MIL Sticky Situation

I agree. You promised it to the housekeeper, and it's the housekeepers. MIL needs to be told that it's spoken for already.

I would just say to my MIL, " I am so terribly sorry, but the table has already been promised to someone else!"

To me this isn't that sticky. Hubby needs to tell his mom that the table is already promised to someone else but thanks for asking.

No way. I would just tell husband no, you already promised the table to the housekeeper and that is the end of it. He needs to tell his mom the table is already spoken for. The key here is that you DID discuss it with your husband and he DID agree to give it to the housekeeper. I would stand firm on this, it just isn't right. Good luck.

Just tell MIL that it was promised to someone else before she asked for it.

Absolutely give it to the housekeeper. You already made the promise and the arrangements. And, as you mentioned - it's going to someone who needs the gift.

Have your husband explain that he forgot it was already promised.

You don't have to do anything of the sort. A promise is a promise. You agreed to give it to the housekeeper, so that's that. Your MIL should know by now that just because she wants something, it doesn't mean she can have it.

Stick to your previous arrangements. She'll get over it.

"I'm sorry, but we have already promised the table to a friend before you asked. Husband didn't realize that (or forgot). But she's expecting to pick it up any day now."

That's it. Period. You don't go back on your word. Why is your husband insisting that mom have it? Because she's mom? Unless mom is in financial straits and really needs a table because she's eating off some rickety tray table...She does not get the table.

Where did the table come from? Did it originally come from her or from someone in his family? Since you don't say so and give no indication that it's an heirloom or even that there's some emotional attachment, this is just about him putting mom first. Does she have a pattern of asking for stuff or expecting you both to do what she says, or do things for her? If so -- this is an easy opportunity to assert yourselves nicely. "It was already promised before you asked. Sorry, but it's being picked up." With a big smile.

This really is not a sticky situation at all. The table has already been promised to your housekeeper and this decision was agreed to by both you and your husband. If she says anything - remind her that you don't want her son to go back on his word, especially since a man's word is priceless. Of course say that with a sweet smile :)

I'm with the others. It was promised to the housekeeper, it would be very uncool to go back on the offer. Do you not think MIL will understand? Maybe approach it that way with DH- saying "I wish I had known your mom wanted it before we promised it to housekeeper. I'm sure your mom has been in situations like this before, I'm sure she's going to understand." If she doesn't, that's too bad (not 'too bad' with attitude, I mean really, too bad). Tell her you wish the situation were different, and next time you give something away you'll think of her first.

FYI, my mom tends to be like this. She can't stand the thought of things being given away. If she finds out we are getting rid of anything, she wants it. We have learned that this is just her impulse, and we can say no, and she gets over it. (we've also learned not to tell her!!).

This is not a sticky situation at all. Tell hubby it was already promised to someone else and MIL does not get it. Sorry, but he should have told her first if he thought she wanted it.

Housekeeper gets my vote.

Also, being a person who at one point in time relied on other people to give me new (to me) things, I would have been seriously hurt if someone told me they were giving me something and then changed their mind.

Tell you husband's mother that you already gave the table to your housekeeper (who is unable to buy a new table). If your husband is set on giving his mother a table, let him go buy her one.

This doesn't sound like a MIL problem, it sounds like a husband problem.

He needs to tell his mother that the table is already promised to someone else. Unless she gave you the table, she has no prior claim, and it would be completely unfair to take it from your housekeeper for any reason except the housekeeper decides she no longer needs/wants it. Hopefully, your husband just "forgot" to tell his mother that you had already promised to give it to someone else, and surely your MIL would never ask you to break your word to your friend.

Of course it should go to your housekeeper, it was already offered to her and she accepted it.
If your husband's too much of a wimp to tell his mother no then call or email her yourself and just say, sorry mom, the table has already been offered to someone else.
If she has any manners at all she will totally understand.

Housekeeper, you gave your word. It's that simple. Call you MIL and be sweet. Explain to her you already Promised it to someone else. Let her know you had talked prior to your husband. Then quickly laugh and say "You know how well men listen" If she gets huffy about it. Just tell her "I gave my word to someone and I would like to keep my word"

It was already promised to someone else. Your husband needs to tell his mom. It's not right to promise it to someone and then take it and give it to your MIL because she wants it and is pushy.

Housekeeper gets it! Why did your husband just come out and say that you need to give the table to his mother when he already agreed to the previous arrangement?

I am aghast that the people in your life want you to dishonor your word to your housekeeper and give it to your MIL. I agree with you! I admire your stance and I hope that your husband will agree with you on principle.

He should have told her immediately that it was already promised!

I'd call her right away & let her know the housekeeper asked for it.
The longer you wait, the weirder it will get!

What planet is your husband from? The table goes to the housekeeper.

I must agree with the previous posts and agree that the table should go to the housekeeper. It appears she is in greater need of it either way and if your MIL takes exception simply ask her to imagine if the tables were turned....I can't believe I just typed that but now I don't want to take it back. Happy Holidays. :-) S.

You've made a promise. Your husband needs to man up and tell his mother that the table was already promised to someone else before she asked for it. It is unseemly for him to demand that you compromise your integrity so that he can give his mom the table. If he wants to give his mother a table, he is welcome to buy one for her.

You have already offered it to your housekeeper and she accepted. Hubby will just have to tell his mom that you had already given it away. He can say he didn't know.

You give it to the housekeeper, you said you would so you do or you give it to MIL and buy the housekeeper a different table. It's like a promise, you just don;t go back on it.

I'd be giving it the housekeeper. It was already offered and promised to her. Personally, I'm not a fan of "takebacks". It seems pretty cut and dry to me, I'm surprised there is anyone disagreeing with you.

I agree housekeeper gets it. A promise is a promise.

If hubby argues about it, ask him what is he teaching the children? Promises don't matter.

I would give it to the housekeeper!
"Oh so sorry Susahn. I already promised it to Barbara." and leave it at that.

Hubby needs to man up and tell mom that it was already promised to someone who needs it. If she doesn't know it was promised to someone, she's not being bad, it's just the situation. If she can't afford a new one and needs a new one, maybe you can go halvsies on one for Christmas for her. If she can afford one, there's no reason to give it to her.

It belongs to the housekeeper now. She needs it and it should go to her. If this was her table and she only loaned it to you, her property, then you erred and it is her table and was not yours to give to anyone. If it was never hers then it is not hers to ask for.

I'd just tell MIL that you've already promised to your housekeeper. Then apologize that you didn't think of her first, but next time you replace furniture you'll check with her first.

Could this be the first time in the history of this site that every one of 40+ answers was in agreement? :)

You keep your original promise to the housekeeper. Your husband needs to tell his mom, oh, sorry mom, I didn't realize R. already promised it to the housekeeper.

Unless your MIL is a real PITA, she will be okay with hearing this. I will defend your husband about one thing though -- I bet he didn't know you had already promised the table to the housekeeper. Husbands aren't usually in on such decisions.

I'm sorry, but that table was already given away. It already belongs to your housekeeper. I think it would be very rude to give it to your MIL who as you said could get one for herself.

Tell your hubby to cal his mom and tell her that he hadn't realized that you gave it away already.

Giving that table to your housekeeper is making you feel great! COntinue with your plan.

Your MIL can afford a new table, she should buy herself one. Does she even know it was promised to someone who could really use it and doesn't have the means to buy one herself?

Can't imagine she would cause a problem if she knew where the table was going. It is the holiday season after all, just tell her.

You had already offered it to the housekeeper. Hubby needs to tell his mother that it was already spoken for.

I would not brake my promise to your housekeeper. A promise is a promise. Tell him if MIL wants a new table, she can go buy one.

You already promised it to someone. Sorry, MIL!

Tell DH that the table is already promised to someone else and you're sorry but MIL can't have it.

I like the option to buy one party a table set if he truly insists on it. If he wants to buy a table for his mother and you can afford to do so, then fine. But if not, go with the party that probably needs it most and you already promised it to anyway.

I would say very sweetly that you would have given it to you (MIL) had I known you wanted it but it is too late as I already promised it to someone else.

THE HOUSEKEEPER GETS IT!!!!!!!!!!!! Call up your MIL and just tell her you have already given it away. Unless it was a family herloom (in that you should have offered to family first) then the housekeeper gets the table and your husband has to grow up this time and tell Mom that it is spoken foor already.

The table goes to the housekeeper. Your husband was wrong to say his mom could have it.

It's a done deal. The table was offered to your housekeeper and the offer was accepted. Your husband is wrong to say you have to give it to his mom. Absolutely wrong.

The other solution is to give the old table to your MIL and purchase, as a gift, a new one for your housekeeper...if you have the budget to do that. Ask your husband if he'd be open to THAT, because one way or another, you've promised your housekeeper a table. Backtracking on that would be the height of bad manners.

Housekeeper - all the way!

Sorry, MIL, there has been a misunderstanding. The table was already promised to some else. We'll keep you in mind, next time.

It's really that simple.

Sorry MIL, the table is gone. You already gave it to your housekeeper and there is no reason or excuse for changing that.

Thats rude to have to backtrack and take it back from housekeeper. You tell your husband that you already gave it to the housekeeper. Its done. No, you won't give it to MIL. How rude! I would definitely stick to your guns on this one. Don't let MIL get her way and have it just cause she wants it now. She should understand that you already promised it to someone else and its not appropriate to ask.

The housekeeper could use it more than your MIL and you promised it to her first. Go with your word. Its your bond.

What would you teach your kid? To keep your promise and word. Done. Can't believe your hubby would think otherwise. You are 1000 percent correct. Basic decency.

You do NOT give it to your MIL. You give it to your housekeeper because you already offered it to her and she accepted. Keep your promise to your housekeeper. Your husband is wrong.

I would just be honest with your MIL & tell her the truth. I had the same situation where my aunt offered me her coffee table & my uncle offered it to my sister first. They told me what happened very apologetically & I completely understood. I think they were more uncomfortable than I was! So don't worry I'm sure your housekeeper would appreciate it.

Is this table a family heirloom? I know families where you are talking unforgivable sin if you give away anything "family" to someone who isn't a blood relative. I'm not saying I agree with this mentality, by the way, but it was the first thing that came to mind when I read this because it's how my father's entire side of the family is. It might explain the change in your husband's agreement if your mother-in-law invoked her "right" as family to have the first dibs on the table.

For the record, it doesn't change the fact that the housekeeper should get the table as promised, but if there is any family history connected to the table, you may have a hard time convincing her and possibly other family members (likely including your husband--the guilt trip can be powerful with this argument) that it was for the best.

No doubt about it...

HOUSEKEEPER!!

Final answer!!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!! :)

I have to agree with many of the replies here. MIL probably thought you were going to toss and rather than let you do that, she requested it. Hubby, probably just said, ok without letting her know you've offered to someone who really needs it and then told you "mom wants the table back". (I actually can't believe she wants it back. If she gave it to you, she obviously has a table!!!!)

Don't let it be a fight between you and hubby. If necessary, buy a table for the housekeeper. There are many second hand stores with nice stuff or give her a Christmas bonus towards a new table. Some furniture stores offer lay a way. But don't let her not have a table bc someone wants a table that will most likely be placed in storage and never even used.