My Son Has Bruises

Q., I wrote you two different posts and erased both of them. I don't want to sound rude to you, but one poster just said kind of the same thing, so I'll admit that I am having a really hard time understanding your post. What is agro? If it's an Aussie term, please restate so that we can understand.

I THINK that you are saying that you are the boy's father. (Q. is a man's name, though that doesn't mean anything in regards to this site.) If so, then you do need to take him to the ped and talk about the bruises. Don't talk about the bruises in front of your child.

If you are contemplating suicide, then I strongly urge you to get help. You are no good to your son if you are dead. If you try to commit suicide and don't, they won't let you near your son because they won't feel that he is safe with you.

Start with the ped. If you have a lawyer and can afford it, talk to the lawyer about what the ped recommends after having your child examined.

Dawn

Take him to his pediatrician and have him looked at. If the school /authorities aren't paying close attention, I would take him to be checked out. A doctor will know how these bruises were attained. They also are mandated to report if they find something suspicious.

Your his mother, so do what you think is right. You cannot ignore something like this if you suspect and see that something isn't right.

"Agro" is slang for aggravated, folks.

Q., I don't know what the law in Australia is like on this, but in the US a pediatrician or doctor is a "mandated first reporter" who MUST report to legal authorities if he or she suspects a child is being abused. So, after taking plenty of photos of your child's bruises (full body and close-ups, dated), I would take your son to his regular doctor and show the doctor the bruises. Say that this is occurring when your child is returned to you from your ex's home. The doctor may be required to report it. If you feel the doctor is, as you put it, frowning on you and not believing you, find another one.

You need to document these "signs of being a dope user" that you see, any way you can. Keep a notebook or computer file with every visit recorded -- dates and times your son was there; his behavior before and after; whatever you see that is a problem at this other home. Can you anonymously call child protection authorities if you really have evidence that the stepdad is a drug user?

If you have any form of legal custody of your son, the school and others should not be ignoring you. Is your arrangement with your ex and her husband informal, or is there a legal, court-ordered and written custody and visitation order in place? If not - there simply must be. You need a written and legally binding document on where you son is, and with whom, at any given time. This gives YOU more power to halt visits if things are not being followed by the other side - no matter how much others frown on you. If you are afraid to go to court because there seems to be a stigma or you think no one will give you fair treatment, you need to find a very good lawyer first -- there must be "dads' rights" groups in Australia who will be very willing to help you. Start seeking them immediately. Good luck and remember -- keep yourself safe and strong because your son needs you.

Here in the US the courts have advocates for children. I have an aunt who does this - she's a retired pediatric nurse and will talk with the kids, gain their confidence and try to see what's going on from an independent perspective. See if your courts have something like this. If not talk to your pediatrician and/or take your child to a child psychologist. You need to find out what's going on without freaking out your kid.

Follow your instincts - if you're not going to look out for your child's best interest who will?

Q.:

Welcome to mamapedia!!!

If you are concerned, take him to the doctor and have a doctor examine him. Get pictures of the bruises. Take pictures of him before he leaves for your ex-wife (not sure how you can be separated and she's already re-married) and after he comes home.

Keep a journal of each and every time you drop him off- the clothes he is sent with and what he comes home with - clean, dirty, etc.

Document, document, document.

There isn't enough info in your question.

How old is your son? Can you ask him what caused the bruises? I don't understand the Australia comment. Are you in Australia?

If he's in school, he's old enough to talk to. Ask him what is going on at his mother's house.

You're right, don't ignore it.

All kids get bruises. He likes your home and you. I don't see anything sinister. What are these "signs" of being a dope user?

You have a lot of issues here....bruises, a step dad that is a possible dope user, Fathers in Australia and suicide? Where do you think the bruises are from? Do you think the dope using step dad uses drugs? And therefore is he hurting your son? Are they in Australia, but then how does he get back and forth from Australia to here and what is the suicide situation you are discussing? Pretty scarey and if you explain it better I hope we can help.

Take him to a doctor ASAP. Explain what's happening and get it documented. Don't accuse the stepfather of using drugs if you don't have any proof, but do give examples of concrete things that you have witnessed.

What does your son say happened? Who else has he told? How old is he?

I know things are different where you are, but don't let that stop you. You are a concerned father who wants nothing but to keep his son safe. Do whatever you have to do to ensure his safety.