Motherhood Burnout

I just want to hug you! I have 4 year old twins, and I've had my share of nights where I go to bed crying because it's so hard. All I can say is hang in there, that's all we can do!

You definitely need some adult interaction with other Mommy's!

Do you live in Florida? I live in Oviedo - and I would love to get together and have coffee. Call me - I have 3 kids and I remember feeling the same way.

A. F.
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Do you have anyone you could start a baby-sitting co-op with? Even just a couple of hours would do you good.

Please remember, it's abnormal in human history for women to be with their children 24/7. Most cultures throughout time have relied on the extended family & close friends. Find your "tribe" and rely on others some.

If you don't want to be apart from the baby, is there a reasonably responsible 13 year old in the neighborhood that could come over during nap time & play with the older one so you can take a bath/read a book/etc without putting your "mommy ears" on?

Also, it sounds like you're doing a lot

"We lead an active life full of exercise, nature, and culture to impart education, entertainment and of course social networking for my kids and myself but I am just not feeling fulfilled at all."

What about a day to do nothing? Do you have a backyard? A two year old can weild a hose & mine used to love to "paint" the house with water. I'd sit with the baby out of the way (or just inside the glass back door - which he loved 'cause he could "spray" me) and read a magazine - the perfect reading material for short bursts.

It's not selfish to put yourself first. Good luck - I hope that you shake the funk you're in. You deserve to feel great!

My heart goes out to you! You are not alone in what you are feeling. At one time or another we Mom’s have all gone through this. I hope you recognize the strength and dedication it takes for you to openly admit it and ask for help and support. Talking to your doctor and getting help are the first, most important steps to take. It shows how much you love your family.
My suggestion to you would be to talk with your partner and let him know you are in dire need of some down time. Maybe you can ask a relative or close friend to babysit for a night and you both go away. If going away is not an option then stay home without the little ones and just spend time alone together. One good night sleep will do wonders. Also, try to plan a girls night with your close friends, being away from the house will also help.
Good luck with everything and remember that you are not alone. By being aware that you are not at your best only makes you that much more special and AWESOME of a mother!!!!!

I would suggest meditation and some other spiritual and energy balancing practices like yoga, tai chi, reiki, etc., NOT medication (unless you'd like to create more distress in your life). Enhance your diet and nutrition if you want your brain creating more feel good chemistry, drugs will actually impair your system's ability to regulate itself. If you seek a psychotherapist you would benefit from one who has a psychospiritual orientation - those who recommend medications are generally ignorant about relevant therapeutic issues and incompetent to really help patients find balance. Once we choose to parent a child we can accept ALL that this commitment entails... ask Spirit for all the energy and guidance needed to help you in that role and love your children unconditionally just as Creator of All loves you unconditionally. Best Wishes on your Journey.

Hi Hilda,

I was depressed too, can you believe that I didn,t even know it? I went to the Dr. for an unrelated matter and we chatted for awhile. He asked me if it was OK if he asked me some questions so that he could fill out a questionaire, becaue he thought I was depressed. When we were through he said I was and would I like to try this medication (that I think might have helped him, the way he said the medication helps those with depression.) He said the medication would also help with my insomnia. I'm always afraid of developing an addiction with pills and have always heeded my aunts advice "D. with all medications use one day yes and one day no" I wouldn't include heart medication nor high blood pressure in that it would be too dangerous. Ok here's the bottom line I took the medication and I thought, "this is not going to do anything, I don't feel anything different" but on my off day I have the blues again and the insomnia again. I don't get any negative emotions with my medication, Im even tempered peaceful in a natural not fuzzy way. I'll tell you what it is, it's not over the counter, you'll need a prescription. Risperidone 0.5 mg. You'll have more patience, etc.

My husband is just like yours, I call him "my blessing".

God bless you all,

D. P.

You definitely need some "me" time! I understand you can't afford part time day care right now but why don't you find some other SAH mommies in the area and do a babysitting pact? I have a friend who lives a couple blocks from me and if I need some "me" time, whatever that may be, she watches my son for me and I do the same for her. Our sons are about the same age (2 and 2.5) so they play together at that Mommies house and have fun while the other Mommy takes a long bath, goes out with some friends, runs errands, whatever...all free of charge. Also, I'm no doctor but I don't think meds are needed for this. If you do feel at your wit's end try Valerian Root. It's an all natural stress reliever. It smells bad but no funny taste and works well within 10 minutes. I took it while in college and I still take it when a hurricane is coming (bad experience in Hurrican Andrew). Hope this helps!

Hi Hilda,

Hang in there! I feel you friend. In this day of "supermoms" no one wants to talk about the down side of parenting. We all have good days and bad days. I can tell you from experiance, working a full time 12 hour a day job is easier than being a stay at home mom. I love my kids and wouldn't trade the time with them for anything in this world, but I had many blue, lonely, bored out of my mind days also.

First, know that your hormones are still playing a part here if your daughter is only six months old. For some women the "blues" dont even set in until six months after giving birth. If you are feeling down, tell your regular doc or your gyn, they can give you something to help you over the hump.

Second, know that this time will pass very quickly (believe it or not you will look back and miss it someday!) Once your daughter is up and running around and you have more mobility in your life it's not so suffocating.

Third, as you now know, active and fulfilling are not the same thing. Focus more on the fulfilling part and less on what the society you keep deems important.

Last but not least, you must get some you time in. You don't have to send your son to school for this. If you have friends, try some play swaps to give each other two or three hours a week of "me time" If you have no one you can do this with, hire a sitter once a week for a few hours and take the time alone for just you. Do something you enjoy for just yourself. It sounds stupid, but it really does help. I knew one mommy who spent her first two hour outing just wandering wal mart! She couldn't remember a thing she saw there, but she enjoyed just not having any responsibility for two hours. I like to sneak off to a movie. Everyone is different, find what you enjoy, for just you.

good luck

Being a stay at home mother has it's downfalls if you are not tending to yourself. I'm a full time SAHM to 3 children whose ages are 9, 6 1/2, and 2 1/2. My husband works full time, M-F and while I look forward to the weekends for family time, I also crave for some much needed ME time. How much does your husband help around the house? My husband "takes over" in the evenings washing dinner dishes and cleaning up the kitchen. I utilize that block of "free" time doing something else. On the weekends, I do go out for a few hours, even if it's to grocery shop alone with no children tagging along. Your youngest is 6 months old. Have you talked to your OB/GYN about postpartum depression? It does happen and I've read that postpartum depression can arise even up to 2 years after the birth of a child. Do you have family members who can watch your children during the week? A trusted friend maybe? Sometimes getting out for even an hour can do your frame of mind a world of good. I would suggest researching herbal remedies for depression, if that is what your doctor concludes is wrong. I wouldn't be so quick to jump on the prescription medicine bandwagon. There are alternative remedies. I have PMDD and I'm taking an herbal supplement that has no side effects but is helping me with my disorder. Google "herbal remedies for depression" and see what you find. Good luck and make certain that you are communicating very clearly with your husband how you are feeling. Many women keep these feelings hidden or bottled up until something terrible happens. You are right to seek help now and I hope you find it quickly.

Hilda, you are my hero!!!! I have a 1yo girl and 3 1/2yo boy and know exactly what you are talking about. However, my son does go to school, and I think I would absolutely loose it if he didnt. How do you do it? The first 6-8 months after my daughter came were the worst of motherhood so far. I felt tired, frustrated, guilty and just miserably inept. At the same time I felt like all I did was give, give, give. The more nothing got done around the house and my son acted up, the worse my depression got. I couldnt exactly tell you when it happened, although I think my daughter learning to walk had alot to do with it, but there was a shift and things got better. As my daughter became a toddler and her and my son began to bond and develop a relationship, along with her gaining some independence and not needing me 24/7 in the same way,things smoothed out a bit. There is more of a rhythm to life now and that helps.

My son is still jealous, as I suppose siblings always are of each other throughout the years, but his behavior has really leveled out. I had a problem with my son waking my daughter for the first six months or so, too. You son's acting out at night may be a sympton of two things. First, he may be starting a stage that nighttime fear/nightmares are a big part of. As the imagination develops, there is a crazy time with lots of fear. Also, as I understand it through reading, it is the second biggest stage of separation for a child, so there is lots of anxiety. That along with the fact that he resents you right now (perfectly normal) for bringing home a baby that turned his world upside down, he is probably just crying out for stability and his Dad may be a symbol of that right now. Even if he has a rather unstable relationship in comparison to what he has with you, it hasnt changed recently, so, in fact, it is the stable thing. Know what I mean?

As far as the depression goes, if you are financially strapped right now and not going to get to a doctor for help soon, you may try St. John's Wort. You can get it near the other herbal supplements in CVS, Walgreens, etc. Make sure it contains 3% hypercin and take 2 in the am/2 in the pm. It actually helped me through clinical depression (as opposed to going on medication) years ago and I rely on it whenever my depression gets the better of me. It has been used, successfully, in Europe for many years. Good luck, Hilda. Hang in there. It'll get better soon.

I had a toddler and a baby at the same time and everyone kept telling me that the first year was the hardest and it would get better after the baby is walking. I thought they were all insane because I figured then I would just have 2 toddlers running in opposite directions! But seriously something magical happened when my baby turned one because life DID seem so much easier. I take mine off the bottle at a year so there were no more bottles to have to remember to take everywhere (at 6 months old, doesn't it seem like you are CONSTANTLY giving a bottle and/or breastfeeding and/or pumping?????--- it's so nice when that's over!!!).... and they actually did almost always stick together so they weren't going off in 2 different directions. Also, once the baby was walking, she became much more of a playmate for the toddler so I was having to do less entertaining - they played more together.

In the meantime.... You need some once-a-week YOU time--- something you can look forward to. Rather than preschool if you can't afford it, you need to find something in the evening for YOU. I know it sounds like there is no way it can be done, but you have to MAKE IT HAPPEN--- it's much easier to make excuses for it NOT to happen. Find something free if you need to, like a book club (start by asking at the library or book stores) or bible study if you are religious, or something like that. Do you have even just a COUPLE of friends who you think you would be able to convince to have a weekly (or even every-other-week) girls' night?? It doesn't have to cost a lot of money. You can even just start a book "club" with a couple of friends-- pick a book to read and meet at a restaurant or coffee shop for dessert and chatting (or skip the book and just chat!) Do you do any scrapbooking? You probably think I'm crazy because you feel like you don't have the time-- but if there is some reason you aren't able to get OUT on a regular basis, how about scheduling one evening a week where you lock yourself in a bedroom and your husband has the kids while you do some scrapbooking? Or sewing or knitting or some other hobby. As a SAHM, I know we have a lot of guilt when we want "me time". It seems like our husband goes off to work while we get to stay home with the kids, so HE is the one who deserves a break now and then. But ours is more than a full time job-- it's 24/7 with no weekends off, no lunch breaks, no 2 weeks vacation. We certainly deserve a chance to recharge with other women WITHOUT the kids around! Also, have you looked into joining a moms club??

Hi Hilda,
I know this seems like a lot right now. This is the hardest time when your children are so young. When my 4th child was born, all of my children were 4 and younger. It almost felt like I had 2 sets of twins. It takes lots of prayer. You have to just surrender everything to God and recognize that He is in control. My children are now 7, 5 & 1/2, almost 4, and 2. I was never able to give a lot of 1 on 1 time with each of them, but we spend a lot of time together as a group, and I do take advantage of the time I do have one on one with one of them if the others are asleep or in their extra curricular activities. It is still very hard, but it is so rewarding. I stay at home and have my own business and homeschool. I pray with my children 3 times a day, (they're certainly no where near perfect, but it helps!)
Try to just really enjoy the time you spend with them. They grow so fast, and before you know it, they won't be little anymore and will want to do their own things. Get involved in church and strengthen your faith in God. Get your ME time during naps. I have a quiet time everyday where the children take a nap or they have to sit quietly and look at a book or just lay in their beds, even if it's just for an hour, it gives you time to breathe and get ready for the rest of the day.
But really before you try medication, try prayer. It really helps, and it will help take the burden off your shoulders and give you peace to be able to just enjoy your children while they're young. You can give them soooo much right now as far as love and support, and it should feel very rewarding and satisfying knowing that you are able to do that and you can stay home with them.
I hope you are not offended in anyway. I am just giving advice that worked with me. When my second was born, I felt a lot the way you feel know now to the point that sometimes I didn't even want to hold her, but I realized that it wasn't my children, it was me and I needed to do something about it.
I started to really pray and ask God to help me and to change me so that I could really be the mother to these children the He wanted me to be. It has taken time, but 2 more children later, I am totally dedicated to them and their full education, and wouldn't change it for the world. They are everything to me and I just really enjoy them and the time we are together, (which is ALL the time! :)
If you need to talk, please feel free to e-mail me. You're not alone and you don't have to feel the way you do!
Take care and I sincerely hope that this works out for you and you can be happy!
V.

Girl, I have been there! We moved to Florida after I separated from the military. My husband is still active duty, so he ended up getting orders to here. I was so depressed because deep in my heart I really didn't want to get out of the military or leave where I was at. I didn't have regrets against my husband - it was completely my decision. I went to the doctor and told him I was depressed. That was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life - was to tell the doctor I was depressed. I could go through basic training again or birth my kids again... but to tell ANYONE I was depressed just hit my core.

I believe that you should speak with your husband and try one activity for just you once a week. That could be walking, scrapbooking, going to the movies with a friend.

I was put on Cymbalta. The only side effect I had was once in a while I would have a rage or fit on my husband. After about 9 months, I took myself off of it - which I don't advise anyone, but that worked for me. I am no longer depressed or angry (YEAH ME! LOL!).

After speaking with a therapist, speak with your husband about the one thing a week you could do by yourself. That would be my one important advice to anyone that is depressed or feels just blue.

Good luck!

Oh my gosh, Hon, you really are wearing yourself out! It's no wonder you're feeling overwhelmed and depressed..

Do you have any relatives close by who could take your son for the day or even a weekend to give you time alone with your daughter? Maybe once every week or two they could take both children, even just for a few hours, so you could enjoy some nice quiet time with your husband, or an evening playing cards with your friends, or perhaps a nice leisurely soak in the tub. Ahhh...

If your work schedules will allow it, your husband can also keep the children by himself to give you a break. Make it part of your regular plans that every week, on this certain day, he will have the children. You'll have all week to decide how you want to spend your time, and can thoroughly enjoy every blissful minute of it!

It sounds like you're just running yourself ragged with all the "exercise, nature, culture and entertainment" because you want to do what's best for your children. But you have to realize that the best thing you can do for them is to take good care of YOURSELF! And that includes taking time to relax and enjoy yourself WITHOUT the children. Not only will you feel better but you'll also appreciate your children more because you aren't so stressed. The best gift you can give your children is a happy Mommy!

So hang in there, Hilda, and find someone to take the children and give you a break every so often. That's something EVERY mother needs, but especially one with a toddler and a teething baby! That can become overwhelming SO fast... But it's truly easy to fix, and you'll ALL be happier for it!

(((HUGS)))
~ MomRee ~

Hi Hilda!

Please give your doctor a call pronto! With only being 6 months from delivery it is totally possible to have some degree post partum depression. It effects people differently so a proper evaluation and physical exam is a good place to start.

Do you have any friend or neighbor that you can do a kid swap for a few hours a week. It might give you at least some Mommy and baby time to look forward to each week.

With all the chaos of raising kids - the tough times are just a moment in time. with the ages of your kids this is the most challenging but in just a few months it will be soo different as your toddler and baby mature. the age span will be great for the kids growing up together but for Mommy it is the toughest in the beginning.

Hang in there sweetie!

Hi Hilda,
Are you sure you don't have post-partum? For all the blessings you have, to still be feeling so burned out (although I will say that the 6 month mark was rough for me too) and depressed is not good for you. I hope you do follow through with the doc and some meds to help you pull yourself up by your bootstraps.

I was overwhelmed at 6 months, too even though I only had one baby, b/c I am a single mom who works full time. The day to day "routine" of nursing, working, driving her to her sitter, picking her up, laundry, washing bottles, freezing milk, pumping and still having work pressure almost did me in... I think I was pretty close to certifiable when she was 6 monnths.

I kept myself going with a sentence my sister told me just before my daughter was born... "no matter how rough any patch is with a new baby, if you hold on, things will change!" She was right and I hope that can help a little for you.

I finally came out of it, and when she weaned herself at 11 months, that helped a lot. Perhaps she has allergies like my little one does?

I'm not sure what else to say except this:

Trust God, trust yourself, ask for help, try ANYTHING different to break up the monotony and keep things fresh for your son and remember to give yourself a break... the house doesn't have to be spotless 24/7... the laundry can get done tomorrow... you can order pizza for dinner... it's okay to sit and watch a movie with your son while your daughter sleeps... it's okay to nap with them.

I hope this helps a little bit... it also helped me to keep a gratitude journal... to focus on the good, not the bad always... the blessings, not the frustrations. Sometimes when you can't change things immediately, you have to simply change the view.

Good luck and god bless!
K.

Hi Hilda,
Sounds like you really, really need a good support group. Are you involved in a church? That has always been where I have found my best support. Your ME time could be in the service while your children are having fun learning all about God in the nursery. My son is older teen now, but I still work in the nursery, just so that I can give back to parents like you, who need that quiet time alone in church.

Please, please don't "keep hoping time will fly by when my kids are older". Each day is a gift, it will never come again, enjoy it and be thankful for it.

Your depression could possibly be from hormone imbalance too. Women as young as 20's and 30's are discovering this. Are you eating healthy? That helps a great deal. There is a wonderful place in Jacksonville, Dr. Randolph Wellness Center on Beach Blvd , ###-###-####, that can give you consultation and hormone testing.

Get connected with a church and keep your heart and eyes focused on the Great Physician Above! He has and will continue to heal all those who come to Him.

Hi Hilda,
Your reaching out and articulating so well touched me.
Stressful times with challenges depleting us...been there too.

I salute your courage and conviction to get through this.
I hope all of our responses bring your heart comfort and ideas that are useful to you.

For years I've been teaching parents a one on one massage your baby class and have seen that reenergize the tired out mommy. Also, listening to many moms, I've got an idea for a couples class too ..a one time workshop where mom and dad have couple time to learn new ways to nurture and relax themeselves...lucky 2 hours if they have someone at home to watch over their children while they take a brief break from baby and child care. What do you think of enjoying your own infant massage instruction? What do you think of taking a 2 hour couples workshop? I'm in Orlando. Feel welcomed to call if you feel I can offer you something useful. Helen M. ____@____.com ###-###-####

Hang in there. I, too have a very energetic 5 year old noy who does not listen at all and goes out of his wat to aggrevate the pets, my daughter and us sometimes. He is plain evil at times. I also work full time. My daughter is 13 going on 14 soon. They fight like crazy. There is always a bunch of yelling and madness in my house just from my son. It is hard!!! It has gotten a little better with age, but still very hard. But maybe you can take him to the park or something? Somewhere he can run around and be energetic while you spend time with the little one. Do you have no family members to take him off your hands a few hours a day? Waht is wrong with dad? He can't keep him some while you brake away? "me" time is extremely important and even when it means staying up late just to have it, you have to do it! I know it is hard. As far as prescholl i think you have to be atleast 3. He can go to vpk(vouluntary prek) which is free, soon. Which will be a nice break for you. There are also goverment funded programs for daycare, but if you are not working, i don;t think they will pay. I hope i helped some. Again, i feel your frustration and the fact that you feel overwhelmed. But get some friends together who have kids or something and hit the parks, or visit each othe and let the kids play together. Take a drive around or something. Seek out to family and make dad do his share! Take care.

Hi Hilda,
First let me say that what you are feeling is normal and there are ways to help you keep the sanity without medication

I am also 3o with a 2 1/2 yr old boy and a 13 month old girl, so let me say I understand! I am also trying to run a business from home and there are days I feel exhausted and lonely. BUT, Jesus is my strength and my comforter and my provider and my peace.

I know that the days that I start in prayer, are the days I feel more peaceful and less overwhelmed. Also, We have recently (6 months ago) started a new church, First Baptist of Pompano, and I have made great friends which helps to know that there are friends I can call just to talk for a minute.

Being a mother is also a much more enjoyable thing if your children are obedient and loving and respectful. Don't get me wrong, at our childrens ages they can't be perfect or even close, But let me recommend a book by the Pearlmans, "To Train Up A Child". This book is AWESOME! At will help you to have happy, loving, and obedient children which will take alot of the stress out of motherhood.

We live in Coconut Creek so if you live close and you ever want to take the kids to the park or something let me know. My son is always looking for more friends and our sons are 32 days apart in age!

God Bless you!
C.

Why dont you get yourself out to groups with other women with kids that your son can run around and burn his energy off. There are many opportunities out there now. It is just a case of searching on line.

Your diet may be effecting your mood! Consuming processed carbohydrates can have a negative effect on moods for adults as well as children. Keep away from sugars, cereals, breads, crackers, cookies, white potatoes, and fried foods. Lots and lots of veggies especially fresh. Probiotics are very necessary for life! Yogurt may not be enough. May need in capsule or chewables.
Good Luck and God Bless

I'm so sorry about your feelings. Could it be post-partum depression? Yes, it does happen several months after birth. I dealt with this particularly after my third child was born. Meds and seeing a psychologist helped a lot. Also, I have a purpose. Have you tried Jesus? Many people feel empty and lost, even with meds. I have a personal relationship with Him that helps me to understand who I am and what I am. I can't believe I'm writing this because I'm not a Bible-thumper, but this relationship with God is the one this that has kept me going, especially when times are tough. It's something I draw inner strength from. I'm in DeLand, feel free to call to chat: ###-###-####

OH MY DEAR! How I wish I could talk w/ you in person!!
I have been a mother for 13 years now and let me assure you TIME WILL FLY!! Before you know it your babies will be teenagers, and then in a blink gone from your home forever! Oh I pray you can begin to see how IMPORTANT this task is you are doing! You are raising the next generation of adults! So much power and responsibility lies in a mothers hands! This time in their lives when they are so dependant on you is exausting ( I KNOW I have 4 ) BUT< BUT <BUT it is also the most precious of times!! You will have to trust me on this! Soak in ever moment as if it were breath to you! You feel like your stuck in this time warp now but it WILL pass so quickly it will turn your stomach!
Those babies NEED you! The bond you have w/ them is like no other! NO ONE can be mommy to them! Kidergarten will be here before you know it~ I encourage you not to worry about not being able to afford daycare etc. Your little ones will be ripped from you soon enough (unless you homeschool :>)
Leave them with your hubby and take breaks certainly BUT you don't need to be sad that you can't be rid of your kids for hours a day.
I have no idea where you are on your spiritual journey but I will be praying for you. And if you are a praying person, pray God will open you eyes to the wonder He has placed before you! I have a friend who would KILL to be in your shoes! She has tried for 10 years to have baby! God has blessed you abundantly! Focus on all your blessings when you start to get down! What you are going through is SO normal for a mom of little ones!
Some practical suggestions....Do you have a MOPS group near you can attend? Do you read encouraging books on being a mother. I HIGHLY recommend "A Mother's Heart" by Jean Fleming and "The Mission of Motherhood" by Sally Clarkson. Both will encourage you and give you a great vision for raising your precious ones!May God bless you with a vision and renewed JOY in this wonderful and HIGHEST of callings! With all my heart and a BIG hug !:>)

P.S. As to meds, may I encourage you to look for natural solutions first, maybe progesterone cream, if you really thing something is off balance? There are SO many other things you can do without filling your body with harmful meds.Just start "googling"....

Take a break!! In the years past I've always had EVERYTHING planned. There was never a time we didn't have something going on. We moved away from family and I knew no one. My husband thought I was going to fall apart. But...it was SO nice. The 5 of us just hung out for the first few weeks. We didn't have to worry about being late or any of that stuff. It was such a nice break to be with ourselves. My life isn't as packed full of plans as it used to be. It made me realize that I don't have to plan everything!!

Hilda,
late in the game but here. my heart goes out to you. God bless your heart. try some good fiber cereal in the morning, 100% juice (watch the sugars) and a good multi-vitamin. you can also try some St. John's Wort for mood and depression. this will help with energy and balance and for very low cost. when the kids are asleep, napping, do some girly things for yourself, pedicure, manicure, read cosmo, glamour or our daily bread. I hope you can find this book called, "when God Winks at you." it's uplifting. I wish that you were in my city. I would treat you out to lunch and have one of my 5 sisters, (professional mother's) sit for you. The next day, I would watch the children so you could nap all day. I wish you all the sweet things you can find, and all the baby hugs and kisses you can handle from your kids.
Jen

Thank God for Dalai Lama Daddy.Can you afford a baby sitter for a few hours? If you can get one or a relative to take care of the children you could go shopping for something nice for you or have your hair and nails done. Or go to a movie with (or without) your hudband.Just getting out of the house for a few hours can improve your mood. Being a mommy is hard work, ENJOY IT.

Hi Hilda
let me begin by telling you that I usually not respond to this questions but yours I felt I had to. I only wish to help you see that after all this "time will pass"
I'm the lucky mom of 8 kids (thank G-d) yes 8 you are reading it right....2 sets of twins..ages ranged from 24yrs to 6yrs....
I read your request the day before my 6 year old daughtes graduation from sk... and I thought about you.
I thought how lucky you are that you have 2 small kids with you....still a few years to care, spoil and enjoy all their experiences growing up. I can tell you that time flys....one day you will remember and agree with me. You will say where did the time go??? I see it with my older kids 2 graduated from university already and the others are still in school. Thank G-d I still see them often they come to the house to visit and it is great!
Since I have 6 in the house still my house is not the perfect looking house you will ever see. It doesnt matter how many times i clean it, it still never "neat" but my mantra is " it is ok, I rather have a messy house than an empty house with no kids" (I know the time will come when the kids wont be here anymore and Ill have a nice neat clean "quiet" house). For me i rather have the noise and the kids.
Your son is seeking more attention. Boys tent to be more needy than girls, so go ahead and give him more attention, involved him in the care of your baby and make him notice that if the baby is asleep then you will have more time with him. You will see how fast he will stop bothering the baby and how fast he will be sleeping through the night.
You will get your ME time but for now it will be a bit less often.
A read once in a book that G-d doesnt give us anything more than we can handle so if G-d gave you two kids is because you can make a terrific job at it.
I only wish you well and that you will realize that you are a lucky mom!

I understand!! Motherhood is a very challenging task and getting "Motherhood burnout" is a very normal emotion. Getting "me" time is very essential to replenishing your drive and energy. If you take care of your personal needs, it becomes much easier to take care of your family.

At The Babysitter Tree, there is a Caregiver Swap option that may help you. Families can swap child care with each other. Therefore, you may be able to find a family in the database with children of a similar age. You trade child care with each other for free, which would help you to get "me" time without breaking the bank and your kids could find some buddies to play with, which may be the distraction from the norm that your children may need as well.

You can list yourself for free! Their phone number is ###-###-#### or email ____@____.com.

Hi, Hilda. Well, I sort of knew how u felt when my one son was your son's age. I was a single mom, unfortunately, and all of motherhood was a struggle. Thank God u have ur husband! Understand one thing about having two kids under the age of 3: it's a hell of a lot of work. It's basically too much for 1 person unless that person is Superman or Wonder Woman. You can't twirl around and get everything done. I strongly suggest that you get someone to help with the housework, plus get an older child to be a companion to your son. That way, he can burn off the energy without harassing you or feeling like he has to act out in order to get attention.

If your daughter is sick, she's going to have to take up much more of your attention than the well child; nevertheless, he has needs that aren't getting met. That's probably why he's acting out. DEFINITELY enlist some help. There used to be kids in every neighborhood who wd either volunteer to be companions for the experience, or wd do it for minimal reward, like a babysitter, but with less responsibility. In other words, you need a babysitter for the toddler, an older and wiser playmate, who can keep him out of trouble while you get a little down time. The companion can play all day, eat as much as he or she wants to, maybe get a couple of dollars for his or her trouble, and you will not feel so exhausted and unfilfilled. That way, you can have some time with ur son when he is more mellow and has his energetic needs fulfilled.

Are the kids sleeping in the same room? If so, I think ur son is trying to tell u something. Maybe #1, he doesn't want to share a room with a girl since he's almost 3 and girls might be starting to become icky to him. #2, maybe he needs to play with another child so badly that he can't help himself and bothers his sister just because he's bored and lonely -- he's misbehaving in order to fulfill those needs.

Playdates, companions, and so forth. ASAP. If you can get together with other moms who have kids the same age, you will also fulfill needs of your own -- namely, to get out of the house so you don't feel stuck, and to relate to others who are having the same things happen in their lives. Isolation is a down-hill slide to deep depression. Get some friends for yourself and your son. That way, you will all like each other better.

I hope everyone gets some relief, your daughter's health issues resolve, and you feel the sweet love and fulfillment that mothering can bring.

Peace,
Syl

I know that you even gave your thanks but I just wanted to let you kknow that you are not alone. I feel that way lots of time. I'am taking medication for my anxiety but at times I feel as if that doesnt help.My 2 1/2 year old is diabetic so its really hard not to be stressed around here. I did work until Jan 2009 that I got laidoff so being home is also driving me crazy. I have been on my own since I was 16 so this is all very new to me.My husband lost his job about a year ago and he is now trying to be on his own but in these times its really hard to start your own business. But we are trying. Lets not even talk about the other people/things, my 12 year old, husband, bills,school ect...I think that we all need some time for us (the mommy's) cause we dont really do that. Also talk to your doctor about how you feel they can and will help you. Its also good that you got on the website and asked the question cause talking about your problems helps out too. I hope this helped Take Care & God Bless.

Hi Dear, of course you are feeling burned out. Being a mother is exhausting.
Please (all you moms!) have your hormones checked. Your MD can do blood work, or you can see Dr. Marianne Beck, who does only herbals...it has worked for me. (She's in North Broward ###-###-####) At least you are getting some exercise.
She'll help you with diet, as well. It's been difficult for me to change my eating habits; but at least I know why I am feeling poorly.
Keep up the exchange on this site. There are so many supportive women - and you will see the "light at the end of the tunnel"
Blessings, S.