Losing a Child Custody Case~

call legal aide!!!!!!!!!! there is one in every single county in california. and document every single thing, from the cavity, failing in school, take pictures of the way he comes to see you, etc. please, go to school and get letters from his teacher explaining the difference in behavior, from the dentist about the difference in oral hygeine, etc. do you if he's been taking your son to the doctor on a regular basis?? if not, document that to. right down dates, times, all specific details from the dirty nails to the fact that your baby cries all day when he knows he has to go home. the more information you can gather, THE BETTER YOUR CASE WILL BE. petition the courts with your evidence and ask for 50/50. its alot easier to obtain than full right off the bat. once you get back 50/50, move for 60/40, etc. until you get full custody back. please, please call legal aide though and talk to someone. also, call family court because alot of the time they offer free workshops and stuff like that to help you fill out paperwork right and how to properly document your findings. if your son is really in the state you say he is, then you must act now!!!! why did you lose the custody battle to begin with?? there must have been some allegations of unfit parenting for the judge to do what he did. if so, have you taken the necessary steps to correct whatever the problem was? you can email me direct, if you want, and i will help you to the fullest extent. my best friend just dealt with this and i will do my best to make sure this injustice is corrected. the most important thing you do in court, however, IS ACKNOWLEDGE HOW IMPORTANT YOU FEEL IT IS THAT YOUR SON HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS FATHER AND THAT YOU WANT THEM TO HAVE TIME TOGETHER!!! i know you don't feel that way, and i sure wouldn't either, but the more you sound like all you want is your son's best interests and well-being to be restored, the better you wound. please contact me, i think i could help you.
best regards, B.
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I am sorry to hear about you and your son's heartbreaking situation. It's hard to know what to tell you without your having shared why the judge thought your child's father should be the one with full time custody.

Still....The main thing is, the court intended for him to be well cared for, and it looks like he is not. You will need to document the neglect he is now receiving so that you can reopen your custody case. An attorney will be more likely to accept a case where you can show that you have some evidence that will bring a favorable ruling. You may want to copy what I have written below and print it out to use.

Start a journal and then date & record his physical cleanliness on each time he is delivered for visitation. It can be a simple looseleaf notebook with one page or so for each visit. When he arrives dirty, take pictures of the filthy fingernails and ears, of his clothing. Put this on the page for that date. Have a reliable witness in a picture and make sure your camera has a date stamp on the pictures. Take pictures of him, having fun with you, another clean and ready to go back at the end of the visit. Be sure to document in writing/in pictures, his misery at having to return to his father. If he makes any comments about it, let him write them on a page as well, however he writes and spells, don't alter, prompt or correct his entries. Don't let him see your journal, just give him a sheet of notebook paper. Kids are used to writing from school.

If you have taken him to the dentist prior to him going to live with his father, and can obtain records to show that he had good hygiene, get a copy. Don't mention your custody case. Take pictures of his mouth and cavity now. Journal it in a dental health section. Make sure he brushes at your house, document that as well in writing and pictures.

If he was thriving in school with you, get copies of his school records, i.e. report cards and notes from teachers. Start a section in your journal for school. Get copies of his current report card and contact his teacher (in writing) and ask how he is doing. Don't mention that you want to know for a custody case, just express loving interest. Ask her if he does his homework every night. Even if you don't have custody and are not physically taking him from the school you have a right to view his school records and talk to his teacher, unless the court forbade you. If she gives recommendations for his improvement in school, document them, give a copy of those recommendations to his father and ask him in writing to make sure that they are followed. Then find out if they are being followed or not. Again, only express loving interest in his progress in school, no one can fault you for that. It's best not to let him know you are journaling. If teacher recommendations are not being followed, put it in your journal with evidence of it, such as progess reports or report cards and teacher communications. You follow up with doing what she recommends for him on your custody weekends with your son and make sure you have evidence of that, a witness, child work samples and pictures.

Document, document, document, take pix. Be low key about it with your son, don't disparage or talk about his dad in front of him or let him see your journal. Let him know that pictures you are taking are for you because you miss him. Don't discuss or tell others about your evidence gathering other than your reliable witness. When you have a lot of evidence, make an appointment with an attorney to view what you have and see if it will help reopen your case.

Good luck and let us know how things go. [hugs]

You need to contact a legal aid foundation. Do a search on the internet. There is Legal Aid on Crenshaw in Los Angeles, Public Counsel and other legal aid organizations throughout southern california who can evaluate your case.

unfortunately the courts are all about money! You are always guaranteed to lose without an attorney. My advice is to get some free legal advice and find a family law attorney that works with low income cases. Get copies of report cards and letters from teachers showing changes in sons behavior. Your son may like to talk to a therapist or school counselor to get things out too. He probally has a lot of anger about being pulled in 2 directions. Divorce is really hard on kids. Fight and dont give up. Good luck and I hope all works out for you and your son.

My heart goes out to you, and your son. Sounds like the lawyers won this one, as ususal (and the best interests of the parties was secondary). You got some other good advice, concerning LEGAL action you could still take now. Perhaps you should do that, particularly if the situation with your son does not improve. But I would caution you not to continue this as WAR. Besides what it will do to the relationship between you and your ex (still relevant since you have a child together), it will also be devastating to your son, long term. You must coparent, no matter what the legal custody situation is. Technically, I had joint custody with my ex, but my two children lived with their Mom, because that seemed the most stable solution. And besides the court mandated visitation (similar to yours for me), we had a good enough relationship that I saw the kids more often than that, swapping Christmas weeks, etc. Everything is negotiable, in and out of court. It was still tough for me and my kids, but it was far better than it could've been if my ex and I had a protracted legal battle.

I am sorry about your situation. I do not have any advice for you on custody but I do reccommend that you keep a journal and document EVERYTHING. What are your arrangements for pick up drop off. Note if things happen properly and if they do not. You can even take pictures of your son. The beauty of digital is that it records when you take pictures. Even if you can not consult a lawyer now you can start buidling your case. Be as detailed as possible and keep it in a safe place. I reccommend you keep in on a computer and on a thumb drive and print out the updates regularly. Good luck.

Hi H.,

Document everything. Make sure you can show records of school success before vs. after the custody change. Call CPS if you think his fater is neglecting him. Find an attorney who will handle your case pro bono (without fees) -- family court should be able to provide you with a list reputable attorneys who do pro bono work, or look on line. Review your case closely, though. Custody decisions are still inclined more toward the mother, so your ex must have had something significant to get your son removed from your care.

Appeal the court's decision. Can you hire an attorney for the day? My sister just went through a custody hearing and hired an attorney to represent her for the day.

H.,
I too have lost custody of my son.
y ex-husband had an attorney and I did not. I don't have my son due to my circumstances at the time and every time I went to get him back, my ex-husband and his attorney fought it fiercely. I can not tell you how important it is that you document EVERYTHING!!!! From dirty nails and missed Dr.appts to late pick-ups. I have my son 3 weekends a month and one mone in the summertime, every other year for spring break and for a week at Christmas. I will be praying for you and you keep your head up, your son knows who you are and he knows the sacrafice you are making right now. Just take care of yourself and be strong. It will get better soon. Also if I might suggest, get yourself and your son some counseling, it doesn't hurt to talk to someone.

Sincerely,
Been EXACTLY where you are!

My heart goes out to you. We are going through something similar right now but do have an attorney. She was able to get our case changed from abandonment to Deprived Petition, Special Needs. It appears that we will be able to keep custody and that our special needs son will finally get the help he needs via the state. It's hard having him out of our home though and not being able to visit.

I'd love to hear more about your case...feel free to write and ask any questions. I'll answer or try to find one for you.

I would do what I could to hire an attorney. Some attorneys have free consultations. I would not do anything the attorney does not suggest or recommend, as if you do anything in the wrong manner, it could make your situation worse. Whatever you do, make sure that your son has a good time during visits with you. Do Not ask him if he is having a good time at his dad's, etc., because children are smart and can unintentionally manipulate and play parents against each other to make things seem worse than what they might actually be. Just love your son...if possible, talk to your ex about the concerns that your son is not doing well in school and about the medical concerns. Maybe write a list for your ex that tells him what the daily routine was at your house when your son was living with you. Your son crying when he has to leave you is very normal.

Also, I definitely think you would benefit from having some type of support group for parents who are not living with their children..

Best of luck.

I am worried about your son's mental health through all of this... as the non-custodial parent, can you still find out if there is a counselor available at your son's school to help him!? This seems urgent to me. He needs to be able to talk about his feelings and needs help navigating what is happening to his life.

Hello, We haven't had this same problem, but I would talk to your son's teacher and let him/her know what you are concerned about. The teacher can watch for other problems. If your son is not being bathed and has a cavity, he is probably having his basic needs ignored. I am not sure why you lost custody, but it doesn't sound like life is very good with Dad. I would follow some of the things which Beverly has mentioned.
Good luck with your precious son.
K. K.