Is This Normal 7 Year Old Behavior?

Perfect? I think he likes things just so... He might have an idea in his head that he wants to put down on paper. Think about how you react to different things.. are you perfectionist about some things, but not about others??

Sassy and disrespect - better at home than out of the house... Home is where they let their hair down... if they've been good at school all day, that can be exhausting... You still need to make him behave, but take into account that he is good at school. Focus on the positive.
YMMV
LBC

I have three suggestions.
1. Look at http://www.ri.net/gifted_talented/character.html and look through the characteristics subtopics. If you feel that they fit, go to your favorite search engine and look at "gifted and talented"
2. Look at chadd.org and search their database for some answers. CHADD is an organization that gives parent support to those who have children with ADD or ADHD.
3. Ask your physician
The symptoms you tell us about can fit both gifted and ADD affected children. Gifted children tend to be perfectionists and get frustrated. They are also able to tell you exactly how they feel. They tend to have friends that are older then their peers because they can "relate" better with them. They also can have some mild learning disorders and therefore the computer episode could be explained by a mild form of dyslexia or other processing difficulty. These kids test high in intelligence, but if they are pushed to go faster or change direction during study or play they will resist it "strongly." Talk to your child's school psychologist. Mention that you suspect your child has ADD or might be gifted. Request testing. It is your legal right to request the testing, and sometimes you need to be firm.
By the way, I have 9 children, 7 of whom have ADD or ADHD (as do I), and one has Asperger's; and of those 9 each of them has been tagged as "talented and gifted" by their school. There are many support groups for parents of Gifted or ADD children. It will take some homework on your part to find the best info for your child and for YOU. You are the best advocate for your child, and at times you will feel like your are the only one.
If you need info, reply and I will give you more resources.

Sassy happens...LOL...especially at 7--the kids 'try on' new personas that they are exposed to at school.

It sounds like your son might be bored at school. The perfectionist bent sounds like both of my kids, who have been tagged as "gifted", my son 'profoundly' so. Gifted kids 'get things' at school so easily, that when faced with something they don't already "know" or can't do easily the first time, they feel inadequate.

Some have suggested that my son has either ADD or Asperger's syndrome. Both of those diagnoses have 'symptoms' that overlap some of the qualities of intellectually gifted children.

I saw someone already mentioned ADHD...low frustration tolerance is typical of ADHD or ADD (and you mentioned listening and following directions). My daughter gets upset if her doll's hair is messy--I mean if even ONE hair is sticking up. I no longer buy the Polly Pockets with real hair--only the plastic hair because of this. She also gets upset if she is trying to draw something--she wants to draw it PERFECTLY and she obviously can't so she'll just get mad and quit. Her 2 year old sister can ride a Strider bike but she can't. She didn't get the hang of it (after not even 30 seconds of trying), threw it down and wouldn't touch it again. If his perfectionism is hurting his ability to do his work than he needs an eval for sure. The low frustration tolerance was our first cue that something was wrong and that is why we got her evaluated. We NEVER guessed ADHD. I mean, she was hyper, had a short attention span, but she was young. It was her super short fuse for things she couldn't do immediately or perfectly that had us worried. Also, HOW angry these little things would make her. We've now learned that some kids react to frustration by crying, some reacting by "exploding." If you've got a child who cries, you're lucky. People are much more sympathetic to a crying child than an angry, screaming one--even if the initial trigger is exactly the same thing.

The sassy tone....I agree it is not ideal but without knowing more about his personality, it is hard to give advice on how to handle it. My daughter has a sassy attitude too and I tend to get A LOT of advice to handle it in a certain way. I can tell you, she does NOT respond well to harsh, angry tones or what would be considered "typical discipline" (even though that is how I WANT to react). She tends to go off the deep end to a point where she is so upset she can't even hear you. I find what works best for me is to address the issue when she is NOT upset about something and her brain is more willing to learn. Children (and adults) lose 15 IQ points when they are frustrated. It's true. That is why you say and do stupid things when you are mad--you are, quite literally, not thinking clearly. Children with a LOWER than usual frustration tolerance lose up to 30 IQ points when they are upset. (I learned this in the book The Explosive Child--written by two docs). This means if your child is upset or frustrated already, it is virtually IMPOSSIBLE to reason with them or impart on them any wisdom about the correct way to act. It's a great book. And it also talks about how low frustration tolerance can be a symptom of many things, not just ADHD. That just happens to be the cause in our case. Good luck.

What the heck did Martha mean by that? She needs to find a different forum to post on - maybe one for cynical moms with no sense of humor!! Sheesh!

I dont know if it's typical "boy" behavior but it's pretty typical for a kid with perfectionist tendencies to get frustrated like that. I noticed with my 7yr old, they're learning so fast and alot is starting to be expected of them but they still deal with having to develop and fine tune their fine motor control, etc. Not to mention some kids are ahead - they always notice them and think they should be right there at the top of the heap. Have you tried drawing a picture with a mouse on a computer? It's really tough. Maybe try it with him in Paint or another program on your computer to show him that's is hard for ANYONE who hasnt done it much. It takes practice. My son hates that word - he thinks if it doesnt come the first time, then something's wrong.

Keep encouraging your son to continue to practice and help him learn how to set smaller sub goals to keep his success rate up and his frustration level low.

Best of all things!

p.s. on the sassy talk? Nip that one in the bud right now. He sounds like a terrific eager kid - there's a reason he doesnt do it at home - mainly because his teacher will get him into trouble. My son "tries" that kind of thing every once in a while and we are quick to act. Usually it's something like "excuse me? I dont think so. You take some time (doing xyz chores) and think about all the ways that was so wrong to say to me. You can be finished when you can come back to me and apologize and tell me why what you said is wrong.

Sounds like he's either a perfectionist or afraid of making a mistake, maybe even a combination of both. He may need to learn that making mistakes is okay and that being perfect is not required. It's not really a behaviour issue, it's a personality trait. Does he display the perfectionist behaviour at home? If so I would be making sure he knows its okay to mess up every now and then, not everything has to be absolutely perfect. Let him see you make mistakes so that he sees the world will not end and the sky will not fall. Contrary to popular belief, being perfect is not a parenting requirement, admitting you are not perfect and fixing the mistakes when you make them is.
As for the sassy attitude, I'd be disciplining that as that will only get worse as he gets older if you let it continue. Use your normal disciplining methods to deal with it. Make sure he knows it's not acceptable to talk to you that way.
Hope that helps!

I would definitely consider talking to your pediatrician about this. I'd also talk to his teacher and ask that he be evaluated by the special education teacher for potential issues. It may just be a phase, but the evaluation can go a long way toward answering your concerns. Good luck

Wow! I don't know if Martha is being serious or trying to be funny.

Anyway, my aspie daughter did go through a perfectionist phase back when she was 4. It's hard to tell from the limited amount you wrote about, but my aspie radar did NOT go up based on what you wrote.

The teacher feels he's fine. My question to you is, are these behaviors new or not? If they're new, it could be something situational. Is his school, or the teacher, pushing for perfection from the kids? Is your son having insecurity issues for some reason? Have you tried talking to your son about why he's getting so frustrated? One other person mentioned how gifted kids feel this type of pressure to be perfect. That may be the issue too,

I feel it never hurts to get a child assessed if you feel like something is going on. However, if these behaviors are totally new, then I think you might want to pursue other issues first.

I know NOTHING about ADD/ADHD, but I hear that some kids really need to be medicated. Those are pretty extreme cases though. I think some people have had great success with doing lots of sports activities, for example. Finding a problem doesn't necessarily mean the child has to be medicated. So far, my daughter doesn't need anything at all!

Good luck!
C.
www.littlebitquirky.blogspot.com

I'm not sure that it is normal, but my oldest is the same way. I will be checking your answers to see what advice you get:-)

The sassy part is normal kid. As for the perfectionist part.....that's personality. My sister's son was that way, and the doctor told her to give him tasks she knew he couldn't do perfectly. Then he would learn that not everything has to be perfect. Sometimes good enough is good enough.

My daughter is a lot like this, though does have other issues we are addressing with counseling. I would say this could be a phase but be watchful of changes or if this contunues for a long time. I had my daughter evaluated twice for ADHD thinking maybe it was related to it but both times was a negative, not even slightly.

Sassy tone is, unfortunately, normal, but needs to be nipped before it gets worse. When he talks sassy to you, act like you would if he just dropped the f bomb at you. Make a really big deal about it and let him know it is NOT acceptable for him to be disrespectful to you, and give consequences.

As for the perfectionism, not "normal 7 year old boy behavior", but a normal personality trait that some people have. Keep an eye on it and make sure it isn't affecting his life in a way that makes it hard for him to function, or affecting his self-esteem if he can't get things perfect. Also, make sure you make it clear to him that you applaud his efforts so he isn't trying to make things perfect in order to get YOUR approval.

Some kids/adults are just Perfectionists.
My daughter was like that when younger. She is now 7... and she out grew most of it. She would get stressed/cry if something was not "perfect."
She is capable and otherwise a normal good student/kid. This was her achilles heel.
So work on it with him.
We taught our daughter that she does NOT have to be perfect... we do not pressure her in any way about it. It is just her personality. We just taught her to "try your best..." and that everyone is different AND there are MANY ways to do something.
In time, a young child will learn that.

Aside from that, which is another topic, yes, kids get "sassy" at this age and per other kids in class... and its common. It is not something to send him to a shrink for. You just teach the child that acting that way is not acceptable or polite... and that you do not treat people that way. In time, he will learn that.

all the best,
Susan