Anxiety over Leaving Kids Overnight

The reasons why you are planning on leaving the kids are not very clear to me (except the night out with hubby), but they must not feel right to you, evidently. There's no rule about this, but in general, I would say that leaving the kids with a VERY trusted person is ok very once in while, not certainly too often and in my opinion, NEVER when the kids are not old enough to talk and know wrong from right. I waited for my son to be 3,5 y.o bfore finding a baby-sitter for the DAYTIME. But that's just me.

Totally normal! I just actually let my 6 year old and 2.5 year old spend the night with my very close friend for the first time ever. They had never been away from me over night before. I was so very anxious at first. I kept wanting to cancel but I made myself go through with it. It was hard at first, but me and hubby had so much fun being alone. It was awesome! So we are doing it again! (it's really strengthining our realtionship) I am keeping my girlfriends kids tonight so she can have a date and she is keeping ours tomorrow night. I am actually really excited this time. So I think it gets better as you go along. Just make sure you really trust the person you are leaving the kids with - that will help you to not worry as much ;-)

It is normal, you need the break, your kids will enjoy the time away and when you reunite, it will be sweet reunion! They will be fine and it is just one night. Once you know they are in capable hands, it will work out.

It's totally normal to feel apprehensive about leaving them! But don't let that stop you!! YOU time is the best thing you can do for THEM. Remember that!
They will be FINE. Not to make you feel bad, but they'll forget about you minutes after you're gone.

And you'll miss them. And you'll feel remorse as you're on your way to whatever you're doing...but once you're there and you're having fun you'll feel much better once you take your "mom hat" off.

I leave my kids pretty routinely, and I work full time. I feel like this before every trip we take, and it always goes away a few hours into it. (In fact, DH and I are going to Napa in 2 weeks for 4 days. Kids taking turns staying at our parent's places. We do this 2x/year, usually. They are 2.5 and 5mos.)
If you're comfortable with the nanny and you know they're in good hands, go and enjoy yourself. Everybody benefits from a change of pace from time to time!

Leaving them is never easy. But I promise, you'll enjoy yourself if you do!

well, unlike paula, i don't think an occasional time away from one's kids is separating oneself from the tinies 'all the time.' i don't think you should eviscerate yourself to do so, but it's healthy not just for you and your marriage (vitally important!) but also for kids to grow up not being freaked out at spending time away from their parents.
you're not a control freak, and i'm sure you're quite able to analyze your own feelings and know for a fact that you really want to be with your babies all the time! that's okay!
but i do think it would be a good thing to take advantage of having wonderful help with your kids and slowly learn to let 'em go....just a little bit.
:) khairete
S.

I would say your feelings are completely normal.
I would also say that you should go on the weekend trip that is coming up. It WILL be good for you. And it will be good for your husband (both so he understands fully the responsibility of the kids and also to instill the confidence in him (and you) that he CAN do it). And, it will be good for your kids too, actually. Dad won't do things exactly like you would in all cases. But different can be really good for kids. That is why they have moms AND dads.
:)

And your kids are clingy, they will learn that they can survive without mom for everything. :)

That is why you have mixed feelings... we don't want to feel like we are dispensable. We like being indispensable. Except that we don't really like it, if that makes sense... lol.
Enjoy your girls weekend!

I guess I'm the odd woman out here. I don't think that this is something you need to get over. If you are feeling uncomfortable with it, don't go away. You have two small children, it is normal and fine to not want to leave them overnight.

If you are not ready, don't push yourself. Wait a couple months or however long it is and go when you feel good about it. There is nothing wrong with listening to your mama instinct which is telling you that you aren't really going to enjoy yourself bc you aren't comfortable with the idea.

I don't know when it became so important for everyone to separate from their tiny children all the time. It's fine and great for those who want to do it and who have the opportunity to do so. But there is nothing wrong with you if you don't. Wait until you are ready, there's nothing wrong with that.

Normal, normal, normal, but force yourself to go anyway. It's good for you, your husband and good for the kids, and GREAT for your marriage.

I would take a shorter trip the first time you leave them with your husband. However, if you go....... he will really appreciate you when you get back!

As far as the nanny. You said, "I have the utmost confidence in her abilities and I know that the kids will be happy." SO GO AWAY WITH YOUR HUSBAND and have some fun re-kindling!

GO!!!!! It's good for your kids and it's good for you!!!!! I'm a SAHM so I jump at the chance to have some time away from my child. lol! I love my me time. My husband, who works, has a much harder time. Each time we leave our daughter for a date or overnight he has a hard time leaving her because he doesn't get to spend as much time with her as I do. Once he gets over the initial anxiety (which lasts for about 20 minutes after we leave her) he enjoys having some "us" time and sooooo glad he did it.

This is YOUR anxiety. Your kids won't even realize you're gone 20 minutes after you leave. The longer you wait to do it the harder it will be for them. This is good for both of you!! It's setting a great example for them. If they were adults with children and they were asking you for the same advice you're asking us, what would you say?? You're showing them that you are a person not just mommy. What a great lesson for them to learn, they can cope without mom!

A tip for when you go: Tell them for a few days prior what will be happening. When it's time for you to walk out the door don't belabor the process. Give hugs and kisses and tell them you love them and will see them soon and then LEAVE!!! The longer you stay when they're crying etc.. the longer it will go on and the worse it gets. They're fine. You're leaving them in good hands.

I can understand you're mixed feelings but like most things in parenthood you just have to do what's best and going is best for everyone. You will not fall to pieces once you leave them. You might be sad for a few minutes but once you start doing whatever you're going away to do you will not have your children at the forefront of your mind. *GASP* You will actually think about something else! You might miss your kids from time to time on your trip but it won't be so terrible that you'll be begging to go home. It's only a couple of days. When you get home you'll be surprised at how much more your appreciate your kids since you had some time away from them.

Enjoy!

I know it's hard but I would do it. She will be great with them, they will be fine (don't let them see you are nervous) and it will be good for you to have some alone time. Guilt will be there but only for awhile until you realize you are having some much needed fun. Leave your instructions and run! Have fun

Your feelings are completely normal. I have the same issue. My boys are 4.5 and 2.5 and I have only left them overnight for work and they were with my husband and MIL (who lives with us). My husband wants us to take a weekend away by ourselves and I don't want to do it. I work full time also and I just hate the idea of missing out on even one weekend with them. I feel like I don't see them as much as I would like already. Plus, my MIL is not capable of watching them by herself and my parents are not local either. I will say that when I had to be away for work (which is not often), it wasn't as bad as I expected. I think once you take the plunge and leave, you will have a good time. My close friend with 4 kids went to Mexico for 4 days with her husband and they had a great time and decided they will take a vacation away from their kids at least every year to have their own time together. She is a stay at home mom and I can see why she needed the break. Sorry I can't offer a solution but I wanted to at least validate your feelings.

I agree with the other moms in that your feelings are totally normal, but that you still should spend the quality time with your husband. You have to remember that if you're not being taken care of even by yourself, you're not being the best Mama you can be. You will feel guilty, but only for about a minute.

I would do the get away with the husband thing before the get away with the girls thing unless that is REALLY what you desire to do. It is a great opportunity to re-connect and concentrate on your relationship and intimacy. We waited until kiddo #2 was 14 mos and that was too long....it would have been better around the 8-12 mos stage as we had already lost touch a bit by then. My first two kiddos are 17 mos apart so I know where you are coming from. We are fortunate to have an awesome au pair living with us and then my MIL came to stay and handle the overnight (when the kids are sleeping) hours. My kids both sleep 12 hours at night so it worked out OK. Right now we have a 3rd on the way (other 2 will be 2.5 and just short of 4 when #3 is born) and I am wondering when I can schedule the next get away .... I think we will need it :) Don't worry -- yes, as a working mom you will MISS the kids because it is lost time you normally have with them but it is very great for the health of your relationship :) I too work FT (long days as an attorney) and I do not have the benefit of working from home to see them like you do....it is tough!

Best wishes and have the get away! The kiddos might be sad and punish you for a day or two when you get back because they missed you, but in the long run, it is good for you and your hubby!

Awww, what a sweet post!

Sounds like you have a teeny 'phobia' and like every phobia, the best way to work through it is to confront it.

Get a room with your guy, have a fabulous dinner, look into each others eyes, remember why you married him. All the while knowing your babies are safe and loved and happy.

Sounds like a win win to me!

Enjoy!

:)

Go-you'll come back fresh! Is the nanny going to be there to help your husband with the kids? That could ease your mind!

Why do you not simply trust your gut instinct and do what it tells you to do without over analyzing it? Don"t push yourself into anything that you don't feel is appropriate at this time for your family. I am reading in to what you wrote that you realize how precious your time with your little ones is and how limited it is since the majority of their waking hours you spend working away from them. What might be "best" for you in the short run, may not be for your very young children or for you in the long run. Once again, you are granted the instinct and insight for your children and family. Trust it!