Marriage Issue

I don't think its really much of a big deal. I mean lets be real he isn't going to see anything he hasn't seen before and not much worse than what you see on tv and magazines daily

I'd trust my husband to honor & respect me; and let him go! It is a friends party and my husband would behave appropriately. I know because I trust him. Good luck.
Kathy

I'd ask your husband how he feels about it and be honest about how you feel. Personally, I don't think that you have anything to worry about. The last couple of bachelorette parties my wife went to had strippers and I don't feel that I've anything to be too awfully concerned about. On the other hand, the last couple of bachelor parties *I've* gone to have not had strippers. Go figure.

In any case, the bachelor party is a right of passage and a way of supporting your husband's friend through a pretty big step in his life. I'd want to make sure that your husband didn't have strong feelings that his place was there or misgivings about how he'd be perceived. (I don't know your husband or his circle of friends, so can't comment here, but again say that you should talk to him about it.)

I guess that what I'm trying to say is that rather than asking the Mamasource community to help you make the decision as to whether or not your husband should go to the bachelor party without knowing him, his friends or you, that you should approach your husband with your misgivings (and a willingness to let him go if he makes a good argument and it's really important to him).

Just my "Guy's Perspective" on things,

-Scott (Husband to S.)

1) I would take advantage of the oppurtunity and show up in disguise=). I would dress up like someone else and watch what he does=)
or:
2) I would let him make his own decision (you never know he might decide against it on his own and that will feel better than telling him not to go)
or:
3) make it a double standard and tell him that if he goes out alone that you are going out with your friends too.

Believe it or not when men see "stripper type of women" they value their wives. He might even think your the sexxiest one=)

Good luck with whatever you decide. <3A

You're probably jumping the gun on this one. I don't think as many men do the stripper thing anymore. My DH certainly didn't! They opted for dinner, beer after a round of golf. (This would especially be true if the groom is a little older, I think.)

You should give your husband the benefit of the doubt. If he is a strong Christian man as you say, he will not do anything that would insult you or your relationship. That is what you need to believe. You must trust him not to put himself into that situation... he is a grown man and you need to let him deal with the situation. (Voice your disapproval at the prospect of the stripper being there once, and let it go at that...)
I see you've been married 10 years. I'm sure he already knows very well how much you'd disagree with this situation.

R., right when you said he is Christian I completed sided with you because he should not even consider going. With that said, I think that strippers are just part of their way of saying goodbye to their single status and as far as you trust your husband it should not be anything to worry about...............but since he is Christian I do think that him going would not be religiously correct. GOod Luck to you!

It's simple NO!! He can't go period. No if when or but's. No. My husband doesn't even ask he knows better.

I feel you are right. I did not even want my husband to see Stripers at his batchlor party. And when he had been to the worst place in town I almost left him a week before the wedding because I just did not feel it was right. I would not let him go or see one now. You are in the right

R. -

How would your husband feel if you went to a bachelorette party and there was a male stripper there? Would he want you to go? Would you want to go? What would you do if you went, not knowing there was going to be a male stripper there, and one showed up? Would you leave/stay? I think these are questions you need to ask yourself, and discuss with your husband.

While you may be overreacting, if your husband really wants to go - it's his job to make you feel secure about it. That means communication before - after - and thanks to cell phones - during the event!

Good luck!!

I can restpect your feelings - but I have to ask - Do you trust him? If your answer is yes, well then - let him go and have some fun - as long as there is trust and you know he wont cross the line - let him have his fun - but if you don't trust him and he has given valid reasons for not trusting him, yes he should respect your feelings and gently let him know why you don't want him to go - without throwing the past in his face.

My husband is throwing a bachelor party - his Dad is remarrying - and they are going to a club - I trust him implicitly - and told him not to call me should he need bail money - cause he'd stay there!!!

Good luck!!!

I do NOT think you are being ridiculous. Some people are ok with it. Some are not. I am in the NOT okay with it group. If you were alright with him going, it would be one thing, but hopefully he respects your wishes and does not go if there will be a stripper. I think that 90% of the time, the strippers end up doing something with the groom, or the guests and it is NOT appropriate. I feel like seeing a stripper is cheating as it is, without the stripper giving out "favors" and whatnot.

I have also seen male strippers do some pretty inappropriate things with women at bachelorette parties and I just think male strippers are gross anyway LOL.

It's a personal choice whether or not you are comfortable with it, and whether or not your husband is even into that type of thing.

I'm not a fan of strip clubs myself. But, if your husband is the good man you believe him to be, you'll know that it's just innocent fun with his friends. It's a special occassion, not like he goes to strip clubs every weekend.

One thing you failed to mention was whether or not your husband feels comfortable going. I assume he does, but IF he knew for a fact there was going to be a stripper there, would that change how he feels? Maybe it would and it's a moot point b/c he won't go anyway. Can he try to find out? Does he really care?

I say, try to relax about it. If he wants to go, let your husband have a good time with his friends.

I think that everyone is over-reacting about this issue. First of all you should trust your husband enough to know that he wouldn't do anything wrong. Second, the night is going to be all about the groom, not the friends. They will be more focused on getting the groom drunk and doing crazy stuff with him. I have learned from experience that the more you push and the more you make a big deal out of it, the more likely something will happen. Let him go out with the guys and tell him you are going out with the girls and MAYBE you will meet up later. There is no reason that you both can't have a good time. Good Luck

I have never felt its ok for me to give my other half permission to look at any other woman naked! I let mine go to my brothers party and it will always be something I regret. It was very hard to look at him for a few days knowing that he spent the previous night watching another woman. All my friends think I blow it was out of the park .... they go to those places with their spouse, but I just can't. I have low self asteam problems and this is something that gets affected by that. I know he loves me and thinks nothing of those girls, but it still hurt. So if you have and doubt .... then he shouldnt go cause it will only be worse when he comes home. He should respect your feelings enough not to ..... he can go out with the boys for dinner and drinks and when the night moves to the stripper club .... just come home. Good luck!

R. just pray that God will touch him and he will do the right thing. You can also put the baby to bed early, dress up in a new teddie and change his evening plans.

Some of my random thoughts...

1. Golden rule: If he can do it make sure you can to. I'm sure you have no desire to see a stripper with your girlfriends but make sure he agree could go if the roles were reversed.

2. Good point someone made earlier. Who is this friend? Do you know him? If he is a friend of the family, then its shouldn't be a big deal. If its a friend you never meet then why is he all the sudden want to share this right of passage with someone? Who else is going? The guest list may make you feel at ease?

3. Share you concerns with your husband and put thoughts in his mind at the same time.
a) "on one hand I see no problem with you going since you will probably be a better dad for it. You'll probably think of your daughter all of the different ways to keep her off the pole."
b) "The guys will encourage you to drink to much and you'll make an unwise choice. What do you plan on doing to prevent this happening?"

3. I personally would trust my husband because both our first spouses cheated on us and we know neither of us would do such a thing to each other. Based on this info, you can do or say anything you want but if someone wants to cheat, they will do it. No matter how hard you try. In fact, sometimes it provokes it.

Maybe have him do some charity work right before the event, that way he'll feel really good about himself. Guys who cheat usually are in need of praise and admiration in any kind of form.

4. Maybe exercise to burn off some of the hostility. Its an empowering feeling.

Give us an update!

Age 34, happily married, mother of one girl with a pole free future.

I think you are completely right! 1, 2 and 3.
Also you have to think of the example it is setting for your daughter. To expect that kind of behavior from her future husband? - Dispicable.
This is not a security , trust or love issue. It is a MORALITY issue. What are the convictions and values that you have agreed upon?
Thankfully, I completely trust and love my husband. And I am completely secure our relationship and his love for me. And I know that he would always behave appropriately. HOWEVER, if he ever chose to attend something like that - I would lose so much respect for him. It would change my view of who he is as a man, who he is as a leader and the tone of our home and relationship.
Things like going to go see strippers or pole dancers only serve to DE-sensitize a person to the (already attacked ) sanctity and fidelity of marrriage. What is the benefit?
If this is a good friend he probably already knew you wouldn't feel comfortable and respects your decision. If this is not a good friend then what's to lose? - You are taking a stand and that is admirable. If this is family then, hopefully the same principle of a good friend hold true.
Either way you must protect and defend your family values and relationship. I truly hope your husband (and his friend) understand and respect your feelings.

If you trust your husband, who cares. We can't control them. If he feels it's disrespectful he will choose on his own not to attend. I think respect is lost when we start dictating to one another what one should do or not do.

I feel if you have security, trust and enough love you should have nothing to worry about.

People (hopefully) only get married once and it's just a fun "one time" night out with the guys...

I've been married for 5 years and my best friend is getting married soon. We are going to a strip club and my husband is taking her fiance' to a strip club. It's harmless in my eyes....

If you really are that much against it and if your husband feels that uncomfortable going, maybe he should just meet them afterwards.

Good luck!

Hello R. ,

I'm a 32 year old mom , married for 10 years as well with two adorable boys . Would I like for my Husband to attend a Batchelor Party ? My reasponse would say why not . I know how he is . I totally trust him , We have great communications & Respect with each other. I don't think it has nothing to do with your husband been a " Christian Man " " Married Man" & Respect . I know thesse Parties can turn wild , but is all up to the man . I think you are exagerrating a bit . But if you are really uncomfortable him attending this Batchelor Party talk to him about it and let him know your concerns . Good Luck and keep me posted .

~ A.

R.,

i think you are justified in your feelings/reasoning. is your husband going to be serving as a groomsman in the wedding? if not, he shouldn't be expected to attend. it was an invitation to attend...he has the freedom to accept or decline, without having to explain why. and if his friend who is getting married asks him why he didn't attend, honesty is always the best policy. it could be an opportunity to share christ with his friend by example & demonstrating integrity - it isn't always easy in today's world to stand up as a christian...but it's the right thing to do & god blesses us for it...i will say a little prayer for your situation...good luck :)
S.

Hi R.,
You know what? It doesn't really matter if he's going to cheat or not. You will probably never know any way (if he did). And it's not about how much you trust him. The thing is HOW DO YOU FEEL about it? Ask him how he would feel if it was the other way around? I bet that being a religious man as you are saying he is, he would not like it AT ALL to think of his wife in a strip club. So tell him that you don't like it, it is making you feel uncomfortable and that he should respect that. And that if you ever are in that situation you will do the same.

I bet he will. Good luck.

Your husband should not go. I totally agree with you. If he is a groomsmen, and the groom is doing something that goes against your and your husbands beliefs and values, stand for truth and righteousness. He doesn't have to fall into the evil ways of the world because someone expects him to. As a good faithful husband, he made a promise to you and should be expected to keep it faithfully. Even if there is only a 5% chance of having a stripper - why put yourself in a situation where you could jepordize your own marriage - for low class expectations???

This a party for his friend getting married and it's going to be more about him and his friendships with the people going than a stripper. He KNOWS he's Christian and KNOWS he's married so the respect should follow suit. My husband has gone to bachelor parties where there were strippers and it's not a big deal. He's not going home with them, he's coming home to me.

R.,

If there is trust in your relationship then you should not have anything to worry about. I have told my husband that if he wants to go to just unwind then he should go. I trust my husband with my life and I trust him enough to know that he would never do anything inappropriate. If you do not have the trust in your husband that he would not do something he shouldn't, you may need to reevaluate the relationship. Trust is a deal breaker and you need to be able to trust your husband 100% and know that he would never do anything as stupid as mess around.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

S.
SAHM of 3 boys

If you and your husband have a good relationship - I wouldn't worry about it. If he's going to cheat - he's going to cheat - whether there's a stripper around or not. If you two are secure if your relationship, he will respect you and not do anything with a stripper. Let him have his fun with his buddies and trust him to draw the line in the proper place.

Definitely not over-exaggerating. Your husband should NOT go if there is a possibility of a stripper being there.

Absolutely out of the question! No way as a Christian man should he be in the presence of a naked woman other than his wife. Once you start making acceptions to this rule, you are jeopardizing your own self respect and dignity. Do not under any circumstances give him the green light on this issue. Even if he goes behind your back and attends the party anyhow, at least you stood your ground and he knows where your morals stand.Remember.... make no NO ACCEPTIONS when it comes to your own values and self-worth!!!!!

Hi R.,

NO...you are not over reacting.
He is you husband and you have every right to feel that way. Its not about trusting him; its about how it makes you feel and you should explain that to him.

I am shocked at the women who say its okay if you trust him. What does that have to do with anything and what is the matter with our morals. Strip clubs are not places for married men to be attending. personally i think that is disrespectfull to their wives (MY OPINION).

but i dont think anyone should put themsevles in a situation where they do not belong. you are who you associate with.....(i.e....if you hang out in the pigs pin people will think you are a PIG)

i would suggest that he goes out for dinner and drinks and comes home after. that way he still gets to celebrate and doesnt make you feel bad.

you should really talk to you husband and tell him how you feel....he might surprise you and tell you he would be fine not following the guys to the mens club.

Good luck and dont ever let anyone tell you your overreacting. If its how you feel and you feel strongly about it...stick with it. Its probably right.

:)