My husband and I purchased a new couch and were talking about who might want to take our old leather couch, which is still in great shape, but just too dark and large for our space. I've been so busy lately and fighting a cold, so I didn't remember that we had discussed giving it to a very close friend who has watched our daughter and has been a great support in many ways. She's purchasing it from us for a few hundred dollars and giving it to her son for his first apartment. Problem is I didn't know my sister might need a couch too. I think family should come first, but then I don't think I should break my word to my friend who has been expecting this couch in a couple of weeks. I think my sister is being nice about it, but is really upset that I didn't give it to her (wouldn't charge her). We don't care about the money, but don't know what to do. The other issue is that my friend lives much closer and can pick up the couch on the same day that the new couch comes. My sister, on the other hand, lives over an hour away, is much younger and therefore we feel less reliable. She almost decided to rent a van and send her friends... but not come with them to pick it up! We are at the moment still with our friends on this one, even though my sister and her boyfriend will never be able to afford a couch like this for a while. We just don't feel it's right to break our word to our friends to give the couch to my sister. Any thoughts are welcome! Thanks Mamas!
You guys are the best! Thanks for the reassurance, and for the idea to use the money to help my sister buy her couch. This site isn't just for parenting tips!! Chapter closed! :)
Your friend is buying the couch. If you feel badly about not giving it to your sister, then take the money from your friend and buy your sister a couch. Done and done.
I'd tell my sister "I'm so sorry. I didn't know you needed a couch, but I already sold it."
You have already answered your own question. You have already made a commitment to your friend, before you ever brought it up to your sister. I would keep the commitment you have made previously and if your sister asks, just tell her you would have loved to give her the couch, but you had forgotten that you had already promised it to someone else.
Good luck!
I think you have to go with your word. If you already told your friend she could have it, it really doesn't matter that your sister needs it now. Its who came first--- I think you could potentially put your friendship in danger if you back out of this now-----Your sister should understand that you promised it to another person before you knew that she needed one. Problem solved. GL!
M
Keep your word. If you really want, give your sister the money you get from your friend.
You don't feel it's right to break your word to your friends to give the couch to your sister. The end.
You don't feel it's right.
You gave your word to your friends.
Your sister is "being nice about it".... what does that even mean? That she feels she is entitled to it but is not throwing a fit? How does that work?
Just tell your sister, "Sorry, but we already promised it to a friend." That's it. That's all she needs to know. The fact your friend is paying for it is of no concern. The fact that your friend can pick it up at a more convenient time is of no concern. The fact that your sister can't afford anything that nice for a while is of no concern. It doesn't sound like your sister has NO couch, nor that she can't afford to obtain ANY couch... just not one as nice as what you had that you promised to your friend. And if she IS completely without a sofa... why? If you totally feel responsible to provide her with one, take the cash your friend gives you for the sofa to buy your sister one from wherever you can get it for the same amount of $. It doesn't sound like your sister is in that dire of a circumstance... just that she maybe feels entitled. She shouldn't.
Don't break your word to your friend. That would be kind of slimy. Why does family have to come first in this instance? Just because your sister is throwing a hissy fit? She was out of line to do that.
Maybe it's just because I'm not the sort of person who is all right with breaking promises. I never make a promise and intentionally break it. That loses a lot of friends and respect. And I don't believe that family deserves MORE respect than people we've chosen as friends and have made promises to just because we're related to certain people by blood through the accident of birth.
In other words your sister is not entitled to that couch. Your friend is because you promised her and made a deal of payment. Honor the deal with your friend.
The couch goes to the first person you promised it to, end of story. I would hope that your sister would be mature enough to understand that that is how things normally work & that it wasn't a personal thing.
Think of it this way - what if your child were in a similar situation? What would you tell him/her to do?
Keep your word....if you don't need the money, give it to your sister for a used or less expensive couch...maybe IKEA or a store like that.
Blessings....
Since you discussed it and promised it to the friends, they should have first dibs to purchase. If they back out, sister can have it.
Friend for all the reason Ina said.
Plus, you know you will probally get stuck storing the couch for your sister or they will probally tear it up moving it.
This is why we sold our leather couches to a neighbor even after a relative asked us for them.
Since you already promised it to your friend, and a friend who helps you out at that, I would give it to her. So what if your sister can't afford such a nice couch? You don't owe her your couch. Your sister will do whatever she would have done if this couch was not available. What do you mean your sister is being nice about it? She's being "nice" that you promised the couch to someone and she asked you for it after it was already spoken for? She has no reason to be upset with you.
Give it to the friend, You already promised it to her. Your sister can get her own couch some other day. I bet your sister is younger, and you maybe feel she's is a bit immature and wouldn't you hate to go visit some day and see how she spilled nail polish remover on it, and had ink and other stains or let the boy friend sit on it with a screw driver in his pocket and slashed the cushions. She would be getting it for free and wouldn't appreciate it's worth. Who knows,, but I vote for the friend.
Definitely go with the friend b/c while "family comes first", you also need to honor your first offer! Your sister sounds young and very much like my sister. She was really going to send her friends?
You made the right choice and keep in mind that there is something to be said for "earning" a leather couch like that. Your friend has helped you out enormously and is offering to pay you a portion of the cost (earned it). Your sister... not so much! If you hand it to her, there is no value to her. If she works and earns a leather couch on her own... she'll take care of it and appreciate what it is.
I don't think it is right to break your word to your friend who is expecting the couch and willing to pay for the couch. At the time you made the agreement to sell her the couch you didn't know your sister would want the couch. Your sister should be more understanding that the couch has already been given away.
You didn't give it to your friend, you sold it to her. you got money, so it is a monetary transaction which means a sale. You M. not care about the money but all the same you gave your word (and accepted her money) so go with the friend. It doesn't matter if you need the money or not, you agreed and sold it.
I would give it to your friend. You had offered it to her, then you should keep your word. I think your sister will be okay with it. You said she was.
Your friend! You gave her your word! :)
give it to your friend. and since you say that the money your friend is paying you is not a big deal maybe buy your sister a new couch or give her the money towards a new one. good luck
l
