Need Help - Royersford, PA

Hi Larissa,

Romance comes and goes. It's possible that the hormones in pregnancy have something to do with it, but it's also true that in pregnancy, your body is busy. It's building a baby, and your brain focuses on that. And you get tired. And sometimes you are just plain sick. And you begin to grow in size. Lots of things can contribute to you not feeling terribly romantic right now.

How romantic is he feeling ?

I've been married 19 years now, and while I won't say they have all been "wonderful" or any of that gushy stuff, I will say that I would never ever find a better best friend, a better husband, or a more considerate man. I am well blessed.

When we do things together, we take walks, we ride bikes, and this summer we backpacked up a mountain then across its top. (3 peaks, then back over 2 of them before getting back to our campsite.) We like being outdoors in beautiful and not-so-populated places. We go to the ocean, go to the beach to watch the sunset, go to a state park, sit by a stream to watch the water go by, or sit by a section of white water to be awed by it. Oh yeah, and we also do "forts" -- the historical ones, cuz they are just cool. His only day off is on Monday, so we will run errands together, and sometimes do lunch, which is a cheaper alternative to doing supper out. But we don't go on "dates" much.

I would recommend that you not worry about the romance. Think of all the reasons you married him, and all the great things you have in your marriage. Trust that the romantic feelings will return at some time when you are least expecting them. (Probably some inopportune time, right ?? ha ha)

Do something you guys really like to do, or something he likes to do -- take in a ball game, or something. And spend time being able to talk with each other. Listen to his thoughts, his hopes, his dreams. Share yours. Get your heads and hearts in tune with each other, and I think you'll find the rest will naturally follow.

I think it's wonderful that you guys are taking the time to be together and away from the kids. All too soon you'll have the pressures of no sleep, late night feedings, and all that to deal with again, and this is a great time for a little respite before all that starts up again.

What makes a marriage last is not the same as the spark that starts it. In the end, it is the deep abiding love and faithfulness that undergirds it. Sometimes there are sparks, sometimes it's a bonfire, but always, there's that deep love, respect and support that keep us faithful and together. Hang onto that good stuff, and you may just find that there's more romance there than you first thought.

And above all, be at peace with each other.

Are you talking about sex or intimacy?

I can help you with both.

If you are actually talking about sex, are you not in the mood or is he not or both? Are you bored with the kind of sex you are getting. Feels more like a job than fun? There are many way to improve it. And here is how.

When was the last time you went out with just your girlfriends? No kids, No Husband. Did you know that just spending a few hours with only your girlfriends can raise your libedo. Because we are not a wife, mom, cook, housekeeper and so on around them and we are just who we are.

An additional way to have better sex is to change up things in the bedroom. Try a new position, new loction, something edible, something that vibrates. All it takes is one little thing you want to try new, that changes the routine.

If this is your problem, I can help. Slumber Parties by A. can help you both ways. You have a party and invite all your girlfriends to laugh and you get to taste, touch and try all of our wonderful products to enhance your bedroom. Contact me, if you are interested in more infomation. Shameless plug ;) I know.

Also the reason you may not have a huge sex drive while pregnant is because of you hormones being all over the place. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I wanted sex all the time but with my son, I didn't even want to think about it. Maybe women's sex drive is lower when they have a boy. I know mine was.

If you are actually talking about intimacy, about the closeness that you feel with your partner has gone. When was the last time you and your husband went on a date. Nothing fancy but a date? Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the kids, the house, the job that we can forget about our marriage. I always notice a difference in my marriage when my husband and I just have dinner alone, no kids. It is rare but we come to enjoy those precious moments. So go on a date, to a pizza parlor, bowling, to a movie, do something that you did when you were dating and it doesn't have to be expensive.

If the problem is both, here is my advice

Did you know for women to have sex we need intimacy and for men to be intimate they need sex.

How messed up is that. But if you feel that it is missing, then you might need to find ways to be intimate and have sex too. I have the perfect product to help with that. It is our Naughty Nights. They are a pack of cards that come with 26 for you and 26 for him and a satin bag. Really easy to play, all you have to do is pull a card and that is what you do on the card for the week. It helps him get more sex and you more intimacy. Really inexpensive on my website (www.SlumberPartiesbyAdrienne.com), they are about $13 a box. This is something you can reuse too. I know it can really help.

I wish you the best of luck with your renewal of romance and on your fourth child.

A.

Our bodies changes and we do go through alot of mood swings. I think that if you keep thinking of your husband and fulfill his need that will change in time. What you are going through is natural I went through it. Women and men are different in this area. We tend to not need this as much as men. So just keep doing those little things it will make a difference in his life. Have a good day!

I've noticed that whenever I try to plan something that I think should be romantic, it doesn't live up to my expectations. What seems to work better is resorting to things we have enjoyed doing together. For example, before we had kids we would often spend cold, winter weekends in our pj's and play board games while watching favorite tv shows from our childhood on cable. It was fun and relaxing and we really got to enjoy each other's company. We haven't had many opportunities to do that since the kids arrived, we bought a house and he travels for work. But on the rare occassions when we have fit it in, we really connected. Of course, we aren't able to spend the weekend by ourselves, but maybe and hour or two after the kids go to bed. So my thought to you would be what things have you enjoyed doing together that could light the spark? Cooking a meal together, watching a favorite movie, taking a walk in the park, working on a project together? Good luck!

The fact that you are concerned about this proves you are on the right track! YES- romance seems far away sometimes during pregnancy. Sometimes I found myself saying I was sorry for not being more romantic etc and my husband would always say he understood. Maybe he was frustrated underneath, but if you are trying, it's all you can do. Definitely continue doing everything else nicely and affectionately such as food treats, and nice things for him that only he likes-giving him time for his hobbies etc. You'll have to be his nice pregnant friend for a while instead of his sex kitten. A little bit of creativity and effort goes a long way. If he knows you care and are thinking of him and feeling "not up to par" he will appreciate it. And be yourself too when you're tired etc. you don't always have to be cheery. As for sex-even cute outfits and "special favors" seem to flop during this time, but it never hurts to try. But don't feel obligated or bad. Wearing cute outfits to seduce may not work, but it's way better than going all the way dumpy. This will pass. Just be honest all the time and do your best to be happy and nice to him. Don't spend money or take too much work upon yourself. Your happiness in the end makes him feel more comfortable. It's not all up to you, if he isn't initiating, he may be fine with a lull as well. My husband was kind of creeped out by my pregnant body (as far as getting intimate anyway) as much as he tried to hide it. :) Be honest. If all else fails, compliment him a lot and boost his ego. Maybe give him a card with a checklist of sexy things you'll do for him to pick from if he wishes. He'll appreciate it even if he doesn't pick one! And maybe he will. Good luck, you're doing a great job by caring, this will pass!