Me and my childs father have been in a love triangle with his ex. He goes back and forth and im feed up i still love him but i deserve better. Our daughtr is 7 months and he has no children with his ex. So he decided thats who he wants to be with i said fine im hurt but its nothing i can do. I call him he curses me out calls me names an etc i dnt get it if u left me why are u so mean to me. An i wont let the baby go with him to his house he lives with his girlfriend an her family i dnt want my bby around her we were pregnant at the ame time she aborted. they were together before me an him an she has had several pregnancies an she has stated mean things to me about myself an my daughter but acts to him an his family that she accepts her i show him her texts talkin about my daughter an all bt he does not care. i just want my family an this girl to go away for good when we are together she gives him money an offers him things i cant. But am i wrong for nt leetin the baby go i told him he can come to my house or we can meet but he said he doesnt wanna see her unless the bby can come around his girlfriend.
Definitely talk to a lawyer. You need to get some things down in writing. He needs to pay child support. The two of you need to come up with a custody/visitation arrangement you are both comfortable with.
He may not be with you anymore, but she will always be his daughter. He needs to support her financially, and she needs her daddy to be a part of her life.
Good luck!
You answered your own question: you "deserve better."
That said, file for child support and let him initiate visitation, custody, etc.
I know you don't want to hear this, but he is her father and he will have rights as far as she is concerned. But he also has the "right" to be financially responsible, as well. And you both have the right to have the terms and conditions mediated.
I know it is hard, but you cannot use this baby as a pawn. She has two parents, regardless of the choices that have been made for her.
No more communication with the girlfriend. Change your number if you have to & you think it will stop her from texting you.
Good luck.
You need to get court ordered child support. You need court ordered visitation. You aren't going to get your way in regards to him not taking the baby over to the girlfriend's, though.
You also need to stop calling him and asking him why he's with her over you. Only a fool would sit on the phone and let him curse and call names. You're not a fool, right? You're a young woman who can stand up for herself and not allow yourself to be abused.
Do you have a job? You need to get one so that you can prevent him from getting custody of your child.
This "family" isn't going away, S.. He is the baby's father and he has a say. You are just going to have to get over your sorrow over the end of your relationship with him. And you HAVE to get court-ordered child support.
Get started, and no more mooning over your failed relationship.
Dawn
Get a lawyer and establish paternity legally. Your EX should be paying you child support whether he's with you or with her, and since he goes back and forth between you then it's your responsibility as a mother to make sure that it's all legally established through the courts. Your BABY should be your primary concern, not this jackhole or his girlfriend.
From the sound of it, YOU are the other woman, not her. The only difference is that you chose to have his baby and she didn't. You shouldn't be angry with her, but with HIM for cheating on two women. You're focusing on the wrong person here. Forget the other woman and focus on your baby.
File to establish paternity, get child support, and establish custody. Those should be most important. Don't let him talk you out of it. Don't let him say sweet things to you to talk you out of it. YOU make the decision from here on out to end the relationship and be co-parents only. Take control of your life and make a good example for your daughter.
Firstly, you need to tell yourself that it is really over with your child's father, and he is just that - the child's father. No more emotions, no feeling hurt, etc. And as for his girlfriend, don't get sensitive about what she says to whom. Instead, keep any proof of any written text, emails that she sends, which sound abusive towards you or your daughter.
And Joanne is right. Find a lawyer. Sort out Child support with BF as soon as you can, and get it all on paper and legal. See if you can insist and get a legal clause that you wouldn't want the girlfriend to be around your daughter.
But I doubt if you can actually prove anything about her. As the partner of the child's father, I think she cannot be legally 'restrained' from being there while the child meets her father. So, if you collect more proof, or witnesses who see her 'harmful intent', it can help you fight for some kind of visitation clause.
Save the texts etc. and find a lawyer... Some of your reluctance is probably emotional and some based on the texts. You need somone not emotionally invloved (lawyer) to sort it out for you and make sure your baby gets the right care. Support from Daddy, $ definitely, and visits, but with your lawyer you might be able to have them be without the girl friend.
Good luck
I bet you've never established paternity, gotten custody or a child support or visitation order, right?
If his name is not on the birth certificate, you don't ever have to let him take the child unless he goes to court and establishes paternity and gets an order for custody/visitation.
I'm not going to say whether it's right or wrong especially if the gf has said some unkind things about your child in text messages.
You do deserve better. Just close that chapter of your life and you and your baby carry on as if he doesn't exist. That's seems like hat's what he wants anyway.
You definitely deserve better.
Part of your difficulty as I see it is you are giving him way too many choices in your life. There is no way I would let any man float between me and another woman. If my man was with another woman I am quick to cut the strings and let him be with her. There is no floating or swinging back and forth. My life is too precious for all that high risk behavior.
I didn't even give a guy a chance if there was any residue of an ex on him or around him. I'm more of the there can be only 1 camp and I'm that only 1. I was single for a very long time (18 years) before marrying my husband. Well worth the wait.
You should go to court to establish child support, custody and visitation but be prepared. Your post partum emotions won't play out in court and if you take your emotional self into the courtroom you run the risk of loosing custody at the worst or sharing custody at the least with a liberal visitation.
You won't be permitted to dictate who your daughter's father allows or permits around your child without some concrete evidence that she posses a threat to the well being of your child.
On the other side, I was the girlfriend to a guy who had a daughter while we were together. His baby's momma got pregnant before I came on the scene. He wanted to be a father to his daughter and I didn't say or do anything to prevent that from happening. While his daughter was about 3-6 months old I found myself babysitting her. I had no children at the time. It wasn't really a great experience for me. Me and the guy broke up when his daughter was about 4 years old but not because of her or her mom. He was just aweful to me and I finally had enough and was determined to get just that for myself. Fast forward to today, he actually is married to his daughter's mother and they have been married for about 2 years but it was to keep her on his job's insurance. They live in separate places and have separate lives. It's really weird but they are a family and even vacation together. He has always been a great father, just a lousy boyfriend to me.
Her father may not be comfortable with taking care of a baby which is normal for many men. He just feels more confident with a woman present.
Again you can't stop him from making the choices he wants to with his life. As it affects your daughter, you will need evidence of poor parenting which may be addressed by social services or through the court system.
Depends. Is he a totally competent father and person? You know, can feed the kid, change diapers, juggle it all no help? Do you have confidence in his ability to do this or will he depend on his girlfriend to help him care for this child? The same girlfriend who is hostile towards you? This is such a sad sad sad circumstance for this child. No child should ever have to be in a situation like this. But as much as a child needs a father, I would not loose control of my baby and give it over to be cared for by a hostile girlfriend and an incompetent father (if thats the case). There is no good option here. But I agree with your leanings not to let that baby out of your sight, or anywhere near his girlfriend. Don't let your lingering feelings towards him play a roll in any of this. If he is a descent and competent father, then get some child support and a custody arrangement. If not, get as far away from him as possible.
Yep, I agree with everyone else. You will not be able to pick where your ex takes your daughter or who she is around when he has her. Unless she is in harms way, there isn't a judge out there that will say he can only see his daughter if it is in your presence and on your terms. This is the bad part of raising children in split homes.
That being said, you are obviously much better off without him. You need to take him to court for child support and move on with your life without him.
