Hello, my husband and I have been talking about taking a 4 day trip to the Caribbean. We decided to ask our sitter if she wanted to accompany us with our daughter. She initially said yes but then some family issues arose and she can't make it now but offered to watch our daughter if we went on the trip. I love my baby to pieces and I hate the thought of being away from her. My husband has had a very rough year in many aspects and really wants and needs a vacation. I do as well, but feel guilty about the idea of leaving my baby. He said we could have some alone time and it would help both our mindsets to have some uninterrupted time without our daughter. I partially agree but still struggle with the idea of leaving her. My sitter and my baby are extremely close and she's been watching her since she's a newborn. She also has 3 kids who are also close to my daughter and see her regularly. She even calls my sitter's mom Nana!
Would any of you consider a trip like this? Is it feasible that we are being a little selfish and want some alone time as long as she is in good hands while we are away? At the end of the day, I know some husband/wife time is precious and rare and would provide us a nice outlet to reconnect but at what cost? Am I overthinking this? Thanks so much for your comments.
Go I would go and have gone when my kids were infants and toddlers.
However my mom always watched them.
enjoy
I don't think you're overthinking it! I have the same problem, only my daughter will be older--she'll be 2 when we go, if we go (and I have an almost 4-year-old son). My husband wants to go away for a week when he graduates from his mba program--I feel like a week is too long. I want to take time for the two of us together, alone, and I know it's important, especially with how stressed he's been. I don't know when we'll get the chance again, because we want to have another baby. But at the same time, what good is going away for a week if I am only half enjoying it, and really missing my kids?
I don't have any solutions for you, I'm sorry. Wanted to let you know though that you're not alone in feeling this way, or crazy (and it's good to know I'm not crazy either). Could you go, but shorten the trip by a day? Would that make you feel better about it? If not that, what do you think you could do that would make you feel okay about it? Maybe go somewhere closer?
Good luck!
Best thing you can do for your child is to have a strong, happy marriage. Taking time off to recharge together is so critical. Not selfish at all. We went away for the first time for a weekend when our oldest was just a few months old and try to get away at least once a year now (we pretty much take up the grandparents on any offer they make to watch the kids). We just went on a week-long cruise this summer. Sounds like your daughter would have a great time with someone she knows well, so have a great trip!
Yes, you are overthinking. You have a sitter you trust who seems to love your child and is willing to watch her while you are away. Go and have a fabulous time with your husband. It is not selfish to spend time alone with your spouse, in fact, it is good for your daughter if mom and dad are happy and have a strong relationship.
I'll be the odd person out... I went to Hawaii for four days when my dtr was 18 months. Everyone said "don't worry," "go," "you'll have a wonderful time," "relax." I wish I would have put it off, I wish it were shorter. I did not have a good time.
I am a traveler. I get itchy feet and have been all over the world. I need time away! But make sure it is right for you all the way around and not just a little nervousness. It just wasn't right in my case. She had the best care, love all around her, but it was not right for me.
It is not selfish, at all!!! And not over-thought. Check in with yourself, you know you best: )
Jen
You should go. If you want I'll leave my kids with the sitter and come with you. I miss having babies around. Enjoy yourself and your husband!
You and your husband totally deserve a vacation alone and you are so lucky you have someone you trust to watch your daughter. On the other hand, I totally hear you on the whole guilt thing. We went away for a few days when my daughter was 2 and my heart broke while driving away. Once we were away, though, I was fine.
You're a mom so it's totally understandable that you are torn. Go for the vacation. Your daughter will never remember anyway!!!! It's so important for your marriage to be strong and to hvae some much needed downtime...
By the way, before we went on that little jaunt I talked about, I did have a Will drafted since we were flying. I wasn't going to put that in there because I didn't want to make you more nervous, but just something to think about. Maybe it would give you peace of mind (or not...) to have one drawn up before you leave.
As long as you trust your babysitter 110%, then GO! It is so nice to enjoy some alone time as a couple, without the kids around! We just took a quick weekend getaway for our 5 year anniversary...best decision we've made in a long time! I'm fortunate enough to have my in-laws keep the kids though....but like I said if you trust your babysitter, you'll all be just fine.
Lynsey
Go!! You two were a couple before you were mom and dad. Rekindle that time as a couple and enjoy yourselves. You have a person who is willing to watch your baby and loves and trusts her. Think in a short time she will be gone and it will be just the two of you. I would rather it be the two of us and know who we are than to be the two of us and be total strangers. Don't ever feel guilty about leaving the baby when you know she will be safe. You were a woman before you were a mom and sometimes moms forget that. Baby will be fine and you both will be refreshed and energized.
Once again enjoy the trip and the islands.
The other S.
Go have fun! Do not feel guilty. You and your husband need the time away to connect. My husband and i have young children, the youngest will b 2 in a few days the oldest 7. My husband and i take mini vacations 2 times a year by ourselves even when they were tiny, I was 8 months pregnant and we took one! We feel it is very important to take "us" time. We come home from our trips and feel refreshed and close and even more in love. We miss the kids like crazy but we enjoy our time away.
It depends a bit on you and your daughter. I started leaving my son for an occasional weekend with my parents when he was close to a year. He's now 4.5 and begs for a weekend at grandma and grandpa's. My daughter is 22 months and is much clingier with me so I think it would be a little harder on her, but I would go on a short trip if I had my parents or someone else I trusted to watch the kids. If your child is well cared for I think it is okay. You are able to be a better mom if you are getting your own needs met.
Go! Enjoy!
The first trip I took was when my son was 17 months old and I accompanied my husband on a 10 day vacation to Germany. I hated leaving my little boy (he stayed with my in-laws), but it was amazing to have the chance to reconnect with my husband and enjoy some "us" time. We didn't realize how much we needed that trip for ourselves and each other until we were there enjoying our time together.
To answer your questions... yes, I would totally consider a trip like this (and I did take a lovely trip at that time!). No, you are not being selfish, particularly since you are leaving your little girl in very capable and loving hands. Yes, husband/wife time is precious and you do need time to be with each other in order to continue to provide a stable relationship for your daughter. Yes, you are overthinking this. :)
Go. Don't think twice. Take the trip.
It is not selfish for you and your husband to go on vacation and leave your daughter in the care of someone she knows and trusts! If you can emotionally do it, than I say go for it. But if you are going to be a nervous wreck the entire time maybe it isn't the best idea.
Go on the trip! If your daughter is comfortable with the sitter, and you feel 100% safe leaving your daughter with the sitter, then go, have fun, relax, enjoy time with your husband.
My MIL would disagree and say that 4 days is too long to leave your 1 yr old, but she says that about SAHMs I think, when the kid is with mom every single day. But sounds like your daughter is very comfortable with the sitter. Your daughter will emotionally be fine, in my opinion. If mommy and daddy come back rested and happy, then she'll be a happier baby to have happy parents.
On a side note - leaving the country and all that..... Do you have a living will already? I dont' want to freak you out, but if you're going to be away from your child and out of the country, might be a good idea in case something bad happens.
My husband and I took a 5 day trip when our daughther was 13 months. I missed her, but we had a great time, she was fine! As long as you trust your sitter, which it sounds like she is wonderful, I say GO!!!! You and your husband deserve it and you daughter will be totaly fine!
Updated
My husband and I took a 5 day trip when our daughther was 13 months. I missed her, but we had a great time, she was fine! As long as you trust your sitter, which it sounds like she is wonderful, I say GO!!!! You and your husband deserve it and you daughter will be totaly fine!
Can you see what it feels like first, by maybe leaving her on a Sat morning at the sitter's house and going on a two-day, one-night small getaway with your husband and picking up your daughter on Sunday evening? It would give you time to connect with your husband and time to find out how you feel being away from your daughter. By the end of the mini-trip you may find yourself wishing it was longer (great, go to the Carribbean for the next trip!) or you might find yourself extremely anxious to see her. If that is the case, you might propose to your husband that you'd prefer to reconnect by taking short trips more frequently rather than one longer trip.
Yes, you are overthinking this. I have never been away with my husband since my first was born 2.5 years ago. Why? Because we have no one that we would trust our kids with overnight, or for any extended period as we don't have family around, or a babysitter like that yet. If it was me, I would jump at the chance. The first time being away is HARD (I travel for work), but I think that you and your husband need this time.
I know it is hard to leave her, but try to keep the long range vision in mind. In 17 years she is going off to college and you and your husband will still have each other. It's vital during these 17 years to nurture, enjoy, celebrate your marriage. Your husband needs you, too - and he is making that clear in saying he'd love time just with you. You know how much you love alone time with your daughter? That same passionate love he has for you - well, different b/c you are his wife - but same in the depth. Relish time with him and enjoy the vacation. We've gone away each year; it's great for kids to know that their parents' relationship to each other is even more important than the child's to the parent. The kids want to know they are secure and that mom and dad want and make time with each other.
Have a great time!
Updated
I know it is hard to leave her, but try to keep the long range vision in mind. In 17 years she is going off to college and you and your husband will still have each other. It's vital during these 17 years to nurture, enjoy, celebrate your marriage. Your husband needs you, too - and he is making that clear in saying he'd love time just with you. You know how much you love alone time with your daughter? That same passionate love he has for you - well, different b/c you are his wife - but same in the depth. Relish time with him and enjoy the vacation. We've gone away each year; it's great for kids to know that their parents' relationship to each other is even more important than the child's to the parent. The kids want to know they are secure and that mom and dad want and make time with each other.
Have a great time!
There is nothing wrong with you taking the trip without your daughter.
I personally would not...either my daughter would go or I would not.
Wow, that's a great opportunity. I'd go for it. Sounds like you trust your babysitter a lot, and if you could do it, I would go. You're not going to get a lot of opportunities like this in your life, so when you can, do it :)
