty that she told everyone about what happened and thinks you may be mad at her! but if you really miss her let her know and if she doesn't respond then you have done all you can do. good luck

It's sad to think that someone could be that shallow, but anything is possible. How well do you really know her? I'm sure that you are not the first person that she's treated this way either. If I were you, I'd let it go especially since you have made two attempts to contact her and she's not returned an answer. BTW...just my opinion...she sounds like a fruitcake. Why on earth would she ridicule how you feed your kids? That's just not very nice. I'm sure if you continued the friendship, somewhere down the line this would have happened anyways, so be glad it happened when it did. These things happen for a reason. Kudos to you for having the the willpower to keep your kids away from fast foods especially in this day and age of childhood obesity:)

M.

You know, people are just plain weird! If she got offended because you have a different way of caring for and feeding your family then you are better off without her in your life. I get told I'm weird because I really watch what my kids eat, I cloth diaper the baby, I breastfed my kids until they were 16 and 20 months old. Everyone parents differently and if she's that hyper sensitive I wouldn't worry about her not calling back. In this fast-food driven society there are some people who just can not imagine not including that type of food in their lifestyle.

Excellent of you to keep your kids away from these fast food restaurants. I sure wish I had that privilege. She probably doesn't feel like she fits into your "club" anymore, because you're all health conscious and she is not. I wouldn't take it personally, it's unfortunate, but move on.

I haven't met anyone who hasn't eaten at one of those two places in a long, long, long time. So what? I would have been very suprised as well, although not in a bad way, more of a "I wish I could be that way" way. It wouldn't have bothered me a bit! And I wouldn't have blatenly pointed it out to every mom on the playground.

If you miss her, try one more time. What could it hurt? She is probably very embarrassed and maybe the fact that you/your son said it was dirty ( I know you meant the playground area, but maybe she thought you meant people who eat there are dirty?) made her feel like you were judging her.

That said, I'm curious....You said it was to be a picnic, but you didn't bring anything. Where were you planning to go/going to eat?

Honestly I think that if she is overreacting so badly as not refuse your calls, just forget her and make new friends. However if you really miss her and want to be friends I would leave a nice message explaining that you miss spending time with her and her son, and that you were embarassed about the way that your eating preferences were brought up (your son didn't understand that it wasn't so polite to repeat what you had told him in that instance) and that you certainly didn't mean to seem judgemental, don't think it is wrong for people to feed their kids how they choose, but it just happens not to be your preferred food. Tell her you'd like to go to the (fill in the blank) this or next weekend with her if she isn't busy, and be friends again forgetting about that akward day and leaving it behind you.

i think its just very funny that people make such a big deal about it. but you are a rare bunch i guess. lol well if you miss her maybe try and reach out to her and get the relationship back again. it might be a misunderstanding.....but if she refuses to return phone calls or emails, then just leave it be. who needs a friend like that, and apparently she isn't much of a friend. good luck

HOLY COW!!! I can't believe that moms would react that way. I'd love to have never taken my son for fast food!! I don't eat it but the rest of my family does so it's hard to get the whole fam on board. If I was at the park and your friend told me that story I'd be the one to feel bad! Obviously you can keep your kids out of the McD's and I haven't done as good a job as you have! Have you tried to make contact with her to discuss the situation? It may be that she feels that you may not approve of her parenting because of the comments. I'd try to make contact to make sure she knows that you aren't critical of her parenting but this is a choice your family has made. She may think you're opinion of her has changed. I'd send an email to her and do a picnic re-do. You can go BYOB....bring your own basket. That way your kids can have their healthy sandwiches and carrot sticks and she can bring whatever she chooses for her family. If you feel like your life is missing something without her friendship you should tell her. She may feel the same way.
I never ate fast food as a kid. We had a garden for all of our vegi's and ate lean meats and a lot of fish. We really didn't get a lot from the grocery store. We made jelly and would trade homemade jelly for things like eggs from a family with a chicken coup. My grandmother made our bread. My parents weren't weird we just ate good food and when my mom didn't have time to cook (she was a teacher and worked at night as a waitress) we ate sandwiches or leftovers. There was NEVER a NEED to have fast food.

One thing I always try to remember, never say anything to your child you would not want to repeat to the world. She probably felt like you where judging her, saying she was the bad mom for letting her kids eat fast food. I remember a mom being concerned that her autistic son would repeat to my son (who is 4 and has had his ears pieced for 1 year) what she told him about earrings being only for girls and sissys. She said she only said it so he would not get his done when he asked, but you do not teach your children something like that unless you truly believe it. So for her to hear that you think that fast food places are "dirty" and unhealthy probably made her feel like you where saying she was a bad mom for taking her kids to such a dirty place, especially when you where like "I can take you there, but that food is not good enough for my family" it is like saying you are better than her. I am sure that is not what you meant, but if that was the feeling another mom gave to you, would you want to hang out as much? I am guessing if you contact her, and ask her out, let her know that you in no way judge her, that she will come around and realize she is being over sensitive.

Hello, I am not surprised about how she reacted initially. However, to have a long term reaction is really weird. I would have said to you, "Good for you!" My kids are all grown and when they were young, they very rarely got anything that wasn't home cooked. The funny thing is that they now eat take-out all of the time and feed their kids the same junk they eat. Go and figure. Just feel good about how healthy your child is growing up. Also, I think of the play areas as little germ pits. Especially the ones with the balls in them. Can you imagine how many children urinate in there?
Good luck with your precious little boy.
K. K.

Even if your friend was initially embarrassed by your son saying that, c'mon he's 4. Kids are expected to say things like that and it was said in a 'safe' environment among friends in your car. No one else heard it, she didn't really have anyone to feel embarrassed in front of. Her continuation of the conversation out in the park to anyone who would listen by basically trying to put the embarrassment on you to make you look like the "strange parent" shows her true colors as a friend, in my opinion. It's kind of like the kids at school who feel insecure about themselves so they make fun of other kids to take the focus off of them. I understand that you miss her, but it sounds like this person isn't worth any further pursuing. You extended the olive branch once by trying to call her. I wouldn't make any more overtures, if I were you.

D.,
I have not read the 24 answers that you have recived, but I will talk about my own experience. Like your self I really do not like fast foods, not gor me, not for my daughter. She has never been to McD or BK and one day one of her class mates told her that when she behaves good the "treat" is to go to McD, so my kid comes and ask me "I am not good mom? I said you are swettie why? because we never go to McD!
I explained to her that I give her other rewrds and that I really did not like that food and did not think it was good for her, and that if she really wanted to go I would take her just Once so she could try it.
She said no, that she did not care to go and we haven't spoke about it since, but the teacher told me that she was the ONLY one in the class that has never been to McD.
That surprised me, but I do not consider myself a bad mom for not taking her, she is only 4 when she is older she can choose to go but for now I make the decisions!
Maybe your friend resent that fact that she is not strong willed enought not to take her kids to such places.
I would recommend you (even though I know it is VERY hard) to find frineds more aligned with your philosophies, or at the leazst do not compare your parenting with others, we are all different and come from different backgrounds, so we need to embrace those differences and try to learn from one another, just do not give up in your beliefs!
Good luck!

If you miss her you call her and tell her you miss her company see if this will get her back tell her child also misses her child if she is worth haveing as a friend she will respond if not find someone els goo luck A. no hills

Updated

IF YOU MISS HER YOU CALL HER AND TELL HER YOU MISS HER COMPANY SEE IF THIS WILL GET HER BACK TELL HER CHILD ALSO MISSES HER CHILD IF SHE IS WORTH HAVEING AS A FRIEND SHE WILL RESPOND IF NOT FIND SOMEONE ELS GOO LUCK A. NO HILLS

Updated

IF YOU MISS HER YOU CALL HER AND TELL HER YOU MISS HER COMPANY SEE IF THIS WILL GET HER BACK TELL HER CHILD ALSO MISSES HER CHILD IF SHE IS WORTH HAVEING AS A FRIEND SHE WILL RESPOND IF NOT FIND SOMEONE ELS GOO LUCK A. NO HILLS

You have to be yourself and live and like it.
I can imagine the woman was surprised. We travel all over the world with
little kids and welcome McD and BK as old friends where we know the food
will be OK ( we are very healthy people ) and the restrooms clean.
You are too different from this women to be friends so don't worry about it.
Food is just chemicals so if you don't eat too much you body can't take it and thrive, but some people, like you, are on the right track to try and be
healthy in their own way.
Your kids will learn to live with it just as people with other non mainstream
religions, habits, dress codes etc. etc. cope.
Good luck and try and find friends who agree with your parenting goals.
B.
PS My European husband loves KFC and we especially enjoyed it on our recent trip to China with kids. Go your own way, but we are all very healthy despite the occasional bit of fast food when we are hungry. We also eat a lot of Chinese and pizza.

Oy, I totally hear ya'!!! I've always felt defensive when my friends (not all, just a few) comment on our diet habits. I, personally, love junk food. However, I do not feed it to my daughter. She eats a mostly organic diet, low in fat and low in sugar. She'll be 4 in October and has never had juice or candy. I've been called "hard-core", "overly strict", etc. However, I feel she simply doesn't need the extra sugar. She drinks plenty of milk and water. She eats fresh fruit at lunch and dinner. Why give her something she doesn't need? I believe good eating habits start young. So, good for you! Not giving your child fast food is laudable in an age when it's SO easy to drive thru and do it. Now, I'm not criticizing the parents who feed fast food to their children - if it works for you, do it. But, they should extend that same courtesy.

As for your supposed friend, I say try to contact her one more time and then move on. Friends should make you laugh, despite your differences . . . not make you feel overly self-conscious or defensive. I do think a part of her may have felt bad about feeding her kids junk. Perhaps she wanted more opinions/support and that's why she brought it up at the park.

Good luck. I hope it all works out - your friend will get over herself and life goes on.

I think that your old friend is an insecure person and is afraid that you will judge her for getting BK or fast food. Kudos to you for keeping your kids away from that stuff, wish that I could say the same for me! If you really miss her that much try a few more times and if she doesn't return your calls then keep moving on.