Not Enough Hours in the Day

Hello I have 4 girls and It is stressful for me too. My girls are 12,9,5,7mo . I work a fulltime job days and husband works nights. I have my older ones help with there own clothes wash ,fold and put away too. My 5 yr puts her clothes away . They all help with dishes and dinner too. Rooms need to be clean or i just throw stuff away . They also have chores too.

I have five kids, including a set of 7 year old triplets. We create a little family time by not bathing the kids every night. Especially in the winter, the kids play indoors and they just don't get that dirty. That could easily save an hour every night. Also, we have made a choice not to do (elementary) homework except for reading. We spoke with the triplet's teachers and they agreed that most homework is busywork. They agreed that reading was most important. So we spend time on the couch with books every evening instead of scrambling to finish worksheets. My boys academic progress doesn't seem to be hindered at all.

I make some meals ahead and freeze them, and I am not above throwing a frozen pizza in the oven once in a while. Also, while it's important to have something clean to wear, I refuse to be a slave to the laundry. We have high capacity machines that I pack full. And I barely keep up, but never get ahead... I've decided I'm ok with that. In 20 years, the kids won't remember if you had chicken cordon blu for dinner or mac-n-cheese, and they won't remember how big the pile was in the laundry room. They will remember coloring at the table or reading "Captain Underpants."

good luck finding some balance!

www.thosecrazybeans.blogspot.com

K. I am a SAHM now but I know exactly how you feel. I used to work 60 hours a week and when I was home all I was doing was cleaning and cooking etc. Even now that I stay home my evenings sound very similar to yours. Through sports practices and games, scouts and church into the mix and it is even worse. I am only on the computer now because dinner is cooking and the kids are already done with homework and they are playing together.
I really recommend a slow cooker for you... you can get your ingredience ready the night before if your mornings are rushed and then just through everything in before you leave for work. Also planning your menus out a week or 2 ahead helps. I plan out my meals, write it down and organize recipes if I need to... then if I have to shop I know ahead of time exactly what I need. Saves money, time in the store as well as time figuring out what to cook. I am flexible though that I always have a quick backup meal incase I don't have time or don't feel like cooking whatever the menu says. I also have my kids do their homework at the kitchen table while I am cooking or at least preparing to cook. That way I can help them if they need it or explain instructions, etc. while I am still cooking. My kids 10,6,4 all have chores. The little one has had chores since she was 2 so your kids can too. Your son should be able to shower or bath alone so he can even do that while you are cooking or if you have more time have him shower in the morning. When homework is done and I am still getting dinner ready, they run off to clean up there messes (we call it the 10 minute tidy where they race from room to room cleaning up everything they got out that day and then straightening up their bedrooms.) It is a game if the first one done gets to pick desert or a game we play etc. As soon as dinner is over they have there chore of the day... usually each kid is responsible for a room (my youngest loves to clean the bathroom and she is great at it... makes sure all dirty lundry is picked up, counters are decluttered (I hate stuff all over the counters) she even wipes down the sink. Also all of my kids love using the swiffer sweeper and my swivel sweeper so they will pick up in the entry way orginizing there shoes, backpacks, etc and then sweep the floor. They also sweep up the kitchen floor after dinner so we have no crumbs. My oldest takes the trash out and also clears the table. It seems like this is alot but they can each have it done before I get the dish washer loaded. My middle daughter helps me clean up the kitchen after dinner by wiping down the table, counters, etc. And putting left overs in the fridge after I get them in there containers. Then we have plenty of time to play games together or read a book, they play by themselves and we also work on areas that each child is struggling with (Workbooks). I get invididual time with each kid while one showers and the other is doing another activity. The girls go to bed 1/2 hour before my son and we spend some one on one time together then. Usually just sitting together on the couch reading.
Also even at 4... they can help with laundry. My daughter will fold towels and "run piles" as I say. Taking them to the correct drawer of her dresser or running them to her brothers room for him to put alway. My son puts all his own clothes away and my middle daughter usually delivers the dirty clothes from each room and will help me sort loads. My husband works 16 hour days 4 days aweek, 12 hours on friday and 8 on Saturday.... sundays are on and off but my point is he is rarely ever home and is never able to help with normal household stuff I can handle. If he has a chore it is something I can't do like put up curtain rods or fix something that is broke that I can't handle. But being a military wife I learned long ago how to do things I never thought I could.
As your kids get older they will be able to do more for themselves, like showers and baths while you do other things... but they are only little once so relish that you are so needed right now! We have the best job in the world!
There is not enough hours in the day but.... don't worry so much about having the perfectly cleaned house and always homemade meals. Your family is what is important... spend time with them and make memories even if it is while you are doing chores. Staying up late and getting up early to do chores or even have alone time to workout, ect never worked out for me so I have had to find ways to sneek those things in too, while the kids were awake. Hope this helps :)

Hi K. - I'm not sure I have an answer, but please let me know if you find one LOL. I too, struggle with the same things you do. It's very herd to have kids and work full time. I try as hard as I can to make up for it on the weekends. I try to spend as much "quality" time with my son as possible. Even if it's just watching a movie together or something, you can tell it means a lot to him. Just wanted to let you know you're not feeling this alone!

I'm in the same situation...work FT, w/ 2 kids (2 & 5). What I had to do (just to get by during the week) is to cut down things I would like to do each night. For example, laundry I skip a day or two, and let it pile up. Kitchen, I clean it if I can, or then come home during my lunch break to clean it up while kids are at daycare. Dinner - I have to do quick take-out a few days of the week, or buy frozen microwavable food. With our living room, I've asked my 5 year old to clear out the toys (put them in her room) so we can walk in it. I told her that daddy might step on them, and break them in the middle of the night, unless she helps out and takes them into her room. It takes her 5-10 min, appropriate for 5 yr old. I don't have a solution...I'm struggling w/ the same dilemma. But, I found things I can do to get by during the week. I'm still exhausted all the time...it's rough taking care of 2 young ones...and now I have a 3rd baby on the way. So, if you figure out a solution, please let me know as well :-) Good luck! R..

K.,
I can SO relate. I know how you feel. I work two jobs and have 2 boys 9yrs and 15yrs. I feel like I never stop! There is always something to do and it just doesnt seem to end! You are not alone! There are ALOT of parents who feel the same way! Stressed out!! Just take one day at a time and do the best that you can. I know you are going to get lots of answers from all parents giving you advice. My advice, do what works for you and your family b/c what might work for one might not work for another but the one thing that I feel works is for you to try and do your best for that day! Focus on whats important that day and just do your best! That is all you can do.
If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to email me anytime!

Hang in there & know you are never alone!

Best wishes,
J.
____@____.com

Hi K.,
Sometimes life feels like being on a hamster wheel, doesn't it? O. suggestion I thought of was to try to make/freeze/prep a few meals ahead of time (on the weekends) If you spend less time on dinner, you might have a little more time in the evening? O. of my FT working friends does this and it does help some.
Could you offer your 9 yo an allowance to take care of the bedrooms or the laundry on the weekends?

I know what you mean! Have your 9 yr old help with some simple chores. He can take out trash and put away clean dishes from dishwasher. And he can rinse off dishes and load the dirty ones in the dish washer while you are bathing the girls. Then he can help with reading bedtime stories. Reading out loud is good practice for him. A crock pot or slow cooker is your friend for having dinner ready when your evenings are so busy. Once every few weeks it won't hurt to do some Chinese take out food for dinner. While your girls are so young they still need lots of help for bath and bedtime but that will get easier in a few years. As each gets old enough to help you out with picking up toys or doing small jobs, make sure everyone does something to help take some of the load off of you.

I feel your pain K.. There are alot of us out there doing the same thing you are doing. There is not easy way to do it ALL and still feel like you are being the best mom you can be. I have learned to let the little things go (like the laundry - do it 3 times a week not every night, and let the rooms go until the weekend) I sometimes feel that the kids will only remember me rushing around cleaning, cooking and looking exhausted, but they tell me everyday that they appreciate all I do for them. I include them in cooking, have your older child do the measuring and have the younger ones set the table (paper products, of course, also helps with clean up). Take time to read a book - take a walk or just cuddle with a Barney video ( the best 20 minute nap I ever got).

Good luck and know that we are all in the same boat and I think our kids are more self sufficient and learn a great lesson on hard work will make you stronger.

They don't, it's a myth.
I also work and have only one child and in my heart I know I I not doing right by my daughter and not spending enough time with her.
But this is what I have to do to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table.
I have made a lot of small changes, that help a little bit, but overall I wish I didn't have to spend the day away from my daughter.
Here is what helps for me:
- I adjusted my work schedule to start and leave a half an hour earlier, this gives us more daylight time to do stuff after work
- I only do laundry once a week (a little more doable with only 3 people). We all have enough outfits to get us through one week.
- I make weekly meal plans that include fast recipes (30 min prep time max) and crock pot recipes. I do focus on healthy balanced meals, but on especially though days I do not feel bad about ordering out.
- clean up can wait until after my daughter is in bed. If anyone is bothered by the dirty dishes, they can make it their job to clean them up.
- My husband and even my daughter (though she is only two) do their part to keep things tidy.

And before I start anything after work, I spend one hour playing with my daughter. It's not much, IMO it's not enough, but at least I hope it lets her know that she is my priority.
Good luck!

I remember when I was little my mom would cook for a few hours on Sunday to pre-prep meals for the beginning of the week and pre-cook/freeze meals for later in the week. That is a huge time saver so you can spend time with them right away when you get home because all you have to do is pop prepared stuff into the oven (or scoop out of a crock pot)

It's time for your 9 year old to have some chores (or MORE chores if he already has some.) He can clear the table and load the dishwasher while you spend a few minutes of well planned out activity time with your little ones... And you can spend some one-on-one time with him when the younger ones go to bed (even just 20 minutes of your time is valuable).

As exhausted as you are, try doing chores once the kids are in bed. (When they get in the bathtub, throw their clothes right into the washing machine... then when you get home the NEXT evening, start the washer right away... then you can fold clothes after they go to bed because the cycles should be done by then)

Also, spend a few hours on the weekends to do chores and errands and plan activities for the family to spend time together for the rest of the weekend so you have quality time.

I know life is crazy now, but I promise it will evolve as they get older and can do more for themselves. Think about how your 9 year old can take a bath by himself

K.,
I have 2kids & only work p/t but I can so relate! Time does fly. There is always work at home too, so you get out of work to go home to more work :) What helps me is to be organized & a routine so that everyone knows whats going on even if they are young. Kids know & like routines. I write done on a planner what my week looks like. I schedule laundry,cleaning,family fun, meals,homework etc. It works. Prepare for the next day. Have chores for your kids too. What works for me too is once the boys are in bed I clean up the house, pack snack & lay out their clothes so the next day we are ready to start the day & come home to a clean house. We too get home have dinner, do homework, baths & then bedtime. The next day we are at it all over again! Make it fun, we clean with music on & take advantage of every minute. Hopes this helps. Good luck

I completely understand how you are feeling. I only have one child and I feel like days go by where my husband and I barely get a chance to say hello to each other. Luckily, he is a great guy and an amazing father and our relationship remains strong. I have not watched a tv show for myself (i.e. not Nick Jr.) in over a month. I'm considering a job change, but I'm afraid that I would be expected to work late and can't imagine doing this for the same reasons you describe. I'm sorry i have no advice to give - I just want you to know that you are not the only one. Is there any chance the kids could help out a little (maybe your oldest one) or are there things you could do on the weekends to make your weekdays easier?

I don't think there is an answer - I think women are put on this earth to work and work until our hearts or our backs break! Don't get me wrong - I love my family and I have a good life, but even a good life is a LOT of work. My only real advice is make sure that at least once a day you look each one of your loved ones in the eye, be totally present and let them know how much you love them! It goes a long way. Good luck!

Welcome to parenthood.

You need to determine what is priority and try different things that work for your family dynamics. If spending time with the kids in the evening is important, make it your priority. Here's some things that may work...

Forget cleaning up after dinner. The 4 and 9 year old can clear the table while your putting away the leftovers. Finish cleaning after they go to bed.

Skip baths or make them very short. Taking a bath every day is really bad for your skin. I agree living in FL you will at least want to at least do a quick rinse and use baby wipes to clean private areas.

Cook extra portions of meals on weekends, so you can have leftovers during the week. Do some food prep on weekends, like wash and peel the veggies to save time after work.

Is having clean bedrooms really important to you? So what if there are some shoes and toys laying in the middle of the floor (unless it's a safety issue). Save it for Saturday morning and have everyone clean their own rooms - even the 2 year old can take her dirty sheets off the bed and put her toys away.

Good luck.