Depression Ruining Marriage

Can you get to a doctor and talk to them? This could become serious. It is a normal problem in American society. There are many different types of medication you can take, many of them take WEEKS to actually start working. You can't expect to feel better tommorrow or even a week from now. Talking things out helps a lot. Going to therapy could be very helpful for you. Is there a bus you could take places so that you can get out and about some? You need to do something for you! But remember many many people have feelings like this, and there are ways to feel better.

W.-

I'm currently in counseling and I have learned that my wanting to find a husband to makes things "right" in my life is the wrong way to approach things. I'm the only one that can make me happy-- you are the only one that can make you happy. You can't rely on your husband or anyone else (like your daughter) to make you happy. It comes from within. Once you are happy with yourself, then you can really enjoy the happiness others bring into your life. My doctor was shocked that I had never been prescribed an anti-depressant before-- given the issues I've had. He has not mentioned it since-- so the counseling must be working. He did have me take a "personality test"- which I truly recommend taking (I think its the MP-VI test-- psychological assessment). It really pinpoints your issues, how you relate to others and how you perceive yourself. Warning-- some of the questions are a little bizarre (this is the same test they use on criminals and the like). Anyways, its was really right on with me. I think you should sit your husband down and let him know what's going on, tell him you need one night a week to go to counseling. Many places have evening hours and they should be covered by insurance (mine is).
Hang in there hon! All is not lost. You're right to keep in mind the positive things in your life. But don't let this depression consume your life to the point you can't see the positive anymore! If nothing else, do it for your baby girl! Mine was my inspiration to get into counseling!

Good luck!
E.

I have a problem with post partum depression that hhas affected me since my daughter was born in December of '02. I have tried taking prescription medications but have found that a natural supplement called St. Johns Wort works the best. It can be purchased at basically any store that sells vitamins. Take it as directed on the label and that should help some.

Wow! I am just so impressed with all your responses and so quickly! I agree with all, sounds like PPD. I would try hard to get out and be involved with something -- can you walk to things nearby, a library, community center? Just getting fresh air and exercise may help (if you aren't already doing so. I would try to connect with other moms online or in person, try seemommyrun.com it is a place to meet moms in your community to walk. I understand have a hard time bringing up difficult conversations with the hubby, if you ever want to just chat, email me -- ____@____.com

W.,
Sounds to me like you have post-partum depression, if you just had your baby. Depression is usually a chemical imbalance and you just have to find the right medicine and doctor and counsler that can help you overcome this. I wish you the best and will pray that you will feel better once you take the right steps.
G.

One thing you need to realize is you and your husband are a team and if something is bothering you then I would talk to him. He may have a lot on his plate but I am going to guess that he would rather you tell him then be afraid to bother him with your problems. So try talking to him. I know all about depression I went through it and it is not easy but I got over it on my own with no doctors or meds. You need to get your licence. What would happen if you need to rush your child to the doctor you she gets hurt. Thats just one reason to have your licence. The biggest problem is you sit at home 24/7 and do not get out. You need to get out even if it only for 30 minutes. You need to have your own time to think and just breath. Take a bubble bath. The biggest thing that helped was my journal. Get a notebook and write in it anything at all it will help. If you feel that burst of rage when you are about to snap at your husband excuse yourself go to the bathrrom shut the door and scream into a towel it feels good. Or write how you are feeling in your notebook, when you feel your blood pressue come down then go back and talk to your husband. But again you need to talk to him. Thats what he is there for and he will apreciate knowing what is going on with you. Good luck and if you need someone to talk to send me a message and I will help you the best I can.

You could be having some post partum depression even though it has been a few months since you have your baby. I had alot of post partum anxiety issues and my doctor told me that it can take up to 3 periods for the hormones to go back to normal.

A therapist or medications could work. Also, execise helped me alot. Its so hard cuz you feel like it should be the happiest time of your life with your new baby. But it can be rough. I would also talk with your husband. Just letting him know could make you feel alot better. Take care.

Hi W.,

Have you thought about getting into some type of hobbie or other outside activity. Maybe a little "mommy time" wouldn't be a bad idea. I also think you need to talk to your husband about what you are feeling. He needs to know. He loves you and I'm sure would want to help you in any way he could. I understand you don't have a liscense, have you thought about getting one? Or even how about hopping on the bus? Good luck to you!

Taking the step to acknowledge you are struggling is putting you on the right path to overcoming this. You should see your doctor. There are many options to help and you are not alone!
This is your wonderful life! Take it back.

good luck to you,
S.

Hi W.,

I am a mother of 2 and I also have suffered from depression. I was taking medication for a while and it just really made realxed and calm, that's not the reaal me though. I stopped taking the meds and I was ok for a while. Then my episodes started to come back and I was put back on the meds again, boy was that a bad idea it made my depression worst. Now I have no meds and I feel great. I totally understand your situation and for me to be happy and not down all the time I hade to satrt focusing on me.

I think you need to take some time out to focus on you. Focus on what some of the things you like to do are. Take time out to do some of thosse things. When you feel the need to get out ,GO. Don't let the fact that you don't have your license hold you back, go for a walk, call a friend or maybe even catch a bus. I have done all of the above and they really help. Don't get me wrong my depression is not completely healed but everyday I try to take some time to focus on me and think about me. The healing process has to satrt with you first. Allow your husband to be your shoulder to lean on whenever you need to he will be your stronger side when he needs to be. Try to do this and you will start to notice slowly changes in you and your depression.

I was the same way after I had my baby girl in August of 2005. My husband is a wonderful man, he always helped out with her, getting up in the middle of the night a few times so I could rest, cleaning the house, doing laundry. For some reason I just couldn't handle being a new mom and all that went with it. I cried all the time and would snap at my husband.

I went to go see a doctor, she prescribed Paxil. Honestly, it really didn't help but I took it and I think I just ended up battling it on my own, seeing my friends more and getting out of the house more helped extremely. Plus, I got a part time job to get me back into the world again. I'm going to say this... please do NOT ever take Paxil. I was on it for 9 months and finally decided they weren't helping so there was no need to take them anymore. Getting off that pill was the hardest thing I ever had to do, the physical withdrawls were horrible. I would get vertigo, dizzy, headaches, nausea and it was hard for me to even focus at times. I just finally had to wean myself off it gradually and it took me 2 months to get off that pill. Never again will I take those again. I did research on it and apparently it is one of the hardest drugs to get off of cuz of the withdrawl sypmtoms.

Best of luck to you, I hope you get through this. I hear St. Johns wort is great too, I wish I would've known about it too back then!

W., You probably need medication. You can't just get over it or force yourself to not be depressed if it's a medical condition/chemical imbalance. Meds will make you feel normal again. You might just have to take them temporarily. Please see a doctor. You don't have to feel that way. Yes, counseling can help, but not get rid of it if it's clinical depression.

I would suggest getting your license if you can. Also, maybe you could take some online classes. Then, you wouldn't have to leave your home, and it would give you something to do. If you feel you need meds, there are so many out there that you could try different ones until one works. I am not a big fan of medication, but a fan of trying to change your life so that you don't feel depressed. You're stuck at home all day with a kid. What's not depressing about that. I've got three and although I love them, if I didn't at least have a part time job, I'd lose my freakin mind.

God bless
something that will really help Pray read the bible visit a church
god loves you
depresion is a weapon the devil uses to destroy Look for God he wants to give you peace
God may bless you
Im 29 yearsold and have a daughter she is 2 year and 6 months
I am considering having another child next year.
having a baby is hard it can cause depression
try to take a break when the bay is crying and take your naps when yopu can .I have depression when my daughter was born is hard it changes your whole life but eventually you will feel better take care I hope to hear from you.

Hi W.,
You have received interesting responses. When people agree that depression can be a chemical imbalance, I immediately think, "What will get the imbalance straightened out?" It is never because you body is deficient in Welbutrin or Zoloft or some other medication. I realize that is often the first response, but depression can be helped with proper nutrition. You'd be surprised how much better you'd feel at many levels if you learn what nutrients you're low in. I've seen it happen over and over again. If this is not something you have considered, I would recommend it. Others have said it too, you are not alone. You are not a bad person. You can overcome this and look back and hopefully use what you've learned to help someone else. You are important and deserve to feel better.

W.

I am so sorry to hear everything you are going through. I am on meds for depression and they have helped me. After my first son I had major depression and didn't want to be near him. Depression can make you be so unhappy even if you have the best life. Like someone else said go back to your doctor and try other meds. Find one that works. It may take a while. Also try to get out whether you have someone take you or you get your license. Try to find others who know what you are going through............it helps to talk. It is hard for the husband to understand so try to explain to him what you are feeling. Just enforce that it is not him. Plus your hormones are running wild from having a baby. Good luck

W.,

Is there a reason you don't have your license? Maybe getting it and getting out for at least something everyday will help. I know after I had my son and couldn't drive for 2 weeks and then for a long time after had a hard time getting around, it felt awful. I would talk to your husband. Even though he has other burdens, Mom and work, you are his wife and you, your baby and his family should come first. Holding things in probably makes it worse and may be part of the reason you are snapping at him. My mother in-law is sickly and demanding too, I know how hard it can be.

My other suggestions are to find a good therapist and an outside activity. Maybe join a gym, or find one night a week where you have a couple hours to yourself, go to the bookstore, walk the mall, get your nails done. You have a new baby and a lot of life changes sometimes just getting dressed and going somewhere helps.

Good luck!

W.,
I am so sorry to hear how badly you are hurting. I have been there. AND I've also been on many different types of medication for depression. If the ones you are taking are not helping, then it's time to try something else. You need to talk to your husband. Let him know what's going on. He will want to help you, he loves you. You are not a burden on him. You have to do what's best for all three of you.

I'll be keeping you in my prayers.
E.

I am 29, I have been dealing with depression now for 15 yrs.
I had problems in my marriage because of it, though the marriage didn't end b/c of it. And I also had major problems with my relationship with my ex fiance. He couldn't handle the constant ups and downs, insecurities, crying, etc...
I still am dealing with it and am having a harder time now than I have in a long time but what honestly helps me is my medication. I don't know if you believe in meds or not but I have been on Zoloft for almost all of my 15 yrs dealing with depression. They recently added Welbutrin XL as well. If I do not have my medication then I do not get out of bed, all I do is mope and cry. It is amazing how much it helps.
I saw many counselors and psychiatrists, which all of them told me I do not need counseling. My problem is a chemical inbalance that is hereditary. Maybe that is something that you can look into.
Another thing that helps me is my faith in God, my pastor/church always makes me feel better. I won't get all preachy on you...I just wanted to give you a few things to consider.

I feel guilty when I'm depressed because my life is cake compared to others. I have a beautiful, healthy baby (one, not 2, 3 or 4!), a thriving career, and a Mr. Mom husband. But there's so many stresses of motherhood that I tell people it's vacation to come to work every day. Here's what I do to pick myself out of it: I think about the many, many millions of women around the country and around the world that don't have the luxuries I have. Then I start to feel fortunate and apprecative of my life.
As far as my husband goes -- we make a point to spend at least 10 minutes of alone time every evening to commuicate our real feelings to each other. This is "our" time. So even if your husband works the most demanding job, 10 minutes isn't so much to ask. Write down what you're thinking throughout the day and express it during this time. You might find that you snap less if you don't let it build up. Easier said than done, I know, but I hope it helps nonetheless!

W.,
I'm so glad you sent your request out for help. I suffered from SEVERE Post Partum Depression afer my daughter was born in 1999 and I've been dealing with varying levels of depression and anxiety every since. If I only make one point in this message it's this: You need to be evaulated by a Psychiatrist/Pbysician that specializes in Post Partum Depression. During the first year of my daughters life I underwent intense therapy, including attending a post partum depression group weekly, that I later helped faciliate. I know and recognize PPD a mile away! Ive helped many women realize their symptoms, seek treatment and been an inspiration to many mothers with my story. Please get some help!
With that said, I'll continue. You have a full plate lady, with family circumstances! Of course, you don't want to burden your husband but please know you aren't a burden, you are his wife whom he loves and does not want to see suffer. As far as medications go, there are a ton of them availbable and just because one, two or even 15 have failed you, that doesn't mean there isn't one available that will ease your painful burdens. The key is to find a reputable, quality Psychiatrist to prescribe the proper medications as well as monitor dosing. Often times people think an "antidepressant" is what they need for their felt "depression", when in actuality they may have someting more than depression and a different type of drug may be most effective. For example, a mood stabalizer instead. Mental Illness is nothing to be ashamed of nor taken lightly. YOu deserve peace and so does your husband and baby girl. I read what someone wrote about letting her be your inspiration for help. I realize when you are depressed NOTHING can inspire you. If you are in this position (which I hope you aren't) seek treatment ASAP. Women that suffer from PPD are at risk of it lapsing into Post Partum Pscyhosis as well. I LIVED that road and you do not want to travel in that direction. Please e-mail me and I'll do my best to help you. ____@____.com

I'm very passionate about his subject! Also it's important that you know I Survived it with treatment. No matter what level your depression/mental illness is at, you can over come it also.

Take a deep breath. Pat yourself on the back for sending your request and know that you are not alone and WILL get through all of this.
M. M.

Venting always helps me. I have experienced the same thing as you and my depression led me to separate and then divorce my husband. While we wee separated and going thru the divorce we kept everything very civil for our 2 boys and have joint physical custody so that they wouldn't feel the strain of "our" relationship. Eventually we started talking more and more and I am happy to say that we got remarried and we couldn't be happier. Even though your husband has other issues that burden him, remember, he married you, you are his wife and talking with him about your depression will make your relationship with him even stronger. Before you talk to him, tell him that you need to vent more than talk and just ask him to listen, he will. I have full trust that men don't want you to bark at them anymore than you want to!

i know how you feel. i ahve struggled with depression for a long time....only the difference with me is after i had my baby is when it miraculously went away. i dont feel super happy, but i certainly dont cry often anymore or think about suicide. i do however know what it is like to be a stay at home mom. my husband is gone everynight and through the following afternoon so i sleep, wake and eat two meals without him. it is boring and lonely. to make it not as bad i started doing things like walking in my neighborhood with people, hosting things like pampered chef parties for peolpe who sell it, making and taking one meal a week to an elderly person...things like that. i know most things require a drivers license. you might want to think about getting one. its only fair to your baby that she sees you as independant and active. if you have social anxiety talk to your doctor about medication for that and counseling helps a lot. try visiting a few churches in your area. you will be welcomed with open arms.

Newborns are high maintenance and they tend to suck up all your energy.I think your focus should be on getting out, socializing and getting busy. Being home with a baby all the time can make anybody depressed. Join a baby-and- me yoga class, sign baby up for baby massage classes, hook up with other moms in your community... Talk to a counselor. Take a parenting class...

I have dealt with depression off and on since having my four kids, I have been taking effexor for about 5 months now and it really seems to help. It sounds like you have alot of difficult issues you have had to deal with and are dealing with and on top of that to have a newborn sometimes it can just be too much. I would defintely talk to your doctor about what your options are for medication.