Seeking Parental Advice

I agree totally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like all the other moms said diffinately trust your instincts. We have motherly intuition for a reason and if it does not feel right... it is not right. I don't talk about this but every now and then I have to share this story. When my son was 4 years old he had an encounter with a boy in the neighborhood. I had reservations about this kid, but I tried not to judge this family and realize that he was just a kid and I had the same instincts about this child and did insist that they play at my home, one day as the kids were playing in the yard while out there with my husband; My husband noticed they were out of site so he went to see what they were up to, well low and behold my husband walked up on my son on his knees with this little boy, well you know the rest. We freaked!!!!!!!! I immediately reported this behaivor to CPS and later discovered that this child whom was 5 yrs old at the time was being molested by an older cousin in the household. My heart went out to that kidd, I was disturbed by my child being exposed to such behavoir and I felt like he was a sacrifice to save this little boy. I am glad that my son was very young because the doctors and counselors said with him being so young he will not remember. Well my moral to this story is TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS because it can save you and your child from heart ache. So from that day forth every kid in the block plays at my home because even though he is 10 yrs old now,
I AM P-A-R-A-N-0-I-D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't trust no one. That insident BLEW MY MIND. I would not have ever imagined that and even as young as my son was I teach them about good touch and bad touch, but I also associated that kind of behavior with adults I did not teach him what was right or wrong if a friend/kid would try to play with him in that mannar. So warn your babies about EVERYBODY!!!!
Tana

What is the age of the other little boy? If it were me, I would probably call the Department of family and children services, if you are that concerned for the other little boys health and wellness. what we tell our son (now 8 3/4) is that if we do not know his friends family, then we feel more comfortable having his friends come to our house. and we've even explained to his friends that. My son has a friend (next door neighbor) who's family is very, very messy. His freind even acknowledges it. But the friend's family are very involved in the childs life. So, we tell them, that becuase the house is cluttered that we prefer them to play at our house. They tend to be pretty cool with hat.

Good luck. Follow your instincts, even if that means others may get their feelings hurt. As your childs parent you have to put their needs first!

T.,

Trust yourself on this one. No matter how old the boys are if you are not comfortable with your son going over there don't let him. Do as the other lady who responded said, make your house the 'fun' one to be at. Good luck.

For the other boys sake, I would invite him over as much as possible for dinner, weekend playdates, etc.... He might need your parental guidance since he has none at home... It will be good for your son to know that his mom cares about his friends and wants them to hang out at your house... Don't ever let your son go to his friends house... trust your instincts. good luck

Sometimes the vacuum in parental authority exists because of work and school schedules. In families today where both parents often work, there are frequently times when kids are left under the care of older siblings. A gap is then created which a certain kind of child will fill. And if the child has his own negative intentions, he’ll have plenty of time without adult supervision to intimidate and manipulate the other kids in the family. He will use this time to go against his parents’ wishes and play the big shot. He might give his younger siblings ice cream after school, for example, even though it’s against the rules. Or he may intimidate them when it’s their turn to go on the computer, so he can stay on as long as he wants. And when you get home, if his younger siblings tattle on this child, he’ll get them back the next day. This means that for the other children in your family, there is no safety. It becomes very easy for your dominant child to control the family from here on out.

http://www.empoweringparents.com/My-Child-Thinks-He-is-th...

Keep them playing at your house where you control the situation.

Trust your instincts.

T.,
You have a motherly instinct for a reason, use it. I would not let my child go and play there because you have no control over what goes on. I would just handle it as you are welcome to come to our house and play anytime. (as long as you don't mind) Think of a few REALLY fun things for the boys to do at the next couple of play times. Make your house the FUN one and he will want to come play instead of your son coming to play.
Hope this helps
M.

i see absolutely nothing wrong with telling your son that the little boy is always welcome at your home but you don't feel comfortable letting him go the other boy's home. If you don't feel like your child will be safe- then there's no question. Don't let him go. I'm sure you can find a simple and gentle way of explaining it to him.

I would suggest that you stick with the little boy playing at your home only. I have a 2 year old son and would not place him in a "questionable" situation or an unhealthy environment for any reason.
Maybe you could speak with his parents and let them know that you feel it's best that they spend time together at your home so that you could keep an eye on your son at all times.
Good luck.

I agree with everyone else. Trust your instincts. If yu think the child is really in danger, you may want to make an anoynamous call to child welfare. I definately would not let my child go over there. Good luck.

Your first concern as I know you already know is your child. What would you be leaving him in? Would he be O.K. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about why he doesn't go over, You have a big responsibilty raising a child and it sounds like you are doing a good job.

T.,

You are doing the right thing by not allowing your child to play at the neighbors. I feel anytime you are uneasy about something there is usually a reason why and you should trust your intution. I would explain to your son that he is allowed to play with so and so whenever he would like; however, it must be at your house and under your supervision because there are just something at the neighbor's house that you don't agree with.

Good luck and stay strong!

I have been in this position many times. I have four girls all
in different age groups. I just tell my girls right out why I feel uncomfortable with them at certain childrens houses and
that it is for their safety and that you love them. It is our
responsibility to protect our children. I have never had them
fight me or their father. If you are feeling a certain way alot
of times your child is too they just have a harder time saying
no because they don't want to hurt the other childs feelings or they don't know how to get out of it. I always say use me as your excuse. You can come up with lots of different excuses to tell the other child. There are always other friends.

Follow your instincts. If these parents are so liberal with their son, they would be the same with your's. This poor little boy wants your son to come to his home and play because it is such a lonely place for him to be without a friend. If he is behaved enough that you don't mind having him at your house, it is probably the best place for him. A normal environment and parents who truly care about their childrens' well-being. Your home is probably a haven for him, whether you realize it or not.

I would NOT let my son go to his home until I had met both parents and were comfortable with their child care abilities.

Good luck to you!!!

We had the same thing happen in our old neighborhood. My challenge was not whether I should let my kids go over to the neighbors, but how to explain to them WHY I wouldn't let them go. We finally told them we thought the other family had a lot of things going on in their lives at the moment so they probably appreciated letting their son come to our house. My 5 and 8 year old thought that was reasonable and that's what they explained to their new friend. Good luck!

T. - I think you are right to be concerned. Hopefully these parents are just bad housekeepers and somewhat loose in their rules rather than neglectful or abusive. I have somewhat of the same situation although I do know our neighbors and feel relatively comfortable with them. Our son will be five in November and loves to play with our neighbors' son who just turned 6. Our neighbors are less restrictive with their son - letting him come back and forth between our houses without watching him (we live next door to each other but our properties are large) and play outside by himself. I've seen him play up by the mailbox near the street and told him to stay away from the street myself. Also, they are terrible housekeepers, their house is dirty and has stuff all over the place. I don't mind a little dirt but I'm just not comfortable with my son playing over there because I'm not sure if they are leaving things out around the house that I would not want my child to come in contact with. For example, while my son knows not to play with knives and lighters and matches, we keep them up and out of sight/reach just in case. Also, our neighbors don't expect their son to pick up after himself and therefore his room is a total disaster. I think the neighbors are nice people and their son is a sweet boy, overall good manners, etc. I've just told my son that they have to play at our house since we have a big playroom and a deck, etc. We make sure that their son is aware of our expectations on picking up toys, etc. before he goes home and our son gently encourages him to do so as well. We haven't had any problems so far. I do think in your situation that it would be best to have them play at your house. Also, if you think the child is being neglected or being put in some danger by their seeming lax parenting and/or the conditions of the home I think you need to make some authority aware of it. Better safe than sorry. Best wishes.

Never let him go. If your child is old enough, explain that you are concerned about his safety, etc. We have a rule in our family. We don't go in friends houses and they don;t come in ours. Period. My children have a neighbor child thay like to play with but it's always in our yard or in their front yard where we can see them at all times. Don't give in where your children are concerned. It's your job to keep them safe!

It is not being mean or ugly to protect your child and if you would not raise your child as they are raising theirs, then let him come to your home so that he may be exposed to good behaviour and clean surroundings.

I heard a minister this week say that when you put a clean glove in mud .... the mud never gets "glovey", but the glove always gets muddy......be careful of your child's surroundings, but welcome his friends without judgement. Make sure they play around you so that you listen carefully to what is filling your son's ears and if it is not pleasing, simply say that is language we don't use in this home.

You are his protector and I can speak from regret! I am a grandmother with wonderful grandchildren.
D.
www.2work4self.com

Hi T.,

Trust your instincts. If you do not feel comfortable about leaving him at his friend's house, don't do it!

A..

I had a similar situation in my neighborhood. I was fortunate that I never had to squirm around a playdate invitation (because they never invited us). Does your son have allergies to cigarette smoke? Animals? Does he have any kind of medical condition that would require him to be near you...? Maybe you could say it's because you haven't met the parents yet? Good luck. Hope this helps.

I agree with every one trust that mom instinct. I had a friend when I was younger that her parents let her do what she wanted and they did what they wanted. I never told my mom but I knew that they had drugs in the house among other things and she was very promiscuous. Thankfully my parents had instilled strong enough values that I didn't follow along. I am not saying that is what is going on, it is just that we never know what is behind the door. Kids are so innocent and maybe you could be the one to show that there is more and better out there just by only letting them play at your house and creating that loving, clean, fun environment.

I was in this situation when I was little and my parents I think felt better have the other kid to our house, because there was a mental control factor there? If that makes sense? I knew if I went and did some of the things that this kid and myself would do at her house I would think I was getting away with something I should not have. But if it was at my house, I thought twice and it seems like when you are at your house you come up with the ideas to do things when people are over.

I would want the child at my house. Atleast you would know that your child is in a clean safe environment and who they are with. And just pray that what you have teached them they have listened to?

I would definately go with my instincts if i were you. My sister always has a pile of dirty dishes on the counter, but she is very attentive with her children so i have no problem with letting my son stay there. If there is no one actively watching over the children, then i would not advise that he go over to this child's house. I would continue to let the child come over, but it sounds like you have the right idea if you feel uncomfortable letting him stay over at their house. Liberal parents are one thing, parents who simply do not take care of their children is another! if they don't watch their own child they certainly will not be watching yours! I know it feels like your punishing your child because the parents are no good, but you'll feel better about it in the long run!