My ex boyfriend and I have been separated for 1 1/2 years now. He was physically abusive and has a history of domestic violence and drug charges. He has not paid anything in child support. Currently, I have a restraining order on him (parenting time is reserved, so he could see his daughter if he was stable enough). He recently called and asked to see his daughter (this was after accusing me of cheating on him when we were together-which I never did- and him calling me all kinds of vulgar names). He was nice in the bgeinning and then went to complete lunatic at the end. I told him absolutely could not see his daughter. I dont trust that he is trustworthy to see her by himself and I dont trust his judgement in having someone else there to supervise, especially since it would be someone i have never met. Plus, this was the first time he has asked to see his daughter in almost 6 months, he has not paid a single dollar n child support and she just turned 2. Anyhow, at the end of the little spat he said he would see me in court and that he was filing for custody. HA!
I already have full physical custody and we have joint legal custody. He didnt bother showing up to the first custody hearing. Because of my ex's past abusive and threatening behavior, and because of his inability to retain a stable emotional state of mind, I would like to have full legal custody as well. The only thing is that the friend of the court case worker told me that the judge would not change the custody based on future events that might happen?
Any advice on how I can get full legal custody?
The father does not see his daughter because of a few reasons. After the first restraining order expired, I let him see his daughter 3 different times. The last time, he threatened to gut me like a fish in front of my children, if he ever found out that i was with someone else. So, I felt I needed the retraining order again. That's one reason. Another is that he has not had a stable place to visit my daughter. There is a restraining order and he would need to make arrangements for a third party to pick up and drop off my daughter, and he would need a safe environment to take her to. He has neither at the moment. Another reason is that all the times we have talked, he goes from 0-abusive and mean in a split second and I find him emotioanlly unstable.
Because of him and how he behaves, it is nearly impossible for us to have a civilized conversation. And I have tried many, many, many times!!!
I am so, so sorry you decided to make a child with an abusive drug user.
I think you need a lawyer. I would do everything possible to get full custody, but remember that no matter what, this man IS her father, and at some point they may want a relationship.
What a mess, good luck.
Lawyer up. Quickly. I wouldn't communicate with him at all unless it's in writing and/or through the courts. He sounds really unhinged and unpredictable .Document everything. When he makes threats like that, file an immediate police report. Press charges. Each and every time.
As your lawyer about filing emergency custody if you don't already have full physical custody with the discretion to refuse him visitation.
His not paying child support should not affect him being allowed to see your daughter. You could lose custody over that. To collect child support, you could have a judgement issued, but unless he has a job and means of support its not going to do you any good.
Why do you want full legal custody? What benefit do you see in that? He's still her father no matter how much you don't like him and has rights unless he's willing to sign those off.
Not paying child support is totally separate from visitation and custody so please don't think that not paying child support will help your cause.
You need to go to the court to get your custody agreement changed. You can also request supervised visitations and file paperwork to collect on back child support. Have the child support paid directly to the state instead of to you so there's a record of what actually happens with the money.
At this point you can't do anything on your own without the court. Having said that I'd no longer take any phone calls from your ex ever. There's no reason for you to speak with him. You can't talk rationally with unstable people and think it'll end well.
Talk to a lawyer, some will give free advice on how to go about custody. As much as it sucks you won't get much help on this site. When some of these people see anything about "single mom" or "not having the father" in a kids life they get judgmental, want to focus on how you are trying to take your kid away even though it is what is best. I understand where you are coming from, talk to a lawyer, they will be more helpful. Good luck!
I think you would have to go to court. He may show up and try to fight it or he may be too busy drinking that day and not show up which would help your cause. If you set up a court date, do not tell any of his friends and relatives!! make very little attempt to tell him, that is send a letter to his last legal address, nothing more.
Unfortunately that's how it works in Michigan. father's are granted shared legal custody.
I won full legal custody only after my son's father was incarcerated for 2 years. since his release, we haven't had anything modified on the CS order because well, he doesn't deserve any kind of a modification and he's not paying anything anyway.
If the GAL said it isn't happening it isn't happening. The only other way is for him to sign off all legal rights but that cannot be compelled. You may be able to sell him on signing over his legal rights will exempt him from child support. If it isn't paying and you don't see him paying it doesn't sound like that arrangement will hurt you.
If I were you, I would see if he would surrender his parental rights in exchange for no child support past or future. If you receive any kind of state aid this may not be possible but if you are financially independent, you can do this and it may be worth it to just sever all ties. Otherwise the courts are unlikely to change the shared legal custody.
I don't know the ins and outs of custody but I have an idea of what you are dealing with. Look at the website
BPDfamily.com
If he matches up with the symptoms, well, there is a board on there for people just like you. There are SO and spouses of people with Borderline Personality Disorder and are in the same position you are in. There are also lessons on boundaries and communication techniques.
Yeah, under normal circumstances, the Dad needs to see his kid. But I suspect this is not a normal case. I'm sorry. I have a mil with BPD. If there is someone with a chance of having this in their lives I have to speak up, so forgive me if I am wrong.
Your friend of the court is right. Unless there has been some drastic change in things, the court will not consider a change. You have full physical custody; you apparently get to decide whether or not he gets to visit. I don't see that having full legal custody as well is going to get you anymore than you already have.
Most non-custodial dads threaten to go to court and take the child. It's all they have - a threat. Don't worry and don't listen to what he says. Actions speak louder than words - wait until you are served with court papers before you worry about anything. I doubt you'll ever see them. It's a bluff to try to scare you into doing what they want.
