Military DH Coming Home Next Month- Suggestions on Re-adjusting?

Many have an adjust period to go through after deployments - especially long ones like this. So, you are not alone and most likely he is worried about it as well.

Don't try to push of force things. We don't live in a "Norman Rockwell" world and so things won't be perfect. Take things slow. If he seems to be hanging back and not taking the lead he may be trying to figure out what the lay of the land is now at home. If he tries to take the lead on everything try to speak with him about it in a calm manner and possibly with some humor.

You may want to speak with your husband privately and "update" him on what you do and do not allow your son to do now. I'm sure rules have changed a bit for him and it is best to keep things equal between both of you on that. It is best that your son does not see mom and dad argue about discipline and such - that needs to be behind the scenes so he doesn't know about it. Parents always need to present a "united front" to kids.

If he is Guard or a Reservist he will have a lot to adjust to going back to civilian life after the regimented military life during deployment. Watch for signs of PTSD and seek help if needed.

I've been a military spouse for over 24 years, last deployment was to Iraq, so I've kind of "been there, done that, got way too many t-shirts"! LOL Feel free to email me directly if you wish - ____@____.com

Good luck.... when my youngest was 7 weeks old my husband left for Kuwait/Iraq...other 2 kids were 5&7... he was gone for over 14 months he did come home for 2 weeks ( just about the time the little guy turned 1) because his dad had fallen and they didn't think he'd make it. When he left it was awful... worse than when he left the first time....but then he came home... it was a HUGE adjustment... my little guy didn't know him, so he was awful and cried whenever daddy tried to hold him/ change him/ feed him. The older 2 were so used to our new routine... they were annoyed at first... which made it VERY hard for my husband...he felt as if the kids hated him... and I was a little put off too... I expected things to go right back into place...he did not feel like he fit in to our"new life"... plus when he was away he spent a lot of time with his buddies... who became his family...so just be PATIENT, and try "dating" for the 2 of you/it's a hard readjustment... and as for your child... explain that daddy has been away, and has not seen all that you have done, so take it slow! (my husband still to this day, almost 5 yrs later will not watch the first yr videos of the little guy... says it's too painful) And if you can, convince him to seek counseling, if you can not seem to fall into a new routine in a reasonable amount of time...It will be a big adjustment for all of you.... but just be glad he's coming home! We are dreading January,my husband is set to deploy then for at least 14 months... and the boys will be 6,11,and 13 this time, so they all have a better understanding of the dangers he will face..:0( but say a prayer for your family, and take it ONE day at a time... be patient even when he might not be... and remember to take time for the two of you..and also for yourself. you will be newlyweds again! Best of luck and glad he's coming home!!!! Peace to all of you! T.

I think if you just talk to your husband (alone)about your concerns, he'll understand. He'll have concerns too, I'm sure.
Don't forget to communicate often as many changes will be happening for all of you. Maybe, even after you two talk, you could then include your son in a talk about his concerns.

Good luck!
H.

Hi-
my name is Jen and I have already been through one deployment and my husband is due to leave again for another year in three months...I have been very involved with family support group and what i can tell you is that...what we did..when Gavin frist got home, he came home for two days and then we went away right after that...he came home to a driveway full of neighbors and and huge welcome home party but...I think going away was the best thing he wasn't able to really focus on what was going on in the house...with my way of doing things for quite some time,which was very good its so hard to let your husband back into yours and his life...besides having to deal a couple of issues...like my huband wouldn't drive for awahile and had some odd sleep patterns but everything passed...be aware he may need to talk to someone if he has trouble adjusting to normal... life for awaile...I was lucky my husband was older 40 when he first went over and had some expierence already in Korea being near people with guns and such. I can assure you that there will be adjustment...but enjoy having him home and tell him how much you have missed him.

if you have any questions or need anything please feel free to contact me

Jen

hi, i cmpeltely understand your concerns! and trust me he has them too, my husband was away on deployment for 15 months, it was a tough readjustment and even a year later we can feel the affects of the seperation, not negatively but we can tell that it was there for us the fear of it happening again stood in the way of a good reconnection b ut once we realized that we had no control over that, it will happen if it is going to happen things changed dramatically....hoepfully you have been able to have a good communication it really helped us prepare....i want to talk more about this but am getting ready to walk out the door....maybe we could chat again?

Yeah things probably will be a little off for awhile but what a blessing it is for him to even come home! I know of a lot of families who never get to re adjust to their husbands coming home...Instead they have to adjust to life without them, forever. I would welcome the disruption if I were you and just enjoy your family being together again. I am sure if you let him know your routine he isnt going to go against it. But ENJOY THIS!!!! congratulations on his return...you guys are very lucky.

Talk it out with him, let him know what's going on in your head. I am not sure where he is coming home from but you will have waited a long time for this day so I think patience on both sides is going to be key. My sister & brother-in-law had some big time adjustments because life goes on while they are gone. Terribly he came home with some serious PTSD and had some bad issues getting back into the groove of life. You might want to recommend some family councelling it would help because you never know what road you will be going down when he comes home.

If you can share your concerns with your hubby, do it. If there are routines (like naps or bed times) that you are really adamant about, explain why you don't want them to change. You have to be a bit flexable too. Having two other people to think about won't be easy for him either, after a year of having to take care of and think about his own needs. Hopefully, the worst issue you all will have will be who gets the remote to the TV.(That is a constant issue in my house. My hubby is also in the Military, but he comes and goes every other week. He flies cargo.) Think of it this way; you can take a bubble bath in peace, and some of the daily burden will be lifted off of you. And maybe, just maybe you will come walk in the door to dinner ready to be eat. I personally love it when my hubby does that for me.

my husband is in the military as well. He just recently joined and has been at boot camp for the past 9 weeks (I know this is much different from your experience). I will be leaving in 11 days to go see my husband for a weekend before he then has to start AIT school and be away for another 6 weeks. I can't imagine what you are going through after a year because I know I am falling apart with him only being gone this long. Just enjoy the time that you have. I know that I can now see all the little things that I have always taken for grnated and I know that once he does come home those little things are the things that I will cherish. Try to focus on the positive things. I know there will be an adjustment period for all of you, but remember he's coming home after a year. As hard as it is for you, it's going to be ten times as hard for him. Just enjoy your husband and thank God for every day you have together. On a personal note, thank your husband for all that he has done for our country and tell him WELCOME HOME!!!!

Been there, done that...it wasn't easy. Your son will want to do those "boy" things when he gets home. You will need to be patient with the wrestling, roughing about for a bit. Explain the habits of your son to him and what you have done to deal with different circumstances.

Your husband has been "single" for a year and he is used to not being mothered or told what to do by a woman and it is a hard adjustment for them....so patience is the key.

Watch for PTSD in a big way....be always aware of it. At VA centers they are equipped to help with whatever may come up. Things like food, bedtimes and types of activities will probably be issues. Try not to make him conform to your ways...time will take care of the blending. Do not rush anything. Communication is vital...do not push the need to talk when YOU want, sometimes he will not want to. Give him space and most of all....patience and time will heal up troubles.

Love him.

hi, i was married...I say was... but anyways, him coming home should be a happy time. Make it a second honeymoon.
And remember he's been away for a year, so make it fun for him as well as for yourself...Let him know what you had to do since he's been gone...And see if he has some suggestions to help the welcome home part. And maybe the two of you can come up with something not over-whelming for you... Good luck! K.