My Son Responds Negatively to Praise

Hi -

It very well could be simply his personality or he may just for some reason get embarassed when praised. That being said, my son was very much that way at your son's age and when he was 4 1/2 he was diagnosed with Asperger's. The behavior that you described on its own would not indicate Asperger's, however if in addition to your description above he displays some of the other behaviors included in the link below, I would suggest talking to your pediatrician about having him evaluated for Asperger's or other developmental delays.

http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/tc/aspergers-syndrome-s...

Again, it is very possible that it is nothing more than a phase he is going through or his personality but the perfectionism and the problems with praise and recognition are definitely familiar to me in dealing with our son.

Good luck,
K.

My daughter does this too, if people smile at her or if they clap for her. She also has a very hard time if there are a lot of people around. She hand-picks people she trusts and can be quite rude to everyone else. Right now we're at the stage where we're waiting to see if it's a phase, but if not, we may consider therapy, as there could be some sensory issues. She was adopted internationally when she was almost a year old, and could have some attachment issues we haven't caught yet, so we're giving her some time and observing right now. My sister's daughter deals with sensory issues, and improved a lot with special ed programs provided at her public preschool before she started kg. You might check out what is available; I know it did wonders for them.

This was a stage all of my children have gone through (one is just beginning, he's 3). It's like it's too much excitement and they don't like the excessive attention - embarrassed maybe? I don't know. My oldest has come out of it pretty much, though she doesn't like it too much in front of others still. My 6 year old, is still this way. He reacts better if it is done calmly and quietly and quickly. If I go on and on, he can't handle it. I still praise him, I just do it more calmly now. When they do react negatively, I usually react with silly sarcasm to show them how silly they are being or I just say that I'm proud of them anyway. I do punish for bad behavior though, no matter what the reason. Yesterday, my 6 year old did something amazingly and shockingly nice without any prompting for his older sister. I told him to go and tell her and gave that privilege to him. I then hugged him and whispered how proud I was of him. I dropped it after that. He just smiled and didn't act out. That's been my experience. **By the way, I'm the same way to a point. I'd much rather be told individually or in a note that someone liked something I did, etc. than for it to be broadcasted in front of a multitude. For the most part, I am normal (lol) - no special emotional or mental issues here. It's just my personality. It's embarrassing to me and I'm not a shy person at all. I also think that kids have a very keen sense when we are overdoing something to compensate for something. Like, they understand when we praise too loudly or too highly; it appears as it is so unusual for them to succeed. Like patronizing.

Funny about the one mom who said her child was diagnosed with Aspergers. My son would also react negatively to praise, and coincidentally, he was dxed with Aspergers at 10yrs. I wonder if your child is sensitive to the excitement in your voice, and that disturbs him. My son could be praised, but it had to be nonchalant, and very specific. Such as, very quietly say that was neat the way you sounded out the word cat, but that's it. If he has a sensory problem you might want to look at
http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/
Sensory problems can co-exist with Aspergers, and can also be found in gifted children.

Another area you might want to look into is info on gifted children. They are often perfectionistic and get easily frustrated, and don't always take praise well.
http://parentingagiftedchild.suite101.com/article.cfm/tip...

I think you may need to see a therapist. My oldest is a perfectionist and doesn't like the spotlight on him at all. He never sought out negative attention, however. He is very talented and it is a shame that he chooses not to share his talents.

Mine is also strong willed so I give him choices to make him feel like he has control. He doesn't always like those choices, but that helps us.

Things also come easily to him and he is only now (at 11) taking on more challenging tasks. He does well in school, but does have some self esteem issues that we are working on. He has the capability, but not always the confidence as well.

Good Luck!

Hi B K
I would suggest getting some professional help for him before this behavior gets worse- which it will as he gets older- Praise is a good thing and he should want it when he excells.
good luck and blessings

Hi GG, this thread sounds so much like my dd now. She has just turned 6 and since the age of about three has hated the word "proud", even if we express the pride as welling in our eyes she acts out (eg hit me and got very upset when I said "you make my eyes water with happiness") she is extremely stubborn as well. I hope you are still on this website as this thread was 8 or more years ago, I'd love to hear how you dealt with it, was it just a phase? Is it self esteem? Did you seek any professional help? Cheers!

Updated

Hi GG, this thread sounds so much like my dd now. She has just turned 6 and since the age of about three has hated the word "proud", even if we express the pride as welling in our eyes she acts out (eg hit me and got very upset when I said "you make my eyes water with happiness") she is extremely stubborn as well. I hope you are still on this website as this thread was 8 or more years ago, I'd love to hear how you dealt with it, was it just a phase? Is it self esteem? Did you seek any professional help? Cheers!