What Would You Do If Your Child Broke Something at a Friend's House?

My daughter (13) dropped a friends Ipad and broke the screen so yes, we paid to have it fixed. However, we were not asked to.

If my child was the one who broke it I would offer to pay for it.
I would expect that the person who was supposed to be supervising my child would reject the money offered.
L.

If my child broke something at a friend's house, I would immediately offer to replace it.

However, if I were the hostess, I would absolutely refuse to have the child's family pay for it. I can't expect people to control their children when they aren't even here, and if it happened on my watch, it's on my dime.

If I am visiting friends and my kids broke something I would replace it. If I allowed kids in my care to break something I pay for it.

There is no logical argument you could produce that makes the child's parent responsible. They weren't there. They didn't know about the decanter or it's value to even tell their kid, stay away from this, it is breakable and expensive.

You were responsible.

Not that they would but if my kids picked something up and threw it against the wall intentionally breaking it, yeah, they I would pay whether I was there or not, but accidents happen, this is on you.

If my kids broke something when I wasn't there I would offer but no one I know would ever take the money, just as I wouldn't take the money. We all take responsibility for what happens in our homes.

My younger son had one friend I had to watch like a hawk, I discouraged him being invited and really, watching the kid, I was not comfortable allowing my son to go to his house either.

I would replace it. As soon as possible. There would be absolutely no discussion as to whether I would do so or not. When it happened, I would immediately state, "Oh my goodness, we are SO very sorry! (meaningful look at my daughter). We will be replacing it as soon as I can get it ordered and shipped. Can I please get a pen and paper so I can write down the name, pattern, and where you bought it?"

Daughter will be doing chores and extra work to work off the cost of the decanter. At 8, she knew better and was being foolish. Some sweat equity to pay this bill will help her to remember not to rough house when she is a guest in someone's home in the future (and even though I'd pay for it, she'd owe ME and I'd track every dollar put towards it through her work/chores).

ETA: I just reread your post and have some follow up thoughts and questions. The way you're writing implies that this girl was over at your house for a playdate. Which usually means that her parent dropped her off to play at your home, with your daughter, under reasonable supervision. Correct?

Why, then, if she were being supervised, would she be in your dining room swinging a STICK?

I'm sorry, dear, but if these facts are true, you're out a $500 decanter because you weren't properly supervising an 8 year old little girl who was a guest in your home. If you had told her to put the stick down and she had continued, and/or if you'd told her to stay out of the dining room, you might have a reasonable case. But that still doesn't explain why she was unsupervised.

When you host a playdate, the reasonable person standard dictates that the children will be supervised to avoid accidents such as this.

Sorry for the loss of your expensive decanter. That sucks. And while *I* am the kind of parent who would still replace the decanter and punish my child, my judgment of your inability to host a playdate and provide children adequate and responsible supervision stands.

You were the Host.
Something got broken by a visiting kid.
If I were the parent of that kid that broke something in your house, regardless of what it was or where it was, I would offer to do something about it. I would also, make SURE my child, apologized for said accident, whether or not it was done intentionally.
If an adult or child regardless of age.... broke something in someone else's home, you apologize. And if it is a big ticket item, you make SURE to apologize. It is manners. And I would make some kind of attempt to help, with any cost, per what *I* can afford.
Making an attempt, to help with replacing or fixing the broken item, is to me, an obligation of manners and out of respect to the home/Host. No matter how well you know them or not.
Even if the offer to help with its cost is turned down, at least you offered.

It is not, to me, a situation of "too bad, so sad, its your problem" for inviting others to your home. No matter if this was adults or children, regardless of age, in your home. And regardless of where that object was.

How is one to know, that an object is going to be broken, if/when guests are invited to your home?
No one knows that.
And, if someone invites guests over, then are we supposed to put away ALL objects of value???? Each time? Or never invite others over??? I mean, everyone has TVs. Per our Sears repairman, he said SOOOOOOOOO many TVs get broken, everyday. Due to various reasons. The screen gets cracked even. That is a big ticket item. So should you put away your TV too, whenever kids are over?
How far, is a Host supposed to go... in putting away ALL things, whenever others are invited over? I mean, that just gets too overboard. If the thinking is that a Host is responsible for any broken things in her home....because, SHE had kids over and she should've known better.
???????

As a parent, I would offer to replace something my child broke. It's just that simple.

If my child broke something, I would replace it. The same as if I broke it. A host has zero obligation to put away their normal furnishings and decorative objects. A parent has every obligation to assess the environment and if they believe their child cannot be reliable in the environment, to suggest a different venue.

ETA: In my house, you need to walk through the dining room to get from the kitchen/family room to the living room and bedrooms. So there is a LOT of traffic through the DR. My husband collects glass and I collect ceramics. We do NOT redecorate so my son can have friends over. We did not redecorate when my son was a toddler. The only person who has ever broken things in our house is DH.

Our homeowner's policy does not ask that items with an individual value less than $5000 be listed and insured separately. $500 would be below our deductible and I would not even consider reporting it. I really don't see what the value of the broken item has to do with whose responsibility breakage is. If anything, I would feel MORE responsible if my child broke something valuable than if they broke something inexpensive.

It would be proper of the guest to offer to replace the item. It would be gracious of the host (though not required) to turn down the offer. If the item was REALLY expensive, it should be turned in on insurance and the breaker pay the deductible.

At the very minimum, the child should write a letter of apology and offer to do something to make up for the lack of judgement (such as chores for the host or a gift).

If my kid broke something (even while under someone else's care), I would offer to pay for a replacement. I can't imagine not doing so.

If a friend's child broke something while under MY care, I would not expect or request the other parent to replace it. But if they DID offer, I would think "How considerate of them" and *possibly* accept their offer (depending on a few things).

I have higher standards for myself than for others. I always *try* to do the proper thing and try never to expect it from others. I'm never disappointed that way.

If it had been a truly irreplaceable item, it wouldn't have been out during a playdate in the first place.

If my kid (or I) broke something at someone else's house, I would replace it.

My older son is 6, and I would be HORRIFIED if I found out he was inside someone's home swinging a stick around.. He knows that is unacceptable behavior and he would be held accountable. I would not expect an adult to have to tell him that stick-swinging inside is not OK. If he did that and broke something, he would absolutely pay for it himself out of his savings account, and he would be responsible for working off the money to reimburse the savings account. I can't imagine turning it on the parent and saying well, if you don't want things broken, you should put them up or watch kids every second, because a stick-swinging 8 year old is a reasonable expectation at any time in your living room.
I really don't understand not holding the child accountable. It may have been an honest mistake, but it is important to learn that mistakes can have consequences, too.
If it was a situation where the money would cause me to be unable to pay bills, etc, I would offer to pay $10 a month or whatever I could afford until the full amount was paid off, and my son would work it off.

If it were my kid, yes, I would replace the broken item. AND my kid would be paying for part of the item, depending on the price and level of carelessness. I'm not saying I'm a perfect parent by any means, but even my near-seven year old son KNOWS not to touch anything at someone else's house and that if he's curious, he needs to ask. We taught him this young at our own home, where some things are just meant to be looked at and enjoyed, not touched.

Sometimes, kids do break things at our house. If they are apologetic and aware of their damage, I feel that no real harm is done. If they don't seem to be careful, they don't get invited back. Some kids really haven't been taught not to touch things or have low impulse control-- and I, in turn, have a low tolerance for kids who cannot control themselves. Oh, and sticks and rough/bouncy play are for outside-- we do know that,right? No sticks in the house.

If my kid broke something, I would pay to have ti repaired or replaced, or if neither was possible, pay the value of it.
If my kid is at your house without me, and breaks something, I want to know about it when I pick her up so that I can pay for it.
And I would have given my 8-year-old extra chores to do to "reimburse" me.

If your kid breaks something expensive of mine, I will let you know that s/he broke it. I would expect you to offer to pay for it. If a kid breaks something cheap of mine, I don't worry about it.

If your kid breaks something once, I chalk it up to accident. If s/he shows a tendency toward destructive behavior, s/he will no longer be invited over.
And if my kid is constantly breaking your stuff, I would expect you to stop inviting her over, AND tell me so that I can put a stop to it.

I would not expect a child's friend's parents to reimburse me for an item their child broke, unless it was an instance of vandalism and malice. Things break. My kids' friends have managed to put a hole in a newly installed wall, ripped the trampoline netting, broke the monkey bars on our jungle gym, dented a car, dented the garage door, and have broken several panes of door and window glass. For things that were repairable I've had my own kids participate in the repair (fixing the wall, sewing the trampoline net) but I haven't told the other kids' parents what happened because they were accidents and I don't expect the other parents to do anything about it.

ETA: If I were with my child at someone else's home when something happened then I would offer to repair or replace something that my child broke but I'd be surprised if someone actually took me up on the offer. I would imagine that my kids have accidentally broken things at friends' houses because I've seen their friends have accidents at mine but if it's happened, no one has ever said anything to me just as I have never said anything to them.

I have Baccarat Decanters, bar glasses to match and way too many other collections of Crystal.. They are not in an area the kids were allowed to be in. I was a China, Crystal Buyer, I adore good crystal and China and own quite a bit.

When we had large groups of kids over, or parties etc.. I put them in a piece of furniture that was closed. Even though they knew the rules, I just never took chances.

I cannot imagine expecting any of our guests to even begin to think they would have to pay, if they somehow broke my things.. I wanted them to feel comfortable in our home and not be worried about our beautiful things.

Children do child like things, unless the child picked up the decanter and broke it on purpose, I see this as an accident.

Yes, I, would offer to replace a broken item (I could not afford $250. at this point in my life, much less $500.) but I would hope the Hostess would realize it was an accident. If she wanted the money, I would have to offer to give her $50. a month and be pretty embarrassed that I could not just write her a check.

We never know what is really going on in other peoples lives. My Mother in law had a New Mercedes, it was given to her to use as an employee of a local Real Estate Company, she did not own it.

I have friends that live in Beautiful Homes that actually are part of a family Trust and not really their homes.

The parent of the child that accidentally broke something should always offer to replace it. The owner of the home should always graciously decline.

I'm sorry that happened! Assuming the parent knew, they should have offered to pay and you should have either refused or accepted half. I will say that my 8 year old would have broken that in a heartbeat, just by walking by it and not meaning to do harm. He's not the most graceful boy, he makes too many sudden moves, although he makes up for it with kindness. ;) We keep our nicer pieces up high or in our curio cabinet. It only takes one game of hide and seek or a wild beach ball in the house (yes, this happened during our last get together) to have someone knock something over. If my son did break something, I would pay, but would be annoyed if I found out the piece was $500 and not insured and at kid level.

Have to add that I walked in the room once and two 8 year olds had built a mountain out of cushions that they were going to "ride" down on a snowboard, directly into a very nice piece of furniture. Not all eight year olds have the greatest common sense, so best to child-proof for those kids for a few more years.

If it were me, I'd probably wouldn't say anything and pay for it. If my daughter came home and told me she broke something, I would call and offer to pay. I know you are frusturated that you are going to pay for it, but try not to punish the guest for it. I know you said you wouldn't have her over again b/c she is destructive. If her and your daughter get along, just designate where they can and can't go, that way if something gets broke again, when you drop the friend off at her house you can tell the mom "The girls had fun but Amy is grounded because her and Sara were playing in the dining room and broke "x"

My first question is why were they in the Dining Room. Yes, it should be replaced by parent and child. Child needs to held accountable. Do some extra chores, get paid and hand over the money to you. It's called being responsible.

Just read that it is $500! Holy cow! That's a whole new ball game. Why would you have something that expensive out. Doesn't your child know no playing in DR. I can imagine many people these days have $500 of disposable money. I thought maybe 50 bucks. I am thinking now that you were equally responsible for damage.

I guess let the mother give you what she feels she can and let is go. Lesson learned. Even my 20 month old granddaughter knows not to go I to dining room!

Everyone raises their children different. Some kids are supervised more than others.

My daughter has a very sweet friend. I am also friends with the mother. We are extremely active and on the go. That means we may eat lunch and/or dinner in the car. My daughter invited her to ice skate and the mother had somewhere to go by a certain time. I felt bad because the girls were hungry and didn't want to return her without eating. I called the pizza place across the street and order some chicken fingers and stopped by to pick them up, so the girls could eat in the car. What do you know, I backed out of the parking spot and ranch dressing went all over my new truck. My daughter eats in the car all the time and never spills. I blamed myself because I am sure they take the time to eat at the table and not in the car. I didn't say anything.

So, to answer your question, if I found out my daughter broke something, I would replace it. I would also have reservations about allowing her to visit there again. I would do so with great hesitation. Not because you brought it to my attention, but because I would think there were too many breakable items in the house and she (daughter) is not being mindful. AKA too embarrassed.

If it were my child, I could replace it easily, I would. If couldn't then I'd talk to the owner of the item and come to some sort of agreement on repayment or replacement. That's just me.

Since it was your item and she hasn't offered to replace/pay for it, I would suggest at least splitting the cost to replace it.

$500 WOULD put me in debt. There is NO WAY I could pay you that amount of money without saving for it.

That being said, if my daughter was the one who broke something and it was that expensive it would end the friendship. I just couldn't have her go back to your house for fear of what else she might break.

The parent should offer to pay for the decanter but if they don't I wouldn't pursue it. Things happen especially with kids. Even when you think you have something out of the way they seem to be able to find it and or destroy it. My cousin's little girl broke an item of mine that I loved. I didn't tell my cousin because her daughter is a kid and I invited her over to play with my daughter. Some things you just have to suck up and move on. I would be happy that the little girl wasn't hurt.

If the parent doesn't offer to pay for it either don't invite the little girl back or just leave it alone and move on. Good luck with your decision.

At 500$ for a wine decanter you should have had it insured. At least it should be on a list of insured items. Anything of value should always be insured for this EXACT purpose. Then the girl who broke it, should be informed she will be doing some sort of chore, or restitution for breaking it. Especially if it was done for a stupid, non sense reason. That's my take.

Judge Judy would rule that you were responsible since you had care and control of the child.

I agree that you don't need to supervise eight year olds like they are toddlers, and personally I provide very minimal supervision to my eight year old son and his friends. I also do not allow my kids to entertain their friends in my living room or dining room. When other kids come over they are relegated to the rec room, the kids room and outdoors (where there are not a lot of breakable, irreplaceable items stored). If one of my kids friends were to break something in my dining room then I would lay the blame on my kid for allowing his friend to be in my dining room. If that friend were in the dining room without permission then that kid would no longer be welcome.

That's a tough one. I think, from your SWH that this seems to maybe be a pattern with this child (recklessness)? So, I agree that this time I would suck it up, replace it (if I want it replaced) and just not invite the child over anymore.

You don't need to say why, unless the kid's parent corners you and asks you outright. And if they are so bold as to do that, then I would be bold right back and tell them.

I agree that at 8 years old, kids should not be doing things crazy indoors to break items not sitting out precariously unprotected. But, as a mom, I would also be aware that I had pricey, delicate things in the back of the room if I noticed them playing in that room (no matter what PART of the room they were playing in). Hide and seek would be an excellent way for something in a back corner to get knocked over and broken. What better place to hide than an out of the way corner of a hardly used space?

And personally, I don't place glass items like that on the floor (was it on the floor? Your description leads me to think that, though you don't actually say that.. so it's hard to know). Those things go IN the china cabinet.
But by all means... don't invite her back except maybe to play outdoors only. Otherwise, you SHOULD watch them like a hawk and intervene as necessary so that she learns how to behave in YOUR home. I don't care what kids are allowed to do in THEIR homes, they will not behave like banshees in mine. Fun or not.

Unless the kid did it on blatantly purpose I would see it as a unfortunately circumstance and kind of the "cost of business" with having a playdate and kids. Yes it is unfortunate that something so expensive/sentimental broke but things such as this happen when you have kids.

Next time you have a playdate for your daughter set some ground rules beforehand as to what areas are off limits in the house. If the friend/daughter break the rules then the play date is over.

I couldn't afford to replace it and would tell you to get your insurance to cover it. Accidents happen. You were supervising them. They were playing in a non play room I guess?

I would definitely offer to pay and if I could identify the item, just go buy it for them. I guess if it wasn't totally my child's fault somehow and the parents said I didn't need to pay, I'd try to work out something fair. Same if I was the homeowner. It would kind of depend too on the friendship. If it was a good one I would want to respect it and just pay and be done. If it was a kid I didn't like, it certainly would be hard to turn down an offer to pay or not expect one. I also stopped watching play dates like a hawk once they were about 6 or 7 depending on the kid.

I would let the parents know that the decanter was broken. If it was not brand-new, I would also not expect someone to repay full price. I would tell them so that they knew about the incident and could talk to their daughter and so they could make an offer, if that was their inclination.

Regardless of their ability to pay, perhaps you need to change where the girls are allowed to be, change playdates to being out of doors, or encourage more playdates at the friend's house if yours is not the best venue.

I would try to pay for something if I could and I was told about it. However, $500 would set me back quite a bit and I would not easily be able to pay for it outright. You can't always assume you know what someone might be able to pay for. We do our best to keep things unbroken, but sometimes accidents happen. One of our own friends sat in an antique chair and broke it. My FIL can fix it but the friend was horrified and we had to assure him it was going to be OK. He hasn't come into our home since and I have to wonder if he's still embarrassed.

I have a friend who returned an item to another friend of hers...and long story short, expectations were unclear and now the friend of a friend is basically no longer speaking to my friend. Over something stupid. So weigh how important this is in the long run vs the child's friendship.

You had the child in your home so you should replace it yourself.

If you had had a party and the child had broke the decanter, I would think or hope that mom would offer to pay for a replacement.

The cost of the replaced item is much less than your deductible on the homeowner's policy so I would just suck it up. Know that things of this nature have to be put somewhere else and not every child is a no touch or hands off child.

the other S.

PS Sucks to have to put up things in this day and age but if you want that is what you have to do.

I feel dumb, What is a DR?

My feeling is always this: People and relationships are more important than any material possession. Was this girl sorry that she did it? Sounds like this decanter is pretty important to you. But it is just as unclassy to expect the child's parents to pay for it as it is for them not to offer.

The child was at your house for a playdate correct? So then you are responsible for the actions of that child, they have been left in your care.

Therefore, why in the world would you allow them to be playing in your DR and why did you allow them to have a stick in your house around such valuable items.

At what point did you tell the kids that they needed to get out of the DR and put the stick back outside. What was your child doing during this time?

I'm sorry, but in all honesty, in my opinion you are the one at fault for your property being broke. You were also negligent in the fact that you were allowing them to play with sticks in your house. Had the child been hurt that would have been your fault as well.

You are also assuming that $500 would be more than affordable for this family. If you are not their accountant or involved with their finances then you really have no idea what their financial situation is. Personally, there is no way that I could come up with $250 or $500 to pay you immediately.

It sounds like not allowing this child to your house in the future is probably a good plan. She obviously requires some supervision that you are either unable or unwilling to provide.

Sorry if this sounds harsh.

Good question. Well first of all I think my mom has amazing judgment but we dont agree on everything. When I was growing up my parents house had the house decorated more expensively then I do. I dont recall anything ever being broken. My mom never moved items because kids were coming over. Even when she became a grandmom she would leave out her delicate things. Now my kids are calm children and dont break things at peoples house. However when they were quiet young. There were times I would arrive with 3 young children at my parents and my parents were both working. I was unpacking the car. My daughter was around 2 yrs. There were no other adults. My mom knew we were coming and I asked her to put breakable items higher. She didnt and something got broke. I dont think that was my fault.
If my kids were at someone house if it was a smaller item I would offer to replace it.
There have been kids I never invited back to my house because they are too wild. I dont think you should have to move your items unless you know this child is very wild.
For me I have diffucult time saying things to other people. I most likely wouldnt mention it to the parents.