My Secret Thoughts on Why Some Moms Reject Me...What Are Yours?

1. I swear (oh well)
2. I am also contagiously fat!
3. I come accross pretty harsh sometimes. i don't take any grief from anyone, and sometimes that means other mothers as well.
4. I support gay rights (a lot of people don't), I support immigrant rights (legal and illegal, a LOT of people don't), and I am pro-life. (pretty far left, with just a touch of right. haha)

1 because they reject themselves

2 they don't know what a sense of humor is

3. misery loves company

4 they are too busy trying to be someone they aren't :)

5 They haven't had their morning coffee and doughnuts

6 they are NUTS ;0

1. I have a warped sense of humr that people don't get until they get to know me.
2. My husband and I act like Al and Peg Bundy a lot, and we think it's hilarious.
3. I have 5 kids... with 3 different dads.
4. I sport the "fluffy" look also.... I'm a bit of a fattie and refuse to do anything about it to make other people comfortable with me. I have 5 kids and a husband, therefore no time to work out. And no desire to, either.
5. I refuse to conform to snobby Stepford Wives standards.
6. I hold grudges.
7. I wear jeans and tshirts, no makeup, and limit my hair fixing to simply brushing it.
8. I'm pretty anti-social.
9. I had my first kid in high school.
10. I cuss like a sailor, but don't drink, party, or go out. Ever.

your post makes me laugh and makes me sad. you are obviously finding the wrong moms i have plenty of overweight, and very odd friends, mine are

1.im very brash
2.i stand up for my beliefs
3.im quite odd

I am Loud, Opinionated. I speak out about injustice and stand up for the underdog.

But I am also fun, I reach out to people, and I always warn people, about being loud and opinionated. But I never mean to hurt any ones feelings.. If I am going to hurt your feelings, I will give a warning.

Also if you ask for my opinion, I ask the person, "do you want me to tell you the truth, or do you want me to just support what you wan to hear.".

My response to your list:

1. Even people who march to the beat of their own drum have friends. There friends usually happen to be creative, free-thinking and non-judgmental. The ones that are into conformity usually don't fit very well into this social circle. They just don't get how interesting diversity can be.

2. Overweight people have friends. I see it all the time.

3. If you come across as a lost puppy -- your overly emotionally needy -- then that can be a big turn off.

What I'd like to share with you:

1. You have to love yourself first and foremost before you will ever feel truly feel loved and accepted by someone else.

2. Words have power. As a mother, I would never dream of calling my daughter a "freaky weirdo". That would damage herself esteem on so many different levels. Why would you want to call yourself a name like that? Each one of us is an amazing creature, you included. Louise Hay makes an amazing deck of affirmation cards that pretty much cover any issue that you may be possibly beating yourself up about. I urge you to go onto amazon.com now and order yourself a deck and pick one or two affirmations to say to yourself each week. I promise you, once you start telling yourself positive messages about yourself, you will start feeling better about yourself, you will be less likely to stress eat and you will be more open and accepting of healthy friendships.

3. Each and everyone of us is a work in progress out here. And we all have baggage that we carry and need to get rid of. We have all been damaged in one way or another. You are not alone, I promise you. The trick is for you to be proactive and work on the issues that are bringing you down. Find a counselor to help you sort out your feelings and your past. Go for a daily walk and use that as your meditation time; your time to commune with God or the Universe (however you wish to look at it). See other people as being more like you than not.

There is a lot I would like to say to you that I would hope would lift your spirit and help motivate you to take better care of your body, mind and spirit, but I think that this is probably enough for now. Please take care.

Sending you prayers of healing and strength.

ADDED: Okay, as for why I think people may reject me: (1) I'm not very good at being superficial; (2) I usually tell people what I think they should hear, kindly of course and under the right circumstances; (3) I have a dry sense of humor; (4) I am becoming more and more of an open-minded, creative, free-spirit each and everyday.

* Just like Lee I've been told that 'when I first met you I thought you were sooo stuck-up'. I guess us shy people must get that alot then!

* Boring, boring, boring - it's hard being interesting when your always either working or taking care of children.

* I'm not a SAHM so I sometimes feel as though I get shunned by some of them

* I don't know the latest fashion/makeup/hair trends and sometimes feel frumpy

I've been told that I come across as stuck-up and unapproachable. But it goes back to my lack of social butterflying skills that I mentioned in your last question. People mistake my reserved-ness for being stand-offish, which it isn't. I'm shy, damn it! And those same people have also told me how wrong they were about me once they got to know me - like I said, I'm tons of fun!! LOL

My list would look a lot like yours. LOL

Ok, well I don't feel like people "reject" me. I feel like we aren't compatible. This has been the way I have been even before kids. I am very different. *Lots, and lots, and even more tattoos (eventual sleeved/complete leg)
*We live a very unique lifestyle involving lots of vintage things, old cars, lots of buying/selling
I am pretty open minded, but if they straight don't like me, why would I want that in my life? We have close friends that accept us for who we are, and thats all we need. Not all of them have the same interests, but they simply don't care or judge us.
So to me, it's not a secret, I know why some may avoid me, and thats ok...avoid away! =)
I should add...I curse like a sailor, smoke, drink (not an alcoholic but some moms are strictly no alcohol) and yes, I am fluffy. hehehe =)

1. I'm not fake.

2. I see thru fake.

3. I am direct and strong with my convictions.

4. I am thin.

5. I have a great marriage - that is a turn off to some.

6. I keep up with politics and current affairs AND like to discuss the current topics.

7. I am laid back and an independent (I won't pick a party) - in other words, due to the area I live in, I am not a republican.

8. I am very practical in my approach to subjects and issues.

9. I don't do small talk AND I don't gossip.

10. I'm uncomfortable due to a lack of social skills (I went to 12 schools in 12 years) in new and/or group settings so I come off snobby/unapproachable.

We all have our 'quarks'. It's kind of funny, just like Breakfast Club, most of us are insecure in one way or another but we don't always openly accept others for their quarks.

1.My confidence
2. My spirituality
3.My open mind

1. I'm boring.

2. They don't like the way I parent.

3. I am too needy.

4. Since I don't have friends, I get verbal diarrhea (similar to your #3).

5. I'm too opinionated.

Update - Lee, me too. I think I have come off as stuck up too because I have trouble in the whole social area.

Thats probably not true, so dont tell yourself those things. I think sometimes im rejected by other neighborhood moms is because im shy at first. Or its because they think we have a lot of money, but that is so untrue. Or they are just wierd. I dont know for sure, could be something totally different, but i think its their loss. I have a lot of friends so i dont need anyone who is going to act stupid for some reason i dont know! Dont concern yourself with people like that.

Without actually meeting you I can only offer some ideas. Maybe you are trying too hard? Maybe you are not comfortable with yourself and your humor is not coming off right. How fat are you? I have a friend who is considerably overweight but her warmth and easy smile make me not even notice that she is almost 100 lbs overweight. Meanwhile my SIL is also extremely overweight and carries herself in a very arrogant way. She is very scary looking to me. Could also be the moms that you are around. Sometimes some moms are just not very nice unless they are very impressed by you. Do what you can to be interested in others, warm, and genuine. If they still don't like you then they are straight up bitches.

I never make the first move, which may make me seem snobby or whatever.

I'm not really all that social. I'm perfectly happy having my husband as my best friend, with a few mom-friends. But mostly I'm closest to those friends I've had since I was 8 or so.

I'm usually the youngest mom in the group, often by a good 10 years or more.

It might have a small part with you being heavy but mostly those women are jerks. Feel confident in yourself. You are wonderful. Who cares if you a bit overweight.
Hold your head up they are no better than you.
Join a moms group. If you are comfortable with yourself than others will be comfortable with you.

My "bad tapes in my head" tell me...
1. You don't measure up
2. you aren't together enough (organized)
3. my clothes aren't up to snuff
4. my hair and nails aren't done
5. my child doesn't look or act perfect
6. I don't have enough money
However, I actually do have plenty of friends....if I let them close enough....and when it comes down to it, I am not those things because I am choosing things I value over those things....what I'm trying to say is that you are beautiful and "just right" just the way you are. Healthy friendships will come when you live and "think" healthy (it's ongoing, I know...). Give the woman a chance to be the kind of friend you want. It could really enrich your life!

1. I don't wear make up and my hair is crazy
2. I dress like a ragamuffin because of the work that I do
3. I too am fat, lol
4. I am a flaming Liberal and proud of it
5. I am younger then most of the other moms
6. I really like normal people, but I think my version of normal is a little off.
7. My awesomeness is intimidating :)
8. I am always so busy I think I don't take the time to stop and chit chat as much as I should.

1. I am quiet and shy, and that comes across as unfriendliness

2. I actually am a little antisocial, I am not big on smalltalk

3. I am foreign, have a posh British accent, makes people think I am above myself

4. my kids are naughty and loud on most occasions, I have to chase my 2 year old on every occasion, which doesn't do well for chit chat.

Reallly, really interesting post and give's one a lot to think about, b/c I'm too busy with my life, kids, husband's responsibilities to worry about moms rejecting me anymore. I USED to worry about it ALL the time. I now just try to keep myself whole. I've slowed my pace way down and besides spending time here being Ann Landers, I love hanging out with my kids.

First off, this was the best post ever!!!
1. I'm a Christian.
2. I'm a homebody who would rather watch tv than go outside on a pretty day.
3. I am a little off beat...like to be different.
4. Can't stand people who make up excuses why they don't discipline thier children or just don't do it at all...your child is not your buddy!
5. I hold grudges...working on that one.
6. I come on strong sometimes.
7. My husband and mine's communication with each other in public may seem like we are on the verge of divorce, but in reality that is just us and how we relate to each other...we DO love each other (only on Tuesdays ;o)
Thanks for this, sometimes we really need to look inside ourselves from a different perspective to see what we need to improve on.

1. I have purple hair, nose piercing, tattoos, muscles from weightlifting, am taller with broad shoulders- I guess I seem too imposing to approach

2. After having 9 kids- oldest is 25, youngest is 4- I have a few extra pounds- but am working on it- for me- NOT others

3. Am socially awkward in the meet/greet department. Being so much older than other mothers with a 4 yo, they see me as the 'grandmother' type- although I am only 46

4. Having such a large family- people can't/don't seem to be able to relate

5. Growing up was an outcast- still feel that way.

6. Have learned to like/love me- to hell with what others think- and my kids are being raised the same way- love who you are and if others are intimidated by that- their loss

1. I can be shy, which makes me seem unfriendly.

2. I am thin.

3. I have a son with health issues which consumes me.

4. I am a military spouse stationed at a post where people only come for a year--we, however, have been here 3. It's hard to make friends when people come and go so often.

I made friends a lot easier before I had children. Now, you have to like the mom and the child(ren)--which is hard. I have a mom friend who is great--but her son is a wild-man. I like to have them over, but he destroys my house.

GREAT POST--by the way!!! I love the responses!!! THANK YOU!

First I have to address the secret thoughts in your own head and tell you as an avid Dr.Phil fan you have to stop those negative thoughts in your head. For me, odd, different Not the norm are all Good things...people who are over weight are pretty common and may be either a health issue or a self esteem issue I would NEVER judge someone based on weight, heck i am no super model myself and as to 3...when you make a really close friend that is what they are there for!

My secret thoughts as to why certain people dislike me or reject me...well for one, I am very opinionated and I am not afraid to speak my mind...I also am very sensitive about my children specifically my youngest who is on the spectrum...but mostly I do not try and Make time or room for many people, I like a few close friends so I am sure I seem closed off and cold and distant to the majority of other moms I come across.