Need Advice - Ottawa,IL

There is really only one way to be the 'neighbourhood' house: be the most welcoming to the energy and reality of children.

Not necessarily juice, but always having something to drink and something snack on (you'd be amazed how popular healthy, homemade simple cookies are), and lots of places that they're allowed to be (I have yet to meet a kid who wants to spend much time in a home where there are lots of shame-filled 'off limits' spaces, or kids are really only welcome to sit still, stay quiet or be in the basement)

My kids' friends never over-stayed their welcome, because I preferred to supervise my kids and knew that would be easier if they were at my house. So we had homemade popsicles (their fave flavours), lots of crackers and cheese, free access to the drinks (homemade lemonade, homemade iced tea, homemade ginger ale...), lots of fruit and welcoming them to stay for lunch or dinner (or both), play in any room in the house except mine, to hang out sitting on the counters or the floor in the kitchen, cook what they wanted to, rearrange the furniture and combine toys and games anyway they wanted to...

I never minded backtalk or sass, mostly because being all high strung about that never suited my laid-back style... and no child I've met yet managed to come up with anything really original (or anything I've never said myself). I have no difficulty pretending I'm deaf (or laughing at them) when their language got salty, and from time to time we'd discuss what those words or phrases mean. It's amazing how rarely younger kids will say something once they understand what it means... and teens have their own language which I found simpler to be curious about than trying to stop.

You may like to visit your neighbours, to see if you can see the difference in atmosphere and tone in that home. That might give you some ideas what you can change that will help your kids' friends feel more welcome.

I wonder if you would you make your friends clean up after dinner before they moved from the dining room into the living room for coffee and conversation? We often forget that when we're being hospitable to other children there isn't any difference (at least in their minds) between how they deserve to be treated and how you treat your friends... It's your home and it is your decision how to treat people in it... just as it is entirely up to them if they feel welcome in it.

Maybe his parents told him that he can come and see if your son can play and then bring him back to his house to play. Maybe he feels more comfortable at his house.
You really need to ask him or his mother.
Just say " hey I was just wondering do you feel ok at our house or is something bothering you"?

Be thankful for great neighbors, not many people have GREAT neighbors.

God bless.

Talk to your son about it. What does he think? You could Just tell the boys you are requiring closer to equal time. Tell your son what you told us. You think it is more polite and you want him home on certain days with his friend. Tell him he is growing up too fast anyway and you like having him around......with his friends.

Do you have a lot of toys and fun activities for kids? Maybe his house is just more fun and kid friendly? I know my son has a few friends who have little toys and whose parents don't really let them 'be kids' and he doesn't like playing at their homes either. Do you have a play area or play room where they can express themselves and go wild if they want to? Maybe make your home a little more kid friendly and he will enjoy staying longer.

Most kids are going to be more comfortable at their own house. They are the ones in charge there. They get to decide things. Next time the neighbor comes over, ask him to bring a few toys of his with him. That way he won't feel the need to run home in order to play.

M.