My Daughter Got into a Fight on the Bus!

I get that you thought it was okay to ask the girl - personally I think so too. BUT parents these days are overly protective and they view their children through rose-colored glasses so no one thinks anyone should ask THEIR child about anything because THEIR child is always innocent. The child was probably frightened because she knew she had done something wrong (probably started the fight).

Always best to have the other parent or another teacher/in charge adult present, and to defer to the authority of that person.

For you, as the parent of the child who hurt her, to question her was pretty similar to 'getting in her face and scaring her'. That might not be a fact for you, but that is what it felt like for the little girl. My guess is that if you were not calm, cool and collected/sympathetic, she might have been even more scared.

When in doubt, ask the teacher or principal: "You know, I felt like things were pretty confused about the bus. What should I do next time?" They'll tell you and then you won't have to wonder.

And if that other little girl did have marks on her face, it sounds like she was hurt. The mother of the kid that hurt her approaching her--that *can* feel scary.

I don't really think it's appropriate for a parent to go on the bus and confront a student. Here, parents are not allowed on buses at all. It's for the school staff and/or drier to determine what happened. You may not know exactly what happened. Your child will tell one side, the other child will tell another side and you can't always assume that your child is completely innocent. As a parent (two teens) and an elementary school employee, it's not for you to investigate by interrogating another child. Her parents are right to be upset. The bus driver would have to report and incidents to the principal. Your concerns should have been directed to the principal.

I think it is just not a good idea to confront other people's children yourself. Leave it to the teachers, the parents or the bus driver.

I learned long ago you cannot touch other peoples children and with that I don't approach them either.

When my oldest daughter was riding her bike at our apartments, I watched a little boy push her off the bike. I headed out to the play area and he started to take her bike and had one foot hanging over it to ride it. I told her to get her bike and he was yanking the bike back away from her. I took the bike and told her to go inside and he was running after her and pushing her. I placed my hand between the two which did cause me to touch him. I told her to go ahead and go home and he ran the other direction to his apartment screaming and crying. Before I could get inside my apartment the whole family came out and was screaming at me that I made him cry, hit him, etc. I explained he was pushing and I just held him back with an open hand so he could no longer push her. It didn't matter they wouldn't calm down. Of course the police were called and they kindly explained that they could arrest me for touching someone else's child, but they didn't.

I would just let it simmer down. If the bus driver couldn't tell you what happened, you will probably never know.

just wanted to say, my son was in first grade and threw up right when teh bus was dropping him off, I was asked not to board teh bus to help him, that policy is NO unauthorized people on the bus.

Just the fact that you stepped on to the bus and were asking questions seems threatenign to me.

Does your bus have video? the driver is your witness right?

and your dd hurt the other girl and marked her face? yikes.

Huh....I confronted someone else's child just last week. I challenge their parents to come and ask me about it. You don't want me to talk to your child then your CHILD better behave himself.
I think it's ridiculous that someone can't ask someone else's child what just happened. So often I think that is why kids are naughty. They can get away with it! No one calls them on it. And then when someone does, the parents ignore the fact that their kid did wrong and just get mad that someone did something. Thbbbt.
You did nothing wrong. Her mom can scream and yell until she's blue in the face, but the driver was right next to you and can back you up.
If someone confronted MY child because of bad behavior you better believe my CHILD will get in trouble for misbehaving, not the person calling him out on his bad behavior.
L.

The bus driver is your witness that you didn't do anything inappropriate with the girl. You cannot control this little girl's feelings regarding you speaking with her. If she was afraid, she was afraid. She might not have lied - if she felt that way, then she had the right to say it. It's a perception thing.

What you could have done is kneeled down and called her "honey", and ask the question looking UP at her. That would have been much less likely to have frightened her. If your daughter started the fight and hurt this girl, why wouldn't she be afraid of you? She most likely thinks that you are aggressive like your daughter. If your daughter didn't start the fight, then she may just be afraid that you are going to punish her.

I don't understand the "makers" remark.

You'll probably need the bus driver to let the school know that you were not inappropriate.

You need to get to the bottom of the fight issue. If your daughter is at fault, you need to give her a real consequence. If she is the aggressor, she needs to pay a big price. Fights on the bus are NOT acceptable, period.

Dawn

I would not find it advisable to speak to the child your child had a fight with without another adult present.

Personally I don't see anything wrong with what you did. You wanted/ needed answers and you went to get them. Who better to find out what happened than to ask the ones that were present?

Now I would ask for a meeting with the principal, both girls and her parents and get this straightened out.. and get to the bottom of it once and for all. I would be surprised to hear if the girl lies with you standing right there able to correct her.

Hopefully this can get solved and put to rest instead of it lingering on and possibly gets worse by no conclusion happening other than the he said/ she said nonsense that can boil everything back up.

Been there, done that. I never got further than outside the bus near the stairs, to talk to the bus drivers(they have to learn towards me to speak and hear). I have also had a child last year(who was taller than I and weighed more than my son) say that my son was starting fights, that I was scaring him by leaning my head in the bus to hear the bus driver. He also said the same thing when I talked to her through the window.
The parents refused to talk to the driver, and said that their son was such a good boy, and these "bullies" needed to be kicked off the bus. If she had kicked everyone off for getting into fights, he would have been the only one left by the end of the year.
After hearing this child was involved in "fights" with six other children(told to me by their parents), I went to the principal, and the superintendent. I refused to let my son and these other children be punished because one child who was involved in all the fights was a bully. They called all of the other parents, got confirmation, and then assigned him the seat opposite the driver in the front(because he's even hit the driver). When the parents complained, they were told that it was either that, or the parents had to transport him to school every day.

He has since gone on to sixth grade, started trouble on new bus, and was given..yup, you guessed it! The same seat arrangement from last year.

Talk to the driver from the outside window only from now on, get her direct extension at transportation(when you call transportation), and also call the principal every time this happens from now on.

A bully will always hide the truth, and most kids are too afraid to speak up. If enough reports from every parent that's had a child bullied by her are logged, they can arrange a special seating arrangement, parental transport, or other disciplinary measures.

That said, it wasn't clear with your information who was the aggressor. If the other girl had "marks" on her face, and not your daughter, what happened? If it turns out your daughter started it, will you punish her?

Just my 2cp.

If it's a situation that occurred on the bus, I would NOT have gotten on the bus to confront the child. It sounds like you did intimidate the little girl no matter what your intentions were. You can say that people where you live tend to make a bigger deal out of small issues than they need to, but you shouldn't have gotten onto the bus.

I'm a parent that WILL confront children that have bullied my children, but I won't do it on school property. As soon as they get on the bus, it's school property. I first go through other avenues before any sort of confrontation. I let the driver know. I let the principal and teacher know.

If the child lives in my neighborhood and I see them regularly, I'll say something calmly and in a friendly (but firm) way. I'll then tell their parents about the conversation. But that's really last resort unless it's a situation that has nothing to do with school at all. If it's a private matter, I handle it through parents and discussion with the children involved.