My dd went to a soccer game with a friend (the friend's sister was playing). The mom told them to put on hats to shield the sun. The friend wore her sister's soccer team hat, but then they switched on the friend's suggestion. Then when it was time to go, my dd forgot the hat (she said she brought the other hat that the friend had, but I don't really know). I think they both had taken off the hats since they were tumbling in the grass. I wasn't there.
I know the mom was upset that the hat was lost, and they kept asking my dd what she did with it and she couldn't really remember.
Do I offer to replace?
First, my dd didn't even want to wear the hat, the mother told her to. Second, her friend asked her to switch hats. Third, she brought back the hat that she had to begin with, so she didn't think to bring the soccer hat. I guess she really didn't "forget" it, she just left when it was time to go, but nobody got the soccer hat.
SECOND UPDATE!!!
We took a 20min. drive to the soccer field (near dh's office) found the hat, returned it. Mother appreciative. Whew!!!
Im a big believer in keeping the piece. I wouldnt even have to twice about replacing it. I would just do it. Is it worth the friendship?
Updated
Im a big believer in keeping the peace. I wouldnt even have to twice about replacing it. I would just do it. Is it worth the friendship?
I would. Yes, the Mom and friend have some responsibility here. But it's just a hat, and they're friend. So I would. I think it's the kind thing to do.
However, if I was the other Mom, I'd refuse the offer. It's just a hat :)
So this other mom was concerned about your daughter getting a sunburn, loaned her a hat to protect her since you didn't send one, and now (from the sound of your SWH) you want justification for not paying for the hat your daughter was wearing?
Yes there was fault on the part of both girls, but the better example to set for your daughter is to pay for the hat. Someone did something nice for her and suffered a loss as a result; the right thing to do is compensate them for the loss.
Yes. Not sure why it's even something you'd question.
Depending on your child's age, consider having her pay to replace it or pay a portion of the cost herself. She should also be the one to give the replacement hat to the friend's sister, with her apologies. Then it's all over.
ADDED after reading the SWH:
Wow. If you use this reasoning in front of your child, do you see how you are teaching her to pick over every situation to find ways she isn't responsible and to get out of doing a basically decent thing? Please reconsider for her sake. Both girls are at fault, but why not be big about it and teach your child to take on her part of the responsibility freely and without parsing everyone else's moves?
As things go, this is small potatoes... I would just replace it and be done with it.
I know you don't want to, but yes.
And here's a justification for you... How ticked would you be if your daughter came home with a blistering sunburn all over her face/nose/scalp and was in pain for 3-5 days? Kids don't "want" to do a lot of things. Mom was nice enough to protect your daughter from being burned. Please be nice enough to replace the lost hat.
Yes.
After reading your what happened, you are trying to rationalize. Stop that. The only critical decision point is she did not give the hat back therefore it was still her responsibility.
You switched cars with your friend, you get back to the lot with your car and take off leaving the keys in the other car, are you still responsible if that car gets stolen? Your daughter did not return the hat, she left it on the stands or on the ground. Buy a new hat!
Ditto, MamaR.
Replace the hat.
of course.
i'm glad it was found. it's not like your daughter did anything wrong.
but if something clearly cherished was lost, and your daughter was the reason, why would you NOT offer to replace it?
khairete
S.
Yeah, even though it doesn't sound like it was your DD's fault alone. It's a hat and if they have a good relationship it would be the polite thing to do.
My answer doesn't change. It's the polite/right thing to do.
You could offer to replace it.
For me if my child was involved with the switch and someone offered to pay me back I would appreciate it... but wouldn't except it because my child played an equal role in the hat being lost.
Yes. Replace the hat or offer money to pay for the hat.
Good luck to you and yours.
SWH
Good job mom! Boy I bet you all feel so much better? Good problem solving!
Yes, replace it. Your daughter was the last person to have the hat in her procession..
Explain to your daughter why you will be replacing it and remind her to only wear her own hat, especially in the summer.
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Be the bigger person and just offer to replace it or give her $ for it.
~For the record, I understand what you are saying, it probably wasn't your daughter's fault or responsibility to remember the soccer hat. The Mom should have been the one to make sure the hat made it back home, but she didn't.
I will bet that the Mom will not accept your offer to pay for a replacement hat but you should offer, none the less.
Hi, Sally:
It is your duty to clear up the issue concerning your daughter.
By doing so, you are teaching your daughter to be responsible.
Have a discussion with your daughter and ask
her how to make this problem solved.
Let her think about it and come up with a solution.
With the solution, you need to have the hat replaced.
Next time go with your daughter.
Good luck.
D.
Gotta agree with MzKitty. Little kids cannot be expected to make sure they ahve everything they came with at the end of a soccer game. Asking your child where she left he hat is just stupid - who knows what other kid might have put it on their own head - and how many places could there have been to leave a hat at a soccer field? FOr all you know the coach grabbed it on his way off the field realizing someone on the team left it.
But - when all is said and done the hat can't cost much so you should offer to replace it. It's probably not something they can go out and buy now since the team hats were probably all made at the same time - but it's the gesture. If they're nice people they'll decline your offer. But they may accept it. Oh well. YOu could even ask the mom if she emailed the other team parents or the coach to see if anyone else brought it home thinking it was theirs. Cant tell you how often that used to happen at baseball until we learned to use a Sharpie on the inside of the hat with each team-mate's initials.
This is one of those learning experiences...
Yes offer to replace. The other mom will probably tell you not to worry about it but since your daughter lost it, it is the right thing for you to do.
Technically, the friends mom should have made sure everyone had everything before they left. That being said, its a hat, what could the replacement cost be? $20 at the most? Not something to have so much drama over so I would offer to replace it, simply to keep the peace. Good luck.
Let me clarify okay? I got something out of your post that I don't think other got. I may have read it wrong though.
Your friend had your daughter put on a hat to go to an activity.
Lets say it was a green hat to make things easier.
The friends child put on her siblings soccer hat to wear.
They both had on hats at this time.
Some time during the activity they were playing and tumbling around and the friend wanted to wear the green hat and your child to wear the soccer hat.
Let's say during their play time both hats fell off. When it was time to go your child went and picked up the green hat she had been given to wear to the game.
The friends child did not go get the soccer hat they had been given to wear...correct????
The friend is mad because your child did not remember to remind her child to pick up the hat her own child was supposed to have on?
In that case I would remind my friend that her daughter had taken the soccer hat to wear and that your child had been given the green hat to wear and they had returned the green hat they had taken at the beginning.
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So I guess I am with you, how is it your daughters fault that your friends daughter didn't bring back the hat "she" took to the activity.
Why is it even anything to do with your daughter? If her daughter took the hat then ended up forgetting it why is this lady even talking to you about it being your daughters problem.
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I guess if the friendship is worth more than the cost of replacing the hat, if it's even possible at this point, then I guess I would offer to pay for half and if that wasn't enough to appease her I would say that you did way beyond your part and let the friendship be a thing of the past.
I would also go to the field and see if the hat made it to the lost and found or if it is still laying somewhere under the seats or on the ground somewhere. Looking for it would be okay.
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Just to mention something it's not too early to teach your child.....
this is how head lice get spread from child to child. Sharing hats and dress up clothes is pretty yucky when you think about it.
If your dd lost it, then yes.
Part of me says that she wasn't given the hat to be responsible for...the one she was given wasn't lost. The other part says but she did wear it last. How old is your daughter? Under about 6 I think the mom should have looked, reminded or asked about the or for the hat before they left. Older than that, I would definitely offer to cover at least half the cost.
What do you mean forgot? From what you have written, it sounds like your DD had the hat on and when the owner left, she forgot to get it from her. Or was your daughter supposed to return it to her at a later time? If the owner forgot to get if from her, then no, you do not offer to replace it.
