Could He Be Cheating?

I am sorry that you had to find something like this. Follow woman's intuition. But only you know how much you can take and what you want to do about it.

B.,
That is definitely suspicious, and even if he is not doing anything physical he is still breaking the bonds of marriage to be true only to you. A man should not look upon another women and lust after her and it sounds like that is what he is doing.
It may be nothing at all, just a fantasy that he is trying to play out, but it is still dishonest and wrong.
I don't know if you guys have some really good friends that you could confide in, but I would definitely seek some counsel as to what to do. you may have found out in time to stop anything before it happens. I do wish you the best.

First of all, it doesn't matter what color the woman's skin is. I'm sure you would feel no better about it if she were white. Secondly, it doesn't matter if he "actually" cheated or not because as your husband, he is supposed to be true to you always in every way. That includes "chatting" on the net. Saving pictures and those conversations are NOT appropriate (for lack of a better word) for a married man. Too, if this was no "big deal", why is he not open about it and he saying that he was chatting does not mean that he was just chatting about the weather.

Hi B.,
I am going to just give my opinion, not hold back, because you posted here for opinions :-)

I am not even going to touch on the cheeting subject, because no matter what anyone says here, you know in your heart if he is or not. You married him,,you know if you look inside of yourself.

What I can say, is this:
Downloading pictures of women he talks to on the internet is not appropriate for a married man to be doing. ESPECIALLY pics of their private parts. It is not even appropriate for him to be speaking to these ladies. I have had a my space profile for over a year, and in my profile, it states CLEARLY that I am here to make women friends, and keep in touch with old friends. It also states and I quote " I do not mean to be rude, but any man who speaks to me will be ignored. I am a happily married woman and any man who attempts to disrespect that union will be reported." So...that being said...you can have a my space page and NOT behave like your husband. His actions, even if he is "chatting" with women, is not appropriate. He is making a choice to respond to and contact women online. It may not be "cheating" in the sense of physical cheating, but it is disrespecing your marriage and your family. There is more to a marriage than simply "keeping it in your pants. " It is a union of mutual respect between two people...and your husband is trampling all over that respect.

And you did as well...in a sense, when you looked at his myspace stuff. The fact that you felt it necessary to do that is a sign of mistrust between the two of you. My husband and I do not have any passwords on any accounts that neither one of does not know,,as we have nothing to hide from one another. I am not online to meet the opposite sex, and either is he.

I hope you can both sit down, be honest with eachother, not point fingers...really look inside your own hearts and share what is there. Marriage is a Blessed Union Under God and should be treated as such.
Many Blessings,
Jenny

I agree with Laurie. Set up a fake account if you want to know for sure. But, to me, it seems he has taken a big interest in the pics & women on there & therefore is somewhat a form of cheating in my opinion. If he was just on there for friends and such, he wouldn't be sending other women messages that they are sexy, or anything period..I have a myspace acct for just friends & networking. I don't use it for anything else & I have a boyfriend..I think if you already feel it, trust your instincts, but if you need concrete evidence to possibly end the relationship, have someone set him up or you yourself set him up & then confront him in person with it so he can't wiggle out of it....Congrats on the remission!

First off, your husband shouldn't be "chatting" with other women on the internet behind your back. It sounds like you have a real problem. If it were me I would look at the marriage and decide if it was worth fighting for. You also need to think about your son. Do you want him to grow up in this kind of environment where the mother and father don't trust each other?

I am sorry to hear about all this. But you need to think about it more. The 'chatting' is hurting you and is inapporpriate for a taken man to be doing. I would keep my eyes open and talk to him more about it. Tell hime it hurts you and makes you uncomfortable and nervous. He should then stop but if he doesn't you should think of your future and your sons. Please email me anytime ____@____.com

Congrats on going thru remission. Stay heathly and strong

L.

B.,
I am so sorry about what you found on your husband's myspace account. If he defines chatting as sending nude photos then I'd say that's your first problem. He's trying to down-play the situation and make it like you are over-reacting. You are not. What he is doing is wrong and I would say it is cheating. He should not be having conversations like that with other women. I'm afraid you have a cheater on your hands.

honey if you got that gut feeling that he is cheating on you then you may very well be right , but I'll say don't jump to fast it my be just insecurity because he hsa brought his past into your relationship. I feel you need a little more then just the fact he is chatting with her on the computer before you jump to cheating it could just be harmless but may turn into something do you have a good relationship where you can talk to him if so ask him about it may be there is something you are miss on that you can fix. What is it that she can do for him that you can't ? why do he feel the need to look at other women ? or just sit with him and say honey let me ask you a question, would you ever cheat on me with someone else? and could you ever go back to another black female? and any thing else you could think of just ask I'm sure if you have good relationship he will be honest... if he gets upset the he is cheating

Wow...all I can say is that you're more understanding then I would be. I don't think this situation should just be put off just because he told you that he is just talking to these girls, because the manner in which he is conversing with these ladies is unappropriate!!! He needs to stop immediately. I think that both of you have to agree to get rid of myspace. You have lost trust with your husband and I can see why! A little chatting, then pictures, and then who knows what else. Temptation is a dangerous thing, and he needs to get away from it, and realize that what he is doing is wrong! I don't care how innocent it seems, he is betraying you on a certain level and you deserve better. I hope things work out between the both of you. Try talking to a family counselor or a preacher at church. Maybe they can bring some light to the subject. Good luck and I'll keep you in my prayers.

Trust me, from a woman that has been cheated on by my ex-husband (when we were married), it is cheating. If he wanted to talk about sex, he should talk about it with you & how would those "husbands/boyfriends" feel if they knew about those women talking to your husband? My advice is to confront the situation & stop it now before it gets out of hand.

You've probably read enough to form your own opinion at this point, but here's 2 shekels:

If YOU think there is a problem, there is a problem; even if your husband disagrees.

With that, absolutely go with your instints.

He is obviously cheating emotionally, which can be more devastating than a physical affair. He's only been chatting but has pictures of them? Why is he jealous of their men? Because he wants to be in their place.

I think it's important to recognize that this is not just one woman, either. He's behaving this way with many women, indiscriminately (expect for race?).

There is a problem and it is not your fault. It can't possibly be as we are only responsible for our own feelings, behaviors and actions. At the least, counseling should be investigated. If he won't go, go alone. Find someone who believes in the sanctity of marriage tho...not someone who will just tell you to leave and get on with your life.

This is an issue that doesn't go away and won't get better with time. Proactive action is required. Be prepared to set definite boundaries and stick to them no matter what. Have a support system in place before acting, but be prepared to act in order to protect your own health and wellbeing.

B.-I completely understand what you are going though. Two weeks ago I came home and found my boyfriends email left open. I decided to look at it. I found very descriptive emails from other women about things they had done together sexually. One woman had written about meeting with him for the very first time only a few days before. (Just so you know, we have lived together for a little over two years, have two girls and are expecting our third child in October). I actually called the most recent girl on the phone number she left in the email. I left a message from hell for her. Apparently, she called my boyfriend at work (they are bother teachers in the same school system, not the same school). So, when he got home a big discusion followed. He claims it is strictly over email, late at night when I am in bed. I am more reserved sexually, and apparently he wasn't getting what he wanted. Instead of talking to me about his needs, he went somewhere else. Still cheating to me, though. We have talked it out and he understands that he needs to be COMPLETELY honest and upfront when I ask questions about what he has been doing. That is the only way to rebuild the trust in our relationship. If he gets upset about any question that I have, he knows it will automatically send red flags up and any trust we had started to build will be gone.

Good luck to you!! Email me anytime ____@____.com

Yes, I totally agree with Laurie on this. Either make a new profile or enlist the help of others he doesn't know on myspace. I have an account on there and would be more than happy to help if you need me. I would be pissed and confused. Just to see if it would lead to anything else with him would help you take the next step whatever it may be.

I caught my girlfriend CHEATING on Christmas!!!

I installed software on her phone when she was in the shower. It took 1 minute or less to install.

Anyway… It sent me all of her texts as she received them so even if she erased them, I still got them. It also has gps, and phone call information.

Here is the website to find the info you need I Spied On My Girlfriend And Caught Her Cheating In One Day!!!!

Go to www.newalternativesolutions.info if you want to check it out.

I wouldn't set up a fake myspace or any of that. Don't cause yourself more hurt than you already have. Let him know that "chatting" is not acceptable with you and if you think this relationship can be repaired seek help. If not - the get out while your ahead. Your child will be better off with two loving parents that aren't together than two miserable parents that are!
May god bless you - I will keep you in my prayers.

First of all-CONGRATULATIONS!!! on 9 years of remission!!!!!
That is wonderful!!!!

As far as David goes-I agree with Aimee S-I consider cheating anything that steps out of the bounds of your marriage vows. He apparently has an interest in other woman to be saving nude pictures and such of them. He sounds as if he likes the grass on his siade of the fence-but is fascinated by what lies over the top rail. I would be seriously PO'd about it. I know that he may not think that what he is doing is wrond because he is not acutally doing anything in the physical sense, but what he is doing could easily lead to something else. I would tell him that you consider what he is doing is wrong and hurtful to your relationship. I think that if it is really bothering you, that you should tell him that it has to stop. If you and your sone mean anything to him, that he needs to respect the two of you more than that.
You are the one in this situation-I just hope that things work out for you in the best and most positive way.take care and good luck.

B.-
First off I have to say wow 9 yrs in remission, that is great! Secondly my husband and I both have been through this and it was an issue of attention. My husband was in Pa and I found his stuff on Yahoo msger(she was in Tx)(we are in NC). He had told her he loved her!!!! I confronted him, he denied it and after I told him I had proof we fought and later he said it was all about attention he was not getting frome me(i was still fresh with pregnancy hormones). I do not blame myself and he and I talked it over and decided to have more time to ourselves and try different things in the bedroom. I think maybe, and this is just an opinion, you should tell your husband to be honest about how he feels, but in saying that you have to be open-minded about what he says and really hear him. Ask him if it is just about attn and tell him you are not comfortable with other women sending him pictures of private parts. If he loves you and you are calm about it he should tell you. I also think that you should stand up for what you believe and what you feel, your intuition is your best allie. If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck then it is one. I wish you the best!!!
-A.

B., I read some of the other responses, and eventhough I haven't personally dealt with this sort of thing myself, it sounds like a good idea to make up a fake account and see what he is up to. Maybe a good friend of yours could help you out. If you find that your instincts are correct, then better to find out sooner than later. If it turns out to be harmless fun, then at least he knows that you know about what he's been up to. But it definitely sounds like something you should check into.

Unfortunately, he probably is.

It really depends on what you consider cheating... I think cheating is doing ANYTHING that you would not do in front of your significant other. I am sure if you were there he wouldn't look at these pictures or talk to any of these women, so in my eyes, yes, he's cheating. I think any kind of flirting is cheating, it may not be physical, but emotional cheating can sometimes be even harder to deal with because people can get very close through conversation. He is sharing things with these women, that he should only share with you... sorry, but that is my opinion on this matter. Good luck, we will all be here for you!

Congratulations on your 9 years of remission.

I hate that after having to fight such a life threating disease you are now confronted with this in your marriage. But trust and believe that God won't put no more on you than you can bare. First, you have to search yourself and decide how you want to handle this: Do you love him and want to continue this relationship (because at this point he is emotionally cheating on you and it won't be long before he starts to physically cheat). If you want to try and make it work RUN to a marriage counselor. YOu are going to need help dealing with this because he is already in denial that anything is wrong with his chatting and if you are not strong enough he will start making you believe that nothing's wrong. If at first he won't go you go anyway and once you become strong enough, let him know that it is not up for debate that if he wants this marriage he is going to have to work to keep it alive and the fist step will be the marriage counselor. And please follow it through to the end because it sounds like there are some real issues that go deeper than just the cybercheating.

I wish you the very best, but in the midst of all this do not loose yourself.

Lisa

Wow, I found my husband was doing the same thing, and he would wait until I sleeping and then sign on. He even went as far as to signing onto my name and reading my mail. He does not know that I know. When you click on your mail on myspace it says read if you read it, unread if not. Mine had said it was read even though I knew I had not signed on for a few days. Long story short, he may not be cheating on you, he night just enjoy the thrill of sneaking around. If he seems to be acting funny, call him in the middle of the day or drop by to have lunch w/o telling him. You could also follow him. It is a hard call. In turn I found out my husband luckily was not cheating but just being very nosey. Add the girls he is writing to to your friend list and chat with them. Let them know he is YOUR husband and you do not appreciate them sending him x-rated pics.

By my experience (which is considerable) this is not good. Tell him you want to get therapy today.

You two need to sit down and discuss this. Ask him why he's chatting with these girls and why they are all black. It may be a stimulus for him. Remember men are visually aroused where us women are mostly mentally aroused. Make sure you tell him how it makes you feel so he knows it's hurting you and could hurt the relationship if an agreement can't be made.

B.,
WAKE UP SISTER> HAVE a little self-respect!!! I don't care if he has or hasn't even met any of these ladies or so called ladies. The fact that he is e-mailing them and looking at naked pictures of them is CHEATING!!! Read the bible! More importantly love your self enough to be with someone who lusts only after you. BESIDES you have children what kind of message are you sending them. Regardless of age children know what is going on and your relationship with your husband is a role-model to them. Sorry to be so harsh but come on!!

I have been through this many times where my husband said that he was chatting and nothing else happened but then i found out that it was not like that.I dont care if he talks online or on the phone to a woman...if she is not me that is in my eyes cheating especailly when you talk about sex.There is no way that they sit down and talk about the weather.I asked my husband why would he wanna talk to other women when he has me to talk to.His excuse was that sometimes i am not there...well guess what i have 4 kids to take care of,a house and him.I dont go and chat to other guys just because sometimes he is not there but i know now that it was a excuse for him to cheat.He did cheat on me with 4 different women. I blamed myself many years but now i know that there is no excuse for anyone to cheat and i was not the one to blame.I dont say that every man cheats on his wife or girlfriend because he talks to other women online but in my eyes thats cheating when sex is involved even when its only talking.How can you trust someone when he tells other women how sexy or beautiful she is. I cant trust him nomore and without trust there is no relationship.Any relationship will not work without trust!!!He dont respect you at all by talking to other women and even looking at their pics.My suggestion is talk to him,tell him that you dont think its right and it hurts you alot but if he dont wanna talk to you or stop doing what he is doing now then i would think twice about my marriage.If he loves and respects you then he will stop doing that...i wish you the best.Let me know how it went!!! You can email me if you like:____@____.com...good luck!!! S.

If you want to truly know if he would cheat......then you need to set up a fake profile and if you have friends that could get friends that he doesn't know to post some pics on your fake profile and see if he makes contact. If he doesn't then you make contact and chat for week or so and then suggest meeting. If he takes the bait then you know......but, make sure you show up for the so called meeting (take a friend for support) and then confront him on the spot. He won't be able to lie his way out of that.