Moving Out of State - McHenry,IL

Updated on January 27, 2010
M.J. asks from McHenry, IL
4 answers

I've tried to work things out with my ex-boyfriend for the past 4 years and nothing has been working. He is abusive and a emotional wreck 24/7. I went on vacation to California summer of last year and found the man of my dreams. I was born in California and have always wanted to move back previous to this relationship; my ex is aware of this. Most of my family lives out in California and I miss it horribly. I hate Chicago weather! Right now I'm looking to get transferred in my job in order to live in California. My ex doesn't want to go to Cali for another year and is not aware of my relationship with my fiance. My fiance and I are set to be married in May of this year. He is very willing to adopt my daughter and has been calling her his since day one. Since she was 8 months old. He is aware of the situation and wants to help in anyway possible and has already asked about adopting her. RIght now my ex has visitation, and pays childsupport a whole 120 a month. I want to know if there is any loop holes in the system that I can use to get around and move out to cali that isnt going to cost me a bunch. What would happen if i moved, got married and then got pregnant in the state of california and became a resident?

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So What Happened?

We've been planning on having a child for a few months now. and instead of getting pregnant in september, we'd just get pregnant a few months earlier.
He's simply amazing. and i know that my ex will not fight if I go to California. He's already let his 1st child leave with his mom to FL without any complications.
And that's interesting, if he knows where I live its not kidnapping. I already told him I want to go to Cali and he is aware of this.
As to the whole new wife idea, i get it. I do. We need a chance for us to grow. But at the same time we've already gotten pregnant and I lost the baby. We are completely ready for another child considering we agreed to have 4 children total. I know it seems strange, but its one of those relationships where you just know.

More Answers

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I think the "man of your dreams" should move to where YOU are, not you move to him. What man calls a child "his" from day O.?
Aside from his "whole 120" per month, what kind of father is your ex-boyfriend? He has a right to see her and be in her life.
I doubt that having another child for ANY other reason than love is always a bad idea.
I'm sorry, it sounds to me like you have some growing up to do. My opinion from your question.
*added* If you met this guy last summer, and he is halfway across the country, I feel you do not know him well enough to be planning how many kids you will have, etc. This is ridiculous.

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

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J.C.

answers from Chicago on

If your dghtrs father is in her life & he has court ordered visitation & child support (no matter the amount) then your daughter will be ordered to stay here unless the father will give his consent in court. If you are deceitful in the court system, like moving without permission, getting married & getting pregnant (all intentional), you are jeopardizing your chances of getting court permission & there could be a warrant out for your arrest. If a man said what you just said in your last paragraph us women would jump all over him.

M. you sound ridiculous. Stop concentrating on getting pregnant & put more work into your relationship with the new guy & most importantly your daughter. Children will NOT bring the two of you closer. Do you have anyone that has been a good role model for you that you can turn to? I can tell you are very young & naive & I hope you re-read your post & the replies that you get. Please dont make any more bad choices.

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E.S.

answers from Kansas City on

your best bet is talk to a case worker since he does have visitations but you might check into getting those revoked if you feel he is a threat to you and your daughter. Also I do know that so long as he knows where you are going including address he can not charge you with parental kidnapping. Especially since you have residential custody. If he is abusive physically make sure that is documented and photographed cause that will get any visitation stopped right then and there. No child or woman should put up with that.

also getting married has nothing to do with the situation with your ex. getting pregnant is not a solution to anything. although from the sound of it I highly doubt your ex would fight to hard once you moved.

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