My Mil Cracked My Daughters Toddler Bed Frame!

Well, since she likes to play victim, you should not mention ever that SHE is doing something wrong. Alway mention it like it is someone else that did it and ask her option on it after you tell her why you are right and what she did was wrong. It avoids stepping on toes and making people them play victim because you didn't accuse them of anything to play victim over.

On the bed front, I would get rid of the bed and put the mattress on the floor. If it like most mattresses then it is 8 inches high ant will not pose any danger to falling and if the bed is broken it is unsafe to sleep in.

Part of why I chose to skip the toddler bed was because I found out I couldn't sit on it. I was totally surprised! Why would they make a bed I couldn't sit on? So it is very possible she just didn't know that, I don't think it is dumb at all. I have pretty good common sense but I had no clue, it seems kind of dumb to me to only make them with a low weight limit. And they probably didn't have toddler beds when she had toddlers. I am only 32 and have been around them but I never had any reason to know that before.

But your real issue is that she gets on your nerves. You were right in your first approach to pick your battles. I am not saying she should be allowed to break things without consequences. That would be silly. But you are just going to have to figure out a way to get along with her, and talk to her in a way where she can't act like the one who is getting hurt. In my experience anytime someone starts a conversation with "I don't want to be rude but..." they end up saying something rude. Just like "I don't mean to be nosy but..." Even if what they say isn't really rude, it puts people immediately on the defensive and they only hear it the rude way now.

What I would have done to bring up the cracking bed to her is just casually say, "I'm sure you didn't realize that a toddler bed has a weight limit, Isn't that ridiculous? But I just wanted to mention it because the rail is cracking now, so we are going to have to be careful not to sit on it anymore." She has no reason to get defensive because you didn't tell her what she could or couldnt do, and she has no reason to try to lie her way out of it because you aren't attacking her.

Confrontations like the one over the toddler bed are going to keep happening until you figure out how to talk to her without making her defensive. I know how hard it is to live with family, I can't stand having to do that. We have stayed with my parents briefly, and had my in-laws stay with us, not so briefly. It stinks! For the sake of everyone's sanity, whether you agree with your MIL or not or whether you even like her, it will be easier if you try to speak to her casually and non-aggressively. Good luck!

Whew! You really don't like your mil. That's OK but since you have to live in her home I suggest that you find a way to let go of your anger and learn ways to be diplomatic when talking with her. It sounds like you not only used an accusing tone of voice with her but you actually accused her of cracking the bed. Nearly everyone would respond to that defensively. You are fortunate that your mil is long suffering and only offered excuses. If I were her I'd be angered and fight back. I might also ask you to find another place to live.

Always give your mil a way to save face, a way out. It's not so important that she admit wrong as to prevent further damage. You could have told her that the bed is cracked and talk about the 100 lb weight limit without accusing her of anything.

It's back to the saying, "would you rather be right or be happy?"

As to the bed, if it's wood, I suggest that you unscrew the rails, force glue and wooden tooth picks into the holes, wrap the leg with heavy duty tape and redrill the holes. Then put the rail back on. This will reinforce the joining.

My granddaughter had a metal framed toddler bed and I sat on the edge some of the time. She jumped up and down on it too. It did not break. But if the bed is plastic or wood I do see that it could be cracked by extra weight caused by sitting on it or by a child jumping on it or from age. The point of this paragraph is to suggest to you that you can find ways of thinking of things that does not increase your anger with your mil.

I am sympathetic to your condition. It is really difficult to live with a mil. My daughter and her boyfriend and I have tried to live together. It was nearly impossible even tho we got along in a basic sort of way. They made an appointment with Adult and Family Services and found a way to get state help. They moved into subsidized housing. trained for jobs, received food stamps and baby sitting stipends which allowed them to become independent. I don't know your situation but I strong suggest that you find a way to move. This amount of dissension and anger is damaging to all of you.

I went back and read a couple of your past questions. You can probably get help from your state to set up your own household. Because you aren't working you would be eligible for training assistance that gives you more benefits than if you're living on a limited income. I suggest that by setting out on your own your marriage might have a better chance of eventually succeeding.

J.,

I HAD to respond if anything to just say that you are so not alone. Unfortunately, geography isn't the problem...she is always going to be like this...just like mine! In this case misery does not love company but boy I am empathetic. I do not have to reside with mine so I am fortunate to limit my contact. You have started to attempt to create boundaries and just remember that you are simply exercising what is a life long battle of patience and tolerance with her....she will not change and you will one day at least have a home with your own ability to limit your contact....until then, quietly close your eyes and dream of that day..it will be here soon..

My best to you!

~J.

I also notice that people are saying it's not that big of a problem..remember, issues are personal not always black and white. when you do not have to deal with mil's like ours, it's easy to make it seem simple...

Dont worry J.....I get what you are saying!!!! Girl, I hear ya knockin; and I'm lettin' you in!!!! I dont think you are rude and I dont think you dont like your MIL...I TOTALLY understand!!!!

Its hard being around people like that...isnt it?.......breathe..... ;)

P.S. LOVED the F N loud comment.....made me giggle... :)

I see that you said you don;t really have the money to buy a new toddler bed. I suggest looking in a resale shop. I like looking in them because sometimes you can find that "old school" furniture that was made back in the day made out of real materials that lasted quite a few years. plus you don;t take that major hit from buying it new. I really don;t have any ideas for dealing with the MIL. Just say serenity now maybe? and use her ignorance as extra motivation to get out. good luck

Frustrating yes but were all guilty of doing silly things. I have sat on a toddler bed , just because I really did not think before I did it , my daughter woke up crying and I just sat down on the edge of the bed , ours didn't break but it could have. Do you get on well with her at all? or do you think this has annoyed you so much because it was her that did it , would you be this annoyed if it was your mother?

It's cracked. What's done is done. Did she offer to replace it or get it repaired? Will it still be OK for your daughter. Most likely it's water under the bridge at this point.

I think you are being rather rude about it. I never have used a toddler bed or looked at them. I wouldn't want my child in a bed I couldn't sit on. I would not have known there was a weight limit if I was visiting someone with a toddler bed. Accidents happen. Give the woman a break. She gave birth to and raised your husband! So she didn't respond the way she could have. If you attacked her the way it sounds like you did, she was embarrassed.

Since you are living in HER home right now, you should probably have a different attitude about her. She is nice enough to let you live with her isn't she? You say she acts like she has zero clue, be glad, because if she did have a clue, with your attitude, she probably wouldn't let you live in her home...I wouldn't! Don't ruin a relationship over a silly toddler bed.

I think you should invite your MIL to go shopping with you for a nice sturdy bed. I cant imagine not being able to sit on my son's bed and comfort him, or play with him or even lay down next to him and snuggle. Your child needs a new bed!! You should also smooth things over with you MIL. sometimes you have to be the bigger person,so go to her and apologize for what went down. you might suggest that what happened has made you want a bed that is more snuggle oriented and then invite to go shopping. good luck!

no solution here.....but get this....my father in law crossed the cables when trying to jump start my car....he fried my electrical system, we were stuck at my inlaws for 2 extra days (HELL), I missed school (I am in nursing school), and then also my radio was fried.......thank god my car was under warrentyand everythiing was fixed...we had to lie to the dealer as to what had happened. Otherwise it would have cost us 1700........

Wow! It's got to be hard even in the best of circumstances to live with extended family. Maybe it would be a good idea for you and your husband, together, to sit down and LOVINGLY but firmly explain the situation and have her confirm to BOTH of you that she understands. Maybe you didn't think you came off harsh but the tone in your message was, well, downright mean! As an outsider, it seems that you clearly don't like or respect her. Try the above approach and I'll bet you have success. Good luck.