It sounds like you do have a responsible kid. The bf's father is a SOB. If my daughter's father or mother were like that, it would be a red flag and I would seriously hope the relationship ended before it got too serious.
I agree that children should be given responsibilities and be independent but I do not agree with the theory of the father.
I started working when I was 13 because my mom was newly divorced and the only way I would have anything is to work. I worked through high school and college, sometimes with 3 jobs. I'm talking work study jobs through the college and I managed a small convenience store from high school through 2 years of college.
I paid my way through college with academic scholarships and working. I bought my first car, I paid all of the expenses. I have a strong work ethic and I feel it is important for my daughter to have that as well.
Fast Forward... our daughter is 20. She is in her 2nd year of college. Her education has always been her "job". She makes money on the side by having regular babysitting jobs and she is on my payroll as an officer of our company.
I believe it is my obligation to provide for her through college so that she graduates from college debt free.
She lives on her own in a condo we own across town. She is given a certain amount of money weekly that covers all of her expenses. She buys her clothes, food, recreation, etc. We did provide her first car, we provide insurance, we pay utilities HOA and taxes associated with the condo.
She is a very driven young girl. Just a couple of weeks ago we received a nice check in the mail from the school and she was awarded her tuition for academic scholarship. She knows that any scholarship funds she is awarded is hers. She has had 3 full semesters of college all with 4.0 GPA while being active in her sorority and other organizations on campus.
She is shadowing me in the family business. She's had a 401K for 3 years now and knows the importance of saving, investing properly and managing day to day life.
I'd say my daughter is mature, responsible and a leader. She was Varsity Cheer captain which was a huge job within itself in high school with huge responsibilities. Yes, she has made some mistakes and like everyone else, we learn from our mistakes.
Children need to be given some freedom to go work, be responsible and independent. If they are sheltered and controlled all of their life, then the parents have done a disservice to the child.
It sounds like you are the sensible parent here. It is called BALANCE