New Neighbor Trouble Cont'd.........

You need to carry on doing what you are already doing. If you're ok with her coming over occassionally maybe you could talk to her parent/s and give them set times that are convenient to you for her to come play. Do not feel obliged to give her snacks, if she says she is hungry send her home, she only lives next door. Maybe if the snacks stop coming she'll want to come over less anyway. It is a bit strange that she wants to come play with a four year old but it sounds to me that maybe she gets more attention at yours and that is why she keeps coming so frequently. The idea of putting the sign on the door is a good one but you need to explain it to her that she may only ring the doorbell when it says David can play, she needs to go home if it says he cannot.
If you're really not happy about the situation you'll have to tell her mom not to let her come over anymore, it is too disruptive.

You're in a very difficult position. I had a similar experience years ago with a little girl and my son. It bugged me a lot. In my situation she was an only child of older parents and was lonely. Its not really strange that she wants to play with him though. It sounds as if she gets comfort and maybe normalcy from you that she doesn't get at home. You seem to be the reason as much as your son that she comes over. It can't sit well in her immature mind the presence of a 15 year old sister with disabilities like that. My heart cries for her, but I also understand you can't adopt this girl in her off hours from home. I agree with the sign and an explanation to both parent and child. I can't help but wonder if she doesn't have some sort of disability herself making it hard for her to empathize or get your messages. Or the draw of a warm, "normal" family is worth the risk of rejection? Maybe she doesn't relate well with girls her age? Whatever, stick to your limits and pat your self on the back for the patience you've already had.

I would simply let the little girl know that your son can play for 1 hour on maybe one or two days a week. Let her know the days in advance and also let her know that he will not be allowed to play on any other days. Also, I would put the sign back on the door.

Good luck!

Hi Nancy,
I know that you probably feel bad for this little girl and are trying to do the right thing but her parents need to be a little more active in her life regardless of what else is going on with other siblings. I think that you should go over there again and tell them specific days that your son may or may not be able to play.. example: weekends only.. etc
If her parents don't understand that you don't send nor allow your child to go to someones house everyday (seems unreal to me) then maybe all it will take as you setting the schedule for them. I hope everything works out.
Take care
S.

Get some leagal addvice from an attorney, there have been sexual insidences involved, both with the 15yr old and your husband, an attorney must keep this information privite, he or she will inform you as to if you need to file a police report. The parent's could turn on you if you turn their little girl away, who sounds neglected, by events possibly her parents can't avoid. Still you should watch your back. Then you might have to just step in and parent this girl yourself, set specific times for the children to play, play by your rules, it is your house, and watch this child, she may try something with your son, she should not be seeing her sister with nothing on in the living room eather. If this is normal to her, you get my point, no alone play time, if you set a time to play and she rings the bell on a day not set, ground her from playing for a week, or say my son is grounded from you because you will now be playing under my rules. Best of luck to you.

Well, I have not personally been in this situation, but I would cut the losses and sit down with parents and daughter, explaining that although she is a nice girl, she will no longer be welcome in your house or to play with your son.
As for you son going over there, I'm with you on that one. Not over my dead body would my kids be in a house where this is a half-naked teenager...special needs or not.
I don't want to sound cold-hearted here, but you should be worried about your son, not their children. Sounds like the parents need to be talked to just as much as she does...maybe they don't have the firm hand that they need to have in this situation?!