My 3 Year Old - Minonk,IL

I was there once with 3 small children and a son who was out of control, mine are 12, 9 ,& 8 now. you need to take back control ASAP. Try talking to him as to why his behavior is not acceptable, also he needs to have a concequence when he acts this way...maybe time in a thinking chair where he can think about his behavior, also give him rewards when he respondes possitivly to you. Do you ever have a chance to spend one on one time with him? Kids need to know they are special and time alone with parents is a great way to show them they are special. Good luck, and remember to always let him know you love him.

hi K., hang in there , try less or no tv or "screens", also the 5 yr old may be too bossy with the 3yr. i ran into that with my children. too busy with the baby and the oldest takes over the next in line it's tough on the second kid. good luck jennyg

K.,

Have you looked into his diet? Maybe he is allergic to dairy/wheat, or getting to much sugar. I know when I start my 3 year old out with a protein shake in the morning she is a totally different kid. What kind of cleaners are you using? These can cause a lot of behavior problems. I have switched to non-toxic. Hope this helps.

'Parenting with Love and Logic' worked wonders for us and our 2.5 year old - I got the audio CD's to listen to as I don't have much time to read the book. Good luck. :o)

I bet he is VERY smart! I too have a 3 year old. She can get nasty and kick bite and hit. She seems to get out of control, just losses it. Hyper ventalating and shaking. They were so bad that when I saw other kids having a temper tantrum, I so wished my child could have one as simple as throwing herself on the ground and kick or just cry. She started when she was 1. She would even hurt herself. I talked to my pediatrician who then suggested Early Intervention who tested her for everything. Testing was free. Fortunatley my child amazingly turned up normal. As far as bipolar, I have not touched that. I have just been using very strict techniques from a theripist I had and many books I have read. Grandmas in stores even gave me thier advice, which were quite helpful. lol First I tried these techniques at home. I noticed different levels of the behavior. Also she would figure out the paterns of discipline. With each level I approached completly different. I have had amazing results. It was and is alot of work but I can now get her coat on with out a fight everytime. I could write a book to your response. I wish I knew more details. What is triggering the tantrum? What methods have you tried? How long has this been going on? Does he seem sleepy before this happens? What has he eaten? I used to make the mistake of bribing, just to avoid a scene in the store. I found myself giving in. Then when I really meant business and did not give in, her smacking would get worse or screaming because she thought I would give in as usual. Escalating tantrums more everytime. Maybe there is a communication gap. Talking after things have settled helped as well. Playing baseball 3 strikes and then time out never worked with her. She would go the full 3 and then some. So would only count to one and then off to a time out room. No toys just a bed with fluffy pillows. She could sit in there and scream. Then once she tired out a bit. I would go in and hug her. Ask her if she knows why she is having a time out. Ask her why she was angry. Suggest another way of getting what she wants. Tell her how it makes me feel when she hits me. I also let her know what will happen if she does this again. I ask her if she is sorry for what she did to me and not to behave like this again. I make her aware the she is to be incontrol and resposible for her own actions. I have taken toys and movie privledges away. I make sure she knows why. I have had wonderful results. But I always have to stick to my guns. She will always challenge them sometime or another. You have to keep on top of it all the time. or before you know it your child will be older and stronger and your boss.

Hi K.,
My son is 5 now but we have had problems with behavior since he was about 18 months. He does have a medical issue so we when to every intervention possible.
I'm not saying something is wrong with your son but I have learned a lot of coping skills along our journey.
First, I would agree with taking him to the local public school for an evaluation. He can qualify for services for speech or even behavior. They have a wonderful preschool program that teaches good behavior. I was comforted by how well the teachers were able to handle my son since he use to throw himself on the floor.
It gives them a grown up feeling and he felt good that he could go to school and his sister was too little.
Second, we have had sucess with 1-2-3 magic.
The basic principle is repeat the behavior you want to stop and then give them 2 chances to stop before they get a time out.
So we say that's 1 for screaming, that's 2 for screaming and then that's 3 time out.
If the behavior is dangerous then you go straight to 3.

I wish you the best and hang in there,
Jen

I have a 2andahalf year old and he started to get violent around 1. The suppernanny method worked wonders. He still has little outbursts now and then, but for the most part he keeps it under control. It's a lot of work at first to be constantly putting him and keeping him in the naughty spot. But after those initial first days, I noticed a huge difference. It was almost like he was craving the discipline. Hope this helps!

Are you giving him consequences for his bad behavior? does he get the sense from you that what he is doing is wrong? I think that by 3 years they know right from wrong and you need to let him know who is boss. Have you tried time outs? I LOVE the book "how to behave so your preschooler will too" and in it, they talk about using time outs as a last resort. If all that has failed, you may need some professional intervention. But you first need to be very consistant and firm with him and make it clear to him that his behavior is not acceptable and there will be consequences. Good luck! let me know how it goes!

Hi K.,

Sounds like someone is jealous of the new baby! Also, I really do believe that the terrible 2's don't begin until 3years. Both of my kids were tyrants at 3. You could try telling your son, "that this family is made up of lovers not fighters and the best way to get attention is to give hugs. Then give him some. Each time he hits, stop and tell him to hug you instead. He'll eventually catch on that hugs are a better way to get attention. Also try to spend some alone time with him with out the baby around. Another thing I've heard, is to ignore whining, bad behavior, but it never worked with my kids. I didn't learn until my 2nd child, to get down to his eye level and repeat back to him what it is that he wants. Sometimes it's not really the thing that they want, but to know that you are listening to them and understand. Good luck. I hope one of these suggestions works for you. Oh! you can also try putting your son infront of a mirror. When he sees how rediculous he looks upset, he might stop his bad behavior and start laughing instead. : )

The best book I've read so far on this topic, which I have come to call "Strong Willed Children" (I have two) is called "Aaron's Way: The Journey of a Strong-Willed Child" by Kendra Smiley and Aaron Smiley. What I loved best was the input from Aaron himself, now Kendra's adult son. The advice from Kendra was great but it was awesome to hear from her son, who was inclined to manipulate his parents and teachers in every way, and how he explains where he was coming from. Priceless book, really!
http://www.amazon.com/Aarons-Way-Journey-Strong-Willed-Ch...

Hi K.,
My son was exactly the same way until we took him to Tuesday's Child. It is parenting class basically and they teach you how to deal with strong willed little ones. First things first; start ignoring the bad behavior. Unless he hurts you, himself or someone else. Praise the good behavior. Praise, praise, praise the good behavior. When we first started classes, Ben had two really intense tantrums one which included hitting me and that was it. When he would hit me, I would put him in his crib and tell him that it looked like he couldn't be around me. When he would calm down then he could come out. At Tuesday's Child I learned that my son has sensory issues which cause him to be more explosive than other kids. Your son might have similar issues. My advice is to check out Tuesday's Child. They're awesome. They're help and guidance has turned our family completely around. I hope that helps. Stay strong.
blessings,
J.

Along with what everyone else says, I would also advise looking into his eating habits. Studies have shown that kids whose diets are "too white" (sugar, flour, etc, etc, etc) are more prone to these types of behavior. I saw a major difference in my daughter's behavior after removing all the junk/processed foods.

Also, I agree about negative attention. Deal with the negative outbursts, but make sure you pile on the positive reinforcements when he does something you want him to continue doing. It really does work. My daughter loves her baby brother, but still went through a bit of a jealous phase with him (they are 4 years apart) and it really helped when I gave her lots of praise for being gentle with him, patient with him, helping him clean up, etc, etc, etc. I still dealt with the negative behavior (I send her to her room until she feels better and wants to come back down and join us) but I also pile on the praise.

Good luck! I hope you find something that works well for all of you!

You are busy mom, seems like he is just looking for attation and he is getting it by being "BAD". You need to find some extra time to be just with him...he need to know that when he behave specific way there are consequences for his behiwior, don't give in...imposible , I know

K.~
Try these great suggestions made by other moms. But afterwards, if you are seeing your son struggle with controlling his behavior you could contact the home school within your public school system. Request a early intervention screening. This is s free service that will screen your child and conduct further (more extensive) evaluations if necessary. If your son qualifies then he will be offered services. These services can range from early education classes to a variety of therapies (speech, physical, occupational therapy). Behaviors such as what you're describing can surface in a child who is experiencing high levels of frustration. Behavior management should also be in the plan. Good luck!

I would agree with other moms about having your son tested for hyperactivity, etc. A combination of behavioral and dietary changes is probably going to make the biggest difference for you and your family. Even if he tests negative, still give the Feingold Diet a try. Removal of sugar and processed foods can't hurt. This diet worked wonders for my brother who also had violent outbursts as a child. I've tried it for my 2 1/2 year old daughter and everytime we get lax on structure and diet, her behavior and sleep patterns reflect it. Good luck.

Everyone has a reason for why they act a certain way.
A 3 yo has limited communicating techniques.
What is his underlying need? What is the trigger?
It could be the need for attention, a food trigger,
an unknown physical difference.

Punishing a child for expressing himself will not show
him a safe way to do it.

My boy had extreme tantrums, he has sensory processing
disorder. Imagine if I had been spanking him and putting
him in time out when he physically and mentally could not
handle the world. How safe and loved would he feel with me.

It may be as simple as needing attention and not something more. But in making decisions on how to deal with a situation, I think first of what type of relationship do I
ultimately want to have.

Just my thoughts.

Hi K.,
Stick to your guns, don't back down. He is testing you to see how much he can get away with & also fighting for some attention now that the new baby has come along. When you tell him "no" you have to stick to it. If you give in, he will see your weakness & continue to pull this behavior. I had a similar problem with my daughter when she was 2. It took about 6 months, but it finally worked. It will be hard & frustrating, but don't let him control the situation ever.

I'm sorry that you are going through this. I am having a lot of issues with my 1.5 year old right now and we are pretty certain it is from food allergies. I know there can be a lot of things that affect behavior, so this may not be your son's issue. Food allergies don't always have obvious symptoms.

Also, does he respond to consistent consequences?

Hope things get better!!!

My son just turned 3 and I also have a 15 month old. From the day the baby was born, he started being violent towards him out of jealousy. He still pushes him over regularly. I haven't been able to completely get rid of the behavior, but it has lessened a bit.
Good luck, you're not alone.
Consistent punishment is very important, as well as spending quality time with just him.

Hi K. - I would try the Nanny method of doing the time out and just sticking to it! You don't want him to go to school and start getting in trouble....I have a 6 year old that I have never had problems with until he went to school and It's awful getting the calls and they have a ZERO tolerance anymore in the schools.

I would just say stinking to discpline is the best thing you can do.

I hope that helps! This web-site is GREAT and you will get alot of good advise.

Take,
M.

Hi K.,

I know what you are going through. My 3 year old son at the time went through the same thing yours is going through. I called this stage "THE TORNADO THREE's". My son used to hit me call me names, throw toys, books, and anything else at me. Told me he didn't like me...everything. He is now five and doesn't act like that anymore. I call it a "stage" he went through and if you are patient enough, you son too will get through this. His little body is growing and changing and inside his hormones are busting to get out. Yelling and screaming and throwing things is his release. So spanking him and yelling at him does no good. With mine when he acted up I would get up and leave the room and when he calmed down I would go back make sure he was alright. Do this often enough and he will get the message.

Hi K.,

The Super-Nanny approach works. The important thing about it is that you have to be sure to NOT give your son attention during his time-out. If you calmly and persistently PHYSICALLY place him in his time-out chair, look him in the eye to calmly explain one time why he is there - and then TURN AWAY FROM HIM - do not make eye contact or react in any way to his behavior, except to calmly place him back in the chair if he gets up before the time out is done - do not look at him or talk to him while you're doing that - and you might have to do it a dozen or more times before he calms down - don't give up, he will calm down (1 minute of time-out for each year-old they are).

A wise person said that "attention is to 3-yr-olds what money is to adults, and they will do anything to get it."

Just ten minutes of uninterrupted (intense) attention with your little guy - playing or doing something at his level - when you start the day or when your baby is down for a nap etc. will make a difference. I remember the first time I tried that and I had no idea until then that the attention I was giving was not quality.

This can be a real challenge with a 4-month old & a 5-yr old to care for (and also yourself to care for) but you can do it.

cheers,

W.

I noticed you have a 4month old. How long have you noticed this behaviour? I am sure he is acting out because he is jealous of the baby. It is a phase that is difficult to deal with but will pass if you are consistant. Don't allow him to act that way. Put him in time out for 3 minutes each time he does it. Start taking things away that are important to him for a short period of time. He should have to do good things to get those important things back. My daughter did this after having my second child. She turned into a monster 2 months after having the baby and it lasted about 2-3 months. Hang in there, it will get better.
D.

Hi, K., just wondering if your son has recently been put on Pretnazone (not sure of the spelling), but its used to treat asthma sometimes. Anyhow, change in behavorial paterns is a possible side effect for this type of medication.

~A.

Do you think he has any sibling rivalry going on with the new addition? Like, he's upset b/c he is no longer the baby?

Just a thought. Good luck!

Well K. i started noticing the same behavior in my son around the same age. I can tell you that the first thing you need is a psyc evaluation to rule out any mental illness-but if it is there gettiing him the help he needs this early is the best thing you can do for him.

If you don't get him under control now, it will only get worse. I am a 68 year old grandmother who is also a Registered Nurse. Giving in to him shows him that you are not serious about saying no. Children really need consistancy. No means No. One thing that helps when a child throws a temper tantrum is to wrap them in a blanket like you did when they were a baby. The tight wrap helps them to feel secure. I work with a 9year old who has developmental problems. Her mom has always given her what she wants. Now we are always having major problems with her and she is on medication for it. Best wishes.
A.

I son was the same way last year. I put him in time out and did not cave in when he wanted something. I also got to the point were when he hit me i hit him back (not hard)and asked him if he likes that and he would say no also in shock that i just did what he did. I am not very proud of myself for that but he was getting so bad he would also be that way with his brother and sister. He got the point and is now hit, kick, pull hair, pinch, and a spit free child. My angel is back! Good luck with you. I would try time out first and see how it works.

Sounds like your three year old needs some one-on-one attention from you. With a newborn in the house I am sure it is hard for him to get attention from you. Not just you being in the same room when he plays, but time with you actually playing with him. Then, when he does act up, try and talk with him in a "teacher voice" (calm, not the threatening "mother voice"). Also, try putting him to bed earlier. My kids tend to hyper and wild when they don't get enough sleep.

Hello K.,
Have you ever thought about talking to his pediatrician about being tested for ADD or ADHD? My stepson was the same way as you are saying about your son. We spoke to his ped. dr. and to the preschool and had him tested and was tested positive for ADD. We now have him on adderall which is a milder form of medication and he has done remarkable on it since he was 4 years old (He is now 7). It is only a thought. Good Luck!

first have you taken him to his doctor to make sure he is in perfect health? If so your next step is going to be very hard on you & your husband but you must get this under control. when he does this and get out of control as you say put him in his room with and explanation why not a long one just hitting is not ok,or yelling is not allowed,throwing things is not ok then tell him when you have calm down and can listen then mommy & daddy will talk to you. then walk away he will scream and have a fit it will seem like he is in his room a lot but it will work when he disrupts an outing you do the same take him home thats the hard part it will take a couple of weeks to sink in but it will if he breaks things do not replace them for awhile let him go without it sounds harsh but if you do not curb it now there will be hell when hes older good luck & god speed

Parenting is the topic of the March 5 meeting of C.H.O.I.C.E.S (local birth and parenting non-profit organization).

http://www.indianabirthchoices.com/CHOICES_communiy_meeti...

~ March 5 ~

Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves

Every parent would happily give up ever scolding, punishing or threatening if she only knew how to ensure that her toddler/child/teen would thrive and act responsibly without such painful measures. Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves is the answer to this universal wish. It is unlike any other book before it;

no more nice and kind ways to control, but a way of being and of understanding your child so she/he can be the best of herself, not because she fears you but because she wants to, of her own free will.

Join us for a book discussion of Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves by parenting/family counselor Dr Naomi Aldort. Bring your parenting questions and be prepared to challenge many of our

culture's assumptions about children and behavior. We will facilitate a group discussion, supplemented with audio from Dr. Aldort herself.

Sincerely,
Kristi M.

Our daughter also went through a difficult phase around that age , with our daughter making scenes about us not indulging her desire for dessert or a new toy. I completely agree with the advice of the person who posted ahead of me. Following through on the punishment for poor behavior is the most critical ingredient...it is also important that both parents follow through. After examining the patterns, my husband and I realized that we were not always good about following through (usually we got distracted, and by the time we remembered too much time had lapsed for the punishment to be effective). Once we started spelling out exactly what would happen if she screamed or whined about us not getting her something, everything changed. When bad behavior started, we always gave her a warning "If you do not stop crying about wanting a new toy by the time we count to five, you will have a time out and have to sit in the car without anything to play with and there will be no dessert." We'd start counting and within a couple days her behavior would transform before we could count to three. You probably already know this, but it is really important that the time out be without a TV in sight, and without toys. We never sent her to her room, as that would have been a reward (too many fun things there). The first day or two she would continue crying and whining in the living room arm chair, but when we did not respond at all, she soon stopped. We would set the kitchen timer for three minutes (one minute per year of age) and when it rang, we would go get her and gently talk about how behaving well is more likely to get her what she hopes for than not behaving, but also point out that we all want lots of things and cannot always have them.

ONe other element might be involved in your child's tantrums. We noticed that our daughter's behavior was often worse when she was hungry or tired, especially when we were in restaurants and waiting longer than expected for food. So we started making absolutely sure her meals were on time, and carrying small snacks into restaurants so that she would have something to eat if the restaurant kitchen was slow. We also made sure she always had a little bag of crayons, coloring book, puzzles to entertain herself with when we were at restaurants and on planes...as boredom also played a role in her behavior when we were waiting for food in restaurants.

The main thing, though, really is consistency and a sense of structure--not just in following through in the punishments, but also in consistent bedtimes. mealtimes etc...(something that we also became more attentive to around that time, as we felt that all of that was connected).

It really is possible to change the behavior if you act now--within weeks we were able to take our daughter everywhere without having to be worried about tantrums...and strangers in restaurants started complementing us on how amazingly well-behaved she was. Good luck!

The mothers who have responded so far - are all giving you good advise - learn from them - there are many diffderent ideas.

Nice work moms!

Unfortunately, he wants your attention. And he's getting it. Bad attention is better than none at all.  You're a very busy mom now. (I know, I had a 3 and 2 yr old when I had my 3rd child.) Whenever possible, spend one on one time with this child. He needs to know he's important to you also. When the infant is napping, read to him, do puzzles, eat cookies, anything to show you love him just as much as the new baby. Then get your husband to assist you with whatever needs to be done; make dinner, wash dishes, or play with kids while you take a break.  He's on your team too.  You may even have a little family meeting with both older children and explain the new dynamics of the family; rules, behavior, naps, sharing, etc.  "Please behave, because I want everybody else to love you as much as I do."  I read it somewhere. Good Luck.

sometimes boys are not good verbally telling they are in pain, my son and a girl down the streets son was hitting and sctatching at my face and throat and the dr said he is inflicting pain because he is in pain and cannot tell us and yes my son and my friends son is three. he son had a giant tooth infection that could not heal with antibiotics and had to have surgery and my son had a yeast infection in his esophagus not thrush taht you have in your moth that is why we could not see it. Yeast is supposed to give tons of pain and make speech delay and and overgrowth casues violent erratic behavior. has he been on antibiotics?
Hope you find your answers. My husband and I knew when his behavior was bad and we were at our last straw ther ewas somethign definitely wrong, so listen to your instincts. our son also has terrible reflux and the drs say reflux is painful because it can even burn paper! Imagine burning reflux with burning yeast infection and all he was doing was hitting and scratching us and not eating. I would have been screaming!
Also is he on any medications. many medications cause problems especailly asthma meds even singlual, zyrtech, inhalers etc.
Good luck
J.

my son was pretty crazy too when things didn't go his way (he just turned 3). i do'nt know how your disciplining him but after many trial and errors and handling these situations with my son we found what worked. we made sure we followed through with what we said would happen if he acted up. in our situation, whenever we went out, before we entered the place we were going to we talked to him and said the "rules"--no hitting, screaming, acting up etc..and said that if he did any of these things we go home right away. and we did, no second chances, we just go home. we sat in the car for a half hour as he screamed and refused to go in his car seat, but let me tell you...we did this only twice and after that, he was like a different child. we still have the talk before we go inside anywhere, but now we can go somewhere and i'm not afraid of him having a tantrum and throwing himself against the walls, throwing things, screaming, etc. even going to the toy store, i tell him we are not going to buy anything today, but if you act up, there's no more browsing and we go home. before this, we were on the verge of searching out the supernanny to hire her. i think its really important that they know your not bluffing and what you say goes. good luck...i'm sure a lot of us have been there!

I'm so sorry to hear of your son's troubles. Terrible 3s not the terrible 2s, right?
I've read more recently that artificial colors in foods can cause hyperactivity in children, esp Yellow #4 and #5 and Red #40. Consider reviewing the foods he eats for these and eliminate those foods w/ those artificial colors. Just for one week and see if there's an improvement.
Further, I highly recommend seeing a homeopathic Dr. They can treat for aggressive behavior. The remedies they give are natural and have no side effects like OTC and prescription meds. This is considered alternative medicine but has been around for 200+ years and very successful at healing "imbalance" in the body. I've read amazing stories about children that were downright mean and out of control. With a homeopathic remedy from a professional homeopath, parents saw amazing results and even the next day.
We see Dr. Josephine Polich (www.dupagehomeopathic.com) in Naperville. She helped my son's eczema.
If you want to learn more about homeopathy, Dr. Polich has general info on her website. She's also offering a free seminar coming up on Sat. March 15th in Naperville, 10a-12p, Knox Presb. Church near Trader Joes. Also, email me offline if you'd like to talk more about it!
Best regards... Jen S.

He is seeking your attention. It might be because of the new baby needing you more. So therefore he is behaving badly. Don't give in to his tantrums try to use positive discipline and time outs.

Hi K.,
have you talked this over with your pediatrician? make sure you do if you haven't already, ask him to test him for being Bipolar, I went through this with my daughter from the time she was about 1.5 where she would kick me and throw things, and then she would be aggressive with her younger siblings and friends,and it wasn't til she was 9 that she was finally diagnosed with Bipolar.I am not saying this is what it is but I would definatly rule it out.

Oh MOMMY! I feel so bad for you. I never had this problem with my 2 children who are now grown and gone. In the past few years a wonderful program has been on t.v. called "Supernanny" and "Nanny 911". I have learned more about everything having to do with raising children. Go online and find the show..abc I believe.
I remember taking the child, when having has fit, and set him down in a different area (naughty corner) and kneel down face to face and tell him why he is there. He's to stay 4 minutes because he's 4years old. exple "You are here because it is wrong to slap or kick anyone..when you can say you're sorry, you can join us again". Then you leave the child...he'll probably come looking for you and you must keep putting him back, get on your knees again and tell him again, stearnly. You must be eye-to-eye with the child so he sees you mean business. Please find the show, it's amazing! Remember, the child only wins when YOU give in..then he's only learned that he got his way again with bad behavior...he'll tire eventually if you keep it up. Love and luck

I read most of the others advice and its all good. At three you really don't know why a child is behaving this way. My grandkids are special needs and have the same problems but I know they are special needs. The oldest sees a therapist at Streamwood Behavioral Health Center. She first starts with behavior modification tactics. If that doesn't work then she knows that something more serious is going on. I would try behavior tactics first. If they don't have an effect then call your school district to have him evaluated. Early Intervention is for 0-3 years, ECDEC, FIND and Special ED is for children over three. Early Intervention will provide an evaluation, therapists and a social worker. Mine is invaluable. They are also paying to have the 2 1/2 year old evaluated at Alexian Bros. Child Development Clinic (Center?). My youngest grandchild has violent tendancies already but doesn't seem to comprehend Time Out. Hopefully your child will respond to behavior tactics.

Well from everything I've seen and read, your three-year old is likely trying to get your attention. He's probably competing with his older sibling, and I'm sure a lot of your attention also has to go to the baby, which might not leave enough for him (in his eyes). Kids will get out of hand to get attention even if it's negative attention, like time out. If I were you, I'd talk to my pediatrician (since they know your kid) and get their suggestions on a behavior class to attend, or for ideas of things to try at home. And maybe you can also get a sitter once a week and take your 3 year-old to a music class, to the zoo, or to Gymboree (anything - even just lunch together) - something the two of you could do alone.

I am no SuperNanny, but sounds like the 3 yr old is having to display the negative behavior for attention. Somebody once said any attention is better than none. Set boundaries, stick to them. Remember you are the mom, the one in control, and right now the 3 yr old has that control. Get eye to eye with him, speak clearly, never losing your eye contact, and let him know what you will accept in behavior, and what you won't.

More importantly - have consequences, and stick to them no matter where you are and what is going on. One time slides by, and the child has won that one.

Younger generation parents tend to want to be friends with the children, but life is made up of 'somebody in charge' and so be the parent and be in charge. They tend to give these small people too many choices. When they grow up, they have to face choices, so go easy on having them choose every aspect of their daily life. As the role model - - the one setting the example; assist, with your spouse, in the plan God has for this gift - your child- it is a wonderful challenge, and with guidance from God and trying to raise this child in the way He guides; be consistent, love with no boundaries- unconditionly. Let the children grow securely in knowing that no matter what they do, your love didn't change for them. Let them know you may not have liked that choice made, but allow them to make choices, and live with the consequence. We as parents can't fix everything. (Though many parents strive to do that - just read the Entertainment news.)

Children are truly a gift from God. We only have them for a very short period in the grand scheme of things, so it is up to us to grow them the best way possible.

You will do great. You have your hands full, so try to enjoy each of them separately. And let your spouse read this. These children are a gift to BOTH of you, and BOTH of you have this task.

from a parent of 3; grandmother of 3 and an aunt to many.

have you had him checked for ADHD?