Seeking Advise About a Custady Battle!

If you haven't all ready done so, you should contact an attorney to fight this battle. If CT. has a LegalAid service, you should contact them to see about getting low cost council. They should be able to help you with this problem.

M.,

If you don't have an attorney or can not afford one you could try to contact a local agency who may be able to guide you? In CT the United Way has a hotline that will give you a listing of agencies that may be able to help. Dial 2-1-1 or 1-800-203-1234. Hang in there and Good luck!

Honey, find a lawyer if you can afford one or maybe pro-bono, and if you haven't gone to dept of human services do and get a case worker. I wish you soooo much luck, they sound like such losers.

record and take pictures of anything you think is odd and have someone witness every thing. Get a really good laywer and ask for a gardien adlitem. spelling is off but hope you know what i ment. I will send out a prayer for you and your daughter. record any talks you both have. Also record any calls and threats that are made to you. Keep a day to day record of every thing even if you think its something small and not worth the time to document.

Hi M.,
I am so sorry to hear of all of the difficulties you are going through. I am a 26 yr old mom of 3. Happily married now, but went through a very tough custody battle with my oldest daughters father. First, the biggest mistake I made was not getting representation for myself. I basically thought the case was obvious and I could represent myself. He walked in with not just a lawyer but an awesome one at that. It may be sooo expensive but no matter what you have to do get your self a lawyer. Bob Clarke I believe is out of New London is the best. Document everything, from the times he is not letting you take her on your given time, to family comments trying to convince you to give up your child. Keep all of this documented in one notebook along with your court papers. And also, if the court at this time has granted joint custody (which is what we have) each of you have legal set time. If they are refusing to return your child on your court granted time that is illegal, that is kidnapping- father or not. And if that is the case and you show up to the police with your custody papers they will help you, and that will only be higher held against him in court. If you want to move back to Fla. be sure when you get a lawyer he knows that so you can go for full custody and he can have visitation how ever you see fit to work it out (within reason).
Keep your head up! It will work out. But sincerely even if you have to pick up a second job (maybe during the time he has your baby) to pay for that lawyer, do it! It will quicken the process and benefit you so much!
Good luck.
M.

WoW! I feel really bad for you. I don't know much about the legal system but first you need to contact a lawyer. getting legal advice is the first step in getting this mess taken care of. Are you in contact with your own family? Maybe you could send the baby to Florida for a visit with you family, that way they can't take her and you can focus on the problem. Your parents as grandparents have right to see their grandchild so you can use that as your excuse for sending her.
Were you married? Because I think you are not bound to living in the same state just because you have a kid unless there was a marriage. A laywer can tell you that as well.
Sounds like the police are too busy for a custody case but make sure you document and marks on her body with pictures for everytime she goes with them.
Be strong and don't let them scare you us mom's need to protect our children and they cannot tell you to walk away.

1. Get your baby to Florida
2. Contact a lawyer
3. refrain from any contact with them

Good luck I will pray for you and the saftey of you children

God Bless You Michelle, I can't imagine what you are going through. But, you need an attorney, one who is experienced in child custody matters. I know you said you don't have much money, some of them do pro bono work or will work within a budget for you. Don't represent yourself - you're just asking for trouble. Good luck with the fight, I'll be praying for you and your girls.

A 4 month old with a bruise/chipped tooth should be reported to the child protection authorities. Call them now even if the bruise is gone. It will help establish a pattern. If it ever happens again, take the child immediately to your pediatrician or emergency room. I actually re-read your statement. If the child was walking, bruises and chipped teeth could be from a fall, but there is no reason for a 4 month old to be bruised or have a chipped tooth!! Take pictures, document and have a medical person examine the child. Medical people are mandated reporters in all states.

Hi M.!!Sounds like you have gotten alot of GREAT advise so far,well with the exception of one disrespectful person,anyway,I really dont have any legal advise, I just want you to know I think you are a wonderful mom and you can get threw this,stay positive....stay strong, and DO NOT let anyone get you down or make you feel less than you are.I hope this nightmare ends for you soon....I definatly will be thinking of you.Let us know what happens.-J.

Connecticut family court system is a joke!

I'm not sure if you have a lawyer or not but if you are in a lower income bracket you may qualify for free legal aid. Check out this website: http://www.larcc.org/

Good luck and keep your head up. I will keep you and your girls in my thoughts and prayers.

M.,

I feel your pain. I had a horrible custody battle with my ex husband, and thankfully, he lost. What you really need is to scrape up some cash, borrow, or seek legal services and GET A LAWYER. Bottom line, you have to have someone who really knows how to play the game. I hate to say that, cuz I do not really like the game, but once you are in the system, you have to play. Ask a lot of questions and get someone who has a good reputation for winning custody cases. Also, file a complaint with the police immediately any time you see bruises or anything of that nature that is outside the realm of regular kid stuff. And don't give up. If no one has taken your older child from you, then no one would take your baby, either. You are just being bullied. Stay strong.
Namaste,
S.

GET A LAWYER!!! You obviously need professional advice and a strong legal advocate on your behalf.
Go to a local women's shelter and seek help there. There are services available to help you if you can't afford it. Free legal counsel is always available. There are lawyers who specialize in just what you are dealing with.
GO SEE A LAWYER!! I can not stress this enough. What they are doing to you is illegal and you have rights as her mother to care for your daughter. I hope you documented the injuries to your daughter's face with photos and wrote down the dates and description of what happened.
Good luck and above all please get yourself some legal representation. The courts will take you much more seriously if you show up with a professional to straighten out this mess.
-S.

I don't really have any advise but I wish you luck on you battle. My prayers go out to you and your children and to your baby's father and his family so that their hearts will soften and will share the responsibility of raising your daughter.
-A.

You need to get an attorney on your side ASAP. Call your state's Bar Association (probably located in your state's capital) and ask them for a couple of names of good family law attorneys. Good luck!

They have to prove that you are a unfit parent. You need to get some legal advice and help. You probably have one thing going against you and thats his sister that use to be a dcyf person. See if the court can sign an advocate for you to protect you and your children. Also, if you want to move back home I would try to write up some type of paper why you NEED to move back and why. Address that to the court. You need to kepp your head high and stay strong not just for you but to prove to him and his family that you are still that strong person youare, and stay strong for that baby. Oh ya keep EVERYTHING documented, meaning, pictures of the bruieses take them right down to the station, comments that have been made. good luck. email me if you need someone to talk too.

I don't really have any advise to give you, I have never experienced what you are going through. I just wanted to let you know I am praying for you and hope you have a good support system around you. Keep your chin up and don't give up. Pray and something good will come of it. Maybe going to your local church and asking for advise from the Pastor would help. They may be able to direct you to the right place or person to help.
Take care of yourself,
N.

You need to get yourself a damn good lawyer. What they are doing to you is beyond wrong and you need someone who knows exactly what they are doing to go into the court house and stick up for you and plead your case as it should be heard. This is really unacceptable and I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. I hope things will work out for you and keep your head held high.

I suggest that you call Statewide legal services of CT. they take some personal and financial info and then give you legal help and sometimes in certain cases can offer pro bono attorneys too. I have used them in the past myself and they can really be a big asset. They can also refer you to other legal agencies in Ct. that may be able to offer more assistance. Also, I suggest that you call DCF yourself and go to the DR's to document everything.You really don't want this coming back on you in any way. You can take a chance with a restraining order for the father and his familyafter all the documents are in order, but I wouldn't suggest going that far unless they continue to be threatening. If there are no visitation orders in effect, don't let them see the child. Also, if there are no court orders keeping you from leaving CT., then go to Fl. because I have heard that the courts are different there and may be more receptive to you. After 16 years of many different family battles in CT. courts, I am NOT a fan of them. Good luck and I'll keep you in my prayers.

-M.

First let me say how sorry I am to hear you are going through this!!! What you need to do is get yourself a really good lawyer, you can't do this alone! Also you need to document everything, and I mean everything. Keep a notebook of what they said and when they said it. Make sure you have all the visitations documented and if she comes home with any marks on her take pictures!!! Remember that the courts like to keep kids with their mothers, but you need a lawyer to help you fight!! I wish you all the best! Stay strong and focused!!!

i have a lot of help for you i went ther the same thing with my son i started wan he was 2 and won wan he was all mosed 8 years old you hav to right avery thing doun and avery time you get her home if she has any mark on her bring to docker or hospil you can reach me at ____@____.com hope i helped you any questions just ask me

Dear M.,

Get an Gauridan ad litem!!!!! It is a person who comes into your home and your ex's home and is there basically for the children!!!! I am now 27 and had one when my parents were fighting over my siblings and I and that guardian was there to protect us and make sure the right thing is done!!! Its a court appointed person. I am not sure where you are from but your state and town should have a organization for women such as your self. They should help you get back on your feet and also guide you to get a lawyer for a cheap price or nothing at all!!!!! Dont stop fighting for your baby!!!! Good luck

When you filed paperwork in court, was it for joint custody or joint custody with primary residence? You need to file for primary residence. That way, father or his family wont be able to take her out of state with out your permission. You and dad would have equal rights, however, primary residence gives that party a little more control. I don't know if this varies by state. If you don't have or can't afford an attorny, try contacting your local Legal Service office. They can provide direction free of charge. Also, very important to document any bruises or marks when you have your daughter. You don't want her to be sent to you with a bruise and then have the family turn it around like she got it in your care. It's imporant ro remember that children fall and get a little banged up. However, given the circumstances of this battle, I would document everything for the "just in case" factor. I wish you the best. K.

You must be so overwhelmed. First of all I would be sure to do everything right (according to the law). Find out the laws in your state. I did this by going online and finding out. Once you know all the laws and are ready to go (everything typed up and ready for court) file to go back to court. Also check out websites dealing with "how to get custody." A custody battle tends to be a long process. So be strong for the long hall. Rememeber while in court to always be respectful in the way you say things and your tone of voice. If you want to talk more feel free to email me.

Dear M.
I feel so ad for you what's going on with your sx and his family they shouldn't be so mean to you I pray for you. I hope thing can goes better, No you can't probably move out of Ct but you can move out to different town and not be so close to those bad in-laws.
Good Luck and May God Bless

I have been going through a very similar experience. I have been in court now for 2 years-conserning visitation and Child support. It has been grueling to say the least. I feel like the court system has totally let me and my daughter down- each and every time. At first I had a lawyer and she helped set everything up - which was good. I am glad that I hired her because I was not court savvy. Child Support was put into place as well as visitation for my daughters father. It cost me over $4000.00 to do these 2 simple things. Which was all the money I had- gone ! After these court orders were put into place my ex started drinking heavily, even picked our daughter up from afterschool day care completely intoxicated. a man shot himself on his front lawn one night at 3am - my 6 year old did not see this , but she was still up. I went to the court and got an emergency Ex Parte Order- It took me all day to get it-they took away his visatation for only one month. That was last July. Now he sees her 2 nights a week and during the day on Saturdays. She does not spend the night. Everytime she is with him I am on edge. I hate it . We go back to court in September- for now - we receive no child support, and he will not help out AT ALL. I just filed another motion for Child Support.

My advise from what I know is this.
If you have a open court case you can file a motion without having to pay.
Go to the Court web-site to print forms.
MY BIGGEST mistake was NOT getting help- it's too hard to do it alone- Someone just gave me this number the other day - I have not called yet - BUT I am going to-
Legal Advise Referral Services 1(800) 639-5290
NEVER Give up or Give in......... I truly wish you all the best.... Be Strong

Hi M.~
Oh my...what a mess,huh? I am so sorry you and your baby are having to go through all of this. This is definitely NOT good for your daughter....either of your children actually. First thing I would do is pound the pavement to find good lawyer. Don't worry about money. If you're honest and up front with them the money won't be an issue. Good lawyers who do this kind of work do it for the children, not the money. If these kinds of things keep happening then maybe you should file a temporary restraining order against the father's family just to keep them away until this is straightened out. Make sure that you keep written records of everything that happens and pictures if she comes home with visible signs of injuries. If it's at all possible see if someone from your family can come and stay with you while this is getting sorted out. The support will be very helpful to you and it sounds like you could really use someone on your side in this. Don't worry about the whole moving thing right now. Just get this other mess out of the way and then you can deal with that. It's going to be much harder to fight if you live in another state.

Good luck and be sure to let us all know how things turn out. This is probably going to be the hardest fight of your life but you can do it and it will be all worth it in the end!

Good Morning M.,

Oh, I am so sorry to hear of your troubles. I too am a single Mum, my daughter's father left when I was six months pregnant, turned out he was married. Needless to say his wife took all of her anger out on me and not him, telling me to give my unborn baby up for adoption...........she has since said other nasty things, hence I am looking into filing for sole custody as I do not trust them with my daughter. As joint custody parents you will need to have the father sign a consent form every time you want to take your little one out of the state, which is what I just had to do. With regards to the bruising, I would contact Social Services and let them know, that way it will be on file when you go to court. I don't know if this is much help, but I know exactly how you are feeling. You are still a strong, independent, successful woman, just a little overwhelmed at this time. Believe me, it WILL come back.

M. you have just as much rights to the baby as the father does. You need to just keep going to court & try and get the help you need. I know it's hard dealing with the courts, they take forever! You need to try & go & talk to the lawyer of the day there to have them guide you with what you need to do. Also, you need to prove that you can give your baby a better life in a different state. If you have family there that's a plus because you can say they will be there to help you with the baby. You need to also prove that you will have a job lined up for when you do move there. Also that you will have a place to live lined up when you move. Dealing with the father of your child is aggravating believe me I know. Don't give up! You really need to speak with a lawyer though. Good luck!!!!

M.,

I feel your pain!

DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT! Get a notebook, date each page, write down any events that occurred between your ex and your daughter.

EX. 4/25/08 - No child support, no phone call from Ex.

4/26/08 - No child support, Ex called to find out how daughter was doing.

4/27/08 - No child support, no phone call from Ex.

4/28/08 - Ex gave me $50.00 today

4/29/08 - Ex took daughter for weekend

4/30/08 - Ex dropped daughter off - she had chipped tooth and back eye.

Also take pictures of anything fishy.

This will go a LONG way when you do go to court, it is documentation as to what goes on.

Also save any receipts/cancelled checks that relate to your daughter, medical receipts, etc.

With joint custody, you most likely need to get your ex to agree to allow you to move out of state with your daughter, however HIS mother has NO say whatsoever whether or not you do. Further, if there is proof that he is abusing your daughter, I don't know of a court that would allow him full custody.

Please keep us posted! Best of luck to you!!!

Hi M. - This sounds like a really awful situation... The best thing you can do for yourself is to find a lawyer to help you. That is the only way you can fight these people.

The other thing I would strongly suggest is that you stop having children. Take the time instead to get at education so you can get a good job and be a good mother to the children you already have.

And the next time you think you want to have a child, get married first. That way, there are laws that will protect both you and your child - because you see that without protection, people can do anything they want to you.

Two children is more than enough for you to try to raise by yourself - you have a very, very long and difficult road ahead of you as it is. So please take the time now to plan out your life so you can raise the children you have.

Please do not add to your stress and strife by getting pregnant by another boyfriend! This is very bad for the children you already have - including your 12 year old who is suffering terribly as a result of this new child out of wedlock. (You may not see it, and she may not show it - but damage is being done to her by this, trust me.)

So please do what you can to protect them. They come first now - and that may even mean NO boyfriends until they grow up. This is not about you anymore.