Wow, that's a lot on a plate. No one ever said military life was easy. With so much on your plate, imagine everyone else in the house has just as much on theirs also.
When my hubby got back from Iraq we had some issues...but I have a secret weapon not many others have, I have had PTSD for years now from my job in the past. I know what it is like inside...and the biggest thing is that with him, and his mind set, I know it is "not me" we talk openly and honestly...and honest is not always nice but it helps..
Maybe knowing some of my hubby's feelings will help you see where your hubby's are coming from.
1. He missed SOOO much of all our lives and he feels guilty for missing it. He wants to make up for it but knows he can't.
2. He went from working like a dog EVERY DAY to nothing...well it seems like nothing here in the states, My hubby says he feels useless over here...
I had done such a good job with the house kids etc... while he was gone he felt like he wasn't needed. (OOOPS on my part)
And he felt as thought he was apart of "something" over there, but not anything here.
3. he wants to go back because the job was not done...but feels guilty for wanting to leave us again for another deployment.
I had to keep a lot of things together, and sometimes felt guilty for feeling selfish at times, because I wanted MORE. More of anything.
I don't believe in divorce, my mother was married and divorced 5 times when I was growing up. I believe God wants us to work through the hard times so we can truly enjoy the good times. I believe that the harder things are to get through, the better more appreciative and blessed the good times will be. Marriage is always worth working on, no one ever said it was easy. It takes hard work, and lots of time.
When times are difficult I picture in my mind 50 years from now imagine seeing us sitting in our rocking chairs on the front porch watching our grandchildren playing and how wonderful life will be. And then Sit back and start my plan on how to get through whatever it is we are going through. I know in my heart it will all be worth it in the end. I also keep in mind that our kids will grow up and move on, and me and my hubby will be all on our own, and i know I don't want us to be strangers when that day comes. So I try to keep things together...as in what he likes and what I like, as it always changes.
I never live a day with out telling him how much I truly Honor him and us, and our life together.
It is amazing how one word can be so much...honor...we say it, our soldiers recite it...but try to live it...honor, what a blessed word. The dictionary has it listed as,
(Noun): Esteem, Respect, Glory, Distinction. It is everything we want our marriage to be in one word.
I hope I helped and hope you feel encouraged with all the responses you have been given.
I have a saying as an Army wife that fits almost any situation." Suck it up and Drive on", please don't take that to be meant as a harsh statement I say it with love and kindness, and hope you can again laugh and enjoy what god has given you.
Good Luck and let us all know you are doing well, and good luck in Gremany...