Is Calling Her Stepdad Daddy Okay?

I Don't think there is anything wrong with it, he is had dad, maybe not biologically, but he is now. He will raise her as his daughter. She will always know about her bio dad, but this is her dad now

He is here daddy. He may not be her 'father' but he is her daddy. Tell them to get over it or you will end the friendship.

The child is just following what she sees/hears w/other children as well! She "knows" the difference, so there should not be a problem. You'd think the friends would be happy it has worked out so well!

(ask those friends how they'd feel if the child was living w/grandparents and called them mom/dad - even tho child does know actual relationship... child has lived here a long time and if that makes her feel good, it is ok w/me - besides that is what we're doing is being the parents!)

Tell those 'friends' to get over it - because your child will never get to meet her biological Father... but the man who is raising her is just as much her Daddy. Also remind them if they cannot stop being so cruel and rude - then you'll have to stop talking to them.

My daughter's bio Father is NOT dead, but definitely not in the picture. She calls my husband Daddy and he, she and I couldn't be happier with the arrangement and her bio Father's family even endorses it too.

Just because her bio Dad is dead does not mean your daughter she grow up not having a "Daddy"

I think it's perfectly fine for her to call him Daddy. Good grief, your friends sound kinda lame. She's 3, he's going to be the only dad she knows, I see nothing wrong with it at all.

I agree with Tori H and Pamela, Raven and more2go. Additionally, I feel so bad that you had to read the judgmental post below about dating before 1 year. I give you so much credit for being able to put your life back together after an obviously devasting loss for you and your daughter. I know it was your fiance and not your husband but even if you were married the wedding vows I took said " until death do you part" When someone dies you have every right and personally I think obligation (to the deceased and your child) to make the most of your life. I think a great way to honor the dead is to not waste your life mourning for too long but to live life to the fullest. I know if I passed this is what I would want for my husband and children! I am so glad that you were able to find happiness again and that your husband wants to be and is Daddy to your child.

Oh this post makes me sad! You are NOT wrong! Of course she wants to call him Daddy and he is the only daddy she's going to know. It sounds like everyone is open and honest about her bio dad and that's how it should be. She should not have to miss out on having a dad just b/c her bio dad died, that's just cruel. I don't even think she should have to call him Daddy John or whatever...no, this is her dad as she knows it and he knows it, so run with it. It sounds like your friends are still grieving and having a hard time letting go. I think you and your husband need to have a frank discussion with them, without kids around, and tell them that they have to let go or you will have to let go of them. I do think they deserve another chance, they are missing their friend and this is the way they are expressing it. Tell them how you're incorporating her bio dad into her life and tell them (in a nice way) to get over it and get on board.

As long as you're not hiding who her real dad is, I dont see any reason she cant call her step dad daddy. If, God forbid, I were to pass away, I would hope my husband could marry someone who was amazing and who my daughter felt comfortable enough with to want her to be her new mom.

A Dad is someone that takes care of you and Loves you. Your husband sounds great and he is doing everything that a Dad does so I see nothing wrong with her calling him Dad! My daughter was about 6 when my current husband and I got married she had never had a Dad in the home (that she remembered she was just a few months old when her Bio Dad and I split up) she was so excited and started calling him Dad. Her bio Dad yelled at her and told her not to call my husband Dad. Her bio Dad gave her up at his suggestion to my husband to adopt after all the fit throwing he did about her calling my husband Dad he just called one day and said I think he should adopt her. My point is you know what is best for her not someone else and if all of you are comfortable with that then that is the right thing to do. She wants to have a normal family life. Good Luck and God Bless you and your family.

I understand their grief and sadness, but this man has been her father figure and her father for most of her conscious life. Her bio-dad is no longer alive. Her "step" dad is the only dad she has now and she SHOULD call him dad. It's absolutely rediculous NOT to call him dad. They are just sad and letting their grief get in the way of rational thinking.

Your daughter has a daddy in heaven, and a daddy on earth. I would give them another chance and calmly explain this to them. To deny your daughter the love of a dad and the joy of calling him dad is cruel and selfish on their part. After you've explained this, if they don't seem to understand how hurtful they are, tell them that if they refuse to stop treating your husband/your child's "earth" daddy, and your child so heartlessly, and with such a lack of understanding, than you cannot spend time with them.

If they keep being so hurtful, they are not being friends.

No you are not wrong. This is the best thing for your daughter at her young age, to grow up with a 'daddy' in her life (even though you will always honor and keep the memory of her bio dad for her as well). How will she feel as she grows older and you and your husband have kids, if she is calling him "John" and her siblings are calling him Daddy. Like you, she has been given a second chance and this is the best thing for her. Explain this to your friends and if they feel that they cannot respect this choice (even if they don't agree), then move on.

Every little girl needs a daddy. Your friends are still missing their friend and it's hard for them to think about so easily forgetting him. You can sit them down and explain how much he meant to you, and your daughter, but she was so young it would be a tragedy to let her grow up not being able to have a good daddy in her life. Your husband will be there for all the important things for years to come and she will be much happier and well adjusted if he is the father figure. He will earn the title "Dad" many times over. Tell your friends you will continue to show your daughter pictures of her bio dad and tell her how much he would have loved being there with her, but things sometimes don't go the way we plan and how lucky you are to have a second chance. They have to know you haven't forgotton him completely but should accept the husband into the circle of friends and get to know him too. If your daughter thinks of him as her dad, then it's what she should be allowed to call him. If they can't understand this,,then you may need to drop them from your life and move on.

YES! She should call him daddy!

If those friends keep being rude and inappropriate, dump them. They are out of line. It's sad that your daughter's father died, but life must go on.

It's wonderful that your daughter has a new dad who loves her. Go daddy and daughter!!!

Since her biological daddy has passed away, why doesn't your husband adopt her and make it legal? She has a father and now a daddy. She is still a baby and doesn't understand the biology anyway. Actually your hubby IS her daddy now in every way that matters. It's alot of stress to put on a little one to ask her to understand an adult topic. Your friends are being unfair and judgemental. It's not their decision to make and if they don't like what you are doing...oh well for them. You have to do what you see is best for your family.

Talk to your friends and tell them that the subject is closed and that you and your husband will decide what is best for your daughter. Ask them not to bring up the subject again. From then on, if the friends can't handle your decision, too bad. If they cannot respect your wishes, then they are not very good friends after all.

He IS her daddy and the friends should mind their own business.

If you make her call her stepdad "daddy" that is not ok. If she is doing so because she wants to and he is being her daddy in every normal sense of the word then it is perfectly acceptable.

Tell you friends that you appreciate their concern; however, your daughter wants to call your husband "daddy", it was and is her choice. She knows who her real father is/was but your husband is now fathering her and she sees him as her "daddy" on a daily basis. End of discussion and please don't mention it again!

he is her daddy now and your friends need to mind their own business. Why would they want to rob your DD of having someone to call daddy? If he legally adopted her, then there would be no question about it.

maybe your friends will get used to it with time. Assure them she will know about her first Daddy and that your feel certain her first Daddy would be happy his daughter is so loved

I agree that your daughter should be able to call him dad. It is a personal and family choice, not your "friends" choice. If they cannot respect that your family made this choice they are not your true friends. It seems selfish to me to deny your daughter the opportunity of having a "daddy" to help raise her. Maybe one way to think about it is, would her bio-father want her missing out on all those special daddy-daughter moments? It is sad that he isn't able to be there for those, but I would think he would be happy and grateful that you've found a wonderful man to step in and fill the void that his passing left.
Could you send your friends a link to this page and all the responses you got and see if that helps them see they are only hurting your daughter?

not at all. if she wants to let her there is nothing wront with it i wouldnt push or to say it or not to say it

This is truly none of their business. I would protest IF dad was still alive and HE was upset about it. However that is not the case. This is the only daddy she's known. Its like saying children who are adopted should not be allowed to call their adoptive parents Mommy and Daddy. Silly, it has to be what the family is comfortable with.

I'd sit these "friends" down and explain that its none of their business what your daughter calls her step dad, and you are not going to discuss this topic anymore. If they can't stop bringing it up, then say goodbye. Drama Drama Drama!

Best wishes!

My daughter's bio dad has been a dead beat since day one! When I met my husband, she was 2 1/2 years old and by the time she 4 years old she was calling my husband daddy. She would call my husband daddy Matt and her bio dad daddy Mike when she would see him.
I think all that matters is that you do everything you can to let your daughter know who her bio dad is. It sounds to me that you have found a great guy, and there is no reason she can not call him daddy. He is her daddy in every way that counts, and he deserves to be acknowledged that way! I would ask your friends why they are so offended with her calling your husband daddy. Really it is not any of their business! You are her mommy and you are doing what you think is right. How does her bio dad's family feel about this? Does she still see them? They are the ones that would have a legitimate reason to object to your daughter calling your husband daddy. If it was to bother them, then I would have her call your husband Daddy ______.
Best of luck to you, and I'm sorry you have to go through this!

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You know there is no reason why she cannot have 2 daddies. She knows the difference, can probably say something like Daddy John or Daddy Matt, as an example. Its really non of your other friends businesses but its always good to hear the truth of what others feel regardless of the words. So I would try not to get defensive with them you wouldn't want they hiding things in the future. I'd just say I understand how you feel I miss so and so also but this seems to work best for my daughter so I do not want to mess with it.

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You know there is no reason why she cannot have 2 daddies. She knows the difference, can probably say something like Daddy John or Daddy Matt, as an example. Its really non of your other friends businesses but its always good to hear the truth of what others feel regardless of the words. So I would try not to get defensive with them you wouldn't want they hiding things in the future. I'd just say I understand how you feel I miss so and so also but this seems to work best for my daughter so I do not want to mess with it.

I think it is wonderful that your daughter has a daddy who loves her and wants her to growing knowing about her biological daddy. She has every right to call this man daddy. I would think her biological father would be glad to know someone is caring for her in his place. Tell your friends this and if they continue to have trouble accepting this then slowly cut them out of your life. Your family is more important anyway.

Maybe she could call him "daddy _____" instead of just Daddy
I am kind of with your friends.
Daddy is a special name and I don't think he's been around long enough for him to earn the title of daddy. I mean you didn't even wait a year before you started dating again.
But I guess thats just me.

I wouldn't worry about what anybody say. Your family is more inportant then others. If your husband does the best job in the world i would let him be daddy to your daughter. She needs a father just always have her remember her real dad in loving memory i no he would be proud of you for making a good choice for you and your daughter. I have a child and my husband is his father ( and he is his stepdad) my son dad dosen't do not one thing for my son. But i found somebody i can trust and no he'll be there and treat him like his own thats what counts! With your friends if they can't get the point then i would cut them off till they can respect you and your family! I wish you all the best of luck! Take care :)

You have to do what is right for your family. If it is best for your family that she calls your husband "daddy", then that's good. I think that if you change it after all this time, she'll be confused.

My daughter calls both her bio and her step dad "Daddy" we started with "Birth Daddy" and "Home Daddy" then "New York Daddy" and "Home Daddy" but now she just calls them both Daddy and is proud to have two. Her bio dad is not in the picture aside from occasional phone calls and presents in the mail so my husband is more of a dad then she would have otherwise at all, plus he is at the opposite side of the country. Especially since my husband and I have had one more daughter and another baby on the way it is important I believe for their sibling relations to both call him the same thing (I don't know if you are planning on having more so don't know if this is relevant).

Your situation is even more finalized since "dad" is literally gone by passing away, plus they have known each other for so long! My daughter was almost 2 when I met my now husband.

He's the only dad she's going to "know" and that is something that is so important....he is earning the title with every interaction too I'm sure.

I think it is 100% ok to call him Daddy.

I think you are in your rights to let her call him daddy. If she is the one who wants to do it, even at 3 1/2 she can make that choice. My older kids called their stepfather dad up until I divorced him after they were adults. Any adult that says its wrong needs to understand it is yours and her decision. She remembers her natural dad is great and the fact she wants to call stepfather dad says something great to me about him. She feels perfectly comfortable with him in that role.

If you and hubby feels it's appropriate for your daughter to call him daddy, then there's nothing wrong with that. You and your daughter are both very lucky to have found someone.

As far as your friends, I can understand their feelings and opinions. They are still greiving the loss of thier friend and it's a big change for them seeing you with someone else. I would sit down and have a nice talk with them, explaining that while you understand how they feel, that you would like them to respect your decission. If that can't do that, then it's time to move on.

Your friends must think you're being unfaithful to your late husband's memory by letting your daughter call another man "Daddy."

But I don't think you are. You and your daughter's father didn't divorce; he died. There's a big difference. Keep telling your daughter about her birth father, let her have pictures of him, and let him know how much he loved her. Her stepdad IS actually stepping into her father's shoes, not just being your husband. I think it's terrific that she thinks of him as "Daddy"! He must be doing a good job.

One of my DILs has two mamas. Her birth mother was killed by a drunk driver when she was a baby. A few years later her father remarried, and her stepmother is really the only mother she has known, so she calls her "Mom" without any slighting of the woman who gave her birth.

I think it's up to you, not your husband, to talk to the friends and tell them how happy you are to have a husband your daughter loves so much, since her daddy (and their friend) couldn't remain living. If they can't handle that - emotions being as high as they are - you may have to distance yourselves from them.

I see nothing wrong with her calling your husband daddy. He is her dad. He is the one helping you raise her and as long as she knows about her biological father that's all that matters.

My stepcousins call their stepdad dad and their biological father is still alive but they only see him once a year if that.

I would talk to your friends and tell them that if they don't like it then I guess it's time to your seperate ways. It will be their choice.

Are your friends this way with other decisions in your life? Have you politely told them that as much as you respect their opinion that ultimately it is a family decision & that after much consideration that you will decide what is best for your family. You don't need to give them any explanations whatsoever. Just that you have made up your mind... end of story. Hopefully they will respect the boundaries that you have set. Then you can decide whether or not to keep them in your life.

??? I don't understand your "friends'" logic on this one

If your daughter WANTS to call your husband "daddy," there's nothing wrong with it. I would be sensitive to the feelings of her late dad's family, but I would not concern myself with his friends. They may have a great need to keep his memory alive, but the fact is that she will not remember him - trust me, I was just under 2 when my own father died. My mother never remarried, but if she had, I would have been fortunate to have the opportunity to have a "daddy" when I was young. Do what your little girl is comfortable with, don't rob her of the opportunity to have a dad or make her feel different than any children that you and your new husband might have together.

Lisa B below put it just right. She needs a Daddy, she can call him what she wants.