Do You Have a Fairy Tale Marriage?

I lose my breath and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up to the smell of poopy diapers now, and there's plenty of sizzle and warmth coming from the kitchen as I slave away on dinner every night. Does that count?

I admit, it was tough giving up the mermaid tail and underwater living to wipe up after poopy diapers and cook dinner for a husband who comes home sometime after 7pm after a long day of work....but it's the sex is much better without the tail. So there, you have it ;)

No, we don't. We have a real life marriage. Kids, work (well, he works out of the house, I'm a SAHM), family, friends, scheduling....otherwise known as life! But am I perfectly happy? Yes! Is it easy to fall into a routine? Yes. So we try hard to schedule date nights as often as possible (which ends up being about once every 4-6 weeks or so), or if we can't go out, then we'll do a date night at home after the kids are in bed.

Marriage takes a lot of hard work to keep that "spark", and the more often we work at it, the more I feel that sizzle!

hahahaha.... there is a reason why 'Cinderella' stops as they ride away....

Yes, my husband looks just like Shrek, only not green.

Yep. Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf, I think it is...

What????

Oh.....

well, we sing alot.....

Just this morning when my husband was leaving for work I kissed him goodbye...I mean I KISSED him goodbye...the hot, sexy, heart pounding, tummy tingling, warm feeling KISS...not the everyday kiss he gets. MMMMM....the "I know what's coming later" kiss! Ok, so you get it. But I don't think anyone has a Fairy Tale Marriage because life is not easy. Our motto is this..."We may not have it all together, but together we have it all". We are committed to the end...

I do! It's MY fairytale anyway... I did mary a romantic, who keeps me on my toes and surprises me *just enough* so it remains unexpected & MUCH appreciated... the hairs on the back of my neck stand often and my leg kicks back when we kiss... That stuff IS very real honey, but here's the thing, YOU have to work for it! It doesn't just happen and I'm sure I'll get some hell for this, but I know a lot of women who, years into marriage, after kids, etc. Just.stop.trying Whether they're living in pony-tails & sweats or packed on the lb's hey ...what did you think was going to happen? I'd be just a bit dissappointed if he packed on a gut and stopped caring about his appearance. I realize life gets in the way sometimes but I TRY to keep things fresh, exciting & "interesting" --- I feel I don't have much of a right to expect more if I don't put in more. Know what I mean?

Sometimes it is!!!! But then life happens.

In the beginning I used to get goose bumps when he kissed the back of my neck (sigh)...now I get goose bumps when I watch him being an outstanding father to our children. I am living my own personal fairy tale :) Expecting things to stay exactly the same as they were during the courtship years is unrealistic. But you can still have a happy marriage with romantic and intimate moments. You must embrace the progression of your relationship and appreciate the stage of life you are in now. Instead of longing for the past try to appreciate the present.That being said--reminising with your husband about the good old days can help reinvigorate those feelings and initiate a romantic moment.

My marriage is pretty awesome but to get the feelings you are talking about usually requires a couple of margaritas first ;)

ha, ha... yah... in the beginning of our relationship and marriage, it was!
We have been married 13 years, together for 1 year prior.
We knew instantly, upon meeting, that we'd end up married. It was so called 'magic.'

Flash forward to now... well, we are flawed humans. Had and have kinks in the marriage, personality gripes, everyday complaints big and small.
Issues. Like anyone else.

After the fireworks wears off... well, you are left with 2 flawed humans whom you see everyday for better or for worse... but are still, hopefully a "team" and best friends.
Even best friends... don't have fireworks all the time.
You have "reality.'

My Husband is not romantic at all... but has a Matrix reality of what 'romance' is. Ha. Me... I have gotten more practical... especially since we have had kids.

all the best,
Susan

Sometimes I still get that feeling...but after 13+ years most of the butterflies are long gone. It is sad. I long for it too...I think it's only natural to want it all the time but that's not how it works...not for me anyways.

I do have a fairy tale marriage tho...I think anyways. I still love my hubby so very much and miss him, even when he is only at work....and I still very much look forward to spending 'alone adult time' with him ;)

I do have that fairy tale marriage you dream of but yes there is a but. It is hard work keeping that fairy tale alive and well with all of the reality in our married lives - children, step children, live in neices & nephews, terrible 20-somethings ,a teething 1 year old, a mother with alzheimer's and battling cancer, work drama, schooling for the kids, ex-wife strangeness and a dog with a unusually red stomach.

Yes this man still makes my heart skip a beat and takes my breathe away even after knowing him for over 20 years yet we still have life going on in, around, over, under and through our perfect fairy tale and I wouldn't change a thing. I just love my man and he loves me too. It is the glue that keeps us together but it is hard work.

I think the losing your breath, hairs on the back of the neck standing up feelings that you get in the beginning of a relationship are largely adrenaline based and therefore will not be able to be maintained over a long period of time. That's why they say to go to an amusement park for your first date! Apparently if you go on a roller coaster and get an adrenaline rush, you'll mistake it for the "rush" of love. My husband and I are extremely compatible. And I still get excited to get home and see him at the end of the day (we've been married for 11 years). But a Fairy Tale? Those are fiction for a reason!

ahhhh...we wish, uh? There's a saying i know: "love is forever until it lasts" and so are the butterflies in the stomach, i might add. I have never met people who had this, not even heard from anyone I know about such thing, but I want to believe there must be somewhere a match made in heaven kind of thing...I don't know, it keeps my hope alive! I know of rather good ad long marriages, yes, have them in my family, but never met anyone quite as in love as in "The notebook" movie...now, that's LOVE!!!

HA HA HA! Your title made me laugh!!!!!

Anyone here who says they have a fairytale marriage is either lying, a newly-newlywed, or has learned, from tons of hard work, how to have one.

LOL. This is an interesting topic and I am surprised by some of the the blah sentiments I see here especially those that talk about long term commitment and what-not. The spark never has to leave...

I am TOTALLY in a "fairy tale" marriage!! Everytime I see him kneel down to comfort our 15m son's banged up knees or everytime I see him scoop up our 3YO daughter and spin her around, I fall in love all over again. As he rubs my bulging tummy (we are expecting our third), it makes my skin crawl with excitement. When I travel for business, my heart aches when we are seperated. It may sound like a funny thing, but my husband really "completes" me.

Now, don't get me wrong - every day is not peaches and cream and there are our moments when we disagree and argue and the kids drive us nuts and the bills pill up, yadda, yadda, yadda - but, those small moments that take my breathe away are what make our marriage in a faiy tale state.

I never thought I would ever be so lucky!
~C.

I know what you mean but no, don't have it myself. Makes me sad sometimes. I don't mean the "fairytale" stuff but the "take your breath away" stuff.

i think the feeling u are talking about mostly happens during the begining of a relationship. though i fell in love with someone (my best friend at that!) who i knew couldnt love me back, and even though i am happily married i still love that person, and don't think i will ever feel that way again about someone

I think what you are describing is that passion and lust that is in a brand new relationship. A marriage is so much more than that.

Yup! We've been together since we were 16 (we're 29 now), married for 7 years and have 3 kids together, and I still get butterflies when we kiss. We cuddle on the couch when we watch movies, hold hands when we're out and about, and say 'I love you' a silly ammount of times every day :) I married my best friend and I love him more and more every day. Like I've said before, I think God made him just for me.

Nope. :) My hubby and I have been together for 13 years and married for 7 (we are high school sweethearts... that's why the long dating span). Anyhow, he makes me very very happy and I love every square inch of him. He is not romantic though in a movie romance sort of way though. He is romantic in all his own special ways and I am more than happy with that. Quite honestly, I think the fairy tale stuff is a bit unrealistic and fake anyway. :)

Yes, I do! We go out of our way to make each other happy. He's my everything and he will move heaven and earth to please me. We love each other very much and we enjoy each other and have fun. This isn't something that just happens. We got into the habit of working to get to this point in our relationship. We have been married for 19 years. We got married at age 20 and our church wouldn't marry us because they said that they didn't think our marriage would last a year. They were mistaken! =)

That kind of marriage does not exist, not forever. I think men have as much a right to mad about these expectations as we do the right to be upset about the perfect "model" depicted body you see in pornography, lol

hope they dont catch on

Oh, my goodness...YES!!!!

I met and fell in love with my husband and 17. We celebrated 20 years of marriage last month and his kisses can still make my head spin. A single, well placed touch can give me goose bumps.

That's not to say we haven't had our ups and downs. Divorce was on the horizon at one point but we pulled it together and worked things out. Do things get boring? Yes, sometimes. But, when push comes to shove, he's my best friend, my lover and a wonderful husband and father.

I do believe in fairy tales. I've believed in them all my life. Sometimes they fracture, a la "Rocky and Bullwinkle." But...and here's the kicker...if you WANT the fairy tale, you have to be willing to WORK for it. I do. I always have. Consequently, it is my reality.

(BTW, my husband and I are dead ringers for Shrek and Fiona. <g>)

I would love to believe that it truly exists BUT ..........

I would love to be one of those old couples you see holding hands in the diner and celebrating their 70th anniversary like they still like each other.

They are called fairy tales because they are not real. I have a real life marriage - and I am quite happy about it. I imagine a life with prince charming in constant bliss and agreement pretty boring...

I do!! I mean not all the time but once in a while, maybe on our saturday movie nights when our 2 daughters are asleep. or maybe when I kissed him good bye to go to work (if Im awake and mouth clean jeje) or when he's back from work in a very good mood and holds me really tight and kissme in the neck... (thats the only way we can get that closed because Im 27 weeks prego and have a big belly with 20 pounds extra..... I think what your looking for, is there just have to work on it too,

I wonder about that too... looking forward to reading your responses.

Omg! I totally feel the same way. Honey, everyone gets bored in their marriage, even when there's nothing wrong. That's why we have our fantasies. I haven't even had a secret crush on anyone in years. Sad.

I wouldn't say we have a fairy tale marriage - no one does. That tingly feeling can come and go, but there are plenty of times I look at him and think "Damn, am I lucky!" Of course there are also times I look at him and think "Mister, you better get out of the house before I lose it!" But in the end, there is no one in the world that I would rather spend time with. Marriage, at its best, creates real intimacy, which is better than the sizzle of a new relationship.

no fairy tale marriage. i don't think that exists. how can it, if there are kids, work, house, responsibilities etc. where and when and how?
we have a real marriage. i appreciate him. he appreciates me. we spend all our free time together, whether cleaning, family outings, trips, house projects.
at the end of the week, friday and saturday nights we choose a movie and eat dinner together. comfy and boring like that :)

What makes a fairy tale? :)

My husband helps me everyday. He thinks I am perfect, and I think he is perfect. We enjoy each other, and make each other laugh.

Does he send me flowers on our anniversary (see my previous post complaining about it) - NO. Do I melt when he walks in the room. :) No. But I think he's the best husband and dad ever.

Is it the perfect marriage - yes. Is it a fairy tale? You tell me?

J.

Lol--can you think of a fairy tale that addresses the top of marriage beyond the lovely wedding? Didn't think so.... All romantic fairy tales address the coming together, the anticipation. Once couples have been together a long time their brains aren't pumping out the drug like chemicals that make you feel dizzy anymore. Interestingly enough couples that have been together awhile make oxytocin, the attachment hormone, the same one a mother pumps out when their baby is born!

I do,this is being very honest without my ego coming in to it.
Before I met my husband I sat at the kitchen table one day with some girlfriends as a single woman of 31yrs.
I spoke in detail about the kind of man I wanted and would rather stay single than settle for anyone that comprised my happiness or was threatened by my power.
I spoke to the angels to assist me with this.
A few days later I had a very strong vision of my future love sitting on a bus on route to a new life in a new location.
One night while sleeping I had a strong sense of the feeling that I would have when I put my arms around him .
A few months later my friends brother started uni in the south of the country.
She asked me to go visit him with her.I had never stayed a night in this city.
When out for drinks I met a man.We hit it off straight away,chatting like old friends.He was so fimiliar to me that it took me a while to used to the intensity .
9 mths later we were married .Turns out my hubby had relocated to that city a few months previous and had travelled there on the bus.He haven't intended to go out that night.He said on returning from visiting friends he had a strong urge to stop and sit in the bar for one drink.
It still amazes me when I cuddle him, that same feeling I got before me even met is in the present now.
I thank the angels each day for helping me with this.
I believe that there can be a fairytale at the core of the marriage.
Every day life stresses are just minor details in the whole picture.
All the best
B. K.

I know how to fix that.....have him join the army like my hubby. then when he's gone for a year when he comes back you are in that lose your breath kinda love state again. K I'm joking although being away like that does keep the steam up. My sister always jokes with me that that's why I have such a good marriage.....my hubby is never around long enough to get on my nerves. LOL But in all honesty it's normal to not have all that passion all the time. Life is life you get into your routine and you don't have that sizzle on a daily bases. But just every now and again take that time have a nice night out and spend time together without kids. That helps to rekindle the spark. And if all else fails....there's always the army. lol

OK, so I HAD to read the replies.

I feel like you do sometimes. I miss being swept off my feet. I miss the excitement of dating. But then I think, that was dating, this is the everyday.

That being said, I love my husband dearly. He is a wonderful father. And I can honestly say, I've never thought I could do better or I wished I'd married someone else.

I think the main reason the "spark" has gone is because we have three small children and we are dealing with the everyday monotony. I think it's hard to feel sexy and get your groove on when you're in jeans and a sweatshirt with spit up on it - LOL. And then when we do plan date nights, I'm exhausted and sleepy after one glass of wine and a nice meal that someone else made.

I think we both realize that love means you accept someone unconditionally. You carry them when they need it, and vice versa. Our marriage is strong. As for the fairy tale - I don't know if he's my Prince Charming, but then again, he's never given me a reason to go looking anywhere else!

I know people who were smitten, lovey dovey and the sex was swinging from the chandelier good. Know what, none of them lasted. I think some of that was just infatuation, newness and the fun of dating. When it came down to the nitty gritty they were disappointed that Mr Right was only Mr Right now.

I believe in the Fairy Tales. However I also think that two people meeting at the right place, right time, and in the right phase of life is extremely, extremely rare. Good for them! And if you've got it - appreciate him.

I love my "Average Joe" because I'm quite and Average Jane myself!

Cute question:) I always think when I am watching a great romance flick, does anyone every use the bathroom? Get sick? Clip their toenails? But I do love a good chick flick, don't get me wrong!! My hubby and I actually have a great time imitating the way they kiss on TV etc, it's so hilarious. So I think that movies and stuff reflect aspects of life but can never capture the intricacies of the real thing, they are always over the top, which is what makes them enjoyable. I think I have a fairytale marriage in the aspect I was a hard working damsel who was rescued my a big strong man who loved me the minute he met me and wanted to make me his wife. The fleshing out of a life together has it's mountain tops and valleys. I definitely have a very fun marriage and love to snug up to my guy any chance I get! I think living up close with another human being is a challenge and wonderful and makes you a better person. So yeah, I'd say we have a fairy tale grounded in every day reality. I will say that movies usually only show a few clips of life, or maybe the beginning of a relationship, not the real job of working out life with someone. I think tingles come and go but deep meaningful love lasts forever. :D

Well the ony way it is a fairytale marriage is it is everlasting!!!!!!

just close your eyes and think of johnny depp. lol

The lovey dovey feelings fade, but the commitment is what lasts. I sometimes think that people are so used to seeing romance on tv and in the movies that we set our expectations way too high for real life. People aren't perfect and everyone argues and dislikes things about each other. However, if you are blessed to find someone you really love and who loves you and you're good for and to each other, that is a fairytale.

I don't believe it exists. The thing is, we are all sinners. We have faults and warts and we just don't live up to the fairytale standard. The movies and tv shows make it look a certain way because everyone wants to be adored and cherished even though we have sins and warts and faults. But, we aren't usually so good at being perfectly forgiving, overlooking faults, charitable to others, as would be required for the so-called fairy tale to last. And neither are our husbands. I think many marriages end in divorce because people get this wrong idea about what marriage is, and they want the fairy tale, even though they are not willing to be equally fairy-tale-ish themselves.. (new word?) It's actually impossible to be so. I think what you are describing as the losing your breath, hairs on the back of the neck standing up, etc. is called lust. It's often there in a new relationship, but subsides when you get to the 1000th load of laundry, the dirty dishes left in the sink for you to clean up, the toilet seat left up, etc. You get the picture. Real life gets in the way of the movie scenes you have in your mind. But, it is replaced by something far better: the deep love and respect, years spent working together to make the marriage work, the trust and faithfulness of many years together, the hurts that you have suffered together that tie your hearts together so strongly. You become that one flesh, and you take the bum knee along with the great hairdo. I'd much rather have the years of faithfulness mingled with tears over the other. The richness of a long-lasting marriage is of far higher value to me.

I don't qualify for a fairy-tale marriage because I'm not a fairy-tale person. I've never been a beautiful princess... the ugly toad would be closer! Or one of the wicked witches?

Maybe that's the reason the Sondheim musical INTO THE WOODS was so popular! The fairy tales don't end at all as they're supposed to.

On the other hand, I'd like to wish for the type of marriage described in Laura Ingalls Wilder's LITTLE HOUSE books. The parents loved each other and their children. They worked unbelievably hard and had some disagreements but made a good life for themselves and their family. They not only loved each other, they clearly LIKED each other. And they were loved in return by each other and by their children.

You know this already, but don't forget that all those television and movie romances go by a script and are played by actors. You're not looking at real sizzle and warmth. The actors may even hate each other while they're sizzling; it's a job for them! But real life has some good stuff in it. And most folks end up preferring real (if uneven) romance to fake sizzle.