Need Advice on Ending a Friendship

Sounds to me like she is one lonely girl. My suggestion would be to sit down with her and explain that friendships for you are not something that can be forced. By her calling daily, she has put a wedge between you and it is getting very uncomfortable. Without hurting her feelings, explain why you don't want her to call you every day/week. Try to put yourself in her shoes and research why she is so persistant.

There are many groups out there...Moms Club International, Mothers and More, etc. that might be able to occupy her time so that she can make new friends. Be a good friend, research her options, and walk away feeling like you've done the right thing. Maybe someday you can be friends.

Wow. This is not easy. You get to choose your friends and it seems you're doing everything you can. I would suggest keep on doing what you're doing. She'll eventually get the message. If, after a couple more weeks, she doesn't, you may have to be blunt with her. My suggestion, if it comes to that, is to focus on yourself and not her. For example, tell her that you know she's been calling every day and you haven't returned her calls because your life is very full and you simply don't have time for any more relationships in your life. Be careful not to lead her on by adding "right now." Don't apologize either. There's nothing you need to be sorry for. I think you're smart to communicate only by e-mail. It creates some distance that is needed.

Good luck!

J. - I think I agree with Debra on this. No matter how hard it is to talk with this person frankly you will probably be doing her and others a service by bringing this issue to her attention. You can do it in a very friendly manner and just explain to her that with the day-to-day schedule of being a mom, it doesn't allow for daily calls and impromptu visits and outings. You mentioned that something happened to lead you to conclude you needed to end the friendship but you didn't specify what it was. If it wasn't something terrible then I would suggest that you talk with her like Debra suggested and just let her know that you can be friends but that you aren't a 'phone' person and that you aren't one to spend much time talking on the phone or with small talk. Perhaps you could arrange an outing with her and the kids for a week or so out and then, if that goes well, maybe another a month or so out. If you have something planned in the future with her she might back off some on the daily calling. It sounds like she is lonely and bored and that she is looking for something new to fill in some free hours. If you truly don't think you want to or can be friends with her she deserves to know in the nicest way possible. Otherwise give it a try after explaining to her that you can't spend time on the phone with her every day. Give her some suggestions of other things, organizations she can become involved in - like Debra suggested - and perhaps you will be a blessing to her in other ways. Best of luck.

I have been in the same situation. There are some people out there that just don't get the hint. I have flat out told people "look I don't want to hang out and do things this isn't working." They still didn't get it. I finally just stopped corresponding with them and they finally got it. I did say something first. Sometimes being friends with someone is just not meant to be.

Good Luck
B.

Sounds to me like you are going to have to be blunt and tell her where you stand.

I know that's easier said than done. You don't want to hurt her feelings, but if she isn't getting the hints, then you really have no choice but to tactfully tell her how you feel.

L.

Hey J.,,,, I have a friend like this (lol) it gets to the point I actually block her #. She shows up at my house uninvited and so on. I have been VERY blunt with her thats just me. I stay "friends" with her because thats how I met my hubby. Shes a very merisible person to be around. I would say. Block her number. Send her a very blunt email detailing every reason why you have decided you can't hang out and be friends and see if she sends you one back. You might be able to be passing friends like at school functions or somethings. You don't want things to be wierd between you and her especially if your kids go to school together.

J., with this type of personality you must be honest, direct and set boundaries. You can do it kindly but you have to be firm and clear. Don't feel the need to explain or justify. Keep it simple, straight and firm. Something like this:

"Susan (or whatever her name is), I really need to tell you something. I am afraid I've been avoiding being honest with you for fear of hurting your feelings. I don't want to hurt your feelings at all. At the same time, I have to be honest and tell you that it's not going to work for me for us to continue this friendship. I really wish you and your children all the best."

If she pushes for an explanation you can say, "It is for personal reasons I just can't go into. I really wish you all the best and appreciate your effort to be a friend for me."

Be prepared for an angry attack back and if she does simply tell her, "I'm sorry if this hurts your feelings. Take good care." and hang up.

I have lots of experience personally and professionally working with difficult personalities. Setting and holding boundaries is absolutely KEY. If you try this and have trouble with her, drop me a line and I'll give you some hints and tips beyond this. Good luck!