I know you will tell me it is a stage, but I don't know what to do with my little girl and my husband. For the past 6 months or more she will not have anything to do with him. It is all Mom all the time. She gets upset when he tries to hold her, touch her, play with her. He picks her up and she immediately starts crying. I try to let them have alone time but we have a small house and it is hard to get away with out her knowing where I am. She has her moments when she will laugh and goof off with him, but it is RARE. It is making us both crazy and me very sad for him b/c he thinks she hung the moon and his feelings are so hurt. I am ready to have #2, but he told me last night that "why would her want another kid that hates him?". She goes to school everyday and he takes her and that is also usually not fun. But she has time away from me but he occasionally works late and on the weekends so it is the 2 of us. We try to do a lot with the 3 of us as well, but there is a lot of crying if dad gets too close. Help...is this really just a stage or am I doing something wrong or could be doing something better????
I don't have any personal experience, but my mom told me that my little brother HATED my dad for about a year (from when he was 1-2). It made my dad really, really sad, but my brother eventually grew out of it. So tell him to try and not get overly sad about it... it is a stage and it will pass!
Maybe she's blaming dad for the time she spends away from the two of you during the day? Does she get to spend just her and daddy time together (apart from when he's taking her to school)? Do you "rescue" her immediately from dad when she cries or do you let him try to calm her and soothe her? Just some thoughts. I know my little girl was with her aunt all day today (special occasion, she's usually at preschool) and the only time she threw a fit, was when I walked in the door...these little ones have emotions and sometimes they choose uncommon ways to display them.
As you said, it might just be a stage. Of course, if you are her primary caregiver, she's probably going to gravitate more toward you. Is Dad anxious, scared, mad that she acts this way? Do you make a big deal out of it? That could certainly make it worse...the best thing to do might just be to carry on normally as you would, and don't push her about being with Dad. Eventually she'll come around, especially if Dad is particularly lighthearted about the situation. Is there something special that Dad could do with her, like arts and crafts, PlayDoh, something that is off-limits to you and just for Dad only? He could be the "PlayDoh Man" or something.
Hope it gets better! Kids are funny aren't they. But the minute you have it all figured out, something changes!
I too believe it is a stage that she will out grow. My son is really into daddy right now, he has to put him to bed almost every night. I really want to point out that your daughter does not hate her dad. Make sure dad knows that and allow them quality time together, perhaps you should leave the house or let them go to the park or something just the two of them.
Every morning my husband wakes up and get the baby. They go downstairs for cheerios and milk and have time just for themseleves. We started this so I could wean her. He use to get up and grab her to bring her in for "boo" time. But she can't be around me in the AM. She was going crazy that I wasn't nursing her. The side effect is that once she got in the routine of it she doesn't like me to feed her in the AM. It's daddy time. He makes it fun. Feeds her cheerios out of his bowl and makes funny faces. He also lets her watch cartoons which we don't do very much. At first she was a little where is mom but after a few days she got into the hang of it.
I just reasd the other post. It's GREAT that she is in school for a few hours but maybe it would be better if he didn't drop her off everyday. Maybe you cold do every other day if possible. It could contribute to her distance from him. BUT this is all a phase and in a few years she will just want him and will be rolling her eyes at her mom!
Good luck!
Yes, yes, yes, it is a stage. Out of our nine children, three of them did this with their daddy. They wouldn't even look at him...I mean literally turn their head when he talked to them. It is hard for hubby not to take it personally, but it really has nothing to do with liking or not liking him. I have found my three to be generally more shy as they get older compared to the other children. It could be just part of her personality. Does she shy away from others like she does her dad?
I would recommend really building up daddy all throughout the day. Get excited when she is going to school. "You are so lucky you get to spend time with daddy." When hubby comes home, grab her and say, "Yeah! Daddy is home! Let's go say hi" Don't force him to hold her, but encourage the interaction. Do not pay attention to or coddle her when she is avoiding daddy. My husband used to bring home little treats and would only give it to the children if they gave him a hug. He would usually grab them, swing them around, kiss on them, give them their treat and let them go. (Dollar General was great for this) He still got his loving and the children learned that daddy was pretty cool....and they enjoyed the swinging around part. The WORST thing you can do is force long periods of time with him. Short bits here and there work best.
Good luck!
K.
Dear A.: I'm no expert, but I am a 60 year old mom and grandmother. I truly believe that if you would get that baby out of "school" and have her at home full time, truly being mommy, you'd have a much happier child. Having her Dad take her and drop her off may be the main reason she's reacting negatively to him, as she sees him as the instigator to being away from her security zone. She's being raised by other people when, if she had the attention she needs from both of you within the home, I believe she will be a much happier little girl.
Hi A. -
This doesn't sound normal at all to me, and my husband works a lot and our son does get angry with him because of it. If you have not already done so speak with your pediatrician. There could be something more serious going on and they might be able to help you figure it out (could your husband be harsh with her while they are away from you, etc.).
She could be associating him with being left at the day care. Maybe you could drop her off/pick her up for a while and see if that helps with the relationship between them.
Good luck!
