Hi all
I have been having this issue lately and need some serious input! Last month my husband found his brother'in law's "myspace" webpage online. Myspace is a place where people can talk to other people (if ya all didn't know?) anwyay not only was it on there, but he has no pictures of his wife, just his kids, and doesn not admit to being married. He also says he is there for dating, and serious relationships etc. He says he is in a relationship, but not married category. We found this strange because he has been married for almost 10 years or so. He also has been talking to this girl (most recent was a month ago) asking her out to lunch and leaving these sexual inuendo's on her page. Then when we think there is only 1, I dug some more dirt and he actually spoke like this to another girl. He used to travel to India for work, and she is from there. anwyay, he said some pretty nasty things to her too!! He has called this girl hot etc. I do not believe that my sister in law knows any of this, and we want her to know. She has the right. Also, I noticed he is doing these things from work too, not from home (of course their computer is out in the living room) so wifey can't see.
The whole thing really hurts us, and we don't know what to do?? My husband has asked me to talk to her, but i think he should since that is his sister and I hate the guy!
Let me know, your oppinnion count!! We also wonder if we should let it go due tothe fact that (from what we can see only) he hasn't talked to this girl since a month ago. BTW, this girl is also divorced and HATES marriage and also has sexually explicit things on her page.
Well my hubby told her sister tonight over the phone about her husband "secretly" myspace page and she was very surprised! She had no idea, and then when we went to check it, the profile was deleted. So either she confronted him about it and he did the "right" thing and took it off, or he got my hubby's email to his sis (with the link) and deleted it before she could see it! Not sure what is going to happen. She did say to my hubby "guess that is something we will have to work thru" so she is still optimistic about making things right. I really hope that he did delete it for her upon her request and not the other way around!
Thanks for the advice!
M.
Someone needs to tell her, but I think it would be better if it came form her brother and not another woman as it could be very embarrasing to her.
Yeah I know about the myspace page and if this was happening to you and someone found out wouldn't you want them to tell you. I certaintly would want them to tell me. I would just come out and tell her that you are concerned and let her know what is going. If she gets mad at you then that is her lost. I would just sit back and think would I want her to tell me?
I think if they have been in the relationship for that long, creating a fake account would only be silly. You do those things if you are dating or just getting serious. I would combine the advise givin already. Ask her if she knows about myspace, if she does, and knows he has an acct then ok, tell her to check it out. If she doesn't she may not be able to navigate to well on her own to find the things you guys found. Invite her over and show her first hand. Let her think, don't over do it by explaing things to much. Like someone else said, it's going to hit her hard of she had no idea. Hope this helps.
Whatever you do decide to do, just keep in mind, most likely blowing the whistle on him, with 10 yrs of marriage between them most likely they will try to work things out. Then for some weird reason, the table always turns on the whistle blower and everyone gets mad at that person for butting in. In most cases the whistle blowers ends up on the poo list under these circumstances and with family that can cause a lot of tention.
Best thing to do in my opinion- is tell HIM he has been caught. He needs to either end it (if you care about her why hurt her? but that does depend on the severity of this -ex. is this all just email flirting where he his boosting his midlife ego OR is he carrying on serious IRL relationships including sex with these women)
Nonetheless, tell him he is caught, you aren't sure what you are going to do with the info and let him SQUIRM. Go from there. If he has just been doing some midlife ego boosting flirting, this will scare the poo right out of him and he should straighten up. He is the dog here and he needs to tell her. You can always give him a deadline (make sure you print the things off the net prior to letting him know you know) I also think you husband should be the one to handle this with him.
If he begs for mercy and no sex was involved, I wouldn't tell her. Somethings are best left unsaid. I would also make it known that if he is having sex, you WILL tell her...too many diseases, some of which are linked to cervical cancer, your SIL needs to be able to decide whether to get tested since the possibility is there.
Good LUCk!
Wow, sometimes when I look at posts on here I think my life isn't so bad afterall. =) This is a hard situation, but I agree with the posts so far and I think the two of you should tell her together. Even though it will no doubt hurt her, she needs to know, and may get upset at you guys later for not telling her. And I also agree that once you tell her, the ball is in her court. Don't try to tell her what to do about it, just be very supportive and offer to help any way you can. Best wishes and I will keep the situation in my prayers.
M.,
Wow, I know you have received A LOT of responses but I think you should do what someone else said and introduce your sister-in-law to my space. I have my space also and the first time you play on it can be adicting once you find old/lost friends. The reason I say do it this way because if you have a good relationship then you don't want her to be upset or mad at you in the end and unfortunetaley the whistle blower always ends up being the "bad guy"; I know I've been the whistle blower and it ended a 6 year friendship! So good luck and I hope it all works out!
~A.~
I don't know what to say...I think I would want to be told...rather than finding out later. maybe invite her over tell her that ya'll found something on the internet that bothers you, and you thought she should see it....
Get an anonymous email address and email her his myspace page link you wont have to tell her but she finds out and she can make her mind up what she feels about the page.
M.,
I would go to him first and let him know that you two know what he has been doing. Once he knows he is found out, he might go to his wife and tell her the truth, in the fear that yall will go to her first. If he does not go to her then I would let her know and show her the printed pages. This will hurt her, but your right when you say she has the right to know. I wish yall well in whatever yall decide to do.
D.
M. J,
I would most DEFINATELY tell your sister in law about this. However, I would also advise her to develop her own "fake" myspace page, and contact him. She should represent herself someone else, and wait for HIM to bring up any sexual content. Then, I would advise her to print these pages out. Later, she should confront him (asking if he is talking sexually to other women, still not letting on that she now has proof). I would wait for him to lie....then bust out the pages that were printed. Infidelity starts with only a conversation........
Best of luck.
K.
Well i think somebody should tell her especially him since he is the brother of her. Start by asking her to view your space and then accidentally show her his. So that way she can see with her own eyes. But if your husband doesn't tell her then she will be really offended for letting go to continue living a lie. I know it is not easy but you or your husband should just speak with your heart imagine that is your daughter and because you are afraid to hurt her you prefer to cover for him. I don't think so. She should know and everything happens for a reason probably their is something better for her out there.
Let me know what happens and what you and your husband decide but I know if you guys love her you will speak out...
i would definitely tell the wife; just put yourself in her shoes; wouldn't you want to know
M.,
I am a "myspacer" myself and this is how I caught my son's father cheating on me. I would STRONGLY recomend she create her own page. NOT a fake one. She should represent her whole family on the page and then invite him to be her friend. She may seriously want to consider messaging these other women so that they know what kind of man they are dealing with. This is going to hurt her, but she HAS to know. It will only be worse if she finds out that you and your husband knew and didnt tell her. I am only speaking from experience and it will be better for her to nip it in the bud now rather than later. Be there for her, this is going to put her life into serious disarray. Goodluck!
Hi M.,
I would do exactly what Christi R said. E-mail his my space page to her annonymously and let her deal with it. B/C like many others have said, the whislte blowers usually get put in the poo pile. That way she won't know that you sent it to her. And there for no one can blame you guys. Good luck.
TJ B.
M.,
In my opinion, it's not your place to tell her anything. This may be completely different from the posts that you have received but if there is a way you can "introduce" myspace to her, have her find it out herself, she won't feel as confronted like she doesn't know what's going on with her own relationship. I'm on myspace myself, and I know how it is. See if maybe there's a way you can "help" her set up her own, and have her search for friends by name and she'll end up searching for her husband, just because she'll get curious. Best of luck, and let us know how it turns out!
S. V.
I would print out all the evidence that you have believe me I have been there too and I really didn't listen to my friends and family either sometimes you just learn things the hard way but at least you told her the truth....and she won't resent you for holding back info.......later. She maybe hurt but at least she was told once a cheater always a cheater.
I also think both you and your husband need to invite her over (without him) and show her his myspace page and the other girls page as well. I know I would definietly want to be told the truth also. Be very comforting to her because it will probably hit her hard. Also after you tell her then you need to let HER deal with it the way SHE wants to. Just be there to support her if she needs you. Good luck!!
