My 6Yo Daughters Nightmare Bus Rides to School

You don't need words of advice... you need to talk to the bus driver or the school district. Or start driving her to school.

We quit riding the bus....too many things going on under the radar...busses breed bad behavior because kids know the driver can't see everything going on. For us, it's better not to ride it. We get charge $150 to ride and if we don't ride, we get to sleep 30 more minutes and we beat the bus to school anyway....who needs it!

When my son was having an issueon the bus I did three things,
#1 - I wrote an email to his teacher and the school principal,
#2 - I called the bus barn, left a message for the bus driver, and he called back that same day.
#3 - Told my son that he had the right to defend himself if he had to.
The teacher and principal emailed AND called me back that same day as did the bus driver. He moved my son up a bit closer (he was 7 and they had assigned seating as well) and he talked with the boy that was hitting/strangling my son on the bus.
They were quick about nipping this in the bud (or is it butt?)
I don't know why you wouldn't talk with the teacher and bus driver.
L.

I am a school bus driver and this is very upsetting to me. There are a number of things you can do.

First, find out the bullying policy in your school district. Bus drivers are almost always required to follow these policies.

Next, find out who the drivers work for. In some areas they are employed by the school, in other areas, the districts will contract out to transportation companies. Then find out who the employers answer to.

Once you have a chain of command, start by speaking to the driver. Be polite. I'm not suggesting that you are not polite, but more often that not, when a parent of a young child approaches a driver they are rude to us. As a parent I understand that people get protective of their kids, I am too, but being rude to us makes us less inclined to want to help. Explain to the driver the problem then ask if your daughter can be reassigned to the front of the bus, or at the very least, away from the boys. If the driver says yes, confirm that the change will happen "right now". Most drivers should be able to comply with this. If the answer is no, ask why and remember the answer. Sometimes things are out of the drivers control whether we like it or not.

Next call the drivers supervisor. Repeat the process and tell them the reason the driver gave for the refusal. Ask if it is correct. If it is not correct, ask for the proper procedure, than insist that the driver be made to follow it. If it is correct ask "Do you have the authority to make the change?" If so, insist they do and ask when, if not, ask who does. I would also ask if there are cameras on the bus and insist that they be looked at to identify all involved parties.

Follow this process up the chain of command as far as you have to, to get results. If your district has a bullying policy, let everyone you speak to know that you are aware of it, and insist it be followed.

And irregardless of your results with the bus seating, it would be a good idea to let the principle know because these boys are most likely bullying kids at school as well as on the bus.

PM me if you have any questions and whatever you do, DON'T give up. You can get this fixed.

Talk to:

The bus driver
The bus company
The principal
The school superintendent

When you call, say: "I am terribly concerned and alarmed. I need to speak with you right away."

When you sit down with them, say: "I'm so glad you could meet with me because this is a terrible bullying situation, and I need your help in putting it to an end."

Whatever solution they propose: Insist that they put it in writing.

Please do this. The effects of bullying last a lifetime. And schools today take it seriously, but you have to very politely, very articulately, get in their faces and not get out their faces until it's fixed.

You can do what I've done: When you get your daughter on the bus, get right up on the stairs and speak directly to the driver: "My daughter has been complaining about the 3rd and 4th grade boys teasing her nearly every morning and afternoon. It's getting bad enough that she's afraid to ride. I would appreciate it if you could handle this. I'll be talking to the Vice Principal when I go back in the house since it's a matter of student discipline, but when it's happening you're the adult in charge. Thank you."

Then you take it to the Vice Principal.

Simple. Have the bus driver sit her and all little ones in front.

She is not being bullied. She is being teased for those who call this bullying. That word has taken on a life of its own.

Do not pull her off bus, just talk to driver. If you take her off, every time a little something happens, she will expect you to remove her from the situation.

The bus is a good experience for kids. It is a learning e perience.

The K's and younger children are assigned to the front of the bus in our district.

Get to know the driver, communicate with him or her. Find out what kid is bothering her. Most drivers will watch out for their students.

Talk to the bus driver first and then the principal.
Where we are, younger (lower grade) kids sit at the front of the bus.
The school should have an anti bully policy/program and it should apply to the bus too.

Speak in person to the bus driver first. If nothing changes, phone call to school is a good idea.

The bus driver might not be "authorized" to change the assigned seating.

You tell your daughter that those boys are not being nice. That they are not using their manners. They probably would say these things to any other child that was sitting in her place, it is not her fault, there is nothing wrong with her, they are just being rude.

Let her know that you are going to bet that when their parents find out how they have been acting they are going to be in a lot of trouble.

Keep it simple and just reassure her this is their problem not hers and you are going to speak with the bus driver.

Talk with the bus driver.
You are her best advocate. If she is not able to tell the bus driver herself, how else is that person going to know what is going on.?

In a calm moment, try to ask your daughter specific questions. What do you (or what does she) mean by teasing? How are they making her scared? That might shed some light on the situation. Are they using words that just are not very kind, like calling her a first grade baby, or are they making comments about her personally (skin color, or things like that)? Are they scaring her because they're big and rowdy, or are they saying things that are scary (they'll beat her up or steal from her)? If they're being annoying kids but harmless, basically, then you can teach her some coping techniques (read a book, ignore them, listen to music on earphones if that's allowed). If they're specifically targeting her, and using abusive language, or calling her names or threatening her, then swift action is needed. But by getting specific info, you'll be able to take that info to the authorities, whether it's the principal or the police or the bus driver. Just telling them that she's being teased will not be enough. You will need to be able to say "my daughter is being called a ____" or "they told my daughter that they are going to ______". You need specifics. I don't want her to have to relive it, but it will be a good opportunity for you to talk openly with her and share with you. And I'm glad you're being an advocate for her.

Words of advice? YOU need to be your child's advocate and call her school and the bus company and demand that this bus driver take action. Your child is 6, and shouldn't have to stand up for herself in this matter. That is your job. Sorry to be harsh, but the longer you don't inform the school and bus company about this, the worse it will get for your daughter, and the more scars you're going to have to deal with as a parent.

I know it's different everywhere but at OUR school when there are problems on the bus the principal takes it seriously and works with the driver and kids involved to solve the problem. She even goes as far as making surprise visits on the bus if things get really bad.
So speak with both of them (start with an email to the principal so you have a written record.) I'm all for teaching kids to stand up for themselves but a six year old girl shouldn't have to defend herself against a group of older boys. Hopefully the problem can be solved by just the principal speaking to the boys and having your daughter's seat moved.

No question about it. I would find a way to get her to school other than riding the bus. I would not continually put my daughter in an abusive situation. She is 6. She can't stand up for herself in a way that older kids can. Continually putting her in that situation isn't going to help and depending on the bus company or the school to fix it is expecting too much. In the meantime, you don't know what your daughter is experiencing and how she is internalizing it. When it comes to stuff like this, there is no going back. You need to remove her from the situation. It's different if it's a classroom where the teacher can monitor things but the bus driver needs to focus on driving. Even the best bus drivers won't be able to ensure that the teasing/ bullying isn't happening. Further, I would send a note to the Superintendent too to demonstrate another example of why combining young kids with older kids on a bus is unsafe and harmful.

Drive her to school.

Surprised she's sitting in the back. In our district, kindergarteners sit by the driver. My kids don't ride the bus, which I'm very glad about.

You've gotten lots of good advice and clearly you're going to talk to the bus driver -- but be sure also to put the school on notice, today!, that this is going on; don't stop with the bus driver. Tell (don't ask--tell) the driver and the school that you expect the behavior to stop, period. If the driver is balky or seems to say "your kid is over-reacting" tell that to the administration as well. Do not worry about getting the driver in trouble. If the driver lacks good control on this bus, the school needs to know about it.

I would add one thing to the other posts: Go to the school counselor and find out: Does the counselor do lessons during the school day once a month or so? Many school counselors, as part of their job, do a "counseling lesson" of some sort in every grade in elementary. Talk with the counselor and suggest very strongly that he or she cover bus behavior now, early in the year. If your school is large enough there may be more than one counselor, with one handling younger grades and one handling older grades; if so, be sure to talk to both those counselors, since these slightly older boys would not ever hear whatever talk might be given to your daughter's age group.

Also ask the counselor for specific ideas and tactics for handling this with your daughter. The counselor might be able to give you some things to say and questions to ask. And yes, six is not too young to have to defend yourself, unfortunately, but your daughter is new to all this and needs you to be her advocate. Do not be afraid to speak up yourself and get the administration's attention on this. Another tip -- talk now to parents of other younger students on that same bus! Find out if their kids too are reporting this kind of behavior. It is very effective if several parents come in and make a complaint as a group -- that makes it much harder for a school to say "Oh, it's just one over-sensitive kid with a helicopter mom."

Of course you talk to the bus driver in person and request her seat to be moved to the front of the bus. If it continues, then you go up the chain of command, as well as the principal of your school.

Call the bus company and the school. Tell them that your daughter is being bullied and harassed every single day. Make sure you use those words. Tell them that a 6 yr old should never be seated by older children.

Last year a 6 yr old was sexually assaulted by a group of older boys on a school bus the next city over from me. She was moved to a different school where she could get a fresh start and the boys were suspended and referred to the police. Your daughter's situation could be serious if not addressed quickly.

Other than talking to the bus driver/school, just tell her to ignore the teasing. Teasing is only fun if they get a reaction.

It's ridiculous that the school/bus company won't handle the problem but I'd drive her to school to get her out of that situation until it gets resolved.

JMO.

I was watching a horrible bus fighting video and I saw the bus driver stop the bus and call the police. He didn't interfere at all on the behalf of the boy getting beaten up. I was talking to my sister about it and she said that the bus drivers have stopped getting involved because they have been getting fired for doing so. So the first thing I would suggest is that you check with your school district and see what the bus driver is allowed to do in your district. If they are not allowed to do anything I would look into before and after school programs for my child or dropping her off at school.

I know I would want the bus driver to interfere on my child's behalf, but If I were the driver I wouldn't want to loose my job. And in the case of bullies sometimes the parents care and sometimes the parents dont. So you never know if talking to the parents of the bullies will be a help or a hindrance.

Good Luck!

My 10 yo son the other day had an issue on the bus where some girl called him names (including some choice cuss words). On his way off the bus, he stopped and told the driver, the driver said he'd talk to her. I asked my son if he was having any more problems with the girl on the bus and he said, "nope". So maybe talk to the bus driver first and ask her to be moved to the front and sit behind him. Good luck.

I would go to the principal and the bus companyif the driver won't help. I had to do that and worked out great.

Thank you for asking this. My son is 6 and just started the bus. The mornings are great (I think the kids are either still waking up or happy). The afternoon bus is the when the kids act up. There is not assigned seating on his bus. I asked my son to sit up front (not sure if he tries). I also ask how was the bus. He waved his hand side to side (meaning ok). I ask why. He said the big kids were hitting him in the back of the head. i stayed calm because big kids could mean second grade (to me it makes a difference if it was a 5th grader).

My son loves the bus, but on days I can pick him up I will. I do not like the idea of him getting picked on by older kids. He is very honest and told me he called one of the kids a rotten egg. I was thinking that is the most random thing to call someone. I was also shocked that he had the nerve to do that. He said the older boy found an old apple crusher on the floor and was trying to get my son to eat it. So I do see his attitude fitting in with the negative bus crowd behavior by calling a child a mean name.

Our bus is kind of expensive and I do know the bus driver can kick kids off the bus for breaking the rules. I had a talk with my son that i am going to pay for the bus, yet can not afford for him to misbehave and get kicked off. Another first grader has already been expelled from the bus. He threw paper out the window and happens to always be in trouble for something in the classroom.

Hopefully your daughter's bully will either shape up or be kicked off the bus.

edit: It could just be her perception that she is the only one being teased.

I went through the same thing last year with my 5 year old daughter. She was crying every day before school and that's like her. So, finally she confessed that a kid has been picking on her non stop. So, that morning, I called the school and talked to the principal. He pulled aside both my daughter and the boy that was making fun of her to talk to them (separately). Also, he changed her seat that day to move her away from this boy.

Good luck!!

Ride the bus with her and confront the boys, in very stern terms. I don't know if it's p.c., or if they will let you on the bus, but that's what I would do.

Otherwise, I would talk to the boys as they get off the bus, in very stern terms.

The bus my kids ride in the mornings has all grades on it (k4- 12th). The elementary students are REQUIRED to sit up front, the HS kids sit in the back and the MS students go in between the two however they manage to fit on any particular day. There would NEVER be a HS kid sitting next to an elementary student. Especially a 6 yr old.

I would start with requesting your daughter be seated up at the front of the bus, or inquire about age groups being grouped together at the transportation office. And follow the rest of the advice Cheysma suggested. Apparently, she knows from "the other side" of the story.

I think to respond we need to know what they are doing to tease her and how old they are.

I think if you complain to the bus driver and the school then they should do something about it, you may have to be persistent though, not all schools get involved in Bus related incidents, if it all fails then go straight to the parents of these horrible little boys.

call head of transportation if bus driver conversation doesn't work.
Switch buses?

I honestly do not understand why you haven't already addressed this. The very first day it happened would have been the last day it happened. You need to be at that school in the morning with your child and have her tell the principle what's going on and either get that bus driver in that office to face the music or be fired.

There is absolutely no reason for a 6 year old child to be sitting anywhere except with a sibling or in the front half of the bus. No way, no how would my 6 year old sit anywhere except close to the driver.

The driver is in charge of the seating, or they should be.