My 4 Year Old Is Driving Me Crazy

I definitely sympathize with you. My son is 4.5 years old and I can't believe how bossy and controlling he is. It really comes on fast, and I think I am still in shock at his behavior. I am hoping that this is just a phase that will go away soon. In the meantime, I just hope people don't think that I tolerate this bad behavior and bossiness. But, I have tried tons of things also and can't get it to stop. Please be a phase......

Wow, my J is only 2 1/2...and probably in training for his teenage years!! Just out of nowhere, he has lost his lovely easy going nature and become an independant, demanding little man, who has lost his ability to listen, let alone follow instructions! I have taken on board everyones advice and have ordered 1-2-3 magic today! Thanks ladies!!

Hi A.,

I completely understand what you are going through. My son has always been pretty good at listening and now (more so the past 2-3 wks) has been a complete terror. Punishment, time outs, no rewards & spankins do NOT work. The only thing that has seemed to work is talking to him calmly about his temper & what to do to fix it.

My son is 4 1/2 yrs old, if you come up with anything that works please let me know. Both my husband & I are struggling with what to do to change his attitude. I think I am going to look for the 1-2-3 book they recommend.

Thanks for sharing, it does help to know that it is not just my son...I was beginning to think so.

C.

I definately sympathize with you! My four year old boy is all that you just mentioned and then some on some days. I too am exhausted. I don't have any answers unfortunatley, i just feel for you.

I'm right there too. Mine turned four in May and has been little Mr. Defiance all summer long. Right now I have to attribute some of it to his allergies though - seems like no medicine works for everything and one day he'll be my angel again but the next he screams about everything. I think what I hate the most is when I do 1-2-3 and get to three and he yells "NO!" and then proceeds to try and outrun me. The little ****! Time-outs and following through on my threats to take away the toy in question or such only work so well. I think it's mostly about him figuring out where his boundaries are and what he is allowed to have control over. We try to give him choices as often as possible so he feels he is having a "say", which seems to help sometimes.

*sigh* This too will pass... :-)

Uh ya, I can totally relate! I have had this problem with my daughter for most of her 4th year. She will be 5 next week, and I can say that her demon side doesn't show up quite as much!She also did not respond to ANY discipline I tried. In the past couple weeks she has also hit me a couple times! Now when she talks back os says nasty things I simply ask her "Is that how you talk to mommy?" Then she thinks for a second and kind of looks sad and says no...then I can usually talk to her calmly. Good luck, because I do know how trying that stage is.

I know EXACTLY what you mean! My son just turned 4 last week and he's a monster. He isn't happy with anything and you can't reason with him. He is sent to his room so much because he throws nasty tantrums when he doesn't get his way. I hope they grow out of this!

I can definitely symphathize with you, the same thing happened to my 4 year old son. He's now 5 1/2 and a much better kid. I've heard lots of Mom's complain about that age. Just bear with it and like the other Mom said, try 1-2-3 Magic, it is like magic if you follow it correctly. Good Luck, and just like everything else with our children, "this too shall pass". Hope it helps.

Yes, my three year old is driving me insane, he hits my, almost two year old, daughter for no reason at all. He scratches and yells and is obnoxious. Nothing seems to work from time out to spanking. He tells me he doesn't love me anymore and he gets extremely violent. Everyone tells me it's just a phase but I have no idea what to do in the meanwhile. At his daycare they have a child psychologist on staff, and so I have decided to turn to her for help. I'm at my wits end. Hopefully she'll have some successful ideas.

Hi A.!
I live in Lisle and have a 3-year old boy who has been this way since 2 years due to a sensory disorder. He would hit first and with limited vocabulary -- there was no talking later. Even though there are issues -- discipline still a must. Time outs stopped working...but reprecussions do great. If he beats up on the dogs -- he has to pet them for 2 minutes (we use a timer) OR he has to do poop patrol outside with the pooper scooper. if he makes a mess -- he has to clean it, etc. Giving him choices has helped a lot. Do you want cereal with milk or yogurt? Toast with butter or cream cheese? Nothing big but it helped build up his self esteem and helps him feel in control. Good luck!
S.

My suggestion is to read the book, 1,2,3 Magic. It has suggestions for all age groups. Also, check out Jim Faye, Parenting with Love and Logic which is another great source for parenting issues. Good luck! And we all have wondered at one time or another while looking at our children "who are you and what have you done with my angel?"

I had the same problem at that age. Try reading 1-2-3 Magic by Dr. Thomas W. Phelan...it really worked wonders for my family.

Good Luck!!

WOW! I am so glad there are others of you out there in the same situation! I too have a 4 year old son who is a little terror most of the time! I think it seems to of gotten worse each year! He hit terrible twos early, then 3 was worse, now with 4 their is alot of backtalk, and pushing, kicking, ect.... I hope it dies down down soon! Sometimes (alot of the time actually) I just want to scream! I wish I could give you some advise, but so far nothing has been working for me either! But.. I am gonna check out that book! Also, Supernannys advise worked a short while!

my 3 year old was the same way. One day I just could not take it anymore I just sat down and cried on the couch. My 3 year old came over and asked why I was sad. I told him that I loved him very much and I tried to do lots of nice thing for him and I was very sad that he did not listen to me and it made me very sad that he did not appreciate all I did for him. (not that he understood what appreciate meant)He gave me a hug and said "me make you sad" I told him yes he made me very very sad. He gave me a hug and said "mom, me start being a good boy and preciate you" Since that day he has made huge strides. He still can be a pistol but he is not as mean. I felt your frustation and at times still do. My boss tells me that this is just training for the teenage years. God help us all.

Like the other mom's, I feel your pain!! My happy little girl turned into a smarty-pants at 2, and my quiet little guy turned into a bossy melt-down master at 3. The best thing I've found to work so far is not to talk to them. If they start mouthing, screaming, or whatwever, I tell them I won't talk to them untill they stop. Sometimes it works faster than others. When I first started, one day I told my son I wouldn't stand & listen to him scream. I went into the bathroom, and the little smart-alec followed me, opened the door, and stood there yelling!! It has gotten better with time. They want you to pay attention & talk to (or listen to) them, and if you won't do it on their terms, they try yours. Just know you're not alone even though it may feel like it :)