Bus Troubles/mean Kids

Wow my boy is also very sensitive also. Kids are so much into
being cool or what I here is popular. They the other kids say
I'm popular you are not. So they say ridiculous words. The school I think will not deal with this like I do at home. I think we have very compationate children. Parents do not teach this anymore. Do unto others as I would do unto me. My boy is not mean and sometimes thinks what is wrong with the other kids that are. I try to let him know I love him and he is a very good friend to the friend he has. All parents say he is the best kid they see. He is no trouble. So what is going on in other homes to bring up bullies.

He needs a "bus friend". Talk to the school. With their help, you can see who gets on the bus before him or near him and choose someone. Either a child his own age that you can start setting up playdates with, or a child much older that will agree to act as a "big brother" and take him under his wing. You'd be surprised about how helpful an older kid will be if you ask. The school can help you select a child that has the right personality. Being friends with an older kid will make your son a lot "cooler". Many schools set up the "buddy" program between older and younger kids.

My daughter went through this too in first grade. It is hard to get the whole picture from a first grader. I would talk to the bus driver. At least he or she will be aware of it. I just talked to my daughter about how to be a good friend.

A.,
When our oldest son was in kindergarten, he was picked on and bullied on our bus by one of our neighbors. The same exact stuff was going on on top of being spit on. I got the bus driver, teacher and principal involved. I also put him in Taekwondo. Just like you, I also wondered if our son was the one causing the problem. Well, I seriously doubt it. Bigger kids are mean and will go to great lengths to pick on smaller kids.
We had this issue at the beginning of baseball practices this year. There were 10yr old boys threatening our 5yr old kids that they were going to beat them up. The also assaulted one of our 5yr old sons friends brother who is 10 and in martial arts.
The list of things just go on.
Keep in touch with the principal and let them deal with the older kids. If they won't do anything, consider driving him to and from school and contacting the school district and school board for assistance. Those older kids need to be accountable for their actions.
When I was in 9th grade, kids my age did the same stuff to me as well as tripping me while I tried to find a seat. (Our bus was packed.) I ended up walking to school to avoid them and it was a 1 mile walk, one way.
Make sure you document all incidents and any injuries your child may have with journals and pictures.
Good luck.

Yes. Talk to the bus driver. If that doesn't work, talk to the teacher/principal. As a retired teacher of 30 years, with a husband who drives a school bus -- this should NOT be allowed to happen. There are many ways to resolve this; but it starts with you getting involved, and staying involved until it is stopped. Schools, and school buses should be safe places for everyone. I am very glad that you paid attention to him. Good luck!

Our bus driver has the kids sit in order of their age so she can keep an eye on them and to prevent this sort of thing. Early grades are in the first few seats and as it goes further back the older the kids get. This prevents a lot of problems (and the young ones being exposed to high school language). Hope this helps.

I agree speaking to the bus driver is a start. I know that when my sons were in Kinder, they were only allowed to sit at the front of the bus, to prevent any potential problems with the older kids picking on them. My boys are now in 1st and 2nd and they sit together, but they are still near the driver. That helps. Good Luck

Your son IS being bullied in a way that is very acknowledged these days and taken seriously. I suggest that you speak to the bus driver and the principal. You could show them this or something like it.
http://stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/HHS_PSA/pdfs/SBN_Tip_1.pdf
The next link is to tips written to an audience of older kids, but is a start. I am sure that other moms will have good suggestions for you.
http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Verbal-Bullying
My son went through this too. He makes friends easily, so I wasn't too worried. I worked with him on some of the suggestions that show up in the above article and expected it to pass. However, it didn't and we wound up in the principal's office after he defended himself. By this time, we were on the wrong side of the principal and the behavior/social patterns on the bus were established. If I had it to do over, I would engage the driver and the principal as positively as possible right away. I would also document every incident and discussion.

I was picked on in a benign fashion when I was on the bus and had no idea how to deal with it until I saw how another girl dealt with it. I saw one of the primary tormentors flip her hair. (Just brushed it with her hand.) This girl spun around in her seat and practically lunged over to confront the other girl. The two girls (both of whom were big, tough bully types) jumped back. One of them pointed at the other and said "she did it." The girl who they'd tried to pick on said "do not EVER touch me again" in a very harsh tone. Neither those girls nor anyone else ever messed with her again. It was very eye opening for me.

If this was happening to my child I would role play with him how to handle these situations. If a child deliberately bumps into him, I would practice with him saying "do NOT bump into me again" in a very firm and clear tone. (I would also work with him on his body language to have get into the other child's personal space/face to convey this sentence so the other kid gets the message AND so all the other kids get the message.) If a child calls him a name, I'd do the same thing: "do NOT call me names." If a child tells him he can't sit in a specific seat, I'd role play with him that he says: "I am allowed to seat in any seat in this bus and I AM going to seat right here. If you don't like it, you can find another place to sit."

The role playing is SO critical. If he is able to stand up for himself in a firm manner (with a firm voice, and body language that conveys that he is serious about this), he will only have to do it ONE time. Nobody will mess with him again. He needs to be comfortable with what he will say and how he will say it with you before he does it on the bus.

Most of the time the other kid will back of right away and the problem will be solved. Sometimes you'll run into a particularly obnoxious child who'll be interested in saving face/showing off for the other kids and he'll say something like "What're you going to do if I DON'T stop/if I do it again?" I would role play with my child that he should smile and say "my mother told me I'm allowed to hit people who hit me first." (If a child is "bumping" my child, I would tell him to give the other child a warning first and then he would have permission to physically defend himself. And I WOULD deal with the school's so-called "no tolerance" policy as long as my child was actually acting in self defense.)

Do talk to the bus driver.... She should be able to help...and also talk to the Principal and let them know what is going on.. I'm a Bus driver and I wouldn't let this happen on my bus I would put a stop to it right away...Also I have the Kg and 1st grade kids up towards the front of the bus to keep close tabs on them.. Feel free to write me back with any other questions..
Take Care M.

That IS bullying! I think it is ridicilous to expect one person, the driver to drive AND watch all those kids. I would drive him to school or if that is not feasible talk with the bus driver, teachers, parents of those kids and put an end to it.

We had several experience that might help.

1) my daughter was in third grade. she has always been a "toothpick with hinges." She was tall, but skinny, skinny, & her best friend was a foot shorter than her. She & her girlfriend were having difficulty with a fith grader who was a head taller than mine, & built like a tank. Cleary could take the 2 out without any trouble. However, when my daughter & I talked about it, i explained the concept of self oesteem. what you think of your self, how you see yourself in the world around you, & about how much power that you perceive that you have.

If this kid was secure in himself, he would not have to pick on girls half his size, he'd pick on the kids his own age. He was using the girls to make himself feel, look bigger than he does. It's not about her or her friend. This made perfect sense to her. The next day she came home from school, her head held extremely high, chest out, obviously feeling on top of the world instead of beaten down. I asked "What happened?"
That bully got in Amber's face, so I got in his. I told him "you must not think very much of yourself if you have to pick on girls half your size to feel good about your self!" The kid took a step backwards, looked at her cross eyed, & NEVER bothered her again. The amazing thing about this encounter really was what that experience did for her. There wasn't a kid alive who could get away with bullying her or her little brother.

My son's experience was a little rougher, because after all you're not supposed to hit girls, but boys treat boys a little different. A confrontation is as likely to end in a fist fight. When my son was little he was a hitter. He could not talk til he was 3 but found "sign language" and biting to be effective ways to get what he wanted momentarily. Eventually I had to give my daughter permission to "teach" him that it doesn't feel good, so after she had to "hit him back" once or twice, he finally quit. "It's not OK to hit" finally got through. His first encounter with a bully his sister was present, & she "took care of him" with her words. When we talked about it later, i let her know that the bully will come back for Ashton, because a girl fought his battle, & although it's good to stick up for one another, boys must defend themselves to have a place in their world. So the bully did come back for him. Knowing it wasn't OK to hit, meant he had to run. Seeing that he was loosing this, he ducked, & crunched just as the kid was getting to him, causing the kid to trip over him, & splatter, then he ran home. At this time we called the police, & the other kid was put on a restraining order from the playground. He saw him a couple of times, but only from a distance, & the kid left him alone.

Name calling was another issue big one. What helped my son here was a perception change. (2nd or 3rd grade) Really, ultimately, do you care what they think? You need to care what you teachers think, or your pastor, or you parents. We will give you feedback to who you really are as a person. Don't let these guys define who you are. Often name calling is to get a rise out of you. If you don't react, they will quit. It eventually did. But the other thing that it did for him was to create an immunity to peer pressure. Later in Middle school his best friend mother told me... the thing I admire about your son is that he just doesn't give a rip about what the other kids think of him, & isn't in the slightest swayed to do something that someone else tries to pressure him into. He's not afraid to just be himself, & if someone doesn't like it, it's their problem. My favorite book on child rearing was "DR Sears, Guide to parenting", LOTS of helpful information about development & stages & creative ways to handle stuff. He's a physician & child psychologist.

Last thought, I heard Dr Laura recently. (although I don't agree with her all the time, this might also be helpful)
Her way of dealing with childhood dissensions is to invite the other kids (who are behaving badly) over for pizza, movies, to a park for a picnic, or something. It's harder to hate someone when they invite you into their world. I never tried this, so I don't know.

Hope this helps, May God bless you!
Ang

I was bullied on the bus as a kid and I refuse to let my children ride the bus. I prefer to drive or walk them to and from school on my own to ensure their safety and my piece of mind. I do have the benefit of living close to the school. I feel children of different ages should not be crammed on the same bus, meaning a high school student should not be on the same bus as a Kindergartener. I would at the very least speak to the principal and the bus driver, and remember the bully is the one who should be removed from the situation not the child being bullied.

I went to the 3rd, 4th, and 5th grades in an Indian pueblo, and was one of only about 5 white kids (out of 800 students). I was picked on a bit, but never mentioned it to my parents. I took more of a passive aggressive approach. Once on the bus I stuck my foot out as one perpetrator was walking by and he landed flat on his face. No one said a word, but as I recall, I was left alone after that. I'm not recommending teaching your kid to do that, but it seemed to help me at the time, and gave me a whole lot of guilty satisfaction.

Tell him to sit at the front of the bus. When you talk to the bus driver, ask him/her if they could keep the front seat open for your ds.

Ask the school district to put a video camera in the bus and to let you review the videos. Tell them your child has been talking about some things going on with him in the bus and you want to see the whole picture.
Also, you might recommend that classical music be played as the children ride. This tends to calm kids somewhat and they are less likely to get into trouble.
Just a comment - If your son is being bullied it is NOT his fault. The blame is entirely those of the bullies and going further, the bus driver who is not making it clear that bullying and unexceptable behavior will not be tolerated on the bus.

My daughter had some issues when she was younger too. I talked to the bus driver, but I also spoke with the supervisor of the bus garage. I also told this "super" that if something wasn't done I would be speaking to the superentendant of the school district. I also got the feeling he was treting me like,"just another paranoid parent". So I went to my daughter's school & had her point them out to me. The super wanted to know why I was there & that "getting angry was not going to improve the situation". I told him I wasn't going to say anything to them, I just wanted to see them so the next time I seen them with their parent(s), I could talk to them(the parents). It turns out that my sis-in-law was with me & she did know the parents of one of the kids. After that, the school did take action....the kids left my daughter alone...& my sis-in-law did introduce me to the parent of the one bully(we let the parent take it from there). You are your child's champion, you are doing a good thing by putting him in a self-defense class(disapline,self-control, & teaches self-confidence). I can relate to your part of the story as well, been there. We have also told our kids not to go looking for trouble, but you have the right to defend yourself. The schools will tell you that they shouldn't do anything to protect themselves, but run, sometimes you can't run. Only in those kinds of situations do our kids have our permission to take action, when it comes to this I have let the school know what we have told our kids. My husband works in corrections, has worked in the juvinile & adult fields, so self-peservation,self-defense,our kids certainly know about. You don't have to confront the kids, just make it known you are willing to talk to the parents if something isn't done, & more than willing to go over someone's head if nessesary. Your child has the right to a safe learning enviroment & a safe way to & from school.